Reply to Making time for kids? Study says quality trumps quantity

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

See, I've had exactly the opposite thought.   When the daughters of all gheae these WOHMs grow up, they're not even going to consider SAH with their kids because their mothers will have ingrained in them, from Day 1, that successful women simply don't stay home with their kids.  Instead, they pay other women (lesser beings, in their books), to do the actual childcare. And that is so sad, that these women will never have the support of their own mothers to raise their kids the way they choose, if that way includes staying home with them.

As a SAHM, I'm planning on supporting my daughter in any way I can, whether she chooses to be a WOHM or a SAHM, or any combination of the two.  But I'll absolutely be teaching (and showing) her the value and importance of having a SAHP.[/quote]

What a weird thing to say.  Why would you think that?  So suddenly WOHMs aren't capable of supporting their children's decisions as much as SAHMs are?

Also, be careful what you say around your kids now about other working parents.  My mom was a SAHM and absolutely supported my sisters and I in our endeavors- encouraged us to do well in school, go to college, be whatever we wanted to be.  But she could also be critical about my friends' parents who worked, and she would say so around us.  Now I'm a working mom, and she's never criticized me to my face about it, but do you think I don't remember what she used to say and wonder if she silently disapproves?

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And why does your mother have to approve of the way you raise your kids? She's an adult, she has a right to her own point of view. So do you. If you disagree, you disagree. She's not required to agree with your every decision as a parent just because she's your mother. As long as she doesn't openly criticize you and tell you what you should be doing she is doing exactly the right thing. We all try to raise our children a certain way, engrain certain values in them etc. - your Mom thought it was important you know she believes it's best for kids to have their mother around. That's not a bad thing. It's not what you are living today but that doesn't mean your Mom was wrong. It also doesn't mean she was right. It just means that is her value and she wanted her kids to know that. Which is exactly what you are doing now by being a working Mom you are teaching YOUR kids that that is okay.[/quote]

Oh, I don't seek approval from my mom on everything I do- far from it.  I just think that while it's great to tell your kids that you support their choices, it's also important to demonstrate through your own actions that you respect the choices and beliefs of others though they may differ from your own.  Frankly, for all of my mom's great qualities, she can be a very critical, negative person- working moms were hardly her only target.   Her mom (my grandmother) can be the same way, and I catch myself falling into that trap sometimes myself and have to be careful.   However, I'm fairly laid-back by nature and didn't take a lot of her comments too seriously, my sister on the other hand "jokes" that she needs therapy because of her relationship with my mother- she's much more sensitive, lived with my parents throughout college, and still lives in our hometown.  They are close but have a rather complicated relationship.  Anyway, I didn't mean to turn this into an assessment of my mom- more to say that we are influenced by our mothers more than we might realize.[/quote]

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