Help me make peace with being a SAHM

[Anonymous]

I was a nanny before I became a stay-at-home mom. I don't want to go back to doing that. My kids already drive me crazy. I can't bring in enough money to pay for childcare, but I'm so lonely. I am so isolated, and covid makes me feel even guiltier for considering daycare. Being a SAHM means I need to make peace with not having friends. I've moved so much that it's hard to have friendships, and even when I do have SAHM friends, they always make excuses why they can't get together. I get it. They don't have energy.

My DH doesn't cook, so every day, I try to get lunch and dinner sorted. Lately, I have have no interest in cooking. I take anxiety meds, but a pill isn't going to make me happy. We need to feel connected to people. I think it's vital as a mom. I'm annoyed and irritated all the time. I'm not sure how to get through this. I keep telling myself the younger years are complicated, and I will get through it. I have 5 and a 2-year-old sons. They're hyper. Bounce off the walls, yell, etc., etc. I feel judged out in public. I can't get those guys to behave, and it's my full-time job. I lost my mom a few years ago. It's been hard because I don't have anyone checking in on me, you know. I know I need to do something.

[Anonymous]

What does your DH do? Is he helpful?

What is your background in? Perhaps there are options to do something work-wise for a few hours a week once the kids are in school or volunteer-wise?

Are you seeing a therapist?

[Anonymous]

You need mom friends. Try to meet people at the park, walking group, something…

I’m sorry. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

1. You are mostly imagining the judgment in public. I have three young boys so I know how wild they can be but most people know that young kids are a lot like raccoons.

2. Make friends. It helps so, so much. Be a little more forward/desperate than you would otherwise be, and even join indoor classes if needed.

[Anonymous]

Your 5 yr old is old enough for school. Your two year old needs to be run ragged. Take him to the playground in the morning Then home, lunch, nap, reading, then pick up the 5 yr old, playground for both, then dinner.

What does your DH do to contribute if he refuses to cook? Why can't you make friends? Get your kids flu shots, get them wearing masks, and go to story hour at the library, and fun classes for them that are active.

[Anonymous]

Where do you live? I find neighborhood mom friends are the easiest to get together with. After bedtime drinks down the block is doable. Just chat up every mom you meet on the playground etc, exchange numbers, and invite them to drinks. It’s a numbers game so you may need to chat up 15 moms to have three for drinks in two weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your 5 yr old is old enough for school. Your two year old needs to be run ragged. Take him to the playground in the morning Then home, lunch, nap, reading, then pick up the 5 yr old, playground for both, then dinner.

What does your DH do to contribute if he refuses to cook? Why can't you make friends? Get your kids flu shots, get them wearing masks, and go to story hour at the library, and fun classes for them that are active.

I don’t have a second car. Dh takes the car 3 days a week. This hasn’t been a problem until recently because he has been working from home. We do have a playground I can walk to. I do have people I can talk to in my condo building, the door man, another mom and a few seniors. I talk to them all on a daily basis but they aren’t my friends, Lol. Right now, story time isn’t being held where I live. I take my kids to the ymca. I think I need to admit that I should find a job because it’s better that my kids aren’t around me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where do you live? I find neighborhood mom friends are the easiest to get together with. After bedtime drinks down the block is doable. Just chat up every mom you meet on the playground etc, exchange numbers, and invite them to drinks. It’s a numbers game so you may need to chat up 15 moms to have three for drinks in two weeks.

I live way out in the suburbs in Reston, VA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your 5 yr old is old enough for school. Your two year old needs to be run ragged. Take him to the playground in the morning Then home, lunch, nap, reading, then pick up the 5 yr old, playground for both, then dinner.

What does your DH do to contribute if he refuses to cook? Why can't you make friends? Get your kids flu shots, get them wearing masks, and go to story hour at the library, and fun classes for them that are active.

I don’t have a second car. Dh takes the car 3 days a week. This hasn’t been a problem until recently because he has been working from home. We do have a playground I can walk to. I do have people I can talk to in my condo building, the door man, another mom and a few seniors. I talk to them all on a daily basis but they aren’t my friends, Lol. Right now, story time isn’t being held where I live. I take my kids to the ymca. I think I need to admit that I should find a job because it’s better that my kids aren’t around me.

Then get a second car. You can MAKE friends with the mom and seniors in your building (the doorman is working). You can put up an ad on your neighbborhood list serve to have a twice-weekly playgroup meet at the playground. You can still go to the library - when my DD was a toddler we could easily kill two hours in the library.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your 5 yr old is old enough for school. Your two year old needs to be run ragged. Take him to the playground in the morning Then home, lunch, nap, reading, then pick up the 5 yr old, playground for both, then dinner.

What does your DH do to contribute if he refuses to cook? Why can't you make friends? Get your kids flu shots, get them wearing masks, and go to story hour at the library, and fun classes for them that are active.

I don’t have a second car. Dh takes the car 3 days a week. This hasn’t been a problem until recently because he has been working from home. We do have a playground I can walk to. I do have people I can talk to in my condo building, the door man, another mom and a few seniors. I talk to them all on a daily basis but they aren’t my friends, Lol. Right now, story time isn’t being held where I live. I take my kids to the ymca. I think I need to admit that I should find a job because it’s better that my kids aren’t around me.

Then get a second car. You can MAKE friends with the mom and seniors in your building (the doorman is working). You can put up an ad on your neighbborhood list serve to have a twice-weekly playgroup meet at the playground. You can still go to the library - when my DD was a toddler we could easily kill two hours in the library.

I have been at this for more than 5 years and it's just not working out. Sometimes you gotta stop fighting things. There are tons of posts about none of us having time to spend time with each other. A lot of SAHM are depressed so I am basically looking for a unicorn to be my friend. I have met so many SAHM who homeschool and are anti-vax. They're pushy about their choices.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, I don’t have any advice but I want you to know you’re not alone. I’m currently a SAHM to a 5 yo girl and 6 month old twins. On good days, it’s hard and on bad days, it’s complete misery. I am counting down the days until I can start working again just so I have another adult besides DH to talk to.

[Anonymous]

Life without friends sucks. Welcome to the US.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, I don’t have any advice but I want you to know you’re not alone. I’m currently a SAHM to a 5 yo girl and 6-month-old twins. On good days, it’s hard, and on bad days, it’s complete misery. I am counting down the days until I can start working again just so I have another adult besides DH to talk to.

Oh man, this is OP. 6 months is rough. You may want to have a PT nanny. Having an extra person around can help. I signed up my toddler for swimming and gymnastics just now at the YMCA!
I have to get myself OUT of the house. It's so hard to get out. We have a shuttle bus that could pick us up from the y every day but I would need to haul the car seat to the YMCA. dh could drop us off. Want to get the second car but right now buying a house is more important. I am trying to make it work. He is here 2 days a week so I have the car on those days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. You are mostly imagining the judgment in public. I have three young boys so I know how wild they can be but most people know that young kids are a lot like raccoons.

2. Make friends. It helps so, so much. Be a little more forward/desperate than you would otherwise be, and even join indoor classes if needed.

OP here. I wish this were all in my head. Today an older guy in the lobby told me I needed to get my son checked out with a team of psychologists. He said something about how that's what's wrong with my generation. I do live with a lot of seniors, and they just don't get it. In their time, they hit their kids.

[Anonymous]

Make friends at the park