Contacting spouse during the work day

[Anonymous]

OP is clearly one of those broads who contacts DH all the time for trivial reasons during the work day, leading him to ignore and tune out his phone.

Maybe if DW got her shit together and only contacted him when really necessary, he would be more receptive and responsive to her calls. But this isn't about practicality, this is just a typical power grab by DW: "WHEN I SAY JUMP, I WANT YOU TO SAY 'HOW HIGH?'"

[Anonymous]

I remember when I was interning in college, at a newspaper, 10 years ago. When I first started, my boss' wife would call for him. He'd say "tell her I'm in a meeting." I would wonder why doesn't he want to talk to his wife?

Because I quickly found out she called three or four times PER DAY. Ladies, don't be that woman.

[Anonymous]

This is a source of stress with DW and me....I work in a site where cell phones are prohibited. I work at two desks, and I do not know which cubicle I will be in from one minute to the next; things happen. My wife has a problem when she can not reach me, but I at times I can not be reached.

And one time, I was actually briefing the POTUS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember when I was interning in college, at a newspaper, 10 years ago. When I first started, my boss' wife would call for him. He'd say "tell her I'm in a meeting." I would wonder why doesn't he want to talk to his wife?

Because I quickly found out she called three or four times PER DAY. Ladies, don't be that woman.

Great story pp, but it has nothing at all to do with OP's situation. Nor does Mr Important briefing-the-POTUS's story. If OP's DH worked in a SCIF she would have said so. He's just the type to ignore his phone, and more importantly, ignore the entirely reasonable expectation that with a kid in daycare he be available if needed. For one of her examples, the PLAN WAS that he would text with a VITAL PIECE OF INFORMATION at SOME POINT during the workday...and he didn't.

OP, if daycare is 5 minutes from his work but a 30 min metro from yours, why are they calling you with requests like the food one? Why are you doing drop-off?

"And baby makes three," a book about post-kid marital relationships, has a great section on how successful couples increase their communication around kid logistics to avoid this sort of situation. This is a great demonstration of why it's valuable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a source of stress with DW and me....I work in a site where cell phones are prohibited. I work at two desks, and I do not know which cubicle I will be in from one minute to the next; things happen. My wife has a problem when she can not reach me, but I at times I can not be reached.

And one time, I was actually briefing the POTUS.

Honey is that you? Seriously, DH and I had to work something out for two basic scenarios 1) when I was pregnant it was unacceptable that I wouldn't have a way for him to be reached. He either needed a pager, or I needed the number of two people that could find him/page him at work to let him know 2) it isnt fair for me to get all the leave work/need to pick up sick child within an hour phone calls - in one case it happened right when he should have been leaving work versus me having to leave before a meeting I was running about 2 hours before the end of my day.

I'm still the first line of defense with most of the daycare/school calls because I can have a cell phone with me at work and he cannot. He also has one of the old school phones that doesn't show a message unless you pick up the phone so voicemail tends to be worthless. If I can't reach him and have to leave early for sick kid(s), early snow closure etc, he has to pick up the slack the next day so I can makeup the time. He also tries to let me know if he will be offsite/unreachable for the day so I'm not wasting my time trying to reach him.

So in the two examples from OP, he would have had to drop off and pickup the next day for not letting me know where the car was and realized that we had to pay a late fee, made someone at the daycare work overtime, and could get out kid kicked out for not being there on time if that happens too frequently. for the one with the food, that was your responsibility that you forgot and while it would have been nice since he was five minute away to help out that's one of those things you try to reach him once and if you can't you suck it up and head back.

[Anonymous]

I'm not allowed to call DH at work. He works in a lab without cell phones or phones... Occasionally he'll be at his desk long enough for me to get a call to him but usually not. It used to frustrate me but not anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

[/b]OP, if daycare is 5 minutes from his work but a 30 min metro from yours, why are they calling you with requests like the food one? Why are you doing drop-off?[b]

"And baby makes three," a book about post-kid marital relationships, has a great section on how successful couples increase their communication around kid logistics to avoid this sort of situation. This is a great demonstration of why it's valuable.

If he isn't goint to be reachable by phone during the day, then he should have drop of and pickup and you agree to handle anything that comes up during the day I.e. Sick child, snow closure and maybe a home duty like bedtime.

[Anonymous]

I also have a DH who is not allowed to have a cell phone at the office for security reasons. As a result, I rely on his work line. If he isn't there, I don't have much recourse as he doesn't have voicemail. I just call back later. He is on alert if I know I'm unavailable, like out of town, in case the school or nanny needs him. But otherwise we make do. I was freaked out about it when he first started but now it's just our normal.

[Anonymous]

Isn't there a main office number with a receptionist? Does he have an assistant? When I can't reach my husband via office land line or cell, I call the switchboard and ask for his secretary to find him and give him a hand written message like people used to years ago. And if it is a real 911 emergency, I have them find him while I wait on hold. Why are you playing cell phone tag?