Contacting spouse during the work day

[Anonymous]

DH and I work full time; 7 month old son goes to daycare.

Is it overly demanding of me to want him to check his phone throughout the day? I only text/call if something comes up, which might be once or twice a week, but when I do, he's MIA. He has a boring office job, so it's not like he's performing brain surgery.

Ex 1 - I was supposed to pick up DS from daycare after work. The plan was for him to text me after morning drop off to let me know where the car is parked (at home or near daycare). No text at noon, so I text. No response. I call and leave a voicemail. No response. Several calls, texts, and hours later, I go on a wild goose chase for the car and I'm late picking up the baby.

Ex 2 - I forgot to bring food to daycare and get a call from the provider. Call DH to see if he can drop by, since it's a 5 minute drive from his work. Again, no answer, so leave a voicemail. Leave a text. An hour later, no reply, so I leave work and metro 30 minutes to daycare to bring food. He replies 4 hours later.

I completely understand that we get wrapped up with work, but I would like to trust that he'd be available in an emergency. For me it's a major issue. He has a kid now and needs to stop the BS. His argument is that somehow people survived without cell phones 20 years ago.

[Anonymous]

You need to move daycare near your work.

[Anonymous]

Have you said to him - "We're in this together, we each need to have a plan A, B & C to contact each other to deal with these situations. What's your A, B, & C?"

That puts both the shared-responsibility and the solution in his court. I sounds like he thinks you're trying to control too much.

If that doesn't work, then you may have to have a broader "we're in this together and need to figure out how to do this parenting thing better" conversation. It's one thing he's just not used to doing it (perhaps he got used to you doing too much during maternity leave), another if he can't be a team player.

[Anonymous]

"You need to move daycare near your work."

Hell no, that's completely enabling the DH. I sounds like he has the flexibility to get away from his job and deal with these things - he either needs to learn how or learn that it's his job too.

[Anonymous]

If you only have these issues rarely, I'd be mad at him too. Can you call his office phone?

[Anonymous]

I would be pissed off. Thirty years ago my parents didn't have cell phones but managed to call each other at their work phone. Perhaps he wants you to call the office secretary and she can leave a memo on his desk?

[Anonymous]

You need to simplify your lives. He doesn't need to check his phone several times a day.

[Anonymous]

That's so weird. The only time my husband doesn't answer or reply quicky is if he's in a meeting - and even then he will send a quicky "busy" or "meeting"

[Anonymous]

Just call his work number if it's that type of an emergency.

I don't like to deal with my cell at work. I usually turn it off, as I'd rather focus on getting work done. Who wants to hear email notifications, text beeps and talk on the cell all day. If it's an emergency, call my work number. Otherwise, I'll get your voicemail or text when I get it.

[Anonymous]

I don't care about checking in for the sake of checking in, but I would be pretty annoyed by the examples you give. And DH always communicates via his cell phone, so it's not like it is something more understandable like pp.

I'm harder to reach due to my job and it may be a couple of hours before I check my phone. DH knows if it's a true emergency, he should call the floor. Otherwise he knows I trust his decisions and doesn't contact me to ask really anything. For instance, last week DS got stung by a bee at daycare. DH texted me that it happened and what he told daycare teacher to do (it wasn't DS' first time) and then texted me an hour later that hed checked in on him and he was fine. I got both those texts together since it was one of those days where I rarely checked my phone.

[Anonymous]

OP you have reasonable expectations. DH should be available. Unless he is a secret agent living an Arnold Schwarzenegger True Lies type of double life . And even his wife could reach him to see when he would be home for dinner. Granted, that was a movie...but you get the point.

[Anonymous]

17:24 here. Modifying my original post to say he should be responsive in a reasonable amount of time, even if not always available. He can check his phone like one might check email throughout the day.

[Anonymous]

I agree with calling the office phone. I don't check my cell phone during the work day, but my husband knows to call me on my office phone or send an email to my work account because I check those all day long.

[Anonymous]

I email DH' s work account when something important comes up and he does not pick up his cell.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure he is working...?