Anonymous wrote:F the patriarchy and the expectation that I work FT and handle every family obligation and holiday.
To those who say don’t do it, well you’re depriving your kids of normal holiday rituals. You’ll also be sacrificing your marriage since the societal expectation is that as a woman you create a nice home life. If you don’t go along with this, you’ll struggle to have friends and your DH might replace you.
It’s a scam and the only solution is to NOT HAVE CHILDREN, which plenty of young women have realized.
If Easter was important to me I would have married a Christian man who wanted to celebrate it. I don't get upset about not celebrating holidays that mean nothing to me and I don't raise my kids with expectations that they will receive gifts for holidays we don't celebrate.
Then this post isn’t for you. You don’t celebrate Easter.
DP This post does raise the topic of whether celebrating Easter a certain way is a requirement for being a good parent.
Specifically:
Easter themed candy (as determined by one spouse) = good parenting
Non-Easter themed candy (as determined by one spouse) = bad parenting
This is on a relationship site. It isn’t about parenting.
Even if they weren’t his kids, and a neighbor asked him to pick up candy to fill Easter eggs with, it would be weird for him to wait two weeks, give them random candy from the checkout counter, and be pissed if they didn’t use it.
But would OP still be complaining about her husband if it weren't for his failure to provide them with the Instagram worthy Easter egg hunt that OP has decided single handedly they deserve?
Like if OP asked her neighbor to pick up some candy to fill eggs with, and he waited two weeks, gave her candy from the checkout counter, and was mad that she didn’t use it?
I think she would probably feel like he was a weird dude and annoyed that he was mad.
I doubt that she would be looking to date him.
The neighbor scenario is stupid, not talking about that. Just generally. if you don't get your kids the "good" candy for a religious holiday none of you celebrate, does that make him a bad husband or just a bad dad? OPs argument is he's a bad dad for not doing this b/c it's the kids who have been whipped up into a frenzy over this by, presumably, OP. Does that make him a bad husband?
I think that not getting your wife the candy she asked for makes you a bad husband.
What about if the husband disagreed and voiced his disapproval? He should just cave and do as she demands? Why doesn't that make her a bad wife?
Yes he should cave. No. This doesn’t make her a bad wife. Try switching the genders.
If he asked her to pick up some Irish beer for St Patrick’s day, and she came home with Amstel and said that celebrating St Patrick’s Day is stupid, would that make him a bad husband?
YES.
If you want Guinness, or Harp, or you prefer a non-Irish beer (which is perfectly acceptable), communicate what you want.
"Corned Beef, the whole brisket you find in the meat aisle - 4ish pounds or whatever they have. And beer, Heineken. Please. And thank you."
Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.
If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.
Your expectations are 100% off, OP.
If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.
Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.
That's literally what I said.
No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.
It's "work" to buy Easter candy that kids like? Are you for real? Literally, it takes a swing by the grocery store after work. There are aisles of easter goods and candy. Done. She's not asking him to homestead a western territory here.
And yes, sometimes I expect my DH to do things that he "doesn't care about" just like I do. It's called compromise and marriage.
Some of you people are unbelievable.
So do it yourself if it's so easy. He said he didn't believe in bunnies and crap. The compromise is you do this yourself because it goes against his beliefs. Is it only compromise when you get your way?
The OP DID go to do it herself when he brought home the PayDays and said that he didn’t believe in bunnies and crap.
The DH is the one who got mad and started sulking.
Dp
Easter candy is whatever you want it to be. If OP didn’t communicate her idea, the spouse doing the candy shopping gets to decide.
The teens might prefer money. If you give the money, that’s an Easter tradition. Of course you are free to overrule this and deny people what they want so you get the Easter you want for yourself .
This is dumb. I mean, I guess that Christmas trees and Easter candy and Halloween decorations are whatever you want them to be, but if someone asks you to pick up one of these, they probably want whatever is in the “name your holiday” aisle at the store.
And if you don’t know that, that’s fine. Just admit your mistake and let your spouse get the right thing. Don’t say that you actually secretly think that holiday traditions are stupid, and you wanted to put your Christmas presents under a lemon tree this year. No one outside of DCUM believes you.
Do you not know that the candy is the same all year long but the packaging changes? You can get it holiday themed or not. But M&Ms taste the same year round, no matter the color. My kids Easter baskets have plenty of items in them that have nothing to do with Easter specifically. No Easter packaging on any of the items.
Okay. Let’s say that all of this is right. Who cares?
If you picked out something wrong, and your spouse or your friend or whoever you got it for wanted some specific thing, what does it matter? Let them go and get the thing they want. You don’t have to get mad and say their thing is stupid anyway and sulk about it.
Well, maybe he never got a thank you for doing something OP demanded. He got grief when he got home about it. Is that something a loving supporting wife does? She demanded candy and candy she got.
From the OP:
Waited until 7pm and brought home Pay Days and Hersheys with almonds. As if kids want those. Nothing Easter themed.
I ran back to store. He was mad I ran back. Said it is stupid to egg hunt because Easter isn’t about bunny’s.
He was mad she went back to the store. That's crappy behavior. I don't know why everyone keeps changing the facts to suit their narrative.
Op here - wow. I didn’t realize I was the bad guy. My kids had been talking about this for weeks. I couldn’t ignore them and their excitement. Like why not is it enjoy a tiny tradition?? My husband thinks eggs hunts are not the right way to celebrate Easter. So he complained.
He ALWAYS goes to the store. It is just his thing, so yes I had been asking and adding candy to the list. He is there everyday.
Anyway, it was annoying he complained but refused to do anything to plan anything else. He also complained we didn’t have Easter dinner. I didn’t plan it. If he wants to go to church - plan it.
Dude, I literally posted in your defense? By the way, I'm not on your team, but I do think your husband acted like a jerk, which is why I pointed that out.
Is he like this all the time? Why did he want Easter dinner? Or did he just want dinner?
Ignore the Easter dinner part. If that were true she would have said it in the OP or pages ago. Standard troll protocol- she’s embellishing to make her case more sympathetic. Don’t fall for it.
It sounds in line with everything else she said. And the OP was written before Easter, so she wouldn’t have known about the dinner expectations yet.
Her husband does all the grocery shopping except for Easter dinner? Doesn’t make much sense.
I’m guessing that you aren’t married to a man.
What now? Is there no food in the house and everyone will starve on Easter? He goes shopping every day. Sounds like some bizarre tit for tat. She wants candy and he wants dinner and now everyone is pissed. Good times.
Yeah. You aren’t married to a man.
You're saying if you marry a man, expect him to do grocery shopping 364 days a year. That's what to expect.
Expect? We were told THIS man does ALL the shopping. Who does the shopping 364 days of the year in your house?
We were told this, and you identified with a 364 day shopper:
"Yeah. You aren’t married to a man."
It's quite a coincidence that both OP and your husband choose not to shop on the same day every year.
WTF are you even talking about? I think you're having trouble telling posters apart.
Possible. I'm responding to the person who identifies with OP, her husband that won't shop on Easter except to buy Easter candy:
"Yeah. You aren’t married to a man."
The person who posted that understands what it's like to be the wife of an Easter-exempt husband grocery shopper.
lol…no. I’m the wife of a man who has some magical thinking. This specific thing hasn’t happened, but I can imagine it!
If I asked my husband how he thought I would be making a ham when he knew that I didn’t buy a ham, he would get embarrassed. OP’s husband got angry, which seems to be his MO.
I don’t know. This all tracks to me
But he does the shopping. He knows what food is ij the house.
No he doesn’t.
All we know is that he hangs out at the grocery store every day. My husband takes three visits to do something right - groceries, Home Depot, Amazon returns. So I’d never brag about how he’s at the store, since it has zero to do with meal planning or helping anything.
This isn’t about your deadbeat husband and dysfunctional marriage. OP has said he goes to the store and never said she does. Your husband is an idiot yet you married him.
A deadbeat husband is hardly one who doesn’t plan and organize Easter.
I’ve lived in a few different cities/towns and every single place the women are close to 100% responsible for holidays, birthday parties, vacations, social plans etc.
When I sign up for a sports practice in the app, it’s all moms signing up. The room parents are all moms. Never received a birthday invite from a dad. Never heard of a dad voluntarily buying Easter baskets and filling them. These are all considered female responsibilities. Men are above these things and will simply shirk the responsibility. You can assign them tasks like go buy Easter candy but never heard of a many who in advance of Easter voluntarily goes out to buy candy for his kids and make Easter baskets.
Solution is - no kids unless you have no issue doing all of these things with a FT job - OR have no issue doing these things and earning $0 due to no job.
Find better places to live. In our friend group, the men participate in things as much as the women do. I'm a room parent (a mom) and the other room parent is a dad. Maybe encourage your daughters not to marry men who think like this. They're out there, I know tons of them. Hell, my dad was one when I was growing up in the 80's.
Where do you live where an equal number of room parents are dads? It’s not DC. I live in an affluent blue suburb and the vast majority of volunteers are women.
Now check out youth little league, neighborhood soccer leagues, and all the other sports that are run by volunteers. Mostly moms or mostly dads? Is that also equal?
NP. My husband is a Cub Scout leader, and my oldest daughter is now a Scout and my youngest is in Cub Scouts. My husband leads camping trips, meetings, and even helps run a one-week summer camps. He goes to more PTA meetings than I do. I probably do more of the “special school things” like donating items to PTA drives and making sure the kids are ready for a theme day. I do more signing up for gymnastics and taking them to gymnastics, but he takes them, too. Neither of us have ever been room parents, but we’ve done about an equal number of school field trips as chaperones.
In both Scouts and gymnastics, I see a bunch of dads involved. I’ve been on many school field trips where dads are chaperones. I’ve been to class parties where the dad is one of the parent helpers. Is it 50-50? Maybe not. But I think a lot of dads are very involved these days, as they should be.
That’s wonderful. Where I live dads are way more involved than the last generation but it’s still majority moms handling activities, sports and PTA.
Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.
If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.
Your expectations are 100% off, OP.
If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.
Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.
That's literally what I said.
No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.
It's "work" to buy Easter candy that kids like? Are you for real? Literally, it takes a swing by the grocery store after work. There are aisles of easter goods and candy. Done. She's not asking him to homestead a western territory here.
And yes, sometimes I expect my DH to do things that he "doesn't care about" just like I do. It's called compromise and marriage.
Some of you people are unbelievable.
So do it yourself if it's so easy. He said he didn't believe in bunnies and crap. The compromise is you do this yourself because it goes against his beliefs. Is it only compromise when you get your way?
The OP DID go to do it herself when he brought home the PayDays and said that he didn’t believe in bunnies and crap.
The DH is the one who got mad and started sulking.
Dp
Easter candy is whatever you want it to be. If OP didn’t communicate her idea, the spouse doing the candy shopping gets to decide.
The teens might prefer money. If you give the money, that’s an Easter tradition. Of course you are free to overrule this and deny people what they want so you get the Easter you want for yourself .
This is dumb. I mean, I guess that Christmas trees and Easter candy and Halloween decorations are whatever you want them to be, but if someone asks you to pick up one of these, they probably want whatever is in the “name your holiday” aisle at the store.
And if you don’t know that, that’s fine. Just admit your mistake and let your spouse get the right thing. Don’t say that you actually secretly think that holiday traditions are stupid, and you wanted to put your Christmas presents under a lemon tree this year. No one outside of DCUM believes you.
Do you not know that the candy is the same all year long but the packaging changes? You can get it holiday themed or not. But M&Ms taste the same year round, no matter the color. My kids Easter baskets have plenty of items in them that have nothing to do with Easter specifically. No Easter packaging on any of the items.
Okay. Let’s say that all of this is right. Who cares?
If you picked out something wrong, and your spouse or your friend or whoever you got it for wanted some specific thing, what does it matter? Let them go and get the thing they want. You don’t have to get mad and say their thing is stupid anyway and sulk about it.
Well, maybe he never got a thank you for doing something OP demanded. He got grief when he got home about it. Is that something a loving supporting wife does? She demanded candy and candy she got.
From the OP:
Waited until 7pm and brought home Pay Days and Hersheys with almonds. As if kids want those. Nothing Easter themed.
I ran back to store. He was mad I ran back. Said it is stupid to egg hunt because Easter isn’t about bunny’s.
He was mad she went back to the store. That's crappy behavior. I don't know why everyone keeps changing the facts to suit their narrative.
Op here - wow. I didn’t realize I was the bad guy. My kids had been talking about this for weeks. I couldn’t ignore them and their excitement. Like why not is it enjoy a tiny tradition?? My husband thinks eggs hunts are not the right way to celebrate Easter. So he complained.
He ALWAYS goes to the store. It is just his thing, so yes I had been asking and adding candy to the list. He is there everyday.
Anyway, it was annoying he complained but refused to do anything to plan anything else. He also complained we didn’t have Easter dinner. I didn’t plan it. If he wants to go to church - plan it.
People are painting you as the bad guy because you asked your spouse to do an opposite gender task, and they are assuming that he got the wrong thing because he was incompetent, not because he was being passive aggressive.
*ding! ding! ding!*
+100000
You’re expected to take whatever you get when a man does something considered above and beyond.
Anonymous wrote:F the patriarchy and the expectation that I work FT and handle every family obligation and holiday.
To those who say don’t do it, well you’re depriving your kids of normal holiday rituals. You’ll also be sacrificing your marriage since the societal expectation is that as a woman you create a nice home life. If you don’t go along with this, you’ll struggle to have friends and your DH might replace you.
It’s a scam and the only solution is to NOT HAVE CHILDREN, which plenty of young women have realized.
If Easter was important to me I would have married a Christian man who wanted to celebrate it. I don't get upset about not celebrating holidays that mean nothing to me and I don't raise my kids with expectations that they will receive gifts for holidays we don't celebrate.
Then this post isn’t for you. You don’t celebrate Easter.
DP This post does raise the topic of whether celebrating Easter a certain way is a requirement for being a good parent.
Specifically:
Easter themed candy (as determined by one spouse) = good parenting
Non-Easter themed candy (as determined by one spouse) = bad parenting
This is on a relationship site. It isn’t about parenting.
Even if they weren’t his kids, and a neighbor asked him to pick up candy to fill Easter eggs with, it would be weird for him to wait two weeks, give them random candy from the checkout counter, and be pissed if they didn’t use it.
But would OP still be complaining about her husband if it weren't for his failure to provide them with the Instagram worthy Easter egg hunt that OP has decided single handedly they deserve?
Like if OP asked her neighbor to pick up some candy to fill eggs with, and he waited two weeks, gave her candy from the checkout counter, and was mad that she didn’t use it?
I think she would probably feel like he was a weird dude and annoyed that he was mad.
I doubt that she would be looking to date him.
The neighbor scenario is stupid, not talking about that. Just generally. if you don't get your kids the "good" candy for a religious holiday none of you celebrate, does that make him a bad husband or just a bad dad? OPs argument is he's a bad dad for not doing this b/c it's the kids who have been whipped up into a frenzy over this by, presumably, OP. Does that make him a bad husband?
I think that not getting your wife the candy she asked for makes you a bad husband.
What about if the husband disagreed and voiced his disapproval? He should just cave and do as she demands? Why doesn't that make her a bad wife?
Yes he should cave. No. This doesn’t make her a bad wife. Try switching the genders.
If he asked her to pick up some Irish beer for St Patrick’s day, and she came home with Amstel and said that celebrating St Patrick’s Day is stupid, would that make him a bad husband?
YES.
If you want Guinness, or Harp, or you prefer a non-Irish beer (which is perfectly acceptable), communicate what you want.
"Corned Beef, the whole brisket you find in the meat aisle - 4ish pounds or whatever they have. And beer, Heineken. Please. And thank you."
Okay. But then your spouse comes home with steak and Coors because it’s still beef and beer, and they think St Patrick’s Day is stupid.
Anonymous wrote:F the patriarchy and the expectation that I work FT and handle every family obligation and holiday.
To those who say don’t do it, well you’re depriving your kids of normal holiday rituals. You’ll also be sacrificing your marriage since the societal expectation is that as a woman you create a nice home life. If you don’t go along with this, you’ll struggle to have friends and your DH might replace you.
It’s a scam and the only solution is to NOT HAVE CHILDREN, which plenty of young women have realized.
If Easter was important to me I would have married a Christian man who wanted to celebrate it. I don't get upset about not celebrating holidays that mean nothing to me and I don't raise my kids with expectations that they will receive gifts for holidays we don't celebrate.
Then this post isn’t for you. You don’t celebrate Easter.
DP This post does raise the topic of whether celebrating Easter a certain way is a requirement for being a good parent.
Specifically:
Easter themed candy (as determined by one spouse) = good parenting
Non-Easter themed candy (as determined by one spouse) = bad parenting
This is on a relationship site. It isn’t about parenting.
Even if they weren’t his kids, and a neighbor asked him to pick up candy to fill Easter eggs with, it would be weird for him to wait two weeks, give them random candy from the checkout counter, and be pissed if they didn’t use it.
But would OP still be complaining about her husband if it weren't for his failure to provide them with the Instagram worthy Easter egg hunt that OP has decided single handedly they deserve?
Like if OP asked her neighbor to pick up some candy to fill eggs with, and he waited two weeks, gave her candy from the checkout counter, and was mad that she didn’t use it?
I think she would probably feel like he was a weird dude and annoyed that he was mad.
I doubt that she would be looking to date him.
The neighbor scenario is stupid, not talking about that. Just generally. if you don't get your kids the "good" candy for a religious holiday none of you celebrate, does that make him a bad husband or just a bad dad? OPs argument is he's a bad dad for not doing this b/c it's the kids who have been whipped up into a frenzy over this by, presumably, OP. Does that make him a bad husband?
I think that not getting your wife the candy she asked for makes you a bad husband.
What about if the husband disagreed and voiced his disapproval? He should just cave and do as she demands? Why doesn't that make her a bad wife?
Yes he should cave. No. This doesn’t make her a bad wife. Try switching the genders.
If he asked her to pick up some Irish beer for St Patrick’s day, and she came home with Amstel and said that celebrating St Patrick’s Day is stupid, would that make him a bad husband?
YES.
If you want Guinness, or Harp, or you prefer a non-Irish beer (which is perfectly acceptable), communicate what you want.
"Corned Beef, the whole brisket you find in the meat aisle - 4ish pounds or whatever they have. And beer, Heineken. Please. And thank you."
Okay. But then your spouse comes home with steak and Coors because it’s still beef and beer, and they think St Patrick’s Day is stupid.
I would communicate with my spouse; it would be very unlike either of us to communicate specific things and not see follow through. This would never get this far though. My spouse would text to communicate the present situation based on what we previously communicated. We don't read minds or have any preconceived expectations about what the other considers to be orthodox St Patrick beer. We communicate.
If however I just asked for "Irish beer for St Patrick’s day" without communicating what that means to me, and Coors arrives, it's on me for not communicating.
Anonymous wrote:F the patriarchy and the expectation that I work FT and handle every family obligation and holiday.
To those who say don’t do it, well you’re depriving your kids of normal holiday rituals. You’ll also be sacrificing your marriage since the societal expectation is that as a woman you create a nice home life. If you don’t go along with this, you’ll struggle to have friends and your DH might replace you.
It’s a scam and the only solution is to NOT HAVE CHILDREN, which plenty of young women have realized.
If Easter was important to me I would have married a Christian man who wanted to celebrate it. I don't get upset about not celebrating holidays that mean nothing to me and I don't raise my kids with expectations that they will receive gifts for holidays we don't celebrate.
Then this post isn’t for you. You don’t celebrate Easter.
DP This post does raise the topic of whether celebrating Easter a certain way is a requirement for being a good parent.
Specifically:
Easter themed candy (as determined by one spouse) = good parenting
Non-Easter themed candy (as determined by one spouse) = bad parenting
This is on a relationship site. It isn’t about parenting.
Even if they weren’t his kids, and a neighbor asked him to pick up candy to fill Easter eggs with, it would be weird for him to wait two weeks, give them random candy from the checkout counter, and be pissed if they didn’t use it.
But would OP still be complaining about her husband if it weren't for his failure to provide them with the Instagram worthy Easter egg hunt that OP has decided single handedly they deserve?
Like if OP asked her neighbor to pick up some candy to fill eggs with, and he waited two weeks, gave her candy from the checkout counter, and was mad that she didn’t use it?
I think she would probably feel like he was a weird dude and annoyed that he was mad.
I doubt that she would be looking to date him.
The neighbor scenario is stupid, not talking about that. Just generally. if you don't get your kids the "good" candy for a religious holiday none of you celebrate, does that make him a bad husband or just a bad dad? OPs argument is he's a bad dad for not doing this b/c it's the kids who have been whipped up into a frenzy over this by, presumably, OP. Does that make him a bad husband?
I think that not getting your wife the candy she asked for makes you a bad husband.
What about if the husband disagreed and voiced his disapproval? He should just cave and do as she demands? Why doesn't that make her a bad wife?
Because the wife probably has a clue what candy the kids like and it isn't what he bought. Most dads wouldn't know that. THAT is part of the problem.
Anonymous wrote:F the patriarchy and the expectation that I work FT and handle every family obligation and holiday.
To those who say don’t do it, well you’re depriving your kids of normal holiday rituals. You’ll also be sacrificing your marriage since the societal expectation is that as a woman you create a nice home life. If you don’t go along with this, you’ll struggle to have friends and your DH might replace you.
It’s a scam and the only solution is to NOT HAVE CHILDREN, which plenty of young women have realized.
If Easter was important to me I would have married a Christian man who wanted to celebrate it. I don't get upset about not celebrating holidays that mean nothing to me and I don't raise my kids with expectations that they will receive gifts for holidays we don't celebrate.
Then this post isn’t for you. You don’t celebrate Easter.
NEITHER DOES OP! She and her entire family are not religious and do not go to church. End scene.
You do not have to go to church to Celebrate Easter. (let credits roll)
Anonymous wrote:F the patriarchy and the expectation that I work FT and handle every family obligation and holiday.
To those who say don’t do it, well you’re depriving your kids of normal holiday rituals. You’ll also be sacrificing your marriage since the societal expectation is that as a woman you create a nice home life. If you don’t go along with this, you’ll struggle to have friends and your DH might replace you.
It’s a scam and the only solution is to NOT HAVE CHILDREN, which plenty of young women have realized.
If Easter was important to me I would have married a Christian man who wanted to celebrate it. I don't get upset about not celebrating holidays that mean nothing to me and I don't raise my kids with expectations that they will receive gifts for holidays we don't celebrate.
Then this post isn’t for you. You don’t celebrate Easter.
DP This post does raise the topic of whether celebrating Easter a certain way is a requirement for being a good parent.
Specifically:
Easter themed candy (as determined by one spouse) = good parenting
Non-Easter themed candy (as determined by one spouse) = bad parenting
Honestly, anyone who wants to fight that fight is being a dick. I hope you can hear yourself.
Fight the fight of mandatory Easter themed packaging? Definitely not something to fight about. Agreed.
Just stop. You don't have to get peeps. You DO have to get candy the kids will like and be happy to receive. And mom knew payday and hersheys with almonds weren't it. The dad should have known that too. OR he was being a passive aggressive dick. Either way, not a good look for dad. Esp for such a minimal ask.
Anonymous wrote:Meh. Some people don't care about holidays.
You say you have been asking him to get candy for two weeks. Sounds like you need to be more specific. "See these plastic eggs? I need you to get Easter-themed candy that will fit in them. They have little chocolate eggs, etc. Get several types. Today after work. Thank you."
But for what? He would probably just buy the cheapest one.I like this stuff and half the fun is going to the store and finding cute little candies and choosing them. If this is her thing then she really should have bought the candy along with the basket stuff.
The DH buying the "cheapest one" should be fine if OP is going to outsource this to him, even though she's the one bent on doing this activity even though they aren't practicing Christians (who often don't care much about bunnies and candy, but that's another thing). Wanting to celebrate in a secular way is fine, especially if you grew up doing it, which many of us did, so I get why she'd want to do baskets and whatnot. But clearly OP did not want to buy this candy herself, otherwise she would have.
This is completely false. You must not know many actual Christians.
NP. It would never occur to me to ask DH to get stuff to fill the Easter eggs. Just like he'd never ask me to cut the grass, detail the car or call someone for a home repair. My territory is planning fun activities for the kids, throwing their parties, stuffing their stockings, hiding the elf, getting them all gifts for all holidays/birthdays. I'm good at it and I enjoy it. If I asked DH to do it, he might try, but I wouldn't trust him not to fail miserably just like your DH did. It would not shock me if he brought Paydays and almond chocolate rather than high end foil wrapped eggs. He would just have no clue.
This seems silly to get mad about. Just embrace your stuff and have him do what he's good at.
Anonymous wrote:F the patriarchy and the expectation that I work FT and handle every family obligation and holiday.
To those who say don’t do it, well you’re depriving your kids of normal holiday rituals. You’ll also be sacrificing your marriage since the societal expectation is that as a woman you create a nice home life. If you don’t go along with this, you’ll struggle to have friends and your DH might replace you.
It’s a scam and the only solution is to NOT HAVE CHILDREN, which plenty of young women have realized.
If Easter was important to me I would have married a Christian man who wanted to celebrate it. I don't get upset about not celebrating holidays that mean nothing to me and I don't raise my kids with expectations that they will receive gifts for holidays we don't celebrate.
Then this post isn’t for you. You don’t celebrate Easter.
DP This post does raise the topic of whether celebrating Easter a certain way is a requirement for being a good parent.
Specifically:
Easter themed candy (as determined by one spouse) = good parenting
Non-Easter themed candy (as determined by one spouse) = bad parenting
This is on a relationship site. It isn’t about parenting.
Even if they weren’t his kids, and a neighbor asked him to pick up candy to fill Easter eggs with, it would be weird for him to wait two weeks, give them random candy from the checkout counter, and be pissed if they didn’t use it.
But would OP still be complaining about her husband if it weren't for his failure to provide them with the Instagram worthy Easter egg hunt that OP has decided single handedly they deserve?
Like if OP asked her neighbor to pick up some candy to fill eggs with, and he waited two weeks, gave her candy from the checkout counter, and was mad that she didn’t use it?
I think she would probably feel like he was a weird dude and annoyed that he was mad.
I doubt that she would be looking to date him.
The neighbor scenario is stupid, not talking about that. Just generally. if you don't get your kids the "good" candy for a religious holiday none of you celebrate, does that make him a bad husband or just a bad dad? OPs argument is he's a bad dad for not doing this b/c it's the kids who have been whipped up into a frenzy over this by, presumably, OP. Does that make him a bad husband?
I think that not getting your wife the candy she asked for makes you a bad husband.
What about if the husband disagreed and voiced his disapproval? He should just cave and do as she demands? Why doesn't that make her a bad wife?
Because the wife probably has a clue what candy the kids like and it isn't what he bought. Most dads wouldn't know that. THAT is part of the problem.
Wife didn't have specifics: "As if kids want those. Nothing Easter themed" If she knew that they wanted, you'd say something like "Kids wanted Slim Jims. Husband bought PayDay."
If the wife did have a clue, that's a clue you provide to the person doing the grocery shopping.
Anonymous wrote:F the patriarchy and the expectation that I work FT and handle every family obligation and holiday.
To those who say don’t do it, well you’re depriving your kids of normal holiday rituals. You’ll also be sacrificing your marriage since the societal expectation is that as a woman you create a nice home life. If you don’t go along with this, you’ll struggle to have friends and your DH might replace you.
It’s a scam and the only solution is to NOT HAVE CHILDREN, which plenty of young women have realized.
If Easter was important to me I would have married a Christian man who wanted to celebrate it. I don't get upset about not celebrating holidays that mean nothing to me and I don't raise my kids with expectations that they will receive gifts for holidays we don't celebrate.
Then this post isn’t for you. You don’t celebrate Easter.
DP This post does raise the topic of whether celebrating Easter a certain way is a requirement for being a good parent.
Specifically:
Easter themed candy (as determined by one spouse) = good parenting
Non-Easter themed candy (as determined by one spouse) = bad parenting
This is on a relationship site. It isn’t about parenting.
Even if they weren’t his kids, and a neighbor asked him to pick up candy to fill Easter eggs with, it would be weird for him to wait two weeks, give them random candy from the checkout counter, and be pissed if they didn’t use it.
But would OP still be complaining about her husband if it weren't for his failure to provide them with the Instagram worthy Easter egg hunt that OP has decided single handedly they deserve?
Like if OP asked her neighbor to pick up some candy to fill eggs with, and he waited two weeks, gave her candy from the checkout counter, and was mad that she didn’t use it?
I think she would probably feel like he was a weird dude and annoyed that he was mad.
I doubt that she would be looking to date him.
The neighbor scenario is stupid, not talking about that. Just generally. if you don't get your kids the "good" candy for a religious holiday none of you celebrate, does that make him a bad husband or just a bad dad? OPs argument is he's a bad dad for not doing this b/c it's the kids who have been whipped up into a frenzy over this by, presumably, OP. Does that make him a bad husband?
I think that not getting your wife the candy she asked for makes you a bad husband.
What about if the husband disagreed and voiced his disapproval? He should just cave and do as she demands? Why doesn't that make her a bad wife?
Yes he should cave. No. This doesn’t make her a bad wife. Try switching the genders.
If he asked her to pick up some Irish beer for St Patrick’s day, and she came home with Amstel and said that celebrating St Patrick’s Day is stupid, would that make him a bad husband?
YES.
If you want Guinness, or Harp, or you prefer a non-Irish beer (which is perfectly acceptable), communicate what you want.
"Corned Beef, the whole brisket you find in the meat aisle - 4ish pounds or whatever they have. And beer, Heineken. Please. And thank you."
Okay. But then your spouse comes home with steak and Coors because it’s still beef and beer, and they think St Patrick’s Day is stupid.
As a man, I would be annoyed but wouldn't make a big deal about it or hold a grudge. I'd probably just make an excuse to go to the grocery store to get the milk I forgot and come home with the St Patty's fare. Although I'd probably have to be bedridden to delegate this sort of task to my wife.
Anonymous wrote:F the patriarchy and the expectation that I work FT and handle every family obligation and holiday.
To those who say don’t do it, well you’re depriving your kids of normal holiday rituals. You’ll also be sacrificing your marriage since the societal expectation is that as a woman you create a nice home life. If you don’t go along with this, you’ll struggle to have friends and your DH might replace you.
It’s a scam and the only solution is to NOT HAVE CHILDREN, which plenty of young women have realized.
If Easter was important to me I would have married a Christian man who wanted to celebrate it. I don't get upset about not celebrating holidays that mean nothing to me and I don't raise my kids with expectations that they will receive gifts for holidays we don't celebrate.
Then this post isn’t for you. You don’t celebrate Easter.
DP This post does raise the topic of whether celebrating Easter a certain way is a requirement for being a good parent.
Specifically:
Easter themed candy (as determined by one spouse) = good parenting
Non-Easter themed candy (as determined by one spouse) = bad parenting
Honestly, anyone who wants to fight that fight is being a dick. I hope you can hear yourself.
Fight the fight of mandatory Easter themed packaging? Definitely not something to fight about. Agreed.
Just stop. You don't have to get peeps. You DO have to get candy the kids will like and be happy to receive. And mom knew payday and hersheys with almonds weren't it. .
So she knew what the kids wanted, specifically, buy didn't relay this information. Yeah that's a problem.
The dad should have known that too.
Yes he should have asked the kids directly, since his wife is either unwilling or unable to use words.
OR he was being a passive aggressive dick.
Or she was passive aggressive, rather than just saying "I asked and they want X and Y"
Either way, not a good look for dad. Esp for such a minimal ask
Dad needs to be gracious when the kids ask why mommy can't relay simple things to family members. This is a teaching moment about using your words.
Anonymous wrote:F the patriarchy and the expectation that I work FT and handle every family obligation and holiday.
To those who say don’t do it, well you’re depriving your kids of normal holiday rituals. You’ll also be sacrificing your marriage since the societal expectation is that as a woman you create a nice home life. If you don’t go along with this, you’ll struggle to have friends and your DH might replace you.
It’s a scam and the only solution is to NOT HAVE CHILDREN, which plenty of young women have realized.
If Easter was important to me I would have married a Christian man who wanted to celebrate it. I don't get upset about not celebrating holidays that mean nothing to me and I don't raise my kids with expectations that they will receive gifts for holidays we don't celebrate.
Then this post isn’t for you. You don’t celebrate Easter.
DP This post does raise the topic of whether celebrating Easter a certain way is a requirement for being a good parent.
Specifically:
Easter themed candy (as determined by one spouse) = good parenting
Non-Easter themed candy (as determined by one spouse) = bad parenting
Honestly, anyone who wants to fight that fight is being a dick. I hope you can hear yourself.
Fight the fight of mandatory Easter themed packaging? Definitely not something to fight about. Agreed.
You're trying to be clever, I get it. OP's husband acted like a jerk. Was OP also out of line? Sure, but then it's clearer that he acted out of spite by choosing candy that no kid would want. Some of you must be in really unhappy marriages that you think this situation is ok.
Anonymous wrote:F the patriarchy and the expectation that I work FT and handle every family obligation and holiday.
To those who say don’t do it, well you’re depriving your kids of normal holiday rituals. You’ll also be sacrificing your marriage since the societal expectation is that as a woman you create a nice home life. If you don’t go along with this, you’ll struggle to have friends and your DH might replace you.
It’s a scam and the only solution is to NOT HAVE CHILDREN, which plenty of young women have realized.
If Easter was important to me I would have married a Christian man who wanted to celebrate it. I don't get upset about not celebrating holidays that mean nothing to me and I don't raise my kids with expectations that they will receive gifts for holidays we don't celebrate.
Then this post isn’t for you. You don’t celebrate Easter.
DP This post does raise the topic of whether celebrating Easter a certain way is a requirement for being a good parent.
Specifically:
Easter themed candy (as determined by one spouse) = good parenting
Non-Easter themed candy (as determined by one spouse) = bad parenting
This is on a relationship site. It isn’t about parenting.
Even if they weren’t his kids, and a neighbor asked him to pick up candy to fill Easter eggs with, it would be weird for him to wait two weeks, give them random candy from the checkout counter, and be pissed if they didn’t use it.
But would OP still be complaining about her husband if it weren't for his failure to provide them with the Instagram worthy Easter egg hunt that OP has decided single handedly they deserve?
You're just being purposefully obtuse now. Easter egg hunts and Easter baskets happen all over the US. I've never lived in a place where there weren't multiple opportunities for such an event, and I'm talking outside of churches (our neighborhood organizes one, our country club has one, etc.). Kids see these things and they hear about them from friends. Will a kid be scarred if they don't get an Easter basket or go on an egg hunt? Obviously not. But it's not weird for a kid to be excited about it/want to participate. And getting a PayDay in your basket isn't really what they were looking for. Again, it won't kill them, but most of us don't live with that standard. Acting like OP created Easter baskets out of thin air is ridiculous.
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