Calling Alums of Non-Prestigious Colleges

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work in a place where most of the employees are HYP and I've gotten this kind of snub lots of times. I find it absolutely infuriating.

Why do they snub you when you're clearly in the same workplace as they are? They aren't earning more than you!

Because it makes them mad. They probably define themselves by their education and success and someone reaching success a different way is too much for them to handle. So they must cut you down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By which I mean a school that isn't in the top 20 or so universities. For those of us who went to no-name schools and then made successes of ourselves, how have you navigated the world and the surprise/scorn people show when you reveal your alma mater? For me it was worse because I went to a competitive private high school and came from a family where ALL of my cousins went to Ivies or top publics like Michigan-Ann Arbor and UVA. I went to Indiana University, a school nobody outside Indiana knows about or cares about.

I've done well professionally (in my early thirties, married a DH from a similarly-ranked state school) but while people always recognize that I am smart, there is always a comment along the lines of, "You were wasted on that school/you must've been among the smartest kids there/oh, there are successful people from your school?" And sometimes there is downright nastiness. One of my best friends went to Georgetown Law, and when I moved to DC to work (this was a few years ago), she would say things like, "You must find the rent shocking here after your little Midwestern town" (my family is from an affluent New York town originally), and then boast about how the law firm she was going to only hired from the top schools in the country, and so on.

For a long time I have tried to fit in with these people, but I'm getting to the point where I am just very fed up. I'm tired of having to prove that I'm smart after someone in my social circle asks where I went to school, or having relatively make snide comments about my success "despite" coming from a school in flyover country. You would think people would stop caring about your alma mater once you reach middle age, but take it from me that this is not true. I am starting to think I will just have to drop some of my high school friends, since their snobbery has gotten worse with time.

I stopped giving a fuck. Ask them if they were taught manners at their esteemed institution.

Most people in the U.S. went to non-elite schools. Like you said, what do I care about someone who still clings to something that happened 20 years ago?

P.S. They sounds like new-money poseurs.

[Anonymous]

I went to GMU.

No one has ever cared.

[Anonymous]

I went to IU and my DH went to a much lesser known rate school. We have very professional somewhat prestigious jobs and this couldn't be less of an issue. Your circle sounds pretty insipid.

[Anonymous]

Indiana is a good school with a very good law school. Please try to lose the chip on your shoulder.

[Anonymous]

I'm a high-level Hill staff, and not once since I got my first job has anyone asked me or took note of my undergrad alma mater. Nobody gives a damn, except during NCAA basketball tournament time (while my school was not known for being academically strong, it was and is a basketball powerhouse).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Indiana is a good school with a very good law school. Please try to lose the chip on your shoulder.

I went to twp Ivies and would be delighted if my kid went to Indiana. I had a cousin who went there and loved it. I saw "Breaking Away" when I was younger and thought the campus was beautiful. The kids from our local HS who go there seem well-rounded.

I'm sorry if you hang out with jerks who haven't grown up yet (or if you assume that people who went to Ivies will judge you negatively).

[Anonymous]

I went to a very high ranking STEM school, but it's not really high ranking in most other things, and I can tell you that no one has commented in any way like this to me. I don't know who you are hanging out with, but at mid-30s, your alma matar means NOTHING. Everything is about your achievements in the workplace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work in a place where most of the employees are HYP and I've gotten this kind of snub lots of times. I find it absolutely infuriating.

Why do they snub you when you're clearly in the same workplace as they are? They aren't earning more than you!

Because it makes them mad. They probably define themselves by their education and success and someone reaching success a different way is too much for them to handle. So they must cut you down.

Exactly. They can't stand to see that so many people have attained the same level of success as them without having spent a fortune on an elite school. Kind of makes all that money and "prestige" seem like a waste.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know, I am starting to realize I need to cut these friends loose, that is partly why I made this thread.

But it's difficult because I've known them since high school, I feel like I have invested so much of my life with them. And I feel like I will be "missing out" on something if I fade them out of my life.

On the other hand I keep thinking, "Fuck it, if you can't accept me as I am and treat me as an equal and with respect, then I don't want to spend anymore time in your company."

You're not getting it. Your friends are jealous of you in one way or another. They are purposely putting you down when you say things like this. People generally don't care where someone went to school. But since you're a threat to them they will put it out there. If you went to community college they would never utter a peep. Why? Because that would just be mean. But since you're successful and went to a normal college, you're free game.

I'm the OP and shocked you said this because that is EXACTLY what my MIL told me and I didn't believe her. Hmm...

[Anonymous]

OP, the last time I came across this attitude was in high school (I went to one of Chicago's elite private schools), when I decided to go to a women's college. Never mind that it was a prestigious SLAC and a seven sisters school that was strong in STEM, my preferred area--I was accepted to a few "second-tier" ivies, U of C, and top coed SLACs, and people were shocked I didn't pick one of them. It was a few weeks of "YOU are going THERE? What a waste! Why would you sell yourself short????" I found it quite offensive and said so. They stopped saying it to my face, and I had to cut off one friend who wouldn't let it go. I haven't come across the attitude since. That was 20 years ago.

You have let these jerks into your head way too much over the years, and internalized their crap. I'm including your family in this. The best school is the one that is right for YOU and at which you can succeed and get the tools you need to succeed in life, and if your school enabled that, it did its job. It is time to tell them all to fuck off and let it go. Stay in touch on FB if you don't want to totally cut them off. Practice scathing comebacks like those PPs have given you ("well at least at IU we learn manners," etc). Your worth has fuck all to do with the schools you attended, despite how much the admissions offices want you to think it does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a high-level Hill staff, and not once since I got my first job has anyone asked me or took note of my undergrad alma mater. Nobody gives a damn, except during NCAA basketball tournament time (while my school was not known for being academically strong, it was and is a basketball powerhouse).

Funny I am forced to socialize with a HPY person (our kids are friends) and every year I ask, who do have in the final 4... as if he has a bracket NOT!

[Anonymous]

I agree they are just jealous. If you want to make them stop, the next time they put you down, find a way to compliment them or stroke their ego. It will kill you to do it but say something like, "it is something you went to X school; bet it was amazing." After that, they will finally stop. It will make them think they won.

[Anonymous]

DH went to MIT and no one cares. He doesn't run around wearing MIT gear or a brass rat or power washing math equations onto our driveway. If it comes up, it's usually in an offhand way and no one reacts any differently than with any other colleges, prestigious or not. Around here, I think people are generally more impressed by local universities with well-known programs (Georgetown LAW vs. straight Georgetown, for example, and UVA and even UMD are held in just as high regard as anything Ivy or other top-tier.

It suppose we don't run in crowds that talk up college experiences; perhaps we should?

[Anonymous]

I went to Purdue and have gotten similar comments. Ignore them.