Reply to Am I the only one who doesn't feel bored as a stay at home mom?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I just don't feel comfortable knowing that my life is made entirely possible by someone else's largesse.  I've always felt this way, even as a child when I realized some moms don't work outside the home.  It's an uncomfortable feeling.  [/quote]

I've been married 30 years and have been at home all but about six of them.  DH and I are both 50. I feel 100% comfortable knowing my life is made entirely possible by my DH's income.  He would tell you that his life is made 100% possible by me managing our home.  So it works out well in our family.

But if it gives you an uncomfortable feeling, you should definitely continue working.[/quote]

Fantastic answer and 100% true.  I worked for 11 years and have been fortunate enough to be home for 12.  I just laugh at the simpletons who can't grasp that marriage is a team effort, not an exercise in bean counting.  My husband is my biggest champion, and I am his - no matter which way our "division of duties" is divvied up.  [/quote]

MY marriage is not a team effort, it's an exercise in bean counting, which is why we both work full time. Not ideal, but yeah, it is, so neither of us would ever let the other SAH. In fact, we both make roughly the same amount (in 2016, I made 55% of the HHI).[/quote]
DP... I'm sorry, but this doesn't sound like  great marriage. I've been both a wohm, sahm, wfh, PT, etc... Marriage is a partnership.[/quote]

Marriage is a partnership, ideally, but then again life is not ideal.  The kind of man who respects his wife being at home was not the kind of man who would be attracted to me - I'm too competitive :-)[/quote]
I'm glad that works for you, but my DH respects me whether I choose to be sahm or wohm, and I've done both.  Your marriage sounds more like a competition.[/quote]

Yes, we are both competitive, and our marriage is much more egalitarian than most of our friends'.[/quote]

Sure... "egalitarian."  Exactly the word that came to mind when reading the description of your marriage.   :shock: 
[/quote]

There is no gender divide in our parenting. We both taught/are teaching the kids to drive. Whoever is cooking depends on the night of the week. We make all financial decisions truly jointly.  I realize this wouldn't suit many of you posters, but it works for us and has for over 20 years.[/quote]

"No gender divide"!  Hysterical.  In our house, we don't call it a "gender divide," we call it "personal preference."  Which means that my daughter, who hates emptying the dishwasher, is on trash duty.  My son enjoys cooking, so he cooks dinner twice a week.  Like you, both my husband and I teach the kids to drive, but we simply base it on who's available.  I wouldn't care less if my husband wanted to do it all the time, because frankly, I hate it.  I get carsick if I'm not driving.  Who cares who teaches the kids to drive??

As for our financial decisions, they're also made "truly jointly."  Why would you assume otherwise?  I pay all the bills and we both decide what investments to make.  It's not rocket science.  You're so wrapped up in gender roles - or, rather, making a big point to defy them - that you just look foolish and boring.  Your marriage sounds horrible.  [/quote]

My father split everything completely by gender role, and didn't respect what my mother did at home. He bought cars, even a house, without consulting her. They did not make financial decisions jointly at all.  You damn right we split everything down the middle. I'm glad none of you SAHMs saw your own SAH mothers disrespected by your fathers.[/quote]

Interesting, but really just your personal issue.  For 20 years, whether woh or sah, I have handled all the finances.  My dh has no interest.

Also, men that are controlling  are  controlling regardless of whether a woman works.  The solution is not to marry such men.[/quote]

THIS.  Seems like a no-brainer, but then, this is DCUM.[/quote]

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