Are these red flags?

[Anonymous]

I've recently bad dating a man ( 5 months) and things keep popping up that are a little weird. I have a tendency to over analyze and so I need outside opinions.

1. He took me on a weekend vacation 3 weeks after dating. Friends and family were there, too. It was very fast and odd but it was a family thing and he needed a date.

2. He can be overbearing with texts and calls. If I stop texting he will ask " Everything ok?" but then reach out with a compliment 30 minutes later. Sometimes I feel he doesn't respect my space.

3. We were immediately exclusive, his choice. It was literally after the 2nd date and he was pushing for that.

4. He constantly showers me with affection. He uses statements likes " You're my perfect match". " I never move this fast but I feel so comfortable. I can tell you anything and you never judge.". Constantly telling me I'm pretty and sort of soliciting compliments about my feelings for him.

5. He has this tendency to think he's the best and talks badly about people who are overweight ( he was a chubby kid) and bad about exes. He said he broke up with all his previous girlfriends and " dodged a bullet".

6. His friends he has since childhood are all players and cheaters. There is only one that is a " good guy" but he just met him 3 years ago.

7. He has asked me questions about big decisions. Two weeks after dating he was trying to include me in choosing a job offer. That's nice and all but should wait until we are dating for 6+ months. He's done the same with buying a condo.

8. He already talks about the future with kids and marriage. I'm only 24 and he is 31. He's never been married or have kids but wants both very soon.

After reading all these posts from women who are dating men with these signs, I'm worried. I'm not sure if its my mind playing tricks and he is rushing because he likes me a lot or if I should be worried. What do you all think?

[Anonymous]

He can be a little controlling when he wants something his way. He already used the " my way or the highway" in a joking manner.

[Anonymous]

I think they are red flags. Overbearing and controlling are two of the characteristics I most hate about any person. If I were you , I wouldn't rush the relationship and try to really get to know him. You have only being dating for 5 months and he's already acting like he owns you. I would run, but it's on you.

How much do you like him? What are his best qualities? Do your family and friends like him?

[Anonymous]

Red flags. He is a bullet to be dodged.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, when they pull you in that fast, I tend to think they are really insecure and are trying to wrap you up in their lives so it's much harder to leave.

If he really thinks "he's the best," then you might be dealing with someone with narcissistic qualities, maybe even a full blown narcissist. That would dovetail with my first paragraph, too. If that's the case, run for the hills.

[Anonymous]

I do like him a lot but also have been slowing down because of these signs. He has great qualities. Wonderful sense of humor, great job, wants the same future as me, is very loving and caring, supportive, etc. Majority of my friends like him. My brother is the one who noticed the " red flags" and told me I should break up with him.

I can't say he feels like he " owns" me. He did push to exclusivity and said " I don't like competition". I can tell he is insecure but everyone has insecurities. The pushing to exclusivity fast does worry me and he doesn't like me talking to other men.

[Anonymous]

Oh man. I see major red flags. When someone is that desperate to pull a woman in, you have to wonder what the deal is. Honestly, he seems like a "nice guy" to me, as in "nice guys of ok cupid", who often harbor a lot of misogyny and want to lock a woman down because they're insecure about their ability to compete with other men. That can really spiral out of control, where they might try to isolate you later on. If it were me, I would run screaming.

[Anonymous]

I'm a pull in fast type person in terms of being completely open and honest. I would totally talk to someone on the second date about a job offer. But that's just me. To me these are not red flags. The only one I didn't like was when you mentioned he puts other people down, that's not nice

[Anonymous]

Man here - I think you need to re-assess the situation.

1) Not an issue - I have a tough time dating during the week so with a couple of women in the past that I hit it off extremely well with within the first date, it progressed as:

date one - 3/4 hours easily, date 2 the next weekend was almost the whole day of hanging out/doing activities, date 3 was a weekend trip to new York.

I don't think there is anything weird about it if the attraction is high - though I guess the fam being there is a bit quick.

2, 3, 5, 6, 7 are red flags.

8 isn't and issue - I'm around your guy's age, and if I'm very comfortable with a woman, I will discuss my future goals and what i'm looking for. The difference is, I wouldn't date someone as young as you and it's been my experience that women 29-32 don't have a problem with you being upfront pretty quickly in terms of what you want. I can see where the typical 24 year old girl would be very turned off by that.

[Anonymous]

Remember OP, you are only 24 and he's 31. So his timeline is going to be different from yours just due to age. Some of these red flags seem age-related, and therefore, not red flags at all. He's probably sown his wild oats and is ready to settle down. When someone decides they are ready to settle down, they like to see if a relationship would work without distractions (exclusivity), they are no longer afraid of how family events look and timing of such, they HAVE dated more and kissed a lot of frogs, knows himself better, etc. You can tread carefully, but a lot of what you are seeing is an age difference.

[Anonymous]

OP you need to do some reading about manipulation and emotional abuse....sounds like my ex who turned out had NPD.

[Anonymous]

It's very telling to me that there is a Freudian Slip in the first line of your post. You said 'Bad dating.' I think you spoke your true feelings there. Listen to them.

[Anonymous]

These are not red flags.
These are RED FLAMES! RUN WOMAN, RUN!!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Some of these sound like my DH, but amplified. I'm the OP of the other red flags thread. I would watch his tendencies to be overbearing.

[Anonymous]

RED BURNING FLAGS! Any one of these might not be a deal breaker, but together, it tells me someone who has problems.