Husband Bought A House Without Consulting Me

[Anonymous]

My husband and I have been looking for a house the past couple of months for our family of 4. We nailed down a location but haven’t been sold on many houses. Our realtor - who is a close friend - told him about a house that was about to hit the market that he thought we would like. My husband saw the house and decide for put in a full price offer. I’m livid! I’m pissed off that he didn’t feel the need to consult me on a home that we planned to raise our kids in. I’m mad that the house is just way too big and maintenance + mortgage + property taxes will be a fortune. He thinks I’m overreacting and should be happy that he got us a house that we likely would have had to pay over asking for if they listed and we did buy it. I still think him not even telling me or even mentioning it is messed up. Do I have the right to be mad or am I overreacting?

[Anonymous]

Fully justified to be livid. I would be so pissed off if my DH did this.

[Anonymous]

I would not go through with the purchase.

It sounds like the house is too big for you. Do you have an inspection contingency? Financing? Anything? Don’t buy the house.

[Anonymous]

I would be FURIOUS. My neighbor did that without telling his wife, too - he's clearly Aspie and he doesn't treat his wife well at all.

[Anonymous]

That’s pretty awful for such a huge decision. If you have tons of money and this was just one of your properties no biggie but sounds like - as every house purchase is - he made multiple decisions to exclude you. I don’t know that I could get over that. Framing it as money saved/opportunity seized puts the partnership of a marriage WAY down on things he values.

[Anonymous]

What's wrong with this "close friend"? Friends don't let friends buy houses without consulting their spouses... You'd better call him directly and tell him the deal is off, because you did not sign off on it. Tell him that from now on, bids need your explicit approval.

[Anonymous]

It's so outrageous that it makes me wonder if you're a troll because it's that black and white. On the chance that you're not a troll, immediately email your realtor and tell them to rescind the offer before it's ratified. Then follow up with a call.

[Anonymous]

There are two issues— the relationship issue and the real estate issue. I wouldn’t lose sight of the relationship issue but I would keep it separate if you can from the RE issue.

That is don’t reject the house just because he bought it without checking with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's so outrageous that it makes me wonder if you're a troll because it's that black and white. On the chance that you're not a troll, immediately email your realtor and tell them to rescind the offer before it's ratified. Then follow up with a call.

Sadly it's probably true. It happens all too often.

[Anonymous]

This isn't a friend and I'd tell your husband to pull the bid until you can see the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not go through with the purchase.

It sounds like the house is too big for you. Do you have an inspection contingency? Financing? Anything? Don’t buy the house.

OP here. We will be getting an inspection with and house we purchase.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's wrong with this "close friend"? Friends don't let friends buy houses without consulting their spouses... You'd better call him directly and tell him the deal is off, because you did not sign off on it. Tell him that from now on, bids need your explicit approval.

Actually, after this house deal is done, I would get another realtor.

This guy isn’t an ethical realtor and he’s a shit friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn't a friend and I'd tell your husband to pull the bid until you can see the house.

OP here. It’s not on him. He’s my husbands friend shut the blame is NOT on him. The blame is on my husband. I did tell him I need to see the house first in person ( saw it in a video he took) and I will decide then. I’m more hurt that he didn’t even think he needed to tell me. He said it moved so quickly and that he knows me well enough to know the house I want and he was afraid to pass it up. I told him he could have called me on his way over or after he saw it to let me know.

My husband is a wonderful spouse and partner. Puts myself and the kids above all else and does everything he can to give us a good life. He usually never makes such a decision without letting me know. He never even make a big purchase without checking with me first. I’m just very upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are two issues— the relationship issue and the real estate issue. I wouldn’t lose sight of the relationship issue but I would keep it separate if you can from the RE issue.

That is don’t reject the house just because he bought it without checking with you.

This. It's in your target neighborhood so unlikely to be actually too big unless it's totally different from its neighbors. And it doesn't sound like it's over budget because he thought you would spend more to get it after listing. Maybe you disagree on budget. But it does kinda sound like you're hating the house because of the way you got it.

Was your DH right? Big no. Be mad at him.
Should you kill the deal because of it? Probably not.

[Anonymous]

Ok, calm breaths.
You said above he’s a wonderful friend and partner.
This is a big screwup on his part (like… temporary insanity level screwup) but is it possible he just panicked under the pressure of finally finding a place and he put in an offer because he was so afraid you’d lose out?
That still justifies it 0% but…. I’m not sure I’d murder him over this. And if you actually love the house, well, this could be a funny story. (In like 20 years. After all the marriage counseling.)