Are these red flags?

[Anonymous]

As I read your post, I immediately thought of Narcissism. He sounds like he lacks boundaries and does not really respect you as a person.

Some guys move quickly when they meet "the one". I would be willing to bet that moving this quickly is the norm for him. He sounds like he falls quickly in love and then out of love pretty fast, too.

[Anonymous]

none of this is concerning. marry him.

[Anonymous]

Red Flags AND the biggest one is the fact that your intuition feels bad enough to be posting here.

Same age gap, same red flags that was my physically abusive ex. Please cut loose OP.

[Anonymous]

Definitely red flags, and when seen all together they clearly point to a controlling guy. Everyone has some insecurities, but not like this- you can definitely do better OP. You don't need to sign up for dysfunction. I hope you leave and find that out for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Respect your intuition here. It's telling you there's something off here, and that alone is good enough reason to end it.

If you want more concrete reinforcement, the things you posted are classic red flags that he is controlling/abusive. Red flags aren't a guarantee that he'll turn out that way, but definitely something to pay attention to and be cautious about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do like him a lot but also have been slowing down because of these signs. He has great qualities. Wonderful sense of humor, great job, wants the same future as me, is very loving and caring, supportive, etc. Majority of my friends like him. My brother is the one who noticed the " red flags" and told me I should break up with him.

I can't say he feels like he " owns" me. He did push to exclusivity and said " I don't like competition". I can tell he is insecure but everyone has insecurities. The pushing to exclusivity fast does worry me and he doesn't like me talking to other men.

Somebody wrote a similar post last month or so, same types of behavior, said her brother said he was bad news. I wish I could find it. Lots of good advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a pull in fast type person in terms of being completely open and honest. I would totally talk to someone on the second date about a job offer. But that's just me. To me these are not red flags. The only one I didn't like was when you mentioned he puts other people down, that's not nice

I'm not a fast commitment person but I've seen it work for other people. The put downs about overweight people and the ex's is a big red flag. His struggles with weight shouldn't translate into picking on someone else. Also, if everyone you dated was "crazy" at some point you need to point the finger at yourself and own your part in the dynamic. If he makes those comments to you, I would challenge him on it.

With the constant texting, let him know your limit i.e "one in the morning, lunchtime, leaving for the day at most and I may get busy and will respond in the evening. If that doesn't work, then you need a different girl that can respond 24-7 texting" and stick to it. No one can be controlling unless you allow yourself to be controlled. When I started dating my now DH might take a day to respond to email (this was before texting) and I explained to him my concern about it being the infamous fade out if I felt like It was calling him most of the time or he didn't respond to email. He reassured me of his feelings and I accepted it taking awhile to respond to email but I put the ball in his court and was upfront about him taking the lead with calling.

The lack of compromise is the other big red flag. I would point this out to him if he did this to me. Now what will be telling is when you stand up to him on the constant texting, the put down with the ex's and overweight people, and when he isn't compromising how does he handle it? If he seems to get better, I still wouldn't consider marriage, if you are on that track, without serious pre-marital counseling.

[Anonymous]

I see where some have said its not red flags and he's moving fast given his age. Even though I am 24 I am ready to settle down. Moving fast and sharing future goals are one thing. A month in an he was asking me what mind of rings I like ( engagement) and how he has " dreams of our baby we will have". Maybe it is normal but I've dated a man his age before this and he moved semi-fast but didnt act like this.

I have a good male friend I grew up with. My mom and his mom are best friends. When he came into town I planned on meeting up for a drink with him. He said it would be cheating and my friend wants to fuck me. That was a month in.

I feel some of his controlling ways are possessive and not normal.

[Anonymous]

It's called attachment disorder. People can change, but only if they see that is is a problem and are very willing to work on it. Magic 8 ball says Things Do Not Look Good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see where some have said its not red flags and he's moving fast given his age. Even though I am 24 I am ready to settle down. Moving fast and sharing future goals are one thing. A month in an he was asking me what mind of rings I like ( engagement) and how he has " dreams of our baby we will have". Maybe it is normal but I've dated a man his age before this and he moved semi-fast but didnt act like this.

I have a good male friend I grew up with. My mom and his mom are best friends. When he came into town I planned on meeting up for a drink with him. He said it would be cheating and my friend wants to fuck me. That was a month in.

I feel some of his controlling ways are possessive and not normal.

You are correct. Go with your gut and get out- you don't need a better reason than that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see where some have said its not red flags and he's moving fast given his age. Even though I am 24 I am ready to settle down. Moving fast and sharing future goals are one thing. A month in an he was asking me what mind of rings I like ( engagement) and how he has " dreams of our baby we will have". Maybe it is normal but I've dated a man his age before this and he moved semi-fast but didnt act like this.

I have a good male friend I grew up with. My mom and his mom are best friends. When he came into town I planned on meeting up for a drink with him. He said it would be cheating and my friend wants to fuck me. That was a month in.

I feel some of his controlling ways are possessive and not normal.

Even if the male friend wanted to sleep with you....all the matters is what "you" want. And your boyfriend seems to either not care what you want, or not trust you. Bad news either way.

[Anonymous]

Run. Run away.

[Anonymous]

Animals do courtship dances--the partners have to get the dance right--for each potential partner, it's shorthand for that the prospective mate would be a good choice.

Humans have that courtship dance, too. It may vary by culture, but it's important that the prospective mate get whatever dance they are dancing, right. Getting it wrong is the signal that something is not right with the prospective mate.

And you can see, it is working. Something's "not quite right" with this guy and you have picked it up, on some primal level.

[Anonymous]

Man here - I think you need to re-assess the situation.

1) Not an issue - I have a tough time dating during the week so with a couple of women in the past that I hit it off extremely well with within the first date, it progressed as:

date one - 3/4 hours easily, date 2 the next weekend was almost the whole day of hanging out/doing activities, date 3 was a weekend trip to new York.

I don't think there is anything weird about it if the attraction is high - though I guess the fam being there is a bit quick.

2, 3, 5, 6, 7 are red flags.

8 isn't and issue - I'm around your guy's age, and if I'm very comfortable with a woman, I will discuss my future goals and what i'm looking for. The difference is, I wouldn't date someone as young as you and it's been my experience that women 29-32 don't have a problem with you being upfront pretty quickly in terms of what you want. I can see where the typical 24 year old girl would be very turned off by that.

+1 on this excellent post.

NP and woman here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Red flags. He is a bullet to be dodged.

Yup. Run, Forest, run!