Am I the only one who doesn't feel bored as a stay at home mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not bored! I am "retired" after hitting my retirement number at age 51, and we still have two teens at home. I did enjoy my career, and (most of the time) found it possible to combine work and parenting, but am happy to slow way down now. I have the security of knowing BTDT, so happy not to be driven to continue working.

+1 I'm with you. I'm approaching 50, and my kids are in upper ES and MS. We made changes to our lives so that we can live on one income and still enjoy our lives. Zero stress. We feel super fortunate. We are hoping to fully retire in 10 years.

I had a career making six figures. BTDT. Some people live to work; others simply work to live. Both my DH and I choose the latter.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I'm starting to believe that SAHM might be bored, they have spent a LOT of effort on this thread.

I guess you haven't bothered to look at the time stamps of the WOHMs? They've been here all day and all night. Funny how you missed that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I'm starting to believe that SAHM might be bored, they have spent a LOT of effort on this thread.

Hey at least it’s a thread that applies to me. Can you imagine all of these busy world saving working moms taking all this time to not work and not care for their kids- because they are taking time to insult others? Man.

THIS. The irony...!

[Anonymous]

Half the threads on DCUM have a post with someone saying they'd be so bored as a SAHM, they were so bored when they SAHM, they'd blow their brains out if they SAHM, etc etc.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I just don't feel comfortable knowing that my life is made entirely possible by someone else's largesse. I've always felt this way, even as a child when I realized some moms don't work outside the home. It's an uncomfortable feeling.

I've been married 30 years and have been at home all but about six of them. DH and I are both 50. I feel 100% comfortable knowing my life is made entirely possible by my DH's income. He would tell you that his life is made 100% possible by me managing our home. So it works out well in our family.

But if it gives you an uncomfortable feeling, you should definitely continue working.

Fantastic answer and 100% true. I worked for 11 years and have been fortunate enough to be home for 12. I just laugh at the simpletons who can't grasp that marriage is a team effort, not an exercise in bean counting. My husband is my biggest champion, and I am his - no matter which way our "division of duties" is divvied up.

MY marriage is not a team effort, it's an exercise in bean counting, which is why we both work full time. Not ideal, but yeah, it is, so neither of us would ever let the other SAH. In fact, we both make roughly the same amount (in 2016, I made 55% of the HHI).

That is pretty pathetic that you even admit yours is a marriage based on bean counting. And that neither of you would "ever let the other SAH." Wow. How awful, to compete not only at work, but also in your marriage. Sad for your kids, too.

At least I'm not in denial. Many SAHMs think they are equal partners, when really, their husbands pick the vacation destination or the next car, and let their wives worry about the details. What can a SAHM do if her husband decides to stay for a couple of days of vacation after a business trip?

Wow! A few things are crystal clear, just from reading your post.
1. Your marriage sounds incredibly tense and passive aggressive. Not to mention, sad and strange.
2. You're projecting your baggage onto people with much healthier marriages.

In my family, we ALL pick the vacation destination and then I get the fun of planning it, which I love.
When my husband goes on a business trip, he's the first to try and make it as short as possible because he'd rather just come home. Unless I go with him on said trip, however, which I do about once or twice a year. Then he definitely takes some extra vacation days that we can enjoy together. You should try it sometime!

The car and vacation examples are both drawn from two real life SAHM friends. In both cases, the women are not only SAH, they are 8 and 12 years younger than their husbands. In the car example, my friend wanted a family car when theirs broke down, her husband wanted something more business friendly. He said, "If we can't agree, I'll just buy the car I want without your agreement." Not all marriages with a WOHH and a SAHW are healthy.

This is just too funny. PP, you actually think your little test sample of one (1) marriage is applicable to all other marriages with a SAHM? Wow wow wow. I'm getting more and more concerned about you and severe lack of critical thinking.

+1 I am a sahm, and most of the vacation decisions are left to me, but I do ask for DH's input. He usually says "fine". I don't tell my DH what car to buy, and he doesn't tell me what car to buy for myself. We may make suggestions, and we both agree on a budget for both of us. For big purchases, we talk about it and try to come to an agreement. I'm pretty frugal; he's the spender.

I hope I'm not an anomaly.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I just don't feel comfortable knowing that my life is made entirely possible by someone else's largesse. I've always felt this way, even as a child when I realized some moms don't work outside the home. It's an uncomfortable feeling.

I've been married 30 years and have been at home all but about six of them. DH and I are both 50. I feel 100% comfortable knowing my life is made entirely possible by my DH's income. He would tell you that his life is made 100% possible by me managing our home. So it works out well in our family.

But if it gives you an uncomfortable feeling, you should definitely continue working.

Fantastic answer and 100% true. I worked for 11 years and have been fortunate enough to be home for 12. I just laugh at the simpletons who can't grasp that marriage is a team effort, not an exercise in bean counting. My husband is my biggest champion, and I am his - no matter which way our "division of duties" is divvied up.

MY marriage is not a team effort, it's an exercise in bean counting, which is why we both work full time. Not ideal, but yeah, it is, so neither of us would ever let the other SAH. In fact, we both make roughly the same amount (in 2016, I made 55% of the HHI).

DP... I'm sorry, but this doesn't sound like great marriage. I've been both a wohm, sahm, wfh, PT, etc... Marriage is a partnership.

Marriage is a partnership, ideally, but then again life is not ideal. The kind of man who respects his wife being at home was not the kind of man who would be attracted to me - I'm too competitive

I'm glad that works for you, but my DH respects me whether I choose to be sahm or wohm, and I've done both. Your marriage sounds more like a competition.

Yes, we are both competitive, and our marriage is much more egalitarian than most of our friends'.

Sure... "egalitarian." Exactly the word that came to mind when reading the description of your marriage.

There is no gender divide in our parenting. We both taught/are teaching the kids to drive. Whoever is cooking depends on the night of the week. We make all financial decisions truly jointly. I realize this wouldn't suit many of you posters, but it works for us and has for over 20 years.

"No gender divide"! Hysterical. In our house, we don't call it a "gender divide," we call it "personal preference." Which means that my daughter, who hates emptying the dishwasher, is on trash duty. My son enjoys cooking, so he cooks dinner twice a week. Like you, both my husband and I teach the kids to drive, but we simply base it on who's available. I wouldn't care less if my husband wanted to do it all the time, because frankly, I hate it. I get carsick if I'm not driving. Who cares who teaches the kids to drive??

As for our financial decisions, they're also made "truly jointly." Why would you assume otherwise? I pay all the bills and we both decide what investments to make. It's not rocket science. You're so wrapped up in gender roles - or, rather, making a big point to defy them - that you just look foolish and boring. Your marriage sounds horrible.

My father split everything completely by gender role, and didn't respect what my mother did at home. He bought cars, even a house, without consulting her. They did not make financial decisions jointly at all. You damn right we split everything down the middle. I'm glad none of you SAHMs saw your own SAH mothers disrespected by your fathers.

Interesting, but really just your personal issue. For 20 years, whether woh or sah, I have handled all the finances. My dh has no interest.

Also, men that are controlling are controlling regardless of whether a woman works. The solution is not to marry such men.

THIS. Seems like a no-brainer, but then, this is DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd love to be independently rich and not have to make a living. But I have enough integrity not to pretend it would be a great contribution to society!

I'm all for choices. As long as you own your choices. If you can and choose to be a leach, it's fine by me. I wish I was! Just stop telling me you're some sort of unsung hero, and we'll get along just fine

Yeah, no one here has even implied they're an "unsung hero." That's just what you hear when you think of SAHMs. And no, I doubt we'd get along "just fine."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Didn't read this whole (29 page!) thread, but these debates always strike me as totally ridiculous. It's as if SAH or WOH is an immutable trait. I SAH right now; I used to WOH; I intend to WOH when my kids are older, though I might WAH part-time if I can figure something out. Not many women SAH on the day their first child is born and stay that way for the rest of their lives. And not many women go back to work the day after their child is born, though certainly maternity leave is too short in this country. Many of us, in other words, have been BOTH.

In other words, I SAH and of course I respect women who work, and I think that you can work and be an amazing and involved mother! And when I go back to work and become a WOHM, I will remember that women who SAH are doing something important and valuable (and challenging, when the kids are little!).

I just don't think we are as different as these threads make it seem like we are.

This very true. I also SAH, but I used to WOH and plan to again one day. I have friends who are both SAHMs and WOHMs (and one SAHD), and all of us get along great. No one cares what choices the others make re: work status. And as you said, most of us have done some iteration of both and will again. Many people cycle into and out of the workforce as their family circumstances change.

It's only here on the ever extreme DCUM that the true wack jobs show up. The ones who are offended that no one is taking their directions as to how to live their lives. On this thread, it's clear that role falls to the ever-persistent, very odd, WOHM who just can't let it go. She has single-handedly ruined what was a fun thread.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I just don't feel comfortable knowing that my life is made entirely possible by someone else's largesse. I've always felt this way, even as a child when I realized some moms don't work outside the home. It's an uncomfortable feeling.

I've been married 30 years and have been at home all but about six of them. DH and I are both 50. I feel 100% comfortable knowing my life is made entirely possible by my DH's income. He would tell you that his life is made 100% possible by me managing our home. So it works out well in our family.

But if it gives you an uncomfortable feeling, you should definitely continue working.

Fantastic answer and 100% true. I worked for 11 years and have been fortunate enough to be home for 12. I just laugh at the simpletons who can't grasp that marriage is a team effort, not an exercise in bean counting. My husband is my biggest champion, and I am his - no matter which way our "division of duties" is divvied up.

MY marriage is not a team effort, it's an exercise in bean counting, which is why we both work full time. Not ideal, but yeah, it is, so neither of us would ever let the other SAH. In fact, we both make roughly the same amount (in 2016, I made 55% of the HHI).

That is pretty pathetic that you even admit yours is a marriage based on bean counting. And that neither of you would "ever let the other SAH." Wow. How awful, to compete not only at work, but also in your marriage. Sad for your kids, too.

At least I'm not in denial. Many SAHMs think they are equal partners, when really, their husbands pick the vacation destination or the next car, and let their wives worry about the details. What can a SAHM do if her husband decides to stay for a couple of days of vacation after a business trip?

Wow! A few things are crystal clear, just from reading your post.
1. Your marriage sounds incredibly tense and passive aggressive. Not to mention, sad and strange.
2. You're projecting your baggage onto people with much healthier marriages.

In my family, we ALL pick the vacation destination and then I get the fun of planning it, which I love.
When my husband goes on a business trip, he's the first to try and make it as short as possible because he'd rather just come home. Unless I go with him on said trip, however, which I do about once or twice a year. Then he definitely takes some extra vacation days that we can enjoy together. You should try it sometime!

The car and vacation examples are both drawn from two real life SAHM friends. In both cases, the women are not only SAH, they are 8 and 12 years younger than their husbands. In the car example, my friend wanted a family car when theirs broke down, her husband wanted something more business friendly. He said, "If we can't agree, I'll just buy the car I want without your agreement." Not all marriages with a WOHH and a SAHW are healthy.

This is just too funny. PP, you actually think your little test sample of one (1) marriage is applicable to all other marriages with a SAHM? Wow wow wow. I'm getting more and more concerned about you and severe lack of critical thinking.

+1 I am a sahm, and most of the vacation decisions are left to me, but I do ask for DH's input. He usually says "fine". I don't tell my DH what car to buy, and he doesn't tell me what car to buy for myself. We may make suggestions, and we both agree on a budget for both of us. For big purchases, we talk about it and try to come to an agreement. I'm pretty frugal; he's the spender.

I hope I'm not an anomaly.

An anomaly? You're the norm. It's only the one troll poster who wants to insist that marriages with a SAHM have some weird dynamic. Clearly, she's basing this off of her own parents and has a ton of baggage she needs to sort through (starting with her own marriage).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a white privilege issue. It's nice if you can afford to stay home OP and rally round the flag for you. But, it just isn't possible for most people in this area.To another poster, I do wonder why someone would go to all of the trouble to go to law school and then stay home.

Hmm. It couldn't *possibly* be that this person worked as an attorney prior to having kids, and plans to work again when her kids are older? Nah, that couldn't be it. That makes too much sense.

Yah, a career in law is just like teaching, you can pop in and out between having kids. Very family friendly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a white privilege issue. It's nice if you can afford to stay home OP and rally round the flag for you. But, it just isn't possible for most people in this area.To another poster, I do wonder why someone would go to all of the trouble to go to law school and then stay home.

Hmm. It couldn't *possibly* be that this person worked as an attorney prior to having kids, and plans to work again when her kids are older? Nah, that couldn't be it. That makes too much sense.

Yah, a career in law is just like teaching, you can pop in and out between having kids. Very family friendly.

Heck no am I going back to billing.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:When are women going to let this topic go? It's so played out.

Ask the OP. She really just wanted to chat with other SAHMs...really, just for support...

Love how the SAHMs stir the pot and then say "why are you on this thread..."

I imagine the OP was the very same WOHM troll who now keeps appearing to argue her point and tell us about her extremely insecure marriage and a lifetime of baggage. She started the thread just so she could unload in it.

But I do find it so interesting that not one WOHM has answered the question, why are you on this thread? What could possibly have made you click on it? Hmm, let's think...

WOHM here, I did answer this; my DH is trying to talk me into staying home and I was curious how the days go once kids are in school. The animosity between SAHM and WOHMs makes me wonder if I will be jeopardizing my friendships with moms from daycare by hanging out with our schools SAHM crew (they meetup every morning after drop off and go to coffee and then do some round robin exercise class like yoga one day and barre another -- in really excited about that built in socializing part of SAH). But why so much anger both ways; it isn't even like we cross paths that much? All the SAHM are setting down to home cooked dinner by the time I get to SACC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd love to be independently rich and not have to make a living. But I have enough integrity not to pretend it would be a great contribution to society!

I'm all for choices. As long as you own your choices. If you can and choose to be a leach, it's fine by me. I wish I was! Just stop telling me you're some sort of unsung hero, and we'll get along just fine

Yeah, no one here has even implied they're an "unsung hero." That's just what you hear when you think of SAHMs. And no, I doubt we'd get along "just fine."

Please the 'hardest job in the world' is trotted out by many a SAHM. Or the 'sacrifice' they are making for their family. It's a lifestyle of leisure and a choice they made, just own it and no harm no fowl. I would love to just hang with my kids and answer to no one all day.

[Anonymous]

*foul

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd love to be independently rich and not have to make a living. But I have enough integrity not to pretend it would be a great contribution to society!

I'm all for choices. As long as you own your choices. If you can and choose to be a leach, it's fine by me. I wish I was! Just stop telling me you're some sort of unsung hero, and we'll get along just fine

Yeah, no one here has even implied they're an "unsung hero." That's just what you hear when you think of SAHMs. And no, I doubt we'd get along "just fine."

Please the 'hardest job in the world' is trotted out by many a SAHM. Or the 'sacrifice' they are making for their family. It's a lifestyle of leisure and a choice they made, just own it and no harm no fowl. I would love to just hang with my kids and answer to no one all day.

Gobble gobble.