Flaming out at "Dream School"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't have a dream school. Be realistic.

Exactly - I think it's the same thing with people who talk about buying their dream house or dream car or dream whatever. It sets unrealistic expectations.

This.

I have a junior and was thinking about this the other day. The whole college process has gotten so ridiculous on so many levels - the build-up cannot possibly match reality. What is it with all of these kids announcing where they are "committing," now, for example? The social media posts about acceptance letters, the yard signs to announce college plans to the world. It's all out of proportion to the reality of the experience of moving and going to school.

I thought that term was used for athletic commits. Is that used for all college decisions?

[Anonymous]

Don’t let your 14 year old become fixated on a college. Keep horizons as broad as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the problem is that the dream school is the reward that they have been aiming for since middle school. Kids exhaust themselves taking the hardest course load and overloading ECs so that they can be competitive for admission at a handful of schools. Once they get in, they think they've won the race, but college isn't the reward, it's just another stop on the way

I think this is a large part of it. They see the college as the finish line. Then they are shocked and exhausted to find out it's just the starting line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the problem is that the dream school is the reward that they have been aiming for since middle school. Kids exhaust themselves taking the hardest course load and overloading ECs so that they can be competitive for admission at a handful of schools. Once they get in, they think they've won the race, but college isn't the reward, it's just another stop on the way

Who is giving them that mindset from middle school?

[Anonymous]

You need to help your kid understand that colleges have more similarities than differences and that for every school, there are at least 5 or 10 other schools she’d like just as much or more. And probably 100 from which she could launch into healthy, happy, successful adulthood.

[Anonymous]

Have kid watch In the Heights movie. All about getting into dream school and not fitting in

[Anonymous]

I think it can really help to have practice being the new person and not relying on your existing friend, parents or sibling relationships. Consider having your kid switch schools for high school. Or at least go to camps or academic activities where they have to meet their entirely new friends and find their own way.

Getting out of your shell and making new friends takes practice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know of several (five) students who got into their first-choice school they'd been aiming for for years, only to drop out and come home at the end of the first year. For some, it was academic troubles, for others it was disappointment in the culture/community/vibe. It's almost as if the school couldn't possibly live up to the expectations they had. In each case it was very traumatic experience or the kids and, frankly, the family who had focused for years on that school as the goal and then it didn't work out.

My daughter is still a freshman, but has her eyes on a particular school and is becoming increasingly fixated on it. I do think she can get in. Any advice on how we can we prevent this sort of flame out if she does attend?

Prepare academically by taking the most challenging courses she can in HS. If the maturity level is still lacking after she is accepted to dream school...take a gap year to mature enough to succeed away at college.

This is useless advice. It's not about the kid's maturity, it's about tempering expectations they may have for the college itself.

I strongly disagree. I work at a college and a lack of maturity is a very big problem for many freshmen. I see this from both students who came from public schools and private schools. They simply aren't ready to be a college due to helicopter parenting. They are used to parents stepping in and doing most admin type things for them. When it isn't possible for mom or dad to take care of things for them, they literally ignore want needs to be done and think that mom or dad can strongarm their way through the rules to fix whatever it is that needs fixed.

[Anonymous]

For every school, we asked about something they liked and something they didn’t like. If they didn’t know then they needed to learn more. Colleges are like people—no one is perfect, everyone has strengths and weaknesses. The trick is to find strengths that matter to the student and weaknesses that they can tolerate.

[Anonymous]

I'd love to know how many kids drop out/transfer from college after the first year. Does that statistic exist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd love to know how many kids drop out/transfer from college after the first year. Does that statistic exist?

Yup, it does. And wow. 40 percent.

https://educationdata.org/college-dropout-rates

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t let your 14 year old become fixated on a college. Keep horizons as broad as possible.

Seriously. 9th grade is too early to be thinking of colleges.

[Anonymous]

Lord, I hated my dream school from the first week there. I was committed and focused, though, so I pushed on through. I should have transferred.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP...your child does not need to attend a top prep or elite magnet in order to thrive in college. Nothing at all wrong with that and lots of well prepared college students come out of these places.

But most students come out of a variety of public high school options and go off to their dreams schools and also thrive. These kids seek out the challenges available to them and put in the work.

Can your student operate independently? Are they resourceful and motivated to find help and answers when they need them? Can they produce a well organized piece of writing for a variety of assignment...research paper, personal statement, science lab, etc. Can they manage their time? Do they absorb and act on communication they receive from school in a timely manner? Etc, etc.

Also mundane things..can they do a load of laundry? Take their own temperature? Give themselves a proper dose of medication? Hold a job if they need to work while going to school? Etc, etc.

By the time they make it though senior year, they will have made many strides towards succeeding in college.

If they do not seem ready in terms of academics, social or emotional maturity, etc....maybe consider a gap year to work on lagging skills.

Gap year is ok. Colleges do not discourage students from taking one if they have a plan for the year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t let your 14 year old become fixated on a college. Keep horizons as broad as possible.

Seriously. 9th grade is too early to be thinking of colleges.

I think, though, that most kids who end up at a T20 type school based on mainly on their own strategizing and academic aptitude will be out of place enough at any place other than a Thomas Jefferson type school that they’re starting to think about college on their own, in sixth or seventh grade, because they’re actually ready for a regular college or seventh grade, and they already know how people get into college.