Help me make peace with being a SAHM

[Anonymous]

Sorry, your situation is hard . Some will say that at least you are not a single working mom making minimum wage but the truth is that these are hard years and you lack money, help, education to have a career and companionship.

I would never had kids if I was in your situation. I actually waited for 6 years after marriage because we were low income to have a child . Dug ourselves out of the whole and only then expanded our family.

You are a cautionary tale of why women should be educated. I love being a SAHM… but it has not come at the cost of being poor, unable to outsource, no retirement and college savings, no education, no help from DH etc

So use your creativity to make friends. Publicize some free mommy and me classes you conduct in the park. Join some mom groups or start one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, your situation is hard . Some will say that at least you are not a single working mom making minimum wage but the truth is that these are hard years and you lack money, help, education to have a career and companionship.

I would never had kids if I was in your situation. I actually waited for 6 years after marriage because we were low income to have a child . Dug ourselves out of the whole and only then expanded our family.

You are a cautionary tale of why women should be educated. I love being a SAHM… but it has not come at the cost of being poor, unable to outsource, no retirement and college savings, no education, no help from DH etc

So use your creativity to make friends. Publicize some free mommy and me classes you conduct in the park. Join some mom groups or start one.

You are a horrid, bitter person

[Anonymous]

I used to be in your shoes OP. I can relate so much.
Now luckily my youngest has started K and I'm starting to look for work.
I know how meaningless everyday can feel. I was ok/ neutral on a sunny day, on a gray rainy day I had to force myself to smile to my kids.
Going outside everyday, regardless of the weather or plans helped the most. Just force yourself to go somewhere, anywhere- any park, explore new or random neighborhoods, various libraries, free mommy & me classes, etc.
It was hard for me to make mom friends too, everything felt superficial.
It will get better as your kids get older (mainly when they start school) so don't give up.

[Anonymous]

I woukd insist that your husband find another way to commute or you get a second car. Your sanity is worth it!

Ideas:

1. Cry a lot
2. Gym with childcare and classes during the day (hard with covid, I know)
3. At that age I pretended I was a tourist and I took the kids on touristy outings
4. Find friends in Facebook groups. Even if they are just online friends it’s better than nothing.
5. Pay for a therapist, out of pocket. Just do it, a few months won’t blow your retirement.
6. This is weird but hear me out: see if you can find a Mormon play date group.
7. Reduce your expectations for dinners, housekeeping, etc. make peace with the mess. When the kids are occupied read a fun novel or reconnect with a pre-kid hobby you had.

But mostly I am so sorry, this is so hard. Each day you keep everybody alive is a win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, your situation is hard . Some will say that at least you are not a single working mom making minimum wage but the truth is that these are hard years, and you lack money, help, education to have a career and companionship.

I would never had kids if I was in your situation. I actually waited for 6 years after marriage because we were low income to have a child . Dug ourselves out of the whole and only then expanded our family.

You are a cautionary tale of why women should be educated. I love being a SAHM… but it has not come at the cost of being poor, unable to outsource, no retirement and college savings, no education, no help from DH etc

So use your creativity to make friends. Publicize some free mommy and me classes you conduct in the park. Join some mom groups or start one.

You are a horrid, bitter person

OP here. I am not low-income. My husband has a great job. I also waited to have children until my husband finished his PhD. I am slowly finishing my bachelor's degree right now, and I have a scholarship. There are a lot of great things going on in my life. This period is challenging, though. Just today, someone told me my son needs to get evaluated by a psychologist. My school has an IEP. I am trying my best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, your situation is hard . Some will say that at least you are not a single working mom making minimum wage but the truth is that these are hard years, and you lack money, help, education to have a career and companionship.

I would never had kids if I was in your situation. I actually waited for 6 years after marriage because we were low income to have a child . Dug ourselves out of the whole and only then expanded our family.

You are a cautionary tale of why women should be educated. I love being a SAHM… but it has not come at the cost of being poor, unable to outsource, no retirement and college savings, no education, no help from DH etc

So use your creativity to make friends. Publicize some free mommy and me classes you conduct in the park. Join some mom groups or start one.

You are a horrid, bitter person

OP here. I am not low-income. My husband has a great job. I also waited to have children until my husband finished his PhD. I am slowly finishing my bachelor's degree right now, and I have a scholarship. There are a lot of great things going on in my life. This period is challenging, though. Just today, someone told me my son needs to get evaluated by a psychologist. My school has an IEP. I am trying my best.

My son has an IEP, sorry.

[Anonymous]

You are doing your best! I am a mom to a 1 and 3 year old. I work and still have a hard time getting through the grind when I’m with my kids. Just because someone finds this phase easy doesn’t mean it is easy or happy for you, OP. I hear you.

[Anonymous]

A condo in Reston but no car sounds really isolating. Being limited to what you can walk to is one thing if you’re near a lot of stuff to walk to…

[Anonymous]

Get a job. It's better when they are younger anyway.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have to say...as another mom of a SN kiddo-I work full time and have a 2 hr commute rt. I have SO MUCH guilt!!!

I struggle just to do the basics, and her therapies-which are so hard because I am not home when providers are open. I recently had an appt with a Dr for her, which I had waited 9 months for and had scheduled for my day off. A few days before, they changed it!!! to a day I was at work. What a mess.

What I'm saying is-there are upsides to your being home. You're in school also, right? It would be good if you can connect with other SN moms. I'm not local but there may be a local facebook group. Ours has a support group I enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. You are mostly imagining the judgment in public. I have three young boys so I know how wild they can be but most people know that young kids are a lot like raccoons.

2. Make friends. It helps so, so much. Be a little more forward/desperate than you would otherwise be, and even join indoor classes if needed.

OP here. I wish this were all in my head. Today an older guy in the lobby told me I needed to get my son checked out with a team of psychologists. He said something about how that's what's wrong with my generation. I do live with a lot of seniors, and they just don't get it. In their time, they hit their kids.

You are going to have to let this stuff roll off. People will say stupid stuff. Come up with a bland retort like 'thanks for your imput' or something like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, your situation is hard . Some will say that at least you are not a single working mom making minimum wage but the truth is that these are hard years, and you lack money, help, education to have a career and companionship.

I would never had kids if I was in your situation. I actually waited for 6 years after marriage because we were low income to have a child . Dug ourselves out of the whole and only then expanded our family.

You are a cautionary tale of why women should be educated. I love being a SAHM… but it has not come at the cost of being poor, unable to outsource, no retirement and college savings, no education, no help from DH etc

So use your creativity to make friends. Publicize some free mommy and me classes you conduct in the park. Join some mom groups or start one.

You are a horrid, bitter person

OP here. I am not low-income. My husband has a great job. I also waited to have children until my husband finished his PhD. I am slowly finishing my bachelor's degree right now, and I have a scholarship. There are a lot of great things going on in my life. This period is challenging, though. Just today, someone told me my son needs to get evaluated by a psychologist. My school has an IEP. I am trying my best.

NP. I also assumed you were low income, since you live in a suburban condo and only have one car. If your husband has a good job, why can’t you get another car and ideally move to somewhere with more kids and moms?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, your situation is hard . Some will say that at least you are not a single working mom making minimum wage but the truth is that these are hard years, and you lack money, help, education to have a career and companionship.

I would never had kids if I was in your situation. I actually waited for 6 years after marriage because we were low income to have a child . Dug ourselves out of the whole and only then expanded our family.

You are a cautionary tale of why women should be educated. I love being a SAHM… but it has not come at the cost of being poor, unable to outsource, no retirement and college savings, no education, no help from DH etc

So use your creativity to make friends. Publicize some free mommy and me classes you conduct in the park. Join some mom groups or start one.

You are a horrid, bitter person

OP here. I am not low-income. My husband has a great job. I also waited to have children until my husband finished his PhD. I am slowly finishing my bachelor's degree right now, and I have a scholarship. There are a lot of great things going on in my life. This period is challenging, though. Just today, someone told me my son needs to get evaluated by a psychologist. My school has an IEP. I am trying my best.

NP. I also assumed you were low income, since you live in a suburban condo and only have one car. If your husband has a good job, why can’t you get another car and ideally move to somewhere with more kids and moms?

OP here. We rent. We're house hunting right now. There are kids in rental communities. I think it's easier for me now to find friends because I live so close to my neighbors. As far as the second car goes, it only became a priority recently. My husband has been working from home until last week. Right now, we're saving everything for the house, closing cost, down payment, etc etc. My community does have a shuttle service. They can pick us up at the YMCA, for example. I just have to hail the car seat around.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel for you. BUT you are making excuses, feeling sorry for yourself, and not doing things that you easily can do to improve your situation.

SIT DOWN WITH YOUR HUSBAND. Tell him you are drowning and absolutely positively need to have a second car NOW. The man has a PhD. He's not an idiot. Let him help you.

Speaking of which, it's a little odd to see such an education disparity between married couples. How is it that he has a PhD and you haven't even finished college? How did you meet?

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound like you have depression, not anxiety! Please take care of yourself.