Advice- DD now dating girl, other mom freaked out

[Anonymous]

OP, is there a way to help your daughter foster other friendships? This is such an all eggs in one basket scenario. Why does your DD have trouble making/finding friends? I agree with PPs who suggest you talk to her about the perils of endangering a friendship by crossing into romance, and get her to at least think carefully about the risks. I also think the other mom shouldn't text your child; if she does, then ask her to communicate directly with you instead.

[Anonymous]

NP here. If my DD came to me at 15 (she is 12) to announce she is dating her BFF, I would probably be ok with it...but the rules would change. Ok, there is no risk of pregnancy, and lower risk of STD's in a girl-girl relationship, but the emotional issues remain. No sleep overs, no going into the bedroom and closing doors, same rules I would have if she were dating a boy.

It does change the dynamic.

[Anonymous]

You can't control the other parent. Her daughter is a minor and if the other parent doesn't want her child dating your child, you and your DD just have to accept that. Same as if it were a hetero relationship.

Your daughter will have to accept and respect the rules the other parent has laid down.

If the two girls are still romantically interested in each other when they are legally of age (17?) then there is nothing the other parent can do, except maybe kick their child out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I reiterate that the problem seems to be that the OP's daughter is likely trying to consummate a "girl crush" which her daughter probably assumes to be a lesbian relationship. And more importantly, if the other girl views it as "strictly sexual experimentation only," and not a lesbian relationship, then the OP's daughter could be ruining a good friendship.

What is a "girl crush", and how is it different from a crush that a girl has?

[Anonymous]

Need to be more mature before coming out of the closet. A more impactful decision than marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Need to be more mature before coming out of the closet. A more impactful decision than marriage.

What is the decision? Deciding to be gay? Or deciding to come out of the closet?

(Are you straight? When did you decide to be straight?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Need to be more mature before coming out of the closet. A more impactful decision than marriage.

What is the decision? Deciding to be gay? Or deciding to come out of the closet?

(Are you straight? When did you decide to be straight?)

Sigh... Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I reiterate that the problem seems to be that the OP's daughter is likely trying to consummate a "girl crush" which her daughter probably assumes to be a lesbian relationship. And more importantly, if the other girl views it as "strictly sexual experimentation only," and not a lesbian relationship, then the OP's daughter could be ruining a good friendship.

What is a "girl crush", and how is it different from a crush that a girl has?

It's a crush that a girl has. If a girl has a crush on her bff who is a boy, it is probably a dumb idea to act on it. It will screw up the friendship, and, at 15, will probably not be a long term relationship. Same for her bff who is a girl.

Clear now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Need to be more mature before coming out of the closet. A more impactful decision than marriage.

What is the decision? Deciding to be gay? Or deciding to come out of the closet?

(Are you straight? When did you decide to be straight?)

Sigh... Grow up.

I'm grown up, thanks. But nonetheless I still don't understand. Please explain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I reiterate that the problem seems to be that the OP's daughter is likely trying to consummate a "girl crush" which her daughter probably assumes to be a lesbian relationship. And more importantly, if the other girl views it as "strictly sexual experimentation only," and not a lesbian relationship, then the OP's daughter could be ruining a good friendship.

What is a "girl crush", and how is it different from a crush that a girl has?

It's a crush that a girl has. If a girl has a crush on her bff who is a boy, it is probably a dumb idea to act on it. It will screw up the friendship, and, at 15, will probably not be a long term relationship. Same for her bff who is a girl.

Clear now?

I think it's safe to assume that ANY relationship at 15 will probably not be a long-term relationship. Including a bff relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I reiterate that the problem seems to be that the OP's daughter is likely trying to consummate a "girl crush" which her daughter probably assumes to be a lesbian relationship. And more importantly, if the other girl views it as "strictly sexual experimentation only," and not a lesbian relationship, then the OP's daughter could be ruining a good friendship.

What is a "girl crush", and how is it different from a crush that a girl has?

It's a crush that a girl has. If a girl has a crush on her bff who is a boy, it is probably a dumb idea to act on it. It will screw up the friendship, and, at 15, will probably not be a long term relationship. Same for her bff who is a girl.

Clear now?

I think it's safe to assume that ANY relationship at 15 will probably not be a long-term relationship. Including a bff relationship.

I'm still very close friends with my bff, as are my brothers. We live in different cities and states now, but we call and visit.

[Anonymous]

And therefore the "probably", instead of "certainly".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Need to be more mature before coming out of the closet. A more impactful decision than marriage.

It is not a decision, its a recognition. The average age for coming out is now 13. Fifteen year-olds often know very well if they are gay. What are you saying "You cannot be gay until you are an adult." As if its the same thing as drinking alcohol.

Its 2014. Some of you need to get a clue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Lots of good feedback which I appreciate. The mom is definitely opposed to the same sex relationship. She said she doesn't want her daughter to "burn in hell for eternity". It isn't that the girl can't date; it is that it is another girl. My concerns really are about my daughter losing her best friend. They have been friends for just one year. My DD doesn't make a lot of friends and I worry about what happens when/if the relationship goes south.

My DD also has not said she is gay, but said this "feels different" than any other crush. That isn't my concern, either. I'm not sure how to parent a relationship like this. I want to protect her feelings regardless of it being a boy or girl. But since it is her only real friend, I'm exponentially worried about her feelings.

I also understand that I can't change the mom's beliefs. My goal in talking to her is to salvage their friendship, allowing contact again, and reassuring her as to what the supervision will be if the daughter is allowed to come over. Ultimately it is the mom's decision and I will respect that. But, other than saying no sleepovers and no closed doors, I'm not prepared to treat this like a traditional boy/girl dating situation. She needs to hear that from me and make her decision based on what is best for her daughter.

I don't buy this. People really talk like this? OP, where do you live?

Ha ha about the relationship going South....

I agree, I call bullshit on that comment too.

[Anonymous]

Call me old-fashioned, but I am not prepared to allow my bi-curious young daughter to act on her urgings. In the words of Andrew Dice Clay, you either suck d--- or you don't suck d----.