Confessions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like having sex with my husband. He's too big, and it usually hurts. Then I get a UTI.

uti has nothing to do with size.

Bullshit. Don't type if you don't know what you're talking about. Idiot.

wife to a big man here. Actually size can have something to do with getting UTIs, I would recommend you empty your bladder right before and right after having sex that helps prevent it. Also you might want to get some lube, because the friction between his penis and your labia is likely what causes bacteria to be moved up in your urinary tract.

I used to get UTIs when we had sex a ton. Haven't had one in years now though.

the uti infection is not related to the size. the problem is hygiene and the frequency/intensity of the friction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I believe my elementary-aged son is gay. My confession is, I am disappointed about this because as of 2009, I am SURE life is more difficult for gay people.

I think this will change, it is already changing, but probably not soon enough to spare my son a lot of heartache.

I found the hard part to be the internal conflict from ages 12-17. Life has been surprisingly easy since then, except maybe the relationship with my mother. She keeps telling me she wishes I would go straight. I'm in my mid 30s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
PP you quoted here. So it's only a difficult decision for those who make decent money to be a SAHM?

You clearly don't have it right. The reason I am not making this salary is the fact that I left my career at a crucial point. It was a big sacrifice and in these times right now it is definitely hurting me. I will have to pursue a completely new path now.

You stayed at home for 3 years so I don't think you and the OP are in the same boat.

And obviously OP hasn't walked in my shoes either so we probably just don't get each other.

I do see what the other poster says though, it would be nice if we could comfortably affort things that are of better quality. We too are not struggling severely, but if I had stayed in my job, we would certainly be able to afford more things.

The part I just don't get is the guilt.

I think you know what I mean.

New poster to this conversation - I took it to mean she could afford to stay at home technically, but her working provides them with several extra thousand dollars a year and it's nice to have that.

If you enjoy your work and you have decent hours which it sounds like you do, you should stop the guilt. Easier said than done I know.

My confession is I hate when folks on this board say moms should sacrifice income for their kids. A lot of people in this area could technically survive on one salary (a lot couldn't) but there is nothing wrong with wanting to own a home and have a yard and be close enough in where the one spouse that works is not commuting for hours a day. Nothing wrong with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like having sex with my husband. He's too big, and it usually hurts. Then I get a UTI.

uti has nothing to do with size.

Bullshit. Don't type if you don't know what you're talking about. Idiot.

It's from lack of lube or from dirt or bacteria getting into your urinary tract system...typically forced into your peehol from lack of lube during sex. Get some KY and be happpy your man is big bitch.

[Anonymous]

If you dread inane playground chitchat just be black like me. All the other moms assume you're a nanny and don't talk to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you dread inane playground chitchat just be black like me. All the other moms assume you're a nanny and don't talk to you.

that also works if you are young and your kids are mixed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you dread inane playground chitchat just be black like me. All the other moms assume you're a nanny and don't talk to you.

that also works if you are young and your kids are mixed

Or you could wear a hospital mask. I bet that would turn people off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you dread inane playground chitchat just be black like me. All the other moms assume you're a nanny and don't talk to you.

This is the best post of all time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I want to be a SAHM and I feel like I am wasting away my baby's childhood by going to work each day. I grew up in poverty though and can't fathom walking away from my 6 figure salary, or denying my child our current lifestyle- it isn't opulent by any stretch, but we are very comfortable. I want him to have all the experiences I missed.

Wow. I'd love to get together with you, even if on email -- I am a new mom going through the exact same thing!

PP here. I'd love to chat too. I feel like I am the only one struggling with this guilt trip. Email me at [e-mail].

as a SAHM I honestly don't get this. You clearly choose to work and have the money over your true desire to be around your child. Can you go for more balance? Less work, less money a little more time with your child?

I confess I find it disturbing how many moms will get super defensive when talking about their choices. There are women who HAVE to work to support their families and then there are those who could probably make both work with some sacrifices. I don't get the guilt trip thing at all.

PP here. What in my posting gives you the impression that I have a choice? Did I say that I was married/ committed to a domestic partner? What if I was a single mother? Did I ever once mention my partner's salary? Perhaps it is no where near my salary. It is unrealistic in this day and age to marry for love and not money? Perhaps we bought our home at the height of the market and being on one salary would bankrupt us. Perhaps the here and now is crushing me, but I can clearly see a time when I would WANT to work, when baby is in school and I would have extra time on my hands. Perhaps I am in a time-sensitive career and walking away from it would diminish my learning curve, thus making me less employable. Perhaps I left home at 17 and lived off of credit cards and financial aid, a decision for which I am still trying to rectify?

And where in my posting is the defensiveness I exhibited?

Do you know the degree of poverty in which I was raised? Do you know the shame of going to the "special" cash register to "buy" my school lunch? Or having classmates laugh at me because they recognized the hand-me-downs that I was wearing as the same clothing they had recently donated "to those in need"? I am raising my son in a house with heat, something I didn't have. One of the first times I was on a plane was for my honeymoon; the time after that was for a business trip. I get butterflies in my stomach knowing that I can take him to Mickey Mouses House. I didn't try Chinese food until high school because my parents couldn't afford it but my son knows that he likes Thai. You have NO idea what I mean by comfortable, or by not wanting to deny my child new and exciting experiences. I am raising my son to see new things, taste new things, and experience new people as a child, not when he can afford to make his own way in this life.

Do I feel guilt in dropping him off at daycare? Everyday. I watch him on the babycam as often as I can, and sometimes I can't watch because my heart aches to smell his hair at that moment. We bought a house next to my job so I could spend as much time with him as possible and maximize the amount of time he gets to spend at home and with his mama. I commute 7 miles; my partner commutes 60 miles.

Perhaps my posting touched a cord in you because you feel guilt about not giving your child the things, experience and tastes that they could have, should you have decided to remain working? I don't mean to be snarky but your posting was extraordinarily unfeeling and one-dimensional.

[Anonymous]

PP here. Calm down. there have been several posts after this one in which I think we clearly established more of a middle ground.

You actually weren't defensive - until now. I never claimed to know the full extent of your life now do I want to, honestly.

You also don't know anything about my life. I stayed home with my child because he is disabled. I cannot just drop him off in any daycare because he requires special attention. Which is why I would have to make a lot of money to find an adequate caregiver. Trust me, guilt is the last thing I feel. I mean what I said in earlier posts. I made a choice and there is no point in feeling guilty or resenting it.

And I am sorry that you miss your child and cannot spend time with him whenever you want.

[Anonymous]

oh and btw? I think that new and exciting experiences do not equal spending a lot of money. But I do understand that it would feel that way if you grew up in poverty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I want to be a SAHM and I feel like I am wasting away my baby's childhood by going to work each day. I grew up in poverty though and can't fathom walking away from my 6 figure salary, or denying my child our current lifestyle- it isn't opulent by any stretch, but we are very comfortable. I want him to have all the experiences I missed.

Wow. I'd love to get together with you, even if on email -- I am a new mom going through the exact same thing!

PP here. I'd love to chat too. I feel like I am the only one struggling with this guilt trip. Email me at [e-mail].

as a SAHM I honestly don't get this. You clearly choose to work and have the money over your true desire to be around your child. Can you go for more balance? Less work, less money a little more time with your child?

I confess I find it disturbing how many moms will get super defensive when talking about their choices. There are women who HAVE to work to support their families and then there are those who could probably make both work with some sacrifices. I don't get the guilt trip thing at all.

PP here. What in my posting gives you the impression that I have a choice? Did I say that I was married/ committed to a domestic partner? What if I was a single mother? Did I ever once mention my partner's salary? Perhaps it is no where near my salary. It is unrealistic in this day and age to marry for love and not money? Perhaps we bought our home at the height of the market and being on one salary would bankrupt us. Perhaps the here and now is crushing me, but I can clearly see a time when I would WANT to work, when baby is in school and I would have extra time on my hands. Perhaps I am in a time-sensitive career and walking away from it would diminish my learning curve, thus making me less employable. Perhaps I left home at 17 and lived off of credit cards and financial aid, a decision for which I am still trying to rectify?

And where in my posting is the defensiveness I exhibited?

Do you know the degree of poverty in which I was raised? Do you know the shame of going to the "special" cash register to "buy" my school lunch? Or having classmates laugh at me because they recognized the hand-me-downs that I was wearing as the same clothing they had recently donated "to those in need"? I am raising my son in a house with heat, something I didn't have. One of the first times I was on a plane was for my honeymoon; the time after that was for a business trip. I get butterflies in my stomach knowing that I can take him to Mickey Mouses House. I didn't try Chinese food until high school because my parents couldn't afford it but my son knows that he likes Thai. You have NO idea what I mean by comfortable, or by not wanting to deny my child new and exciting experiences. I am raising my son to see new things, taste new things, and experience new people as a child, not when he can afford to make his own way in this life.

Do I feel guilt in dropping him off at daycare? Everyday. I watch him on the babycam as often as I can, and sometimes I can't watch because my heart aches to smell his hair at that moment. We bought a house next to my job so I could spend as much time with him as possible and maximize the amount of time he gets to spend at home and with his mama. I commute 7 miles; my partner commutes 60 miles.

Perhaps my posting touched a cord in you because you feel guilt about not giving your child the things, experience and tastes that they could have, should you have decided to remain working? I don't mean to be snarky but your posting was extraordinarily unfeeling and one-dimensional.

No, you're right - you're not defensive at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:oh and btw? I think that new and exciting experiences do not equal spending a lot of money. But I do understand that it would feel that way if you grew up in poverty.

Pp, I'm guessing you don't mean this but this post comes across as patronizing.

[Anonymous]

*sigh* I know. I realized this when after I hit submit. I think I need to put disclaimers under my posts. That's the problem with anonymous posts, you cannot change them once you sent them.

It wasn't meant to be patronizing. Just a poor attempt to add on to some of my previous posts about understanding that perspectives change depending on where you come from.

[Anonymous]

My nanny was not that great. I think I could have done better for my children (although I didn't realize that when I hired her).