Help me make peace with being a SAHM

[Anonymous]

OP, someone suggested that you start a Mommy and Me group. I second that. Why not post on Nextdoor or your neighborhood families Facebook site that you are a former nanny starting. Mommy and me playgroup in the park. Pick a day your husband is home so that you can drive and see if a few other Moms come. You are alone and I will bet others will join you. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, someone suggested that you start a Mommy and Me group. I second that. Why not post on Nextdoor or your neighborhood families Facebook site that you are a former nanny starting. Mommy and me playgroup in the park. Pick a day your husband is home so that you can drive and see if a few other Moms come. You are alone and I will bet others will join you. Good luck.

OP here. Thank you. I will try this!

[Anonymous]

Ugh young kid years are very isolating. I think you need to take some online classes to figure out what your long term career can be and get you some adulting time. Just start with community college. This too shall pass I promise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, someone suggested that you start a Mommy and Me group. I second that. Why not post on Nextdoor or your neighborhood families Facebook site that you are a former nanny starting. Mommy and me playgroup in the park. Pick a day your husband is home so that you can drive and see if a few other Moms come. You are alone and I will bet others will join you. Good luck.

OP here. Thank you. I will try this!

No problem. And I meant to say that you are NOT alone and I bet others will join you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, your situation is hard . Some will say that at least you are not a single working mom making minimum wage but the truth is that these are hard years, and you lack money, help, education to have a career and companionship.

I would never had kids if I was in your situation. I actually waited for 6 years after marriage because we were low income to have a child . Dug ourselves out of the whole and only then expanded our family.

You are a cautionary tale of why women should be educated. I love being a SAHM… but it has not come at the cost of being poor, unable to outsource, no retirement and college savings, no education, no help from DH etc

So use your creativity to make friends. Publicize some free mommy and me classes you conduct in the park. Join some mom groups or start one.

You are a horrid, bitter person

OP here. I am not low-income. My husband has a great job. I also waited to have children until my husband finished his PhD. I am slowly finishing my bachelor's degree right now, and I have a scholarship. There are a lot of great things going on in my life. This period is challenging, though. Just today, someone told me my son needs to get evaluated by a psychologist. My school has an IEP. I am trying my best.

Zero income is low-income. Your HUSBAND has a great job, not you. I agree with the other PPs that you need change, and fast.

[Anonymous]

OP,
Maybe change the title of your thread. Do you need to make peace with your SAHM status? I feel that is the only thing that is going good for you.

Imagine that you got a job today. How hard that would be with your current situation? An associate degree, 2 small kids, one IEP, no car, no friends, living in a condo, house search, depression, DH doing his PhD, no childcare, no outsourcing?

The only thing that is a blessing for you right now is that you are a SAHM. I suggest that there is no need to make peace with being a SAHM. You should devote your energy in changing your social situation and outsourcing things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,
Maybe change the title of your thread. Do you need to make peace with your SAHM status? I feel that is the only thing that is going good for you.

Imagine that you got a job today. How hard that would be with your current situation? An associate degree, 2 small kids, one IEP, no car, no friends, living in a condo, house search, depression, DH doing his PhD, no childcare, no outsourcing?

The only thing that is a blessing for you right now is that you are a SAHM. I suggest that there is no need to make peace with being a SAHM. You should devote your energy in changing your social situation and outsourcing things.

Before someone jumps up and says that she should get a job and become a WOHM - understand that she is trained as a nanny and does not want to do childcare anymore. She will also not make enough to send her kids to childcare. She is not enjoying being a full time caregiver to her own children. Being a nanny is a low paying job and her situation will not improve by being a nanny.

I also agree with the education disparity someone mentioned before between someone who is doing phd and a woman with an associate degree in childcare.

So the only thing that I can think that will work for her is to make some friends by providing a service (mommy and me classes) in the park. Make friends and probably get someone to come and clean her condo once in a while. Being a WOHM is not going to make her life any better. She will be a low paid WOHM and that is even more stressful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, your situation is hard . Some will say that at least you are not a single working mom making minimum wage but the truth is that these are hard years, and you lack money, help, education to have a career and companionship.

I would never had kids if I was in your situation. I actually waited for 6 years after marriage because we were low income to have a child . Dug ourselves out of the whole and only then expanded our family.

You are a cautionary tale of why women should be educated. I love being a SAHM… but it has not come at the cost of being poor, unable to outsource, no retirement and college savings, no education, no help from DH etc

So use your creativity to make friends. Publicize some free mommy and me classes you conduct in the park. Join some mom groups or start one.

You are a horrid, bitter person

OP here. I am not low-income. My husband has a great job. I also waited to have children until my husband finished his PhD. I am slowly finishing my bachelor's degree right now, and I have a scholarship. There are a lot of great things going on in my life. This period is challenging, though. Just today, someone told me my son needs to get evaluated by a psychologist. My school has an IEP. I am trying my best.

Zero income is low-income. Your HUSBAND has a great job, not you. I agree with the other PPs that you need change, and fast.

She would need more education to get a job that makes it worthwhile for her to work, so that she can get quality childcare, so that she can outsource chores, so that she can have a car or means of transportation, to be able to find help for her kid who may need accommodations.

OP, are you an immigrant by any chance? Your story sounds similar to people who have no help in this country and are usually under-employed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, your situation is hard . Some will say that at least you are not a single working mom making minimum wage but the truth is that these are hard years, and you lack money, help, education to have a career and companionship.

I would never had kids if I was in your situation. I actually waited for 6 years after marriage because we were low income to have a child . Dug ourselves out of the whole and only then expanded our family.

You are a cautionary tale of why women should be educated. I love being a SAHM… but it has not come at the cost of being poor, unable to outsource, no retirement and college savings, no education, no help from DH etc

So use your creativity to make friends. Publicize some free mommy and me classes you conduct in the park. Join some mom groups or start one.

You are a horrid, bitter person

OP here. I am not low-income. My husband has a great job. I also waited to have children until my husband finished his PhD. I am slowly finishing my bachelor's degree right now, and I have a scholarship. There are a lot of great things going on in my life. This period is challenging, though. Just today, someone told me my son needs to get evaluated by a psychologist. My school has an IEP. I am trying my best.

Zero income is low-income. Your HUSBAND has a great job, not you. I agree with the other PPs that you need change, and fast.

She would need more education to get a job that makes it worthwhile for her to work, so that she can get quality childcare, so that she can outsource chores, so that she can have a car or means of transportation, to be able to find help for her kid who may need accommodations.

OP, are you an immigrant by any chance? Your story sounds similar to people who have no help in this country and are usually under-employed.

Op here. Yes I am and my husband is as well. I am in college right now, but my husband doesn’t get that. I feel so stuck because working will also make things hard. My husband doesn’t cook. He doesn’t do anything around the house. I have asked him if we can put our baby in daycare because that’s what I need. I explained it wasn’t easy to admit this. Most days I don’t look at myself in the mirror. I don’t shower regularly. Things have gotten so bad. My parents can’t visit because of COVID-19. My sister had a still born baby last year and I haven’t had a chance to see her because she’s abroad. She can’t get a visa to come here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,
Maybe change the title of your thread. Do you need to make peace with your SAHM status? I feel that is the only thing that is going good for you.

Imagine that you got a job today. How hard that would be with your current situation? An associate degree, 2 small kids, one IEP, no car, no friends, living in a condo, house search, depression, DH doing his PhD, no childcare, no outsourcing?

The only thing that is a blessing for you right now is that you are a SAHM. I suggest that there is no need to make peace with being a SAHM. You should devote your energy in changing your social situation and outsourcing things.

Op here. My husband isn’t doing his phd right now. He finished that 5 years ago. I am in college right now, which is why I would like for my husband to pay for childcare.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I am going to schedule the babysitter for 3 mornings a week. My husband can deal with the expenses. Our income is 160k. I picked a cheaper rental so we would have money for childcare. We don’t have student debt. I have a scholarship. I need to take care of my mental health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am going to schedule the babysitter for 3 mornings a week. My husband can deal with the expenses. Our income is 160k. I picked a cheaper rental so we would have money for childcare. We don’t have student debt. I have a scholarship. I need to take care of my mental health.

His income is. Hope he says yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am going to schedule the babysitter for 3 mornings a week. My husband can deal with the expenses. Our income is 160k. I picked a cheaper rental so we would have money for childcare. We don’t have student debt. I have a scholarship. I need to take care of my mental health.

His income is. Hope he says yes.

OP. No, it's our income. What the hell is wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I woukd insist that your husband find another way to commute or you get a second car. Your sanity is worth it!

Ideas:

1. Cry a lot
2. Gym with childcare and classes during the day (hard with covid, I know)
3. At that age I pretended I was a tourist and I took the kids on touristy outings
4. Find friends in Facebook groups. Even if they are just online friends it’s better than nothing.
5. Pay for a therapist, out of pocket. Just do it, a few months won’t blow your retirement.
6. This is weird but hear me out: see if you can find a Mormon play date group.
7. Reduce your expectations for dinners, housekeeping, etc. make peace with the mess. When the kids are occupied read a fun novel or reconnect with a pre-kid hobby you had.

But mostly I am so sorry, this is so hard. Each day you keep everybody alive is a win.

Why Mormon?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am going to schedule the babysitter for 3 mornings a week. My husband can deal with the expenses. Our income is 160k. I picked a cheaper rental so we would have money for childcare. We don’t have student debt. I have a scholarship. I need to take care of my mental health.

His income is. Hope he says yes.

OP. No, it's our income. What the hell is wrong with you?

I would just ignore the troll, OP. People bring in all sorts of baggage into these forums.