Husband Bought A House Without Consulting Me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yet Jim Halpert did it and it was the most perfect and romantic mood ever…

Maybe you should adopt a better attitude. Guys trying to make some moves to make your life as perfect and happy as he can. If he missed on this one, OK. Not sure why all the hostility.

DH has entered the chat

OP here. I don’t really know who that is so I just keep moving past the response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, you need to make the call. The contract probably has financing, and / or inspection contingencies — so you can easily get out of it.

How mad are you? Did you even get to see the house?

What’s it going to be?

BTW, the “ friend “ realtor, was not much of a friend to you.

OP here. If the house works out than it will be nice. I’m just upset that he didn’t even think to consult me on this. I would never do this to him.

We have contingencies on the offer to back out after inspection if we need to.

I will be seeing the house this weekend.

[Anonymous]

Man here. I did this but it was only because my wife is too indecisive and nitpicks everything. We spent like a week back and forth on multiple properties each and lost all of them. I found one and bought it. Later added her to the house and it was fine. She was mad at first but quickly got over it when she realized how perfect the house was for us. You will get over this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:HE probably thought this was a once in a lifetime opportunity to do something wonderful for you. He didn't tell you because he wanted to be sure the offer was accepted first. He thought you would love the house and didn't want you to be disappointed if it didn't work out. Should he have done it without consulting you? of course not. But at this point I think it's better to focus on his good intentions, and give the house a chance. There's a good chance that he's right and this is a great house for your family.

That’s a lot of assumptions. He would need to know that his spouse would prefer to be surprised with a six-seven figure purchase/financial commitment rather than being disappointed that an offer isn’t accepted. I don’t even like surprise birthday parties much less surprise housing purchases. There was also a lot of 1950’s Father Knows Best wrapped up in that statement. Would you make that same statement if the genders were reversed that the DW “ knew he would love the house and wanted to shield him from disappointment if it didn’t work out”. If you explicitly concede decision making authority in an area, that fine. That doesn’t sound like that’s what happened here so you have to ask, did DH make the unilateral decision for spouse, or did he do it for himself because he had the time between the seeing the house, writing the offer, and waiting to hear if it was accepted to have clued in DW and chose not to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you like the house? Does your husband usually make smart decisions and you feel like you can trust him? I wouldn’t get upset if I trusted that he would make the right decision. My house put an offer in on a condo we were considering while I was pregnant and I trusted his judgement. Very happy with the condo and him for securing a place that likely would have gone to to another buyer had he not loved fast enough. Your husband probably saved you guys money by not having to get into a bidding war.

OP here. The house is very nice but bigger than I would want to live in. There are some cosmetic changes I would do but the layout and yard is what we have been looking for. We are a family over 4 and don’t need at 5bd 5.5ba 5200sqft. house. I don’t want to live in a house that is so big.

So the house is very nice but is bigger than what you want (better than smaller) and needs some cosmetic changes (all do) but the layout and yard are what you have been looking for. And, it’s in an area you like. But it’s SO BIG! So leave a couple of rooms empty until you grow into it. Stop the whining unless this will bankrupt you.

[Anonymous]

Don’t you both have to sign the offer and contract? This sounds like a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t you both have to sign the offer and contract? This sounds like a troll.

No, Op said her DH makes enough to afford the house on his income alone so he didn’t need to include her on the offer. I’m curious if he expects her to be on the mortgage or just plans to add her to the title.

[Anonymous]

If you still have an out after inspection, he didn’t really buy it. Think of it more like he put a hold on it to make sure you’d have an opportunity to see it and purchase if you like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t you both have to sign the offer and contract? This sounds like a troll.

No, Op said her DH makes enough to afford the house on his income alone so he didn’t need to include her on the offer. I’m curious if he expects her to be on the mortgage or just plans to add her to the title.

OP here. I’m not a troll. We have a joint account be he handles the mortgage and house bills while I handle the childcare expenses and groceries. We have had this system for years since we got married. He handles all the things like mortgage, house bills, house maintenance, etc., while I handle child expenses, groceries, houses expenses, etc. We do switch back and forth sometimes but this is what works for us. We will technically both be paying for the mortgage but it comes out of our joint account. We don’t have separate accounts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you like the house? Does your husband usually make smart decisions and you feel like you can trust him? I wouldn’t get upset if I trusted that he would make the right decision. My house put an offer in on a condo we were considering while I was pregnant and I trusted his judgement. Very happy with the condo and him for securing a place that likely would have gone to to another buyer had he not loved fast enough. Your husband probably saved you guys money by not having to get into a bidding war.

OP here. The house is very nice but bigger than I would want to live in. There are some cosmetic changes I would do but the layout and yard is what we have been looking for. We are a family over 4 and don’t need at 5bd 5.5ba 5200sqft. house. I don’t want to live in a house that is so big.

5 bedrooms for 4 people is not unreasonable at all. But if you really hate it, you can get out after inspection. You aren't stuck with the house. It's fine to be annoyed, but the actual impact of what he did on your life and finances is nill.

Your replies in this thread make it seem like you are looking for a way to be mad about this. Adults are able to say to their spouses "I'm so angry that you cut me out of this decision. I am not sure if I can come around to liking the house, because of it. I would like to try, but do you understand why I feel this way?"

[Anonymous]

I don’t get why you’re mad. It’s a nice house in the area you want. You can back out of something is wrong with the house. You sound like you’re whining for no reason. Be grateful you have a husband willing to do everything for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you like the house? Does your husband usually make smart decisions and you feel like you can trust him? I wouldn’t get upset if I trusted that he would make the right decision. My house put an offer in on a condo we were considering while I was pregnant and I trusted his judgement. Very happy with the condo and him for securing a place that likely would have gone to to another buyer had he not loved fast enough. Your husband probably saved you guys money by not having to get into a bidding war.

OP here. The house is very nice but bigger than I would want to live in. There are some cosmetic changes I would do but the layout and yard is what we have been looking for. We are a family over 4 and don’t need at 5bd 5.5ba 5200sqft. house. I don’t want to live in a house that is so big.

5 bedrooms for 4 people is not unreasonable at all. But if you really hate it, you can get out after inspection. You aren't stuck with the house. It's fine to be annoyed, but the actual impact of what he did on your life and finances is nill.

Your replies in this thread make it seem like you are looking for a way to be mad about this. Adults are able to say to their spouses "I'm so angry that you cut me out of this decision. I am not sure if I can come around to liking the house, because of it. I would like to try, but do you understand why I feel this way?"

The house is 5200sqft. Who needs that kind of space for two adults and two kids? Imagine the amount of money it will take to heat/cool, clean, and maintain. OP is right to be upset. I think she came here to vent.

[Anonymous]

If you are both buying the house you would have needed to sign contract. If he can afford on his own, let him have the house he wants, nothing says you need to live there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn't a friend and I'd tell your husband to pull the bid until you can see the house.

OP here. It’s not on him. He’s my husbands friend shut the blame is NOT on him. The blame is on my husband. I did tell him I need to see the house first in person ( saw it in a video he took) and I will decide then. I’m more hurt that he didn’t even think he needed to tell me. He said it moved so quickly and that he knows me well enough to know the house I want and he was afraid to pass it up. I told him he could have called me on his way over or after he saw it to let me know.

My husband is a wonderful spouse and partner. Puts myself and the kids above all else and does everything he can to give us a good life. He usually never makes such a decision without letting me know. He never even make a big purchase without checking with me first. I’m just very upset.

So maybe stop being a drama queen and see the house. Also make sure you aren't cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Being angry that your spouse BOUGHT A HOUSE without telling you is being a drama queen? Good grief. That’s nuts. Even amazing people screw up sometimes.

+1. This is crazy. I love DH but I’d be furious

That justmeans the 2 of you are drama queens with controll issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my husband did that I’d be WTF but then I’d remember that he is very smart and thoughtful about our needs and that if it was in an area that we had agreed on (schools etc) I’d calm down and hope for the best. Is there an option to get out if it’s really wrong? But I know the odds of it being really wrong are low because he’s not an idiot.

Stop being an adult.