My husband and I have only had sex once since our son was born

[Anonymous]

How old is your son? Give DH lots of blowjobs. Sex hurt for me terribly until several months postpartum. Breast feeding really leaves you dry, but there's no reason you can't give a little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am breastfeeding. I guess I feel like I am always tired and never interested lately. My husband is very attractive, smart, treats me well. He is a very caring and attentive partner. I love him very much. I never had to use lubricant and it really repulsed me. It reminded me of going to the doctor. Sex now feels so dry and tight. It does not feel good! And it feels like I'm in a different body or something. For the record, I lost all my baby weight and then some so I am not self conscious about my appearance, just the fact that I feel like I am so tired from work and taking care of our home and son that I am collapsing.

Is he doing the equal share of the housework? is there a way he could do more of the work for you or you could hire it out so you're not so exhausted?

[Anonymous]

It's within the range of normal, OP. Do NOT feel bad about this - I hope your husband isn't making you feel bad either.
Stitches, breastfeeding, the psychology of having a new baby or simply exhaustion can alter your sex drive and physically dry you down there.

However, if the pain persists after 6 months, you may have a medical condition: depression or something gynecological like endometriosis (I have the latter). In that case you should go to the doctor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is your son? Give DH lots of blowjobs. Sex hurt for me terribly until several months postpartum. Breast feeding really leaves you dry, but there's no reason you can't give a little.

Please give him blowjobs before your marriage implodes. It sucks (ha!) but take one for the team.

[Anonymous]

Get on it! And get on it now! I lost intimacy with my husband after my son was born and it eventually led to the demise of my marriage. While you can still be good partners to one another without sex, it changes the relationship (and usually not for the better).

Tell him you need more sex. Force yourself to initiate even when you are tired (at least one in a while). Even every other week will do for now -- just don't lose it completely.

I say all this compassion. I know personally how exhausting it is and how easy it is to push aside when you have a newborn. But please, for the love of pete, don't give up on it. I'm a divorced woman having the best sex of my life, but I would prefer to have remained married and have had lots of sex with my husband (all else equal).

[Anonymous]

SO NORMAL!! The feeling of "feels like I am in a different body" has a lot to do with breastfeeding hormones. For me, sexually, my body felt normal only once my period came back. And the exhaustion is also a huge factor especially when you're working.

Don't beat yourself up too much - that is an awful way to feel sexy! What about trying to have some sexytimes on the weekends, or whenever you feel most rested and relaxed? For me, Saturday naptimes are the only time I don't feel tired and stressed and like I should be sleeping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is your son? Give DH lots of blowjobs. Sex hurt for me terribly until several months postpartum. Breast feeding really leaves you dry, but there's no reason you can't give a little.

Please give him blowjobs before your marriage implodes. It sucks (ha!) but take one for the team.

This would not be enticing for many men, who are, suprise, also interested in their partner's pleasure! Yes, you should satisfy your DH from time to time, but ultimately it is more important to rediscover a little space for yourself for pleasure and relaxation. Take it from there.

[Anonymous]

PP, thats not true. Most men would prefer a blow job over waiting indefinitely for their wives to feel horny naturally. OP needs to fake it until she makes it.

[Anonymous]

Yea. Your fucked. Your DH is probably miserable. Sorry. It's not normal. You husband is either going to start fucking someone who wants to or he's going to hate your guts over time. Dig through these threads and read all of the miserable people who post on here just like your sexless marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, thats not true. Most men would prefer a blow job over waiting indefinitely for their wives to feel horny naturally. OP needs to fake it until she makes it.

Sure sometimes. But not every woman can convincingly give a good blowjob when they feel horrible about themselves, unsexy, and on top of that like a loser for not feeling sexy. A handful of bad blowjobs -- and the perception that she has to "fake it" or her marriage will fall apart -- are emphatically NOT the road back to a healthy sex life.

[Anonymous]

We went through this phase after #1 as well. It's okay. It's not forever. Keep trying.

[Anonymous]

When I was breastfeeding I had a crazy over supply and my doctor warned my at my six week appointment that sex would be very painful with that sort of supply and to use lots of lubrication. Once I stopped feeding everything went back to normal (I think that is probably the only body part that returned to normal after birth).

Give it time and know that this is very likely temporary while you are breast feeding. Maybe have some fun with it and get the hot or cooling lubricant or different types of condoms if you are not using other forms of birth control. I had a novelty pack of condoms and it sort of made it fun to see if we could tell the difference or if it heightened the experience. The lube on the condom was usually enough to help with the dryness.

[Anonymous]

Blowjobs and handjobs until your libido comes back. When you do feel stirrings of libido, nurture it - fan the flame & go masturbate. If masturbation continues to hurt, go see a doctor. When you feel like your libido is healthy enough for regular sex, tell your husband exactly what you want and need. If he doesn't try to give that to you, seek counseling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, thats not true. Most men would prefer a blow job over waiting indefinitely for their wives to feel horny naturally. OP needs to fake it until she makes it.

DH here, about five months into this kind of drought, and for the record: I would not prefer a service job or duty sex.

I would prefer it if my wife said "gee, I would have fun playing, but my vajayjay is out of action, so let me play with you", but only if she was into it. Otherwise it's kind of insulting/patronizing. My wife is totally NOT into it, and given that, I'm happier taking care of myself rather than extracting chore/duty sex out of her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, thats not true. Most men would prefer a blow job over waiting indefinitely for their wives to feel horny naturally. OP needs to fake it until she makes it.

DH here, about five months into this kind of drought, and for the record: I would not prefer a service job or duty sex.

I would prefer it if my wife said "gee, I would have fun playing, but my vajayjay is out of action, so let me play with you", but only if she was into it. Otherwise it's kind of insulting/patronizing. My wife is totally NOT into it, and given that, I'm happier taking care of myself rather than extracting chore/duty sex out of her.

I presume this situation is acceptable because you assume that things will get better. If her disinterest was indefinite, what would you reaction be -- just be celibate for the rest of your life? Or is there a point at which she'd have choose between making an effort toward your sex life or ending the marriage?