Calling Alums of Non-Prestigious Colleges

[Anonymous]

DH and I met at a college you wouldn't send your kids to for free and then DH went to an equally unimpressive law school (I managed to get into a top 20 law school but now SAH). We've both been extremely successful in our careers. In all my adult life, I don't recall any one saying anything negative about our schools or acting elitist about their schools. Maybe they just felt so sorry for us! But I love pp's statement: feel free to underestimate us. We could maintain our same lifestyle, pay for kids' colleges/grad schools and DH could retire at 55.

[Anonymous]

This thread was so therapeutic for me to read, I'm a little teary-eyed right now.

I'm 25 years old and have the same chip on my shoulder as the OP, except it's much worse (maybe because my "shame" is so recent and I'm not very far in my career yet). I also came from a snobby background (like a PP described: elite private school, summers on Martha's Vineyard, four generations of wealth, etc). I underachieved in high school and ended up going to one of the U Mass schools.

Massachusetts is full of elite private schools (Harvard, MIT, Boston College, Wellesley, Tufts, Amherst, Mount Holyoke, Boston University, etc) and my family was VERY disappointed in me for not getting into even one of those schools and being forced to attend a U Mass school. I felt like a worthless person and still do.

I had a good time in college and I know, rationally, that my classmates were as smart and well-rounded as anyone from an elite school, but I can't help but feel that I have this stain on my record which I will always struggle to overcome and I will always be judged by the mediocre state school I went to. I'm intensely jealous of my peers.

[Anonymous]

In my experience the better the school , the less physically attractive.

[Anonymous]

This just doesn't come up. And I work in academia. Where you've published and how much matters, not where you went to undergrad or even grad school.

Here's a fun fact. We get 300-600 applications for a tenure track position in the humanities and won't even consider an IVY applicant unless s/he have some kind of teaching experience outside their institution (most don't). Ivy grad school is a serious disadvantage to getting a tenure track position unless you want R1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread was so therapeutic for me to read, I'm a little teary-eyed right now.

I'm 25 years old and have the same chip on my shoulder as the OP, except it's much worse (maybe because my "shame" is so recent and I'm not very far in my career yet). I also came from a snobby background (like a PP described: elite private school, summers on Martha's Vineyard, four generations of wealth, etc). I underachieved in high school and ended up going to one of the U Mass schools.

Massachusetts is full of elite private schools (Harvard, MIT, Boston College, Wellesley, Tufts, Amherst, Mount Holyoke, Boston University, etc) and my family was VERY disappointed in me for not getting into even one of those schools and being forced to attend a U Mass school. I felt like a worthless person and still do.

I had a good time in college and I know, rationally, that my classmates were as smart and well-rounded as anyone from an elite school, but I can't help but feel that I have this stain on my record which I will always struggle to overcome and I will always be judged by the mediocre state school I went to. I'm intensely jealous of my peers.

wow, the problem is your parents. I am so sorry. No one gives a shit where you did undergrad or what high school you went to. I hope you are able to see this eventually and let go of your parents' trip.

[Anonymous]

I went to a loway ranked hbcu. I'm doing ok. But I plan to attend a top 50 mba programs to achieve my career goals. I'm not too uptight about the rank of one's educational institution, but if it's U of Phoenix or the like, I may raise an eyebrow

[Anonymous]

A lot of people from affluent backgrounds had college funded by their parents, so they automatically went to the most prestigious college they could get into.

I had to pay for college myself, so that meant working through it and paying in-state tuition. People who had the "traditional" college experience should be mindful that their experience is the exception, not the rule.

[Anonymous]

I honestly feel sympathy for people with degrees from the University of Phoenix. It's mostly poorer folks who really didn't know any better. Now the information is readily available, but this wasn't always the case. After having worked so hard to put myself through school, I would be devastated to find out that most people regard it as a joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people from affluent backgrounds had college funded by their parents, so they automatically went to the most prestigious college they could get into.

I had to pay for college myself, so that meant working through it and paying in-state tuition. People who had the "traditional" college experience should be mindful that their experience is the exception, not the rule.

This. My husband got into Duke and Penn. But he went to the tiny not-so-S LAC because it gave him a full ride. He loved his experience, still loves the school and is very successful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly feel sympathy for people with degrees from the University of Phoenix. It's mostly poorer folks who really didn't know any better. Now the information is readily available, but this wasn't always the case. After having worked so hard to put myself through school, I would be devastated to find out that most people regard it as a joke.

my sister in law is 50,000 grand in debt for Phoenix (she did graduate). No one in her family had gone to college (except my husband) so there was no one to advise her. I tried, but I lived to far away and she was so enthusiastic about it (still is). It is heartbreaking what those for profit schools do.

I come from a long line of professors (dad, both gandfathers) who went to and taught at second-tier state colleges (well, one ended up teaching at an IVY because his scholarship made him famous in his field). These are good schools full of smart people. I'd never in a million years look down on anyone for going to these schools.

[Anonymous]

I never knew my school sucked until I started reading DCUM. I was never embarrassed. I could've gone to a top 20 school, but I wanted to go to my alma mater.
I'm a CPA now and doing just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread was so therapeutic for me to read, I'm a little teary-eyed right now.

I'm 25 years old and have the same chip on my shoulder as the OP, except it's much worse (maybe because my "shame" is so recent and I'm not very far in my career yet). I also came from a snobby background (like a PP described: elite private school, summers on Martha's Vineyard, four generations of wealth, etc). I underachieved in high school and ended up going to one of the U Mass schools.

Massachusetts is full of elite private schools (Harvard, MIT, Boston College, Wellesley, Tufts, Amherst, Mount Holyoke, Boston University, etc) and my family was VERY disappointed in me for not getting into even one of those schools and being forced to attend a U Mass school. I felt like a worthless person and still do.

I had a good time in college and I know, rationally, that my classmates were as smart and well-rounded as anyone from an elite school, but I can't help but feel that I have this stain on my record which I will always struggle to overcome and I will always be judged by the mediocre state school I went to. I'm intensely jealous of my peers.

So what are you doing now? You actually sound like a very entitled millennial. I hope that you have a job and take care of yourself instead of becoming a deadbeat because of your shame.

[Anonymous]

I know many who will not hire ivy grads. They just have had bad experience with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By which I mean a school that isn't in the top 20 or so universities. For those of us who went to no-name schools and then made successes of ourselves, how have you navigated the world and the surprise/scorn people show when you reveal your alma mater? For me it was worse because I went to a competitive private high school and came from a family where ALL of my cousins went to Ivies or top publics like Michigan-Ann Arbor and UVA. I went to Indiana University, a school nobody outside Indiana knows about or cares about.

I've done well professionally (in my early thirties, married a DH from a similarly-ranked state school) but while people always recognize that I am smart, there is always a comment along the lines of, "You were wasted on that school/you must've been among the smartest kids there/oh, there are successful people from your school?" And sometimes there is downright nastiness. One of my best friends went to Georgetown Law, and when I moved to DC to work (this was a few years ago), she would say things like, "You must find the rent shocking here after your little Midwestern town" (my family is from an affluent New York town originally), and then boast about how the law firm she was going to only hired from the top schools in the country, and so on.

For a long time I have tried to fit in with these people, but I'm getting to the point where I am just very fed up. I'm tired of having to prove that I'm smart after someone in my social circle asks where I went to school, or having relatively make snide comments about my success "despite" coming from a school in flyover country. You would think people would stop caring about your alma mater once you reach middle age, but take it from me that this is not true. I am starting to think I will just have to drop some of my high school friends, since their snobbery has gotten worse with time.

If where you went to college is still an issue with your social circle after a few years of work, you need to find some new friends. I've lived all over the world and can tell you the only place I've ever been asked about where I went to college is in the U.S. and frankly I find it laughable.

btw, both my undergrad and grad school were top 15. so the F what? the real question is, what have I done with it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread was so therapeutic for me to read, I'm a little teary-eyed right now.

I'm 25 years old and have the same chip on my shoulder as the OP, except it's much worse (maybe because my "shame" is so recent and I'm not very far in my career yet). I also came from a snobby background (like a PP described: elite private school, summers on Martha's Vineyard, four generations of wealth, etc). I underachieved in high school and ended up going to one of the U Mass schools.

Massachusetts is full of elite private schools (Harvard, MIT, Boston College, Wellesley, Tufts, Amherst, Mount Holyoke, Boston University, etc) and my family was VERY disappointed in me for not getting into even one of those schools and being forced to attend a U Mass school. I felt like a worthless person and still do.

I had a good time in college and I know, rationally, that my classmates were as smart and well-rounded as anyone from an elite school, but I can't help but feel that I have this stain on my record which I will always struggle to overcome and I will always be judged by the mediocre state school I went to. I'm intensely jealous of my peers.

So what are you doing now? You actually sound like a very entitled millennial. I hope that you have a job and take care of yourself instead of becoming a deadbeat because of your shame.

I don't think OP sounds entitled. She's wearing her insecurities openly, and it sounds like that makes you uncomfortable, as if they might be contagious.

I will say that DCUM is perhaps not the best place for people seeking assurances about their social, financial or educational status to visit.