Losing interest in raising kids

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you don't really like your kids that much and don't have much of interest in helping them grow into adults. It sounds like you personally get more fulfillment out of dating and seeing your friends. If that' the case, I would look seriously at having them move overseas with their dad or let a relative or someone who cares more about them raise them. You're most likely not giving them the best shot at a good, healthy adult life because you are putting your desire to date and hang out with friends and generally just not guide them in the right way over their long-term best interest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP, and feel for you. I don't really have any good advice but I will say, please don't beat yourself up for letting your tween and teen hang out and do what they want, or for not being more involved in their schooling. There are plenty of us here old enough to remember growing up in exactly that sort of environment. My dad worked very, very long hours when I was young and passed away when I was in high school, and my mom was very involved in sports and activities of her own with her own friends. My sister and I definitely spent our middle and high school years pretty unfettered, watching whatever we wanted on TV for as long as we wanted, playing endless hours of video games (so, so much Tetris and Mario Bros...my brain basically still shows me everything set in 8 bit pixels, haha), getting our own meals, etc. Back then parents were not nearly so into their kids schoolwork/sports as a general rule; it was more like, "you need to catch a ride with so-and-so if you want to play in that game because I can't drive you." We are now both perfectly happy, healthy, well-adjusted and functional adults and have a great relationship with each other and our mom - and I'm so happy especially now we've moved out that my mom DOES have a thriving social life and always has, it's keeping her young and happy herself. Hang in there.

Thank you for this!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you don't really like your kids that much and don't have much of interest in helping them grow into adults. It sounds like you personally get more fulfillment out of dating and seeing your friends. If that' the case, I would look seriously at having them move overseas with their dad or let a relative or someone who cares more about them raise them. You're most likely not giving them the best shot at a good, healthy adult life because you are putting your desire to date and hang out with friends and generally just not guide them in the right way over their long-term best interest.

I’m not dating right now, but I want to. I do maybe have a busier social life than a lot of single moms.
Sounds like you’re the type who believes it is possible to pour from an empty cup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are serious about boarding school and your son is interested, a lot of boarding schools give financial aid. We are a new boarding school family (full pay) and I was surprised by the percentage of students receiving substantial aid.

+1
Have him look into boarding schools and LYK if he wants to apply. He needs to drive the application process.

[Anonymous]

Why aren't they doing chores? They're old enough to help out.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel fleeting moments of this and I have my husband to cheer me up/keep me company/do fun things with me. Without him, I think I would feel often like you do.

No advice, just compassion.

[Anonymous]

You need to link housework with screen time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you don't really like your kids that much and don't have much of interest in helping them grow into adults. It sounds like you personally get more fulfillment out of dating and seeing your friends. If that' the case, I would look seriously at having them move overseas with their dad or let a relative or someone who cares more about them raise them. You're most likely not giving them the best shot at a good, healthy adult life because you are putting your desire to date and hang out with friends and generally just not guide them in the right way over their long-term best interest.

I’m not dating right now, but I want to. I do maybe have a busier social life than a lot of single moms.
Sounds like you’re the type who believes it is possible to pour from an empty cup.

Why defensive? You asked for opinions and this one (PP) has some valid observations.

[Anonymous]

Kids need to help out more around the house.

Call Dad, and tell him that you cannot do sit anymore and fly them out to dad to raise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you don't really like your kids that much and don't have much of interest in helping them grow into adults. It sounds like you personally get more fulfillment out of dating and seeing your friends. If that' the case, I would look seriously at having them move overseas with their dad or let a relative or someone who cares more about them raise them. You're most likely not giving them the best shot at a good, healthy adult life because you are putting your desire to date and hang out with friends and generally just not guide them in the right way over their long-term best interest.

I’m not dating right now, but I want to. I do maybe have a busier social life than a lot of single moms.
Sounds like you’re the type who believes it is possible to pour from an empty cup.

Why defensive? You asked for opinions and this one (PP) has some valid observations.

This is either fake as there is someone who constantly posts about Dad being over seas or she probably blocks Dad from contact. She needs to send the kids to live with Dad if he's in a situation where he can take them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it sounds like you're a great individual, as well as a great parent.

Can you explain what you think you're missing?

Someone who says that they are uninterested in their kids and just wants to pursue their own interests cannot be categorized as a "great parent." Maybe not even a great individual.

[Anonymous]

I am not really sure what you think you are doing wrong.
Your kids are older now and you are now in a different stage of parenting.

If getting homework done is an issue, hire a tutor to work with them and to help them with planning and checking on assignments.

Get a meal delivery service.

Get your kids to start doing chores.

They have extra curriculars - sports - that’s enough

worry less about their device usage -

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say you're doing the cooking and cleaning. Time for them to learn these chores themself perhaps? This age is perfect for wanting increased independence and responsibility.

Sounds like you wrapped them in cotton wool. Why not try teaching them some practicalities?

They make their own lunches and do their own laundry. They can prepare basic food on their own. They clean, when I have the energy to make them do it.
What you might be missing here is that I have barely enough energy to do minimal things and no interest in spending more energy on dealing with pushback or doing a lot of teaching. Yeah yeah I know.

Oh please. I'm not missing anything. You want to date and hang out with your friends, if you have energy for that FFS you have energy for your kids, just not the internet. You're a parenting fail by the way. Huge fail.

[Anonymous]

I think the pp is being a little harsh but I do find this pretty sad. I think there is a difference between letting your kids have independence/minimal hovering and wanting to take your hands off the wheel completely because you don’t want to parent anymore. I mean I guess you’re being brutally honest about your priorities but sheesh, it’s coming across as pretty cold towards your kids. I would encourage you to find a balance between meeting your own needs and those of your kids. They still matter and it’s not fair to give up on them emotionally. That being said I don’t find much at fault with your description of your day to day parenting, it’s more of the underlying feelings about wanting them gone from your life I’m concerned about

[Anonymous]

I dont remember my parents doing much with me when I was a teen. We ate dinner together, chatted about college apps, they attending some of my sports events although I often told them not to because it put pressure on me. I spent most of my time with friends, and I think that's normal. We have a good relationship as adults.