Should I voice my concerns for my best friend’s (31/M) pending engagement?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he speak her native language?

This is my question. If she doesn't speak english he must speak her language so that they can communicate, right?

Otherwise...how does he know he even likes her?

Exactly, apparently, he knows enough about her to want to move in with her for them to initially agree to engagement after 1 year of dating, seems like involved conversations are happening somehow. How are they communicating, OP?

He’s a native Spanish speaker.

Totally different from the scenario you initially painted in your OP He's a big boy OP, and since he's done this type of thing before maybe this is what he wants or maybe he needs to learn a lesson without you and his sister trying to fix things for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he speak her native language?

This is my question. If she doesn't speak english he must speak her language so that they can communicate, right?

Otherwise...how does he know he even likes her?

Exactly, apparently, he knows enough about her to want to move in with her for them to initially agree to engagement after 1 year of dating, seems like involved conversations are happening somehow. How are they communicating, OP?

He doesn’t know this girl at all. They’ve only known each other for 4 months and he has a history of taking in women and their children after a few months according to OP. As another PP said, he has a savior complex and apparently a young woman fetish.

ANd? Seems he has a history here, he knows what he wants,. OP doesn't seem to understand that what she wants her friend to do isn't what he wants to do, isn't what he wants for his life.

It seems as though you don’t understand. I never stated that I wanted him to do anything. I simply asked if should I voice my concern - not tell him to not propose, dump her, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he speak her native language?

This is my question. If she doesn't speak english he must speak her language so that they can communicate, right?

Otherwise...how does he know he even likes her?

Exactly, apparently, he knows enough about her to want to move in with her for them to initially agree to engagement after 1 year of dating, seems like involved conversations are happening somehow. How are they communicating, OP?

He’s a native Spanish speaker.

Totally different from the scenario you initially painted in your OP He's a big boy OP, and since he's done this type of thing before maybe this is what he wants or maybe he needs to learn a lesson without you and his sister trying to fix things for him.

It’s not a different picture. Since he does have a history of doing this, coupled with that she needs citizenship is why I am concerned. I didn’t say I wanted to fix it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he speak her native language?

This is my question. If she doesn't speak english he must speak her language so that they can communicate, right?

Otherwise...how does he know he even likes her?

Exactly, apparently, he knows enough about her to want to move in with her for them to initially agree to engagement after 1 year of dating, seems like involved conversations are happening somehow. How are they communicating, OP?

He’s a native Spanish speaker.

Totally different from the scenario you initially painted in your OP He's a big boy OP, and since he's done this type of thing before maybe this is what he wants or maybe he needs to learn a lesson without you and his sister trying to fix things for him.

It’s not a different picture. Since he does have a history of doing this, coupled with that she needs citizenship is why I am concerned. I didn’t say I wanted to fix it.

Is your friend generally stupid ? Does he usually depend on you to figure out the problems in various decisions? Has he ever altered his behavior because you said something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he speak her native language?

This is my question. If she doesn't speak english he must speak her language so that they can communicate, right?

Otherwise...how does he know he even likes her?

Exactly, apparently, he knows enough about her to want to move in with her for them to initially agree to engagement after 1 year of dating, seems like involved conversations are happening somehow. How are they communicating, OP?

He’s a native Spanish speaker.

Totally different from the scenario you initially painted in your OP He's a big boy OP, and since he's done this type of thing before maybe this is what he wants or maybe he needs to learn a lesson without you and his sister trying to fix things for him.

It’s not a different picture. Since he does have a history of doing this, coupled with that she needs citizenship is why I am concerned. I didn’t say I wanted to fix it.

Is your friend generally stupid ? Does he usually depend on you to figure out the problems in various decisions? Has he ever altered his behavior because you said something?

Yes, yes, and yes. With the last girlfriend (moved her and her child in after months) I kept my mouth shut. She got upset because he was dancing with our boss at a company event, she got angry and she hid in the bathroom. He had me ho retrieve her. I spoke up then (didn’t say to break up with her). At the same time his previous ex who also has kids and was engaged to another man wanted to get back with him. He was conflicted between the current gf and the ex gf and constantly asked for advice. He usually comes to me with all of his issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he speak her native language?

This is my question. If she doesn't speak english he must speak her language so that they can communicate, right?

Otherwise...how does he know he even likes her?

Exactly, apparently, he knows enough about her to want to move in with her for them to initially agree to engagement after 1 year of dating, seems like involved conversations are happening somehow. How are they communicating, OP?

He’s a native Spanish speaker.

Totally different from the scenario you initially painted in your OP He's a big boy OP, and since he's done this type of thing before maybe this is what he wants or maybe he needs to learn a lesson without you and his sister trying to fix things for him.

It’s not a different picture. Since he does have a history of doing this, coupled with that she needs citizenship is why I am concerned. I didn’t say I wanted to fix it.

Is your friend generally stupid ? Does he usually depend on you to figure out the problems in various decisions? Has he ever altered his behavior because you said something?

Yes, yes, and yes. With the last girlfriend (moved her and her child in after months) I kept my mouth shut. She got upset because he was dancing with our boss at a company event, she got angry and she hid in the bathroom. He had me ho retrieve her. I spoke up then (didn’t say to break up with her). At the same time his previous ex who also has kids and was engaged to another man wanted to get back with him. He was conflicted between the current gf and the ex gf and constantly asked for advice. He usually comes to me with all of his issues.

And now we're back to you being to involved in his relationships... You need to let him figure this one out for himself. He's a big boy.

[Anonymous]

I mean CLEARLY this situation is a hot mess. But it is also not really any of your business and its not like no one has brought up concerns. He's also 33 and has a previous marriage and a child under his belt so he's not a naïve child. If he asks you directly, be honest, and in the meantime move on to being worried about your own life instead.

[Anonymous]

Getting married doesn’t actually solve immigration problems. He needs a lawyer first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he speak her native language?

This is my question. If she doesn't speak english he must speak her language so that they can communicate, right?

Otherwise...how does he know he even likes her?

Exactly, apparently, he knows enough about her to want to move in with her for them to initially agree to engagement after 1 year of dating, seems like involved conversations are happening somehow. How are they communicating, OP?

He’s a native Spanish speaker.

Totally different from the scenario you initially painted in your OP He's a big boy OP, and since he's done this type of thing before maybe this is what he wants or maybe he needs to learn a lesson without you and his sister trying to fix things for him.

It’s not a different picture. Since he does have a history of doing this, coupled with that she needs citizenship is why I am concerned. I didn’t say I wanted to fix it.

Is your friend generally stupid ? Does he usually depend on you to figure out the problems in various decisions? Has he ever altered his behavior because you said something?

Yes, yes, and yes. With the last girlfriend (moved her and her child in after months) I kept my mouth shut. She got upset because he was dancing with our boss at a company event, she got angry and she hid in the bathroom. He had me ho retrieve her. I spoke up then (didn’t say to break up with her). At the same time his previous ex who also has kids and was engaged to another man wanted to get back with him. He was conflicted between the current gf and the ex gf and constantly asked for advice. He usually comes to me with all of his issues.

And now we're back to you being to involved in his relationships... You need to let him figure this one out for himself. He's a big boy.

He went to her for advice and even asked her to physically go handle an issue in his relationship. She didn’t insert herself or give anything unsolicited. He’s clearly not a big boy. Age doesn’t equate to maturity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean CLEARLY this situation is a hot mess. But it is also not really any of your business and its not like no one has brought up concerns. He's also 33 and has a previous marriage and a child under his belt so he's not a naïve child. If he asks you directly, be honest, and in the meantime move on to being worried about your own life instead.

OP, it’s fine to just say you agree with his sister and say there’s no harm in waiting. It looks like he comes to you for a lot so it’s okay to just say what I wrote.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here. How experienced is he in dating and relationships?

Let’s just say his last girlfriend 2 years ago was also young (20), had a toddler, and he moved them into his apartment within a few months. He got someone pregnant when he was 17 and they got married that year and were married for a few years. There’s other stories but I hope this gives you an idea of his dating experience.

Have a discussion with him OP. Based on his miserable dating / marriage history, I doubt you will be able to stop him from making this mistake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here. How experienced is he in dating and relationships?

Let’s just say his last girlfriend 2 years ago was also young (20), had a toddler, and he moved them into his apartment within a few months. He got someone pregnant when he was 17 and they got married that year and were married for a few years. There’s other stories but I hope this gives you an idea of his dating experience.

Have a discussion with him OP. Based on his miserable dating / marriage history, I doubt you will be able to stop him from making this mistake.

Yea, I’d never tell him to leave someone so I’m not trying to stop him from getting engaged. Plus, he told me he’s proposing tonight. At most just wanted to say maybe have a long engagement because there’s no rush since he told me the wedding will be next month. He told me he’s already taken out loans to pay for the wedding. Hopefully if they have a long engagement he’ll get to know her better or if she has bad intentions it’ll come to light.

[Anonymous]

I doubt OP is jealous, but his sister is 100% not. OP, if her intentions were long-term she would have created a relationship with her sister-in-law and future auntie to her child. I can't stand guys who are all "I've attracted a copper-digger" and then act all shocked that she divorces him for the copper. OP, definitely discourage this "marriage".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he speak her native language?

This is my question. If she doesn't speak english he must speak her language so that they can communicate, right?

Otherwise...how does he know he even likes her?

Exactly, apparently, he knows enough about her to want to move in with her for them to initially agree to engagement after 1 year of dating, seems like involved conversations are happening somehow. How are they communicating, OP?

He’s a native Spanish speaker.

Totally different from the scenario you initially painted in your OP He's a big boy OP, and since he's done this type of thing before maybe this is what he wants or maybe he needs to learn a lesson without you and his sister trying to fix things for him.

It’s not a different picture. Since he does have a history of doing this, coupled with that she needs citizenship is why I am concerned. I didn’t say I wanted to fix it.

Is your friend generally stupid ? Does he usually depend on you to figure out the problems in various decisions? Has he ever altered his behavior because you said something?

Yes, yes, and yes. With the last girlfriend (moved her and her child in after months) I kept my mouth shut. She got upset because he was dancing with our boss at a company event, she got angry and she hid in the bathroom. He had me ho retrieve her. I spoke up then (didn’t say to break up with her). At the same time his previous ex who also has kids and was engaged to another man wanted to get back with him. He was conflicted between the current gf and the ex gf and constantly asked for advice. He usually comes to me with all of his issues.

And now we're back to you being to involved in his relationships... You need to let him figure this one out for himself. He's a big boy.

He went to her for advice and even asked her to physically go handle an issue in his relationship. She didn’t insert herself or give anything unsolicited. He’s clearly not a big boy. Age doesn’t equate to maturity.

Just because someone asks you for advice doesn't mean you have to give. I reiterate she's way too involved in his relationships. I didn't say anything about maturity, clearly he isn't but this is a 30 something old man not a teenager he doesn't need to be saved from his own stupidity and trying to do so only enables him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he speak her native language?

This is my question. If she doesn't speak english he must speak her language so that they can communicate, right?

Otherwise...how does he know he even likes her?

Exactly, apparently, he knows enough about her to want to move in with her for them to initially agree to engagement after 1 year of dating, seems like involved conversations are happening somehow. How are they communicating, OP?

He’s a native Spanish speaker.

Totally different from the scenario you initially painted in your OP He's a big boy OP, and since he's done this type of thing before maybe this is what he wants or maybe he needs to learn a lesson without you and his sister trying to fix things for him.

It’s not a different picture. Since he does have a history of doing this, coupled with that she needs citizenship is why I am concerned. I didn’t say I wanted to fix it.

Is your friend generally stupid ? Does he usually depend on you to figure out the problems in various decisions? Has he ever altered his behavior because you said something?

Yes, yes, and yes. With the last girlfriend (moved her and her child in after months) I kept my mouth shut. She got upset because he was dancing with our boss at a company event, she got angry and she hid in the bathroom. He had me ho retrieve her. I spoke up then (didn’t say to break up with her). At the same time his previous ex who also has kids and was engaged to another man wanted to get back with him. He was conflicted between the current gf and the ex gf and constantly asked for advice. He usually comes to me with all of his issues.

And now we're back to you being to involved in his relationships... You need to let him figure this one out for himself. He's a big boy.

He went to her for advice and even asked her to physically go handle an issue in his relationship. She didn’t insert herself or give anything unsolicited. He’s clearly not a big boy. Age doesn’t equate to maturity.

Just because someone asks you for advice doesn't mean you have to give. I reiterate she's way too involved in his relationships. I didn't say anything about maturity, clearly he isn't but this is a 30 something old man not a teenager he doesn't need to be saved from his own stupidity and trying to do so only enables him.

If a friend asks me for my advice I always try give them advice. You should always want someone you care for to feel as though they can come to you. I don’t see the issue with giving advice if asked for it. He’s known OP for most of his life so I’m sure they’re like practically family so it’s normal to ask and give advice You’re placing too much blame on the wrong person here.

OP, how close are you with the family?