My husband and I have only had sex once since our son was born
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Anonymous
| I have a very good marriage. My son is a wonderful father and provider. He does a ton of work around the house, he takes care of me and our son. Since my son was born, I am so exhausted between work and taking care of him and our home, my husband and I have been intimate but only had sex once. When I was pregnant, I was very uncomfortable having sex. I have always been interested in sex, but ever since my son came, I fantasize about sleeping, having all my household chores and work done and time to go to the gym or just relax and watch TV, read, etc. My husband and I go on dates and kiss, are affectionate, but when we have sex, it has felt really different and hurt. I never had painful sex in my life, not even the first time, so it was not the pleasurable sex we had before. I want to make sure that my husband and I are having sex regularly, but I have only had sex once since my son was born several months ago. I feel like a total loser and terrible wife. |
Anonymous
"had" |
Anonymous
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don't focus on sex so much. there's a wide bunch of stuff between dates and kissing and SEX. I would enter other intimate areas and focus on sexual intimacy and closeness.
sex will come in time with all that and with less rush and pressure you may enjoy it more. |
Anonymous
| Sex is also about intimacy. Sharing and touching him can continue to bring intimacy until your libido returns. Oral and handjobs are good too. |
Anonymous
| Go to the doctor about the fact that it hurt. I had sex at six weeks post partum and it hurt. |
Anonymous
Freudian slip? |
Anonymous
| My experience with sex post-baby was that it took a while to get back into the groove of it feeling good. Remember, that area of your body recently went through a traumatic experience (even if it was pretty easy, as mine was). It changed size and shape for a while. Go slow and use lots of lube. And communicate with your husband about this! He is your biggest ally in this new journey and working on it together is the way to fix it. |
Anonymous
| Just have sex with him. If you want to have sex then why don't you initiate? |
Anonymous
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Are you breastfeeding? I have bad vaginal atrophy while breastfeeding (three times now). Sex is seriously painful (as in, I won't do intercourse) until about 6 months post-partum, and then gradually improves. It's back to normal once I wean.
I was shocked at how painful it was the first time we tried to have sex after our first baby. |
Anonymous
| I am breastfeeding. I guess I feel like I am always tired and never interested lately. My husband is very attractive, smart, treats me well. He is a very caring and attentive partner. I love him very much. I never had to use lubricant and it really repulsed me. It reminded me of going to the doctor. Sex now feels so dry and tight. It does not feel good! And it feels like I'm in a different body or something. For the record, I lost all my baby weight and then some so I am not self conscious about my appearance, just the fact that I feel like I am so tired from work and taking care of our home and son that I am collapsing. |
Anonymous
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What you're experiencing is normal, OP.
One medical solution is asking your OB for estrogen cream. That helped me a good deal with the physical component. But getting over the exhaustion and transitioning back to feeling comfortable with sex is a process. |
Anonymous
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My DD will be 1 tomorrow....and let me tell you until about 1 month ago it still did not feel wonderful.
But now I am getting back to my old self. But we do not have it nearly as much as he wants and I feel bad but he understands. Make sure to have open communication about it. I was offered the estrogen cream but declined. Now my boobs on the other hand....thats the real problem. They are pancakes 
Hang in there! |
Anonymous
All of this is completely normal. Use lubricant. Seriously. Breastfeeding drains your body of fluid. I agree that it's kind of gross, but you won't regret it, sensation-wise. My recommendation is to have a glass of wine or two to unwind and give it a try at a time when you're feeling relaxed. Is there a long weekend coming up where you might feel less drained? |
Anonymous
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Considering that you feel some actual physical pain OP, I would go to a Dr. and get examined. Part of it could be physically related so no matter how you feel emotionally, unless that issue is fixed, nothing else will matter.
I completely see your side of things regarding having a full plate. Caring for a young child along with maintaining a house, working outside the home and fulfilling the role of a loving wife is a huge job. Sometimes the "loving" wife role gets tossed to the side and everything else takes precedence. I am not sure of your financial situation OP, but is there any chance you can outsource some of your duties, specifically the housework and some childcare? This will take a load off your shoulders and allow you to focus more on your personal relationship(s). I think a good first step in this direction would be a date night for you and your husband. If you can arrange a babysitter for an evening out, I encourage you to have a dinner date with your husband and try not to discuss anything related to your child on this date. Make it all about you + him ONLY. Good luck. |
Anonymous
| Tell him what you've told us- it's not a matter of not feeling like it, you are in physical pain, and see your Dr. You've got to do your part to resolve the issue, the same way you'd expect him to if the situation was reversed. |