If DH is a law firm partner, must I be the default parent?

[Anonymous]

He says yes. I say no. I work full time and we have a two year old.

[Anonymous]

Yes, unless you want your child to be brought up by a nanny. If that is the case, get a good one. And a great preschool also.

[Anonymous]

Pretty much. One of you has to do it, and if he is a partner, he can't.

[Anonymous]

I say that it should be discussed and not mandated by him.

If he says yes just because, i.e. because he says so, then he is not a team player.

Has he considered what your career goals may be? Or did that not figure in his?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He says yes. I say no. I work full time and we have a two year old.

What does being the default parent mean to you?

What does being the default parent mean to him?

[Anonymous]

Yes. Unless you can convince him to become of counsel.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Sorry. This is why I quit my biglaw job. I couldn't do it and be the default parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, unless you want your child to be brought up by a nanny. If that is the case, get a good one. And a great preschool also.

This is exactly right. As a law firm partner, his clients come first so by definition he cannot commit to any family obligations.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on your job, too, and how flexible it is, but I would probably say yes. My husband is not a law firm partner, but I have plenty of friends whose husband's are, and they are all the default parent no matter if they work or not. Their jobs are generally much more flexible and don't involve travel (govt lawyers, etc).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pretty much. One of you has to do it, and if he is a partner, he can't.

Yes, this is true, if you assume that the husband's career always takes priority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, unless you want your child to be brought up by a nanny. If that is the case, get a good one. And a great preschool also.

This is exactly right. As a law firm partner, his clients come first so by definition he cannot commit to any family obligations.

So there are two solutions for his problem of child care for his child.

1. He can compromise.
2. He can tell OP that she has to compromise.

There are a lot of unexamined assumptions here.

[Anonymous]

I don't know. There is a mom in my son's class who is a law firm partner and she is the only one I have ever seen at drop off or pick up or at any type of school function. It's like the dad doesn't exist. So seems like she's the default parent.

What a shock - it probably depends whether law firm partner is the husband or the wife.

[Anonymous]

I'm assuming you want the big fat check that he will bring home? that comes with some sacrifices and you have to support your family in the way you can to allow him to earn it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know. There is a mom in my son's class who is a law firm partner and she is the only one I have ever seen at drop off or pick up or at any type of school function. It's like the dad doesn't exist. So seems like she's the default parent.

What a shock - it probably depends whether law firm partner is the husband or the wife.

She picks her child up every day from school? This doesn't seem possible to me. Drop off I could see since many lawyers go in late, but pick up??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know. There is a mom in my son's class who is a law firm partner and she is the only one I have ever seen at drop off or pick up or at any type of school function. It's like the dad doesn't exist. So seems like she's the default parent.

What a shock - it probably depends whether law firm partner is the husband or the wife.

She picks her child up every day from school? This doesn't seem possible to me. Drop off I could see since many lawyers go in late, but pick up??

No, she doesn't pick up every day. I don't either. I work. But anytime I've been at pick up because of a special occasion (class party, holiday, etc), she is the one there.