Calling Alums of Non-Prestigious Colleges

[Anonymous]

By which I mean a school that isn't in the top 20 or so universities. For those of us who went to no-name schools and then made successes of ourselves, how have you navigated the world and the surprise/scorn people show when you reveal your alma mater? For me it was worse because I went to a competitive private high school and came from a family where ALL of my cousins went to Ivies or top publics like Michigan-Ann Arbor and UVA. I went to Indiana University, a school nobody outside Indiana knows about or cares about.

I've done well professionally (in my early thirties, married a DH from a similarly-ranked state school) but while people always recognize that I am smart, there is always a comment along the lines of, "You were wasted on that school/you must've been among the smartest kids there/oh, there are successful people from your school?" And sometimes there is downright nastiness. One of my best friends went to Georgetown Law, and when I moved to DC to work (this was a few years ago), she would say things like, "You must find the rent shocking here after your little Midwestern town" (my family is from an affluent New York town originally), and then boast about how the law firm she was going to only hired from the top schools in the country, and so on.

For a long time I have tried to fit in with these people, but I'm getting to the point where I am just very fed up. I'm tired of having to prove that I'm smart after someone in my social circle asks where I went to school, or having relatively make snide comments about my success "despite" coming from a school in flyover country. You would think people would stop caring about your alma mater once you reach middle age, but take it from me that this is not true. I am starting to think I will just have to drop some of my high school friends, since their snobbery has gotten worse with time.

[Anonymous]

I went to a big ten school and am a lawyer and have not had the experience you have had. I have no chip on my shoulder about it at all.

[Anonymous]

People say this to you? In all my years living in DC, where I went to school has barely been an issue, and I too have done well in my chosen career. But then again, I don't suffer fools easily, so they probably pick up on my abject disgust for snobbery pretty quickly. I'm also from the Midwest.

What do you do for a living?

[Anonymous]

17:04, I think I should explain those social situations before. I'm more talking about people who knew me as a teenager - those people are very successful and many of them are in DC. Relatives, friends from high school, and so on. They are social butterflies so I get invited to their get-togethers, we have common friends, and eventually over the course of a conversation people DO ask you what school you went to.

I'd rather not reveal my job for anonymity purposes but it is white-collar, demanding, and I earn in the six figures though less than 300k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By which I mean a school that isn't in the top 20 or so universities. For those of us who went to no-name schools and then made successes of ourselves, how have you navigated the world and the surprise/scorn people show when you reveal your alma mater? For me it was worse because I went to a competitive private high school and came from a family where ALL of my cousins went to Ivies or top publics like Michigan-Ann Arbor and UVA. I went to Indiana University, a school nobody outside Indiana knows about or cares about.

I've done well professionally (in my early thirties, married a DH from a similarly-ranked state school) but while people always recognize that I am smart, there is always a comment along the lines of, "You were wasted on that school/you must've been among the smartest kids there/oh, there are successful people from your school?" And sometimes there is downright nastiness. One of my best friends went to Georgetown Law, and when I moved to DC to work (this was a few years ago), she would say things like, "You must find the rent shocking here after your little Midwestern town" (my family is from an affluent New York town originally), and then boast about how the law firm she was going to only hired from the top schools in the country, and so on.

For a long time I have tried to fit in with these people, but I'm getting to the point where I am just very fed up. I'm tired of having to prove that I'm smart after someone in my social circle asks where I went to school, or having relatively make snide comments about my success "despite" coming from a school in flyover country. You would think people would stop caring about your alma mater once you reach middle age, but take it from me that this is not true. I am starting to think I will just have to drop some of my high school friends, since their snobbery has gotten worse with time.

Wow. You've got a serious chip on your shoulder, and it's possible that you hang out with some snobby a-holes.

The chip comes through a lot louder in your post than the a-holes.

[Anonymous]

The main snobbery over schools that I've encountered is on DCUM rather than in real life.

That said, I went to a fairly well regarded Midwestern state school and was a bit overwhelmed when I first got to DC and found most of my colleagues went to Ivies. I thought that I should aim really high for grad school to catch up, but then got a free ride at another well regarded Midwestern state university, so decided on that.

And 25 years later? I have a good career, maybe not as high-powered as some in the area, but it's rewarding and challenging.

My DD has some learning disabilities, and she is applying to decidedly "non-prestigious" colleges this fall. And I think she will do just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By which I mean a school that isn't in the top 20 or so universities. For those of us who went to no-name schools and then made successes of ourselves, how have you navigated the world and the surprise/scorn people show when you reveal your alma mater? For me it was worse because I went to a competitive private high school and came from a family where ALL of my cousins went to Ivies or top publics like Michigan-Ann Arbor and UVA. I went to Indiana University, a school nobody outside Indiana knows about or cares about.

I've done well professionally (in my early thirties, married a DH from a similarly-ranked state school) but while people always recognize that I am smart, there is always a comment along the lines of, "You were wasted on that school/you must've been among the smartest kids there/oh, there are successful people from your school?" And sometimes there is downright nastiness. One of my best friends went to Georgetown Law, and when I moved to DC to work (this was a few years ago), she would say things like, "You must find the rent shocking here after your little Midwestern town" (my family is from an affluent New York town originally), and then boast about how the law firm she was going to only hired from the top schools in the country, and so on.

For a long time I have tried to fit in with these people, but I'm getting to the point where I am just very fed up. I'm tired of having to prove that I'm smart after someone in my social circle asks where I went to school, or having relatively make snide comments about my success "despite" coming from a school in flyover country. You would think people would stop caring about your alma mater once you reach middle age, but take it from me that this is not true. I am starting to think I will just have to drop some of my high school friends, since their snobbery has gotten worse with time.

Wow. You've got a serious chip on your shoulder, and it's possible that you hang out with some snobby a-holes.

The chip comes through a lot louder in your post than the a-holes.

Lol trust me, I know. My insecurities are no joke. I still think my experience is worth discussing, however.

[Anonymous]

I went to community college. I never get any scorn. Or maybe I do but I'm just too dumb and uneducated to recognize it.

Rarely surprise.
I'm a legal secretary and earn more than my older newscaster cousin who has a masters degree.

[Anonymous]

I went to a community college, then on to a 4 yr CUNY college. I graduated in '84, currently make 200k, but have made close to 300k in the past. I have NEVER been asked what school I went to in 25+ yrs.....

However, it comes up often at PARENT school functions at my kids private MS and HS, all the *@$ time...

[Anonymous]

It doesn't happen anymore, but ten years ago when I was in law school, the people who went to Ivy undergrads were sometimes incredibly snotty about it, and looked blank-faced and bored when they found I was from Big State U.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need new "friends."

[Anonymous]

U of MD alum here. I sit in the C-suite and make over 400k per year which is more than my Hopkins educated DH!
I don't think anyone has asked about my alma mater in ages.

[Anonymous]

If your friends are in their 30's and sucessful and are judging people based on where they went to college, maybe it's time to expand your social circle.

[Anonymous]

I know, I am starting to realize I need to cut these friends loose, that is partly why I made this thread.

But it's difficult because I've known them since high school, I feel like I have invested so much of my life with them. And I feel like I will be "missing out" on something if I fade them out of my life.

On the other hand I keep thinking, "Fuck it, if you can't accept me as I am and treat me as an equal and with respect, then I don't want to spend anymore time in your company."

[Anonymous]

Neither my husband or I went to a top college and we are both successful. I've never experienced the scorn you mentioned. In fact, I'm not sure most people who I know socially or work with even know or care where I went to college (or law school for that matter). There are a lot of HYP grads in our social crowd, but they don't flaunt it. In some cases, the only reason I've known of their alma mater is because of a pendant in their basement or a mutual friend mentioning that they went to school together.