Losing interest in raising kids

[Anonymous]

Send them to love with dad.

[Anonymous]

Live with

[Anonymous]

What am I missing here? OP, you sound like my family. DH and I are not divorced, but we find ourselves similarly disengaged if you compare us to the absurd unattainable ideal that is somehow expected of parents these days.

So your kids keep up with school work, one sport or extracurricular, they maintain social lives during a pandemic without any facilitating from you, and you work full time and still manage to put home cooked meals on the table without a co-parent?? Girl, you’re doing just fine. Seriously.

The best possible thing you can do for yourself and your kids is realize that you’re doing great. Save whatever energy you can muster at the end of each day and connect with them in the most realistic and doable way possible for like 20 min. Sit on the couch and watch a show together. Make ice cream sundaes. Ask about their day. 15-30 min of showing interest in them and sharing time together. Do that, and keep up everything else, and you’ll be raising perfectly normal, independent kids who know they are loved and cared for. Stop beating yourself up!! You’re doing fine!!!

[Anonymous]

1. Get the kids to do more chores

2. Where does their dad live? Could they go to school there? At the very least they should be spending their summers with their dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you don't really like your kids that much and don't have much of interest in helping them grow into adults. It sounds like you personally get more fulfillment out of dating and seeing your friends. If that' the case, I would look seriously at having them move overseas with their dad or let a relative or someone who cares more about them raise them. You're most likely not giving them the best shot at a good, healthy adult life because you are putting your desire to date and hang out with friends and generally just not guide them in the right way over their long-term best interest.

I’m not dating right now, but I want to. I do maybe have a busier social life than a lot of single moms.
Sounds like you’re the type who believes it is possible to pour from an empty cup.

Why defensive? You asked for opinions and this one (PP) has some valid observations.

I’m just not into the martyr mom thing.

[Anonymous]

I feel ya!
For me, the issue is exacerbated by the fact that my kid is a lot like his dad, not like me (though he is my spitting image).
It is often hard to relate to him, and I don’t see a lot of return on investment if I may
I don’t know what to tell you. I am trying to do what I can. There is still so much that falls through the cracks.
But hey, my mom gave her all to raising kids and then one day she was all out and completely disengaged. I am trying to keep a steady albeit low level of caring.

[Anonymous]

OP this is nature’s way. You gave more of yourself when they were little and needy. As they grew they became more independent. And now that they really don’t want to hang out or need as much hands on care, you are responding with relief. Me too! It’s okay. Your kid knows you’re around - in his “mental map” and that is what he needs now, not hovering. Hang in there - only one more year!

[Anonymous]

Hugs OP! Sounds like you’re feeling ennui and could use a break. Can you send your kids to their friends’ homes for a few days so you can take a vacation solo or with girlfriends or a significant other?

Agree with the helpful PPs above who said:
- Make the kids do a lot more chores. It’s good for developing their life skills and keeping them off screens. If I had a teen who was busy 24/7 with school, sports, activities I might think twice about loading them with chores. But a kid who spends a lot of time on screens can use half of it to do something productive!
- Ship them off to their father or a close relative on their father’s side during their next weeklong break if possible

For the PPs insulting you, I’m sure you’re perfect parents who can do it all by yourself indefinitely. Here’s your award.

[Anonymous]

I think I would have liked OP to have been my mom. My mom is very traditional and is so overbearing it's insufferable. She is very big on controlling me even though I'm in my 30s. I pretty much keep my distance from her nowadays. It would have been a lot better if she was balanced like the OP.

[Anonymous]

I’m just not into the martyr mom thing.

+1

[Anonymous]

I’m pleasantly surprised that this thread hasn’t devolved into shaming OP for being the worst mom on the planet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel ya!
For me, the issue is exacerbated by the fact that my kid is a lot like his dad, not like me (though he is my spitting image).
It is often hard to relate to him, and I don’t see a lot of return on investment if I may
I don’t know what to tell you. I am trying to do what I can. There is still so much that falls through the cracks.
But hey, my mom gave her all to raising kids and then one day she was all out and completely disengaged. I am trying to keep a steady albeit low level of caring.

OMFG!

Standards are low I must say. As long as you are not a Josh Duggar with your kids ...you are ok I guess!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I’m just not into the martyr mom thing.

+1

This, give the kids to dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel ya!
For me, the issue is exacerbated by the fact that my kid is a lot like his dad, not like me (though he is my spitting image).
It is often hard to relate to him, and I don’t see a lot of return on investment if I may
I don’t know what to tell you. I am trying to do what I can. There is still so much that falls through the cracks.
But hey, my mom gave her all to raising kids and then one day she was all out and completely disengaged. I am trying to keep a steady albeit low level of caring.

OMFG!

Standards are low I must say. As long as you are not a Josh Duggar with your kids ...you are ok I guess!!

+1

[Anonymous]

Serious question: why do you have custody, OP? Is the father even less interested, or is he neglectful, or a matter of his work schedule or current location isn’t safe, or what?