Contacting spouse during the work day

[Anonymous]

That's incredibly annoying, inconsiderate, and irresponsible. What if you were trying to contact him because your child was hurt?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I work full time; 7 month old son goes to daycare.

Is it overly demanding of me to want him to check his phone throughout the day? I only text/call if something comes up, which might be once or twice a week, but when I do, he's MIA. He has a boring office job, so it's not like he's performing brain surgery.

Ex 1 - I was supposed to pick up DS from daycare after work. The plan was for him to text me after morning drop off to let me know where the car is parked (at home or near daycare). No text at noon, so I text. No response. I call and leave a voicemail. No response. Several calls, texts, and hours later, I go on a wild goose chase for the car and I'm late picking up the baby.

Ex 2 - I forgot to bring food to daycare and get a call from the provider. Call DH to see if he can drop by, since it's a 5 minute drive from his work. Again, no answer, so leave a voicemail. Leave a text. An hour later, no reply, so I leave work and metro 30 minutes to daycare to bring food. He replies 4 hours later.

I completely understand that we get wrapped up with work, but I would like to trust that he'd be available in an emergency. For me it's a major issue. He has a kid now and needs to stop the BS. His argument is that somehow people survived without cell phones 20 years ago.

That argument has really flawed logic behind it by the way OP.

Sure, people did in fact survive life w/out cell phones, but we are not living in the that time era anymore + since we have the luxury of mobile phones, why not utilize them to the extent that they are meant to be utilized? People also didn't have the luxury of e-mail back two decades ago either....So does that mean that we should revert back to snail mail just because....??? I don't see the logic in any of this.

Anyway, regarding your issue w/him, I think he is being very inconsiderate and just plain lazy. You are absolutely right on OP.

He is a parent now and needs to be more responsible now.

It's no longer only about him anymore....There is a young child involved now who is at stake + I would be so livid if I couldn't get in touch w/him during the workweek for these issues.

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend IS a brain surgeon and still seems to be able text me back with my responsiveness than your husband.

[Anonymous]

Why are you hung up on texting when it's clear that it's not his thing? If you need to communicate, figure out which one he responds to most and do that. I get it, you like to text, but many people don't, and unless your phone is right there with the audio alert on, they are easy to miss. Some people are professional and leave their personal phones parked and don't bring them in to meetings or stare at them all the time. So send the e-mail first, if that's what he reads. Call the desk phone, if he answers that.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't call him a dope to his face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's incredibly annoying, inconsiderate, and irresponsible. What if you were trying to contact him because your child was hurt?

I would think the texts should indicate that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I work full time; 7 month old son goes to daycare.

Is it overly demanding of me to want him to check his phone throughout the day? I only text/call if something comes up, which might be once or twice a week, but when I do, he's MIA. He has a boring office job, so it's not like he's performing brain surgery.

Ex 1 - I was supposed to pick up DS from daycare after work. The plan was for him to text me after morning drop off to let me know where the car is parked (at home or near daycare). No text at noon, so I text. No response. I call and leave a voicemail. No response. Several calls, texts, and hours later, I go on a wild goose chase for the car and I'm late picking up the baby.

Ex 2 - I forgot to bring food to daycare and get a call from the provider. Call DH to see if he can drop by, since it's a 5 minute drive from his work. Again, no answer, so leave a voicemail. Leave a text. An hour later, no reply, so I leave work and metro 30 minutes to daycare to bring food. He replies 4 hours later.

I completely understand that we get wrapped up with work, but I would like to trust that he'd be available in an emergency. For me it's a major issue. He has a kid now and needs to stop the BS. His argument is that somehow people survived without cell phones 20 years ago.

That argument has really flawed logic behind it by the way OP.

Sure, people did in fact survive life w/out cell phones, but we are not living in the that time era anymore + since we have the luxury of mobile phones, why not utilize them to the extent that they are meant to be utilized? People also didn't have the luxury of e-mail back two decades ago either....So does that mean that we should revert back to snail mail just because....??? I don't see the logic in any of this.

Anyway, regarding your issue w/him, I think he is being very inconsiderate and just plain lazy. You are absolutely right on OP.

He is a parent now and needs to be more responsible now.

It's no longer only about him anymore....There is a young child involved now who is at stake + I would be so livid if I couldn't get in touch w/him during the workweek for these issues.

That logic is NOT flawed. The point is tgat she can reach him in the event of an emergency whether his cell is on or not.

I don't see why she won't respect the fact that he is at WORK and find another way to reach him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just call his work number if it's that type of an emergency.

I don't like to deal with my cell at work. I usually turn it off, as I'd rather focus on getting work done. Who wants to hear email notifications, text beeps and talk on the cell all day. If it's an emergency, call my work number. Otherwise, I'll get your voicemail or text when I get it.

Do you have kids in school?

When I did, believe me, DC's school called on my work line. Call came straight through. No worries about me getting the voice mail too late, etc.

It was usually the school calling to say DC was sick and needed to be picked up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to simplify your lives. He doesn't need to check his phone several times a day.

He should be, though. A quick glance at your phone (and let's all be honest, most of us are more-than-glancing at the phone several times a day) takes ONE SECOND. And OP said it's an office job where presumably he's not driving heavy machinery or doing brain surgery or something. Esp once you have kids, your radar should be in semi-up position even at work - as PPs said, what if DC is sick, etc?
I text DH, or he texts me, while we're at work maybe 1x/day... sometimes with a "Hey don't forget..." or "OMG I'm going to be late can you do pickup?" If either of us actually CALLS the other... there's probably a doctor visit somewhere in the next few hours!

The exceptions, imo, would be people who cannot look at their phones for safety reasons (see: heavy machinery, surgery) or security (ie, work in a secure environment where personal phones aren't allowed. At which point you could still be reached via landline).

[Anonymous]

Maybe he really doesn't have a "boring office job" but instead is an undercover spy who is doing covert operations where he can't be reached by phone.

[Anonymous]

I mean, I'm sure you've already thought of this - but is there another way to reach him, maybe? Like by email?

We have terrible cell reception in my office - and I usually have my phone tucked away in my bag anyway where I won't see it. Someone wanting to reach me would get me by email or gchat.

Anyway, sounds super annoying. I'd be fantasizing about leaving, too, frankly.

[Anonymous]

OP, what you are describing is not normal in this day and age for someone who is not working at a secure location or in a basement with no mobile access. My husband is busy all the time at work and he does not have any difficulty a) responding to communications from me (even if it's just to say "I'm in meetings, I'll get in touch when I'm free") and b) reaching out proactively about things that we need to talk about (the car thing would be an example of something that my husband would not fail to do).

If he really can't check in during the day, you guys need a system for emergencies. Can you call his office or email his work email (with the understanding that you will not do those things unless it's actually an emergency)?

[Anonymous]

OP, does he help you out at home in general? Because he sounds disengaged.

I expect DH to return all my calls. Because I don't call him unless I have a good reason. And he does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with calling the office phone. I don't check my cell phone during the work day, but my husband knows to call me on my office phone or send an email to my work account because I check those all day long.

This. Cell phone reception in his building is unreliable, so my husband and I call each other's work phone during the day. And I don't check my cell phone during the day. If I need to send an email that needs immediate attention, I send it to his work email.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to simplify your lives. He doesn't need to check his phone several times a day.

Are you kidding? The world didn't exist before the creation of the modern cellphone! How would you expect them to get by??