A narcissist or just desperate?
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Anonymous
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He is 29, very accomplished, great career, stable income, and good looking. He is very sweet, romantic, and a gentleman. I have been dating him for 5 months with new behavior emerging.
We met online and he had been single for 2 years. He came on a little strong, initiating a lot of texts and calls. We sometimes would talk for hours; I enjoyed it. We decided to meet although he talked about meeting for a series of dates incase the first didn't go well; kind of insecure, maybe. We met after two weeks of talking and hit it off. He initiates " the talk" to be exclusive on the first date. We take the next few moths enjoying getting to know each other. He still comes on heavy with constant text/calls and wanting to see me. Sex is beyond amazing  .
He suddenly takes a turn 4 months in. I start talking about serious future matters and we don't see eye to eye on all of them. He tries to force my hand. He then goes on between a state of trying to change my mind to shutting me out when i disagree. He has a very clear picture of who I should be. He becomes controlling with regards of who I talk to and where I go. When I disagree on a matter, he shuts me out and then comes back like that scene never happened. I looked up narcissist and he has used the very same lines they use. He still has his moments of sweetness in between all this. He gets upset when I disagree and sometimes calls me ugly names. When apologizing he doesn't take responsibility. It's always " I am sorry you feel" or a but in there. He is great at playing the victim. I won't divulge all details but I am struggling to determine what he is. Is he ultra critical because he is desperate about settling down already? Is he a narcissist who only appears to want the things I want and his true colors are emerging? Do narcissists change? I feel like I'm going crazy. Last but not least, are these red flag indicators to break it off? |
Anonymous
| Too hard to follow without real examples. |
Anonymous
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YES, these red flags mean you should break it off.
Why does it matter whether he's a narcissist or desperate? Either way, you won't change him, and it's not your job to. Just so you're clear, I had two serious relationships in my life (I married the second one), and in neither one did the boyfriend EVER call me any names. I am confused as to why you are still in this relationship after the very first instance of a problem - I could see letting the exclusivity talk on the first date slide, although that would have been my first warning sign - but texting/calling so much? No bueno. When I disagree with my husband, even back when he was "just" my boyfriend, if things got heated he would say "I need to take a break from this because I'm getting too upset and don't want to regret anything I say to you," and then he'd walk off to go do something - cook dinner, walk the dog, go work out, whatever - before calming down and coming back to talk it through. He has never once tried to control where I went or who I spoke with. That is a HUGE red flag, to the point that I'd break up with someone if they did that even ONCE. If I was in a less than safe area, he'd ask me to call when I was home safe or ask if he could accompany me or pick me up, but he always respects whatever my decision is. Dump this guy. Tonight. |
Anonymous
| YES, these are big red flags. Break it off now. NOW. |
Anonymous
| A relationship shouldn't be this hard when you are merely 5 months in. You see the red flags, so now is your chance to get out. |
Anonymous
Now you know why. Time to end it. |
Anonymous
| Huge red flags. Get out while you can!! |
Anonymous
I will provide you with a few examples then. 1. When I asked him to decrease the amount of texts during work hours he got upset. He disregarded what I had said the very next day. When I brought it up again he told me I was leading him on and then stopped talking to me. I reached out the rest of the night. Once I stopped reaching out, he did but acted normal. When I brought up the issue he accused me of " complaining". I was simply trying to get to the bottom so the situation didn't occur again. 2. We discussed topics like marriage, kids, my future career, etc. After being very excited and explaining the logistics of becoming a dentist, he looks dead at me and says " You know dentists have the highest suicide rate". I was visibly upset and he didn't apologize. Here I was talking about a career I was happy to achieve and that is his response. 3. We go to my family's for Christmas Eve. He makes a very rude comment about my cousin's weight. He has made comments about overweight people before as well. This time it was about my family member. I was really mad and that is something I'm usually not. When I discussed it he got mad and me. When I refused to speak with him until an apology, he says " Sorry you feel this way..". Not a real apology. |
Anonymous
WHY are you with this loser?! You can find amazing sex with a non-crazy, non-manipulative, non-passive-aggressive control freak. |
Anonymous
So WHY are you still with this jerk? Are you that desperate? DROP HIM NOW. Delete him from your phone. Do not respond to any texts, emails or calls. |
Anonymous
| DTMFA and don't think another minute about what exactly is wrong with him. Jut put him in your rear view ASAP. |
Anonymous
| He is a jerk at best. Dump him. You deserve better. |
Anonymous
| Get away. RUN in the opposite direction. |
Anonymous
| It doesn't matter what he is or what label you can slap on him. It's not working. He's not okay. It's early days still. Just leave. |
Anonymous
| Based on the title of your post he doesn't sound desperate at all- you do because you are trying to find a way to cope with his horrible behavior. Pull yourself together and leave- I'm sure you are better than this! |