My husband and I have only had sex once since our son was born

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am breastfeeding. I guess I feel like I am always tired and never interested lately. My husband is very attractive, smart, treats me well. He is a very caring and attentive partner. I love him very much. I never had to use lubricant and it really repulsed me. It reminded me of going to the doctor. Sex now feels so dry and tight. It does not feel good! And it feels like I'm in a different body or something. For the record, I lost all my baby weight and then some so I am not self conscious about my appearance, just the fact that I feel like I am so tired from work and taking care of our home and son that I am collapsing. [/quote

This is natures birth control. You are on the edge of collapse physically. Another pregnancy and birth and childcare on top of what you have now would be a disaster. Your body knows this and is making sure you don't have sex. Go with it!! Wait until it feels good again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yea. Your fucked. Your DH is probably miserable. Sorry. It's not normal. You husband is either going to start fucking someone who wants to or he's going to hate your guts over time. Dig through these threads and read all of the miserable people who post on here just like your sexless marriage.

1. You're.

2. I don't think the OP stated how old the baby is. Not having sex when you have an infant, are breastfeeding multiple times per night, and not getting any decent sleep? Yeah, that's pretty normal (not universal, note, but normal), and does not equate to a sexless marriage or a "fucked" marriage. It's about a body that's still recovering, exhaustion, and having a very needy little being. It's a time for a bit of patience, with both spouse and self, followed by making an effort to do better in the sex dept as time goes on and the baby gets a few months older. Not having sex when you have an 18 month old? That's an issue that needs attention and correction.

[Anonymous]

Wait until dc is 2 and you've still only had sex once - then you'll really feel bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, thats not true. Most men would prefer a blow job over waiting indefinitely for their wives to feel horny naturally. OP needs to fake it until she makes it.

DH here, about five months into this kind of drought, and for the record: I would not prefer a service job or duty sex.

I would prefer it if my wife said "gee, I would have fun playing, but my vajayjay is out of action, so let me play with you", but only if she was into it. Otherwise it's kind of insulting/patronizing. My wife is totally NOT into it, and given that, I'm happier taking care of myself rather than extracting chore/duty sex out of her.

I presume this situation is acceptable because you assume that things will get better. If her disinterest was indefinite, what would you reaction be -- just be celibate for the rest of your life? Or is there a point at which she'd have choose between making an effort toward your sex life or ending the marriage?

Yes, it's only acceptable because I expect things to get better, perhaps not quickly, but eventually. If the situation - her lack of desire - were indefinite or permanent, I still would not want her to give me "chore sex" or "duty sex". I would talk to her about an open relationship. I do not think it's acceptable for anyone to unilaterally end sex, but I also don't enjoy having sex with someone who doesn't want me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, thats not true. Most men would prefer a blow job over waiting indefinitely for their wives to feel horny naturally. OP needs to fake it until she makes it.

DH here, about five months into this kind of drought, and for the record: I would not prefer a service job or duty sex.

I would prefer it if my wife said "gee, I would have fun playing, but my vajayjay is out of action, so let me play with you", but only if she was into it. Otherwise it's kind of insulting/patronizing. My wife is totally NOT into it, and given that, I'm happier taking care of myself rather than extracting chore/duty sex out of her.

YOU are awesome and mature.

And actually, when the duty/obligation/demanding attitude is taken out of sex, it's a lot easier to think about one's own pleasure and thus get turned on and into sex. THIS is the attitude more men need to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yea. Your fucked. Your DH is probably miserable. Sorry. It's not normal. You husband is either going to start fucking someone who wants to or he's going to hate your guts over time. Dig through these threads and read all of the miserable people who post on here just like your sexless marriage.

1. You're.

2. I don't think the OP stated how old the baby is. Not having sex when you have an infant, are breastfeeding multiple times per night, and not getting any decent sleep? Yeah, that's pretty normal (not universal, note, but normal), and does not equate to a sexless marriage or a "fucked" marriage. It's about a body that's still recovering, exhaustion, and having a very needy little being. It's a time for a bit of patience, with both spouse and self, followed by making an effort to do better in the sex dept as time goes on and the baby gets a few months older. Not having sex when you have an 18 month old? That's an issue that needs attention and correction.

x2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, thats not true. Most men would prefer a blow job over waiting indefinitely for their wives to feel horny naturally. OP needs to fake it until she makes it.

DH here, about five months into this kind of drought, and for the record: I would not prefer a service job or duty sex.

I would prefer it if my wife said "gee, I would have fun playing, but my vajayjay is out of action, so let me play with you", but only if she was into it. Otherwise it's kind of insulting/patronizing. My wife is totally NOT into it, and given that, I'm happier taking care of myself rather than extracting chore/duty sex out of her.

YOU are awesome and mature.

And actually, when the duty/obligation/demanding attitude is taken out of sex, it's a lot easier to think about one's own pleasure and thus get turned on and into sex. THIS is the attitude more men need to have.

I think most men don't want sex that's given out of a sense of obligation or duty. They want their wife to enthusiastically crave sex with them. Which is one reason why so many men want their wives to initiate the sex -- so they can know that their wife actively wants sex with them.

The problem comes (or at least did in my case) when, for an extended period, the wife shows limited or no interest in sex. First month after a baby - absolutely fine. Six months after the baby - not surprising. First year after the baby - frustrating, but o.k. Two years after the baby - umm. Three years?

When, exactly, should the guy pull the alarm bell? And how does he do it in a way that recognizes sex as an intrinsic part of marriage and a legitimate expectation on his part but doesn't come off as demanding?

[Anonymous]

My husband really shared infant care with me, to the point that he was super exhausted as well. I had a c section When my dr told after 6 weeks that it was ok to have sex I thought he was insane!! Give yourself a chance to recover. Sleep deprivation will make your husband less interested in sex. Make him burp the baby and chamge him 4 times per night

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, thats not true. Most men would prefer a blow job over waiting indefinitely for their wives to feel horny naturally. OP needs to fake it until she makes it.

DH here, about five months into this kind of drought, and for the record: I would not prefer a service job or duty sex.

I would prefer it if my wife said "gee, I would have fun playing, but my vajayjay is out of action, so let me play with you", but only if she was into it. Otherwise it's kind of insulting/patronizing. My wife is totally NOT into it, and given that, I'm happier taking care of myself rather than extracting chore/duty sex out of her.

YOU are awesome and mature.

And actually, when the duty/obligation/demanding attitude is taken out of sex, it's a lot easier to think about one's own pleasure and thus get turned on and into sex. THIS is the attitude more men need to have.

I think most men don't want sex that's given out of a sense of obligation or duty. They want their wife to enthusiastically crave sex with them. Which is one reason why so many men want their wives to initiate the sex -- so they can know that their wife actively wants sex with them.

The problem comes (or at least did in my case) when, for an extended period, the wife shows limited or no interest in sex. First month after a baby - absolutely fine. Six months after the baby - not surprising. First year after the baby - frustrating, but o.k. Two years after the baby - umm. Three years?

When, exactly, should the guy pull the alarm bell? And how does he do it in a way that recognizes sex as an intrinsic part of marriage and a legitimate expectation on his part but doesn't come off as demanding?

How tired was your wife? If she worked and had a 3 year old she could be very tired. Maybe she was missing it too but without hot and cold running childcare and some time to herself she might not feel like it for a long time. It's not all about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, thats not true. Most men would prefer a blow job over waiting indefinitely for their wives to feel horny naturally. OP needs to fake it until she makes it.

DH here, about five months into this kind of drought, and for the record: I would not prefer a service job or duty sex.

I would prefer it if my wife said "gee, I would have fun playing, but my vajayjay is out of action, so let me play with you", but only if she was into it. Otherwise it's kind of insulting/patronizing. My wife is totally NOT into it, and given that, I'm happier taking care of myself rather than extracting chore/duty sex out of her.

YOU are awesome and mature.

And actually, when the duty/obligation/demanding attitude is taken out of sex, it's a lot easier to think about one's own pleasure and thus get turned on and into sex. THIS is the attitude more men need to have.

I think most men don't want sex that's given out of a sense of obligation or duty. They want their wife to enthusiastically crave sex with them. Which is one reason why so many men want their wives to initiate the sex -- so they can know that their wife actively wants sex with them.

The problem comes (or at least did in my case) when, for an extended period, the wife shows limited or no interest in sex. First month after a baby - absolutely fine. Six months after the baby - not surprising. First year after the baby - frustrating, but o.k. Two years after the baby - umm. Three years?

When, exactly, should the guy pull the alarm bell? And how does he do it in a way that recognizes sex as an intrinsic part of marriage and a legitimate expectation on his part but doesn't come off as demanding?

How tired was your wife? If she worked and had a 3 year old she could be very tired. Maybe she was missing it too but without hot and cold running childcare and some time to herself she might not feel like it for a long time. It's not all about you.

She was tired. But when she stopped being tired -- e.g. kids were in school full time and she was only working from home about 15 hours per week -- the sex didn't come back. So, all that time I was waiting because she said she was tired was wasted time. In other words, she *was* tired, I'm sure. (I was too). It's just that the tiredness wasn't, as it turns out, the reason for the sexlessness.

Which is why I get a little frustrated with the advice I see guys getting to "just be patient." It's a roll of the dice as to whether the sex will ever come back to the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, thats not true. Most men would prefer a blow job over waiting indefinitely for their wives to feel horny naturally. OP needs to fake it until she makes it.

DH here, about five months into this kind of drought, and for the record: I would not prefer a service job or duty sex.

I would prefer it if my wife said "gee, I would have fun playing, but my vajayjay is out of action, so let me play with you", but only if she was into it. Otherwise it's kind of insulting/patronizing. My wife is totally NOT into it, and given that, I'm happier taking care of myself rather than extracting chore/duty sex out of her.

YOU are awesome and mature.

And actually, when the duty/obligation/demanding attitude is taken out of sex, it's a lot easier to think about one's own pleasure and thus get turned on and into sex. THIS is the attitude more men need to have.

If you guys only knew how many pity/mercy/take one the team fucks/blow jobs we throw you, your heads would spin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, thats not true. Most men would prefer a blow job over waiting indefinitely for their wives to feel horny naturally. OP needs to fake it until she makes it.

Sure sometimes. But not every woman can convincingly give a good blowjob when they feel horrible about themselves, unsexy, and on top of that like a loser for not feeling sexy. A handful of bad blowjobs -- and the perception that she has to "fake it" or her marriage will fall apart -- are emphatically NOT the road back to a healthy sex life.

BS. Yes they can. Those who want to please their husbands can fake it. Those who can't are like men who pretend to not know how to wash dishes properly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, thats not true. Most men would prefer a blow job over waiting indefinitely for their wives to feel horny naturally. OP needs to fake it until she makes it.

DH here, about five months into this kind of drought, and for the record: I would not prefer a service job or duty sex.

I would prefer it if my wife said "gee, I would have fun playing, but my vajayjay is out of action, so let me play with you", but only if she was into it. Otherwise it's kind of insulting/patronizing. My wife is totally NOT into it, and given that, I'm happier taking care of myself rather than extracting chore/duty sex out of her.

YOU are awesome and mature.

And actually, when the duty/obligation/demanding attitude is taken out of sex, it's a lot easier to think about one's own pleasure and thus get turned on and into sex. THIS is the attitude more men need to have.

I think most men don't want sex that's given out of a sense of obligation or duty. They want their wife to enthusiastically crave sex with them. Which is one reason why so many men want their wives to initiate the sex -- so they can know that their wife actively wants sex with them.

The problem comes (or at least did in my case) when, for an extended period, the wife shows limited or no interest in sex. First month after a baby - absolutely fine. Six months after the baby - not surprising. First year after the baby - frustrating, but o.k. Two years after the baby - umm. Three years?

When, exactly, should the guy pull the alarm bell? And how does he do it in a way that recognizes sex as an intrinsic part of marriage and a legitimate expectation on his part but doesn't come off as demanding?

How tired was your wife? If she worked and had a 3 year old she could be very tired. Maybe she was missing it too but without hot and cold running childcare and some time to herself she might not feel like it for a long time. It's not all about you.

She was tired. But when she stopped being tired -- e.g. kids were in school full time and she was only working from home about 15 hours per week -- the sex didn't come back. So, all that time I was waiting because she said she was tired was wasted time. In other words, she *was* tired, I'm sure. (I was too). It's just that the tiredness wasn't, as it turns out, the reason for the sexlessness.

Which is why I get a little frustrated with the advice I see guys getting to "just be patient." It's a roll of the dice as to whether the sex will ever come back to the marriage.

Your wife got used to not having sex and stopped craving it. I've been there as a woman. BFing made it hard to view my body as sexual, particularly my breasts. I was NEVER in the mood naturally. Having sex is what got me into the mood (during the act). I probably would've gone over a year without sex otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, thats not true. Most men would prefer a blow job over waiting indefinitely for their wives to feel horny naturally. OP needs to fake it until she makes it.

DH here, about five months into this kind of drought, and for the record: I would not prefer a service job or duty sex.

I would prefer it if my wife said "gee, I would have fun playing, but my vajayjay is out of action, so let me play with you", but only if she was into it. Otherwise it's kind of insulting/patronizing. My wife is totally NOT into it, and given that, I'm happier taking care of myself rather than extracting chore/duty sex out of her.

YOU are awesome and mature.

And actually, when the duty/obligation/demanding attitude is taken out of sex, it's a lot easier to think about one's own pleasure and thus get turned on and into sex. THIS is the attitude more men need to have.

If you guys only knew how many pity/mercy/take one the team fucks/blow jobs we throw you, your heads would spin.

+1. I'm the PP who suggested this earlier. I've definitely thought "let me go fuck his brains out" so that he passes out before my TV show comes on and I can have some peace.LOL!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, thats not true. Most men would prefer a blow job over waiting indefinitely for their wives to feel horny naturally. OP needs to fake it until she makes it.

DH here, about five months into this kind of drought, and for the record: I would not prefer a service job or duty sex.

I would prefer it if my wife said "gee, I would have fun playing, but my vajayjay is out of action, so let me play with you", but only if she was into it. Otherwise it's kind of insulting/patronizing. My wife is totally NOT into it, and given that, I'm happier taking care of myself rather than extracting chore/duty sex out of her.

YOU are awesome and mature.

And actually, when the duty/obligation/demanding attitude is taken out of sex, it's a lot easier to think about one's own pleasure and thus get turned on and into sex. THIS is the attitude more men need to have.

If you guys only knew how many pity/mercy/take one the team fucks/blow jobs we throw you, your heads would spin.

+1. I'm the PP who suggested this earlier. I've definitely thought "let me go fuck his brains out" so that he passes out before my TV show comes on and I can have some peace.LOL!

And I'll bet that, on more than a few occasions, what started out as sex "for him" ended up being a good time for you too. A lot of times, plain old inertia gets in the way of sex, but once you get going, it's enjoyable.