Travel Soccer teams around NOVA let's discuss

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son plays forward and mid. When he plays mid I sit in the middle of the field, sideline of course. When he plays forward I switch sides as he does to watch his play. I don't scream from the sideline. I do it for conversation after the game about positives and negatives. I also sit mixed in with the other teams parents. It doesn't bother me. I don't scream or even talk. It also entertains me to hear the crap talking about my son and his team because they usually do well.

land the helicopter and just watch

Ha!!! Seriously, wtf??

I have a striker, a center mid and a center back. 3 kids.

I plant my chair on our sideline and stay put no matter which one I'm watching. You realize the defenders parents have the same vantage point issue as your striker, right?? If we all were so entitled it would be musical chairs in the sidelines.

It's best for your kid to not hover so much.

[Anonymous]

Hahhaa entitled? To walk down a sideline? WTF are you talking about?

I don't take up a lot of grass. I'm not overweight. Nor do I bring a chair or a cooler or a blanket. I just stand there quietly watching. I don't even utter one word except a good job when it's warranted

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all sound like you are following the PC positive sports parenting script to a T. What happens if one of your team parents slips up and says something spontaneous like "Come on ref!" after an egregious call? Is the person shunned?

Maybe you should try it sometime. We had an entire team of parents who were positive and encouraging 99% of time, shouted no commands (leaving that to the coaches), and who, on the rare occasions they got frustrated with a ref, apologized. It was rather remarkable to see that team develop. There was no in-fighting, no ball hogs, no dirty players. By their second year together, they were winning every game and at least in the finals in their tournaments.

Sadly, the birth year change split the team up (club didn't allow playing up). But the experience made me a believer in the positive parenting. The kids took more chances, played with more enthusiasm, and couldn't wait to get to practice, couldn't be dragged away at the end. 1.5 hour practice turned into 3 hours because everyone showed up early, and stayed late, scrimmaging or shooting or kicking around without adult involvement. And I think the pure joy they had in the game outweighed any constructive criticism we could've given them.

I'm the PP you were responding to, and I didn't make the other comments in response to your post. I think my behavior would pass muster even with the most sanctimonious of critics. I'm not a yeller--the most I ever do is quietly whimper in distress when a player takes a hard knock. But many of the teams my kids have been on have parents with a much more colorful (and loud) approach to watching the game. We have had parents who coach from the sidelines in a variety of languages, ones who are vocally offended by referees failures to understand various of the fifa rules and others who loudly debate with each other about whether the coach's formation makes sense against a particular opponent. The best of my oldest son's teams had two dads who would routinely take children aside at the end of games (including mine sometimes) to tell them how they should have handled a particular play differently, or how they can improve the way they are striking the ball. We have had parents on opposing teams do the same thing occasionally to our kids.

I'm sure those things all horrify the proponents of the "I love watching you play" approach, but I had almost never had any problem with any of them. This is because those parents were all incredibly knowledgeable about soccer, and many of them had played for youth or senior national teams in their home countries, or at a high level here. My kids and I learned a lot from them and respected their passion for the game. We loved their insistence on the game being played the right way (even if they would often disagree with each other on what way that is). We had one coach who frowned on the parent activism, but another who got a kick out of it. He remains the best coach we've encountered, and the first time he coached my son's team in a tournament, he and the other teams coach (also super-talented) almost came to blows at half-time.

The development on those teams was truly incredible. There was no in-fighting and no dirty players. All the ball hogging was age appropriate (because kids should be taught to maintain possession by dribbling around opponents when they are little--there's time enough to think about passing when they have mastered their foot skills). They were winning every game and in the finals of the top brackets of top regional tournaments. Though many of them are on separate teams now due to the advent of DA, every last one is still playing soccer as juniors and seniors in high school. And this is why I shake my head whenever anyone claims that parents' only role is to provide transportation and/or to give their kids relentlessly upbeat encouragement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all sound like you are following the PC positive sports parenting script to a T. What happens if one of your team parents slips up and says something spontaneous like "Come on ref!" after an egregious call? Is the person shunned?

Maybe you should try it sometime. We had an entire team of parents who were positive and encouraging 99% of time, shouted no commands (leaving that to the coaches), and who, on the rare occasions they got frustrated with a ref, apologized. It was rather remarkable to see that team develop. There was no in-fighting, no ball hogs, no dirty players. By their second year together, they were winning every game and at least in the finals in their tournaments.

Sadly, the birth year change split the team up (club didn't allow playing up). But the experience made me a believer in the positive parenting. The kids took more chances, played with more enthusiasm, and couldn't wait to get to practice, couldn't be dragged away at the end. 1.5 hour practice turned into 3 hours because everyone showed up early, and stayed late, scrimmaging or shooting or kicking around without adult involvement. And I think the pure joy they had in the game outweighed any constructive criticism we could've given them.

I'm the PP you were responding to, and I didn't make the other comments in response to your post. I think my behavior would pass muster even with the most sanctimonious of critics. I'm not a yeller--the most I ever do is quietly whimper in distress when a player takes a hard knock. But many of the teams my kids have been on have parents with a much more colorful (and loud) approach to watching the game. We have had parents who coach from the sidelines in a variety of languages, ones who are vocally offended by referees failures to understand various of the fifa rules and others who loudly debate with each other about whether the coach's formation makes sense against a particular opponent. The best of my oldest son's teams had two dads who would routinely take children aside at the end of games (including mine sometimes) to tell them how they should have handled a particular play differently, or how they can improve the way they are striking the ball. We have had parents on opposing teams do the same thing occasionally to our kids.

I'm sure those things all horrify the proponents of the "I love watching you play" approach, but I had almost never had any problem with any of them. This is because those parents were all incredibly knowledgeable about soccer, and many of them had played for youth or senior national teams in their home countries, or at a high level here. My kids and I learned a lot from them and respected their passion for the game. We loved their insistence on the game being played the right way (even if they would often disagree with each other on what way that is). We had one coach who frowned on the parent activism, but another who got a kick out of it. He remains the best coach we've encountered, and the first time he coached my son's team in a tournament, he and the other teams coach (also super-talented) almost came to blows at half-time.

The development on those teams was truly incredible. There was no in-fighting and no dirty players. All the ball hogging was age appropriate (because kids should be taught to maintain possession by dribbling around opponents when they are little--there's time enough to think about passing when they have mastered their foot skills). They were winning every game and in the finals of the top brackets of top regional tournaments. Though many of them are on separate teams now due to the advent of DA, every last one is still playing soccer as juniors and seniors in high school. And this is why I shake my head whenever anyone claims that parents' only role is to provide transportation and/or to give their kids relentlessly upbeat encouragement.

Thats a very lovely story, and you tell it so very well.......with such enthusiasm...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Thats a very lovely story, and you tell it so very well.......with such enthusiasm...

Please forgive my sincerity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Thats a very lovely story, and you tell it so very well.......with such enthusiasm...

Please forgive my sincerity.

I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all sound like you are following the PC positive sports parenting script to a T. What happens if one of your team parents slips up and says something spontaneous like "Come on ref!" after an egregious call? Is the person shunned?

Maybe you should try it sometime. We had an entire team of parents who were positive and encouraging 99% of time, shouted no commands (leaving that to the coaches), and who, on the rare occasions they got frustrated with a ref, apologized. It was rather remarkable to see that team develop. There was no in-fighting, no ball hogs, no dirty players. By their second year together, they were winning every game and at least in the finals in their tournaments.

Sadly, the birth year change split the team up (club didn't allow playing up). But the experience made me a believer in the positive parenting. The kids took more chances, played with more enthusiasm, and couldn't wait to get to practice, couldn't be dragged away at the end. 1.5 hour practice turned into 3 hours because everyone showed up early, and stayed late, scrimmaging or shooting or kicking around without adult involvement. And I think the pure joy they had in the game outweighed any constructive criticism we could've given them.

I'm the PP you were responding to, and I didn't make the other comments in response to your post. I think my behavior would pass muster even with the most sanctimonious of critics. I'm not a yeller--the most I ever do is quietly whimper in distress when a player takes a hard knock. But many of the teams my kids have been on have parents with a much more colorful (and loud) approach to watching the game. We have had parents who coach from the sidelines in a variety of languages, ones who are vocally offended by referees failures to understand various of the fifa rules and others who loudly debate with each other about whether the coach's formation makes sense against a particular opponent. The best of my oldest son's teams had two dads who would routinely take children aside at the end of games (including mine sometimes) to tell them how they should have handled a particular play differently, or how they can improve the way they are striking the ball. We have had parents on opposing teams do the same thing occasionally to our kids.

I'm sure those things all horrify the proponents of the "I love watching you play" approach, but I had almost never had any problem with any of them. This is because those parents were all incredibly knowledgeable about soccer, and many of them had played for youth or senior national teams in their home countries, or at a high level here. My kids and I learned a lot from them and respected their passion for the game. We loved their insistence on the game being played the right way (even if they would often disagree with each other on what way that is). We had one coach who frowned on the parent activism, but another who got a kick out of it. He remains the best coach we've encountered, and the first time he coached my son's team in a tournament, he and the other teams coach (also super-talented) almost came to blows at half-time.

The development on those teams was truly incredible. There was no in-fighting and no dirty players. All the ball hogging was age appropriate (because kids should be taught to maintain possession by dribbling around opponents when they are little--there's time enough to think about passing when they have mastered their foot skills). They were winning every game and in the finals of the top brackets of top regional tournaments. Though many of them are on separate teams now due to the advent of DA, every last one is still playing soccer as juniors and seniors in high school. And this is why I shake my head whenever anyone claims that parents' only role is to provide transportation and/or to give their kids relentlessly upbeat encouragement.

Agree. Thanks for making the point. Much has been written about how bad the "Love Watching you Play" mantra is; overused and ineffective. Refreshing, the parents can and do help, and the kids enjoy the involvement. Of course, there is good involvement, and bad involvement, and I do see and hear lots of idiot coaches and parents saying all sorts of things that are insane. Sounds like you did it right. We have some very involved parents too. Kids love them.

[Anonymous]

New u9 travel parent here and I have read the articles regarding the "I love watching you play" strategy specifically after a game. Seems reasonable however I have seen some posts of parents that dont appear to be fans. With that said what is the alternative. Couldn't find anything online.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New u9 travel parent here and I have read the articles regarding the "I love watching you play" strategy specifically after a game. Seems reasonable however I have seen some posts of parents that dont appear to be fans. With that said what is the alternative. Couldn't find anything online.

You're not just supposed to say "I love watching you play." You're also supposed to ask what the family wants for lunch.

Seriously -- the mantra may be a little extreme, but there's ample evidence that kids end up dreading the drive home from a game because parents want to dissect things. And the parents are often wrong, anyway.

Plenty of coaches say the loud-mouth parents are the ones who never played seriously. The parents who played at a high level just say, "Thanks, coach," and take the kids to lunch.

All that said -- sure, at some point, if you notice your kid playing timidly or making some obvious mistake, it might be worth addressing. First, ask what if the coach has said anything about it. Then make a gentle suggestion -- usually at some time OTHER than immediately after a game, especially if the game went badly. No kid wants to have a bad game, hear from the coach for a few minutes, and THEN hear Dad chime in.

And that's what the "I love watching you play" theorists are trying to prevent. With good reason.

[Anonymous]

There's no right or wrong way, but isn't that parenting in general? What if your kid is the type who wants to talk about the match for hours afterward? I have one who is really passionate about it and wants to talk soccer endlessly. I have another who has moved on five minutes after the match, win or lose, and just wants to get back to catching Pokémon. I have to treat each of them differently. If I told Kid A, "I love watching you play", he'd laugh at me and then would ask twelve more questions about the match. If I tried to rehash the match with Kid B, he'd tell me to shut up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New u9 travel parent here and I have read the articles regarding the "I love watching you play" strategy specifically after a game. Seems reasonable however I have seen some posts of parents that dont appear to be fans. With that said what is the alternative. Couldn't find anything online.

You're not just supposed to say "I love watching you play." You're also supposed to ask what the family wants for lunch.

Seriously -- the mantra may be a little extreme, but there's ample evidence that kids end up dreading the drive home from a game because parents want to dissect things. And the parents are often wrong, anyway.

Plenty of coaches say the loud-mouth parents are the ones who never played seriously. The parents who played at a high level just say, "Thanks, coach," and take the kids to lunch.

All that said -- sure, at some point, if you notice your kid playing timidly or making some obvious mistake, it might be worth addressing. First, ask what if the coach has said anything about it. Then make a gentle suggestion -- usually at some time OTHER than immediately after a game, especially if the game went badly. No kid wants to have a bad game, hear from the coach for a few minutes, and THEN hear Dad chime in.

And that's what the "I love watching you play" theorists are trying to prevent. With good reason.

Can we call it ILWYP for short? I think the motivation behind the movement is good, but it has had some peculiar consequences, the main one being that a large number of well-meaning parents literally are saying nothing but "I love watching you play" after matches. It has reached epidemic proportions in MSI rec. You end up with posters like those above who feel like there is an actual script you should follow in order not to damage your child's psyche or love for sports. The truth is that if you are the kind of caring parent who reads these articles in the first place, you don't need to worry about censoring yourself when you talk to your child about sports or anything else. Just follow you instincts!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's no right or wrong way, but isn't that parenting in general? What if your kid is the type who wants to talk about the match for hours afterward? I have one who is really passionate about it and wants to talk soccer endlessly. I have another who has moved on five minutes after the match, win or lose, and just wants to get back to catching Pokémon. I have to treat each of them differently. If I told Kid A, "I love watching you play", he'd laugh at me and then would ask twelve more questions about the match. If I tried to rehash the match with Kid B, he'd tell me to shut up.

+1

My oldest never wants to talk about games or matches, so we don't say anything. The second one and his dad like to analyze every moment of every game, including what plays worked and didn't, which kids played well or not, whether the coach's formation made sense, etc. My U8 asks the exact same questions after every game: "Do you think I played better in the first half or the second? What did I do well, and what do you think I need to work on? Which goal did you like best?"

Follow your kid's lead, don't berate them or criticize their play unless they ask for feedback, and it will all be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no right or wrong way, but isn't that parenting in general? What if your kid is the type who wants to talk about the match for hours afterward? I have one who is really passionate about it and wants to talk soccer endlessly. I have another who has moved on five minutes after the match, win or lose, and just wants to get back to catching Pokémon. I have to treat each of them differently. If I told Kid A, "I love watching you play", he'd laugh at me and then would ask twelve more questions about the match. If I tried to rehash the match with Kid B, he'd tell me to shut up.

+1

My oldest never wants to talk about games or matches, so we don't say anything. The second one and his dad like to analyze every moment of every game, including what plays worked and didn't, which kids played well or not, whether the coach's formation made sense, etc. My U8 asks the exact same questions after every game: "Do you think I played better in the first half or the second? What did I do well, and what do you think I need to work on? Which goal did you like best?"

Follow your kid's lead, don't berate them or criticize their play unless they ask for feedback, and it will all be fine.

This X100. Jesus people, it's not that hard. They are people—even if they are small and cute. Treat them with respect. Don't be a douche. Just like in everyday life!!

[Anonymous]

All valid points. I guess take the ILWYP approach as guidance and adjust based off your child's needs (Questions vs No Questions etc). Works for me. I was on the opposite side the spectrum in the beginnging questioning my child for some of his decisions or lack of decisions. Now I pump him full of confidence and praise them for all the good stuff he does and sandwich in between some suggestions.

[Anonymous]

Is there a place on the GotSoccer website that explains how points are awarded? And does anyone know why VA State Cup points have been posted as 0 (zero) for awhile now? Thanks