Advice- DD now dating girl, other mom freaked out

[Anonymous]

My 15 yo DD informed me that she and her best friend are now dating. I was very supportive, told her I love and respect her and happy she found someone who cares about her and vice versa. I said this type of relationship is different, and I would need to figure out things like setting boundaries - it might very well mean no more sleepovers, for example.

The other mom, however, texted my DD while we were talking and said her daughter will not be coming over to our house ever again and took away the phone and laptop. She told my daughter that they could be friends, but there would be no "dating" - her quotes. My daughter was in tears and I was speechless. Please give me advice - I am thinking about inviting the mom to lunch to discuss. I like her daughter and cherish the girls' friendship. I too am not thrilled about the changed dynamics, but I want to be supportive and think, whether it is a girl or boy, you can't tell your kids who to love, and if they are gay, you can't change them by denying the relationship! And let me be clear, I'm not thrilled because I think it is risky to turn a BFF friendship into a romantic one, not because it is a same-sex one.

[Anonymous]

An invite to the mom can't hurt and could help.

We don't know your daughter or the other girl is "gay." We're on a continuum of sexuality and our place on it can change with time, especially with younger people. No matter what they are, continue with your message of acceptance. I'd add, life isn't always fair.

[Anonymous]

If I was the other mother, I would be freaked out too, but it wouldn't be for the gay reason--gay or straight, it's the issue of sexual activity being injected at such a young age.

I know many people would say sexual activity at 15 is not young but I'd be trying to delay it for a little while. I think it's great that you want to get together with the other mom to discuss it--try to figure out if it's the sexual activity reason or the gay reason or both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 15 yo DD informed me that she and her best friend are now dating. I was very supportive, told her I love and respect her and happy she found someone who cares about her and vice versa. I said this type of relationship is different, and I would need to figure out things like setting boundaries - it might very well mean no more sleepovers, for example.

The other mom, however, texted my DD while we were talking and said her daughter will not be coming over to our house ever again and took away the phone and laptop. She told my daughter that they could be friends, but there would be no "dating" - her quotes. My daughter was in tears and I was speechless. Please give me advice - I am thinking about inviting the mom to lunch to discuss. I like her daughter and cherish the girls' friendship. I too am not thrilled about the changed dynamics, but I want to be supportive and think, whether it is a girl or boy, you can't tell your kids who to love, and if they are gay, you can't change them by denying the relationship! And let me be clear, I'm not thrilled because I think it is risky to turn a BFF friendship into a romantic one, not because it is a same-sex one.

I would be confused also and not by the gay part. Obviously the sleepover issue is changing- any GF relegated to FR or guest room just as if any GF was a BF. Sad that DD's first GF is her best friend because if they break up it's a double loss. How long have they been best friends or is this a newer best friend that was really a girl DD was dating during part of the best friend period?

[Anonymous]

I don't have teens yet so what does "dating" mean for her? Could you ask her?

Plenty of youngsters experiment with same-sex relationships at that age. Dating a best friend is fraught with emotional fall-out, though. You should talk about that as well. There is still time to dial it down a bit.

[Anonymous]

Tell the other mom that when dealing p with a teenager, banning a gay relationship works exactly as well as banning a straight relationship. Their love is now romantic forbidden fruit. Good job, other mom!

OP, you're doing great. Keep it up. And physically she's much safer doing her sexual experimentation with another girl, just sayin'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 15 yo DD informed me that she and her best friend are now dating. I was very supportive, told her I love and respect her and happy she found someone who cares about her and vice versa. I said this type of relationship is different, and I would need to figure out things like setting boundaries - it might very well mean no more sleepovers, for example.

The other mom, however, texted my DD while we were talking and said her daughter will not be coming over to our house ever again and took away the phone and laptop. She told my daughter that they could be friends, but there would be no "dating" - her quotes. My daughter was in tears and I was speechless. Please give me advice - I am thinking about inviting the mom to lunch to discuss. I like her daughter and cherish the girls' friendship. I too am not thrilled about the changed dynamics, but I want to be supportive and think, whether it is a girl or boy, you can't tell your kids who to love, and if they are gay, you can't change them by denying the relationship! And let me be clear, I'm not thrilled because I think it is risky to turn a BFF friendship into a romantic one, not because it is a same-sex one.

I would be confused also and not by the gay part. Obviously the sleepover issue is changing- any GF relegated to FR or guest room just as if any GF was a BF. Sad that DD's first GF is her best friend because if they break up it's a double loss. How long have they been best friends or is this a newer best friend that was really a girl DD was dating during part of the best friend period?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I was the other mother, I would be freaked out too, but it wouldn't be for the gay reason--gay or straight, it's the issue of sexual activity being injected at such a young age.

I know many people would say sexual activity at 15 is not young but I'd be trying to delay it for a little while. I think it's great that you want to get together with the other mom to discuss it--try to figure out if it's the sexual activity reason or the gay reason or both.

Who said anything about sexual activity? OP says that OP's daughter said that they were dating. Does dating automatically mean having sex? If OP's daughter were "dating" a boy, would you assume that they were having sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I was the other mother, I would be freaked out too, but it wouldn't be for the gay reason--gay or straight, it's the issue of sexual activity being injected at such a young age.

I know many people would say sexual activity at 15 is not young but I'd be trying to delay it for a little while. I think it's great that you want to get together with the other mom to discuss it--try to figure out if it's the sexual activity reason or the gay reason or both.

Who said anything about sexual activity? OP says that OP's daughter said that they were dating. Does dating automatically mean having sex? If OP's daughter were "dating" a boy, would you assume that they were having sex?

If they're already best friends, and have been for years...I would assume it's sexual activity that has caused the relationship to cross the line into "dating."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I was the other mother, I would be freaked out too, but it wouldn't be for the gay reason--gay or straight, it's the issue of sexual activity being injected at such a young age.

I know many people would say sexual activity at 15 is not young but I'd be trying to delay it for a little while. I think it's great that you want to get together with the other mom to discuss it--try to figure out if it's the sexual activity reason or the gay reason or both.

Who said anything about sexual activity? OP says that OP's daughter said that they were dating. Does dating automatically mean having sex? If OP's daughter were "dating" a boy, would you assume that they were having sex?

Do you think it's appropriate for 15 year olds who are dating to have sleep overs? You would be fine with your 15 year old having their boyfriend over for a sleepover? Seems sort of slutty to me.

[Anonymous]

No advice, but you are an awesome mom.

[Anonymous]

You can ask the other mom to go to lunch, but I doubt it will change her mind. I think that you are looking at this the right way and she is not, but it is her kid, and if she decides to forbid the dating, she can do so.

[Anonymous]

I agree that you are an awesome mom but you an't really tell another parent how to parent. You are right and she is wrong, true, but you'll only make her angry if you tell her what to do. Meeting the other mom for lunch might allow you to keep tabs and express yourself but you won't change her.

Keep the lines of communication with your DD open. If the other mom is trying to suppress the relationship they might take risks to keep it going and you want to make sure you know whats happening.

[Anonymous]

Are they having sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are they having sex?

None of your business.