A narcissist or just desperate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is 29, very accomplished, great career, stable income, and good looking. He is very sweet, romantic, and a gentleman. I have been dating him for 5 months with new behavior emerging.

We met online and he had been single for 2 years. He came on a little strong, initiating a lot of texts and calls. We sometimes would talk for hours; I enjoyed it. We decided to meet although he talked about meeting for a series of dates incase the first didn't go well; kind of insecure, maybe. We met after two weeks of talking and hit it off. He initiates " the talk" to be exclusive on the first date. We take the next few moths enjoying getting to know each other. He still comes on heavy with constant text/calls and wanting to see me. Sex is beyond amazing.

He suddenly takes a turn 4 months in. I start talking about serious future matters and we don't see eye to eye on all of them. He tries to force my hand. He then goes on between a state of trying to change my mind to shutting me out when i disagree. He has a very clear picture of who I should be. He becomes controlling with regards of who I talk to and where I go. When I disagree on a matter, he shuts me out and then comes back like that scene never happened. I looked up narcissist and he has used the very same lines they use. He still has his moments of sweetness in between all this. He gets upset when I disagree and sometimes calls me ugly names. When apologizing he doesn't take responsibility. It's always " I am sorry you feel" or a but in there. He is great at playing the victim.

I won't divulge all details but I am struggling to determine what he is. Is he ultra critical because he is desperate about settling down already? Is he a narcissist who only appears to want the things I want and his true colors are emerging? Do narcissists change? I feel like I'm going crazy. Last but not least, are these red flag indicators to break it off?

+1

I was going to bold the same parts before I responded. These are HUGE red flags. Anyone that is trying to control who you are or who you talk to is not ok. And ugly names? Get out now!

OP, the bolded bits are HUGE red flags. Those things are not okay, at all. This is not the sort of thing that gets better with time. Typically, it gets worse. If you think it's bad now, wait until there are a couple of kids in the picture and you really feel trapped. Better yet, don't. There are decent, nice guys out there. This person is not emotionally healthy nor is he ready for a real relationship.

[Anonymous]

Classic signs of an abuser. Wanting to get serious really quickly, wanting to change you and control you, name-calling. Get out before your self-esteem is destroyed.

[Anonymous]

I'm a guy - he's a total dick and complete narcissist.

You know what to do - dump and run as fast as you can away from him.

[Anonymous]

hard to follow but, if it's this bad now, why would it get better? Run now.

[Anonymous]

I'm a guy and this guy is a total asshole.
DTMFA. Tonight if not sooner.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't matter who he is. What matters is for you to understand the following, really understand it in your bones:

1. There is nothing you have done or said to bring this on. He already is who he is, and he would be the exact same person with anyone else.

2. There is nothing you can say or do, no strategy you can adopt, no tightrope you can walk to change him. There is no winning path. You cannot change this person.

3. If you stay with this person for any length of time, you will be broken. He will break you because that's the only way they operate.

4. There is nothing you can say, no perfect words you can find to make him understand the way you feel and make the appropriate changes. He is not interested in how you feel. He is not interested in understanding anything that goes on with you. He knows what he wants, and it will not be affected by how you feel. How you feel is irrelevant to him.

5. Things will always be exactly as they are today, or worse. Do you want this for life?

[Anonymous]

Who really cares if he is a narcissist or what at this point?

I say whatever his problem is in life, don't let it become YOURS too.

Yes, these are true red flags and you should break up with him.

You can keep him as a FWB since the sex is so amazing however.

[Anonymous]

I am not into the FWB thing.

[Anonymous]

I assume you want to eventually find marriage or long term stable relationship etc. Between dating and marriage I have been with my DH over 15 yeas. At times it isn't pretty... Especially hard with the sleep deprivation and denands of a young child...but the saving grace is fighting clean. By that I mean respect for the other person's opinions, no name calling, and heartfelt apologies when we are in the wrong.