Boyfriend walked out - WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Physiologically that is how long it takes your body to reset. It works with teens too, if you are driving them crazy they have a code word to say and you have to stop talking.

Our code word is Oak Tree. I'll be driving down the road talking about grades or some other vapid worry and my teen says "oak tree" then we get 20 minutes of music, it's genius.

The idea that, in effect, your teen can tell you to shut up and you have to obey is fascinatingly stupid, but no doubt it appeals to weak-minded parents.

I'd be hearing "Oak tree" every 27 minutes, i'm sure.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:at 12:20 he left 12 hours ago, meaning he left at midnight?

So where did he sleep?

Sounds like he slept at his house? Team boyfriend. This doesn’t seem like too much time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a person who has tremendous difficulty organizing their thought and emotions constructively this is relatable. I have gone silent for long periods when I get that everything I tried to say would make things worse, not help the other person, be regretted, and come out super confused. I try not to be self centered but sometimes it takes so much effort to get there that I cannot sustain seeing the other person’s perspective and I go quiet because I just can’t don’t the right words.

No one should be in a relationship with you. This is so unhealthy. I don't know if OP's boyfriend is similar to you or not, but I do know that you are, in fact, self-centered, and that your conflict-style is unacceptable in a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:at 12:20 he left 12 hours ago, meaning he left at midnight?

So where did he sleep?

We don’t live together and he left in the evening so most of the 12 hours were overnight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Physiologically that is how long it takes your body to reset. It works with teens too, if you are driving them crazy they have a code word to say and you have to stop talking.

Our code word is Oak Tree. I'll be driving down the road talking about grades or some other vapid worry and my teen says "oak tree" then we get 20 minutes of music, it's genius.

The idea that, in effect, your teen can tell you to shut up and you have to obey is fascinatingly stupid, but no doubt it appeals to weak-minded parents.

I'd be hearing "Oak tree" every 27 minutes, i'm sure.....

My very well behaved teen walks into the kitchen and just looks at me and says "oak tree"... then he says he feels left out of the family tradition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:at 12:20 he left 12 hours ago, meaning he left at midnight?

So where did he sleep?

We don’t live together and he left in the evening so most of the 12 hours were overnight.

Okay so communication matters.

You get the way you communicated that was a little overdramatic.

My boyfriend went home, then slept, then went to work... and we are texting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a person who has tremendous difficulty organizing their thought and emotions constructively this is relatable. I have gone silent for long periods when I get that everything I tried to say would make things worse, not help the other person, be regretted, and come out super confused. I try not to be self centered but sometimes it takes so much effort to get there that I cannot sustain seeing the other person’s perspective and I go quiet because I just can’t don’t the right words.

No one should be in a relationship with you. This is so unhealthy. I don't know if OP's boyfriend is similar to you or not, but I do know that you are, in fact, self-centered, and that your conflict-style is unacceptable in a relationship.

Unkind comment, PP. This person is aware of his/her limitations and presumably, could articulate such to a partner so they could manage these moments in a constructive way. We all have our stuff and being aware of it is 90% of the battle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Better than him staying and escalating and both of you saying things you’ll later regret.

That's the excuse of the silent treatment types.

Silent treatment is a form of abuse.

The real solution is for him to be able to stay and *not* say things he will regret. To control himself.

Disengaging from a heated argument is not the silent treatment and is not abusive. Using silence in the following days as punishment is where it’s a problem.

He identified that the discussion was going nowhere, indicated he was leaving, kissed OP, and has texted today. He’s done his part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a person who has tremendous difficulty organizing their thought and emotions constructively this is relatable. I have gone silent for long periods when I get that everything I tried to say would make things worse, not help the other person, be regretted, and come out super confused. I try not to be self centered but sometimes it takes so much effort to get there that I cannot sustain seeing the other person’s perspective and I go quiet because I just can’t don’t the right words.

This sounds like a neuro processing issue…

[Anonymous]

Op, what on earth do you have to fight about?

[Anonymous]

What part of, needs to be along don't you understand. He will get back to you when he's had his side piece and a nap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a person who has tremendous difficulty organizing their thought and emotions constructively this is relatable. I have gone silent for long periods when I get that everything I tried to say would make things worse, not help the other person, be regretted, and come out super confused. I try not to be self centered but sometimes it takes so much effort to get there that I cannot sustain seeing the other person’s perspective and I go quiet because I just can’t don’t the right words.

This sounds like a neuro processing issue…

It is actually thank you for acknowledging this.

[Anonymous]

Um, OP you're coming up with too many excuses for him and making up stories in your head to justify his behavior. Disappearing for 12 hours without contact is not healthy or functional. Going for a walk for 20 minutes to cool off before talking? Asking to set aside a conversation in the next day when you're feeling more alert? Yes, those are healthy ways to handle conflict.

YOUR BOYFRIEND HAD CONFLICT AVOIDANCE ISSUES AND ANGER ISSUE. IT IS NOT GOING TO GET BETTER AND IT WILL NOT MAKE FOR A GOOD, HEALTHY, FUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIP.

-signed, someone whose now divorced from a guy like your yours

[Anonymous]

What was the fight? Jealousy, cheating, flirting, monogamy? Why the high emotion?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um, OP you're coming up with too many excuses for him and making up stories in your head to justify his behavior. Disappearing for 12 hours without contact is not healthy or functional. Going for a walk for 20 minutes to cool off before talking? Asking to set aside a conversation in the next day when you're feeling more alert? Yes, those are healthy ways to handle conflict.

YOUR BOYFRIEND HAD CONFLICT AVOIDANCE ISSUES AND ANGER ISSUE. IT IS NOT GOING TO GET BETTER AND IT WILL NOT MAKE FOR A GOOD, HEALTHY, FUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIP.

-signed, someone whose now divorced from a guy like your yours

Dear lord, all he did was go to his own place for the night so they could get some space before they picked up the discussion.