Crazy shit my mom says

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 86 year old, very proper grandma pronounces "cumin" as "cum-in." Gives DH and I the giggles every time and we will never ever tell her the correct pronunciation.

Do you talk about this spice often!? Not sure if I've discussed cumin with anyone ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 86 year old, very proper grandma pronounces "cumin" as "cum-in." Gives DH and I the giggles every time and we will never ever tell her the correct pronunciation.

Do you talk about this spice often!? Not sure if I've discussed cumin with anyone ever.

Not that often, but she lives nearby and we'll sometimes cook together, or talk about recipes. What can I say, we like cum-in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does a dad count?
FIL sent email about how wonderful their trip to the Amish country in PA was recently. "They don't have any blacks or hispanics in their world" like it was some sort of eutopia or something. Not the first racist shit he's said unfortunately.

Sounds like a kid on the bus asking if that fat lady is having a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does a dad count?
FIL sent email about how wonderful their trip to the Amish country in PA was recently. "They don't have any blacks or hispanics in their world" like it was some sort of eutopia or something. Not the first racist shit he's said unfortunately.

Sounds like a kid on the bus asking if that fat lady is having a baby.

My DD and I were once waiting for a bus near a very pregnant lady and DD stage-whispered "Is that lady fat or pregnant?" and then as we got onto the bus, proceeded to ask me detailed questions about giving birth. Which I felt compelled to answer for some reason. "Wait. People see YOUR VAGINA?! I thought they just ... you know ... closed their eyes and reached. Like Pin the Tail on the Donkey." Strangers were shaking with laughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister sent me a cookbook from England. I was looking at it with my mother who said she couldn't deal with all the British measurements. I said I had a converter on my dashboard so it was easy.
"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm certainly not running out to my car every time I want to cook something."

What is it?

Dashboard is an application for Apple Inc.'s Mac OS X operating systems, used as a secondary desktop for hosting mini-applications known as widgets. These are intended to be simple applications that do not take time to launch.

In your mom's defense, I'd have thought you meant car dashboard too...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Growing up we were not allowed to say "fart," (a bad word!). The word we used was "rifter." I have never heard anyone else, ever, use that word. We are 100% American, fwiw. Thanks, Mom, for dooming us to geek status.

Me too! But my mother's word was Friff. I wonder if the words (or our moms) are related.

Fluffy was ours

Ours was "bups." I have no idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Growing up we were not allowed to say "fart," (a bad word!). The word we used was "rifter." I have never heard anyone else, ever, use that word. We are 100% American, fwiw. Thanks, Mom, for dooming us to geek status.

Me too! But my mother's word was Friff. I wonder if the words (or our moms) are related.

Fluffy was ours

Ours was "bups." I have no idea.

Well I grew up thinking a penis was called a tacker. That's what my grandmother called. And now that I'm thinking of it I think I'm going to bring it back.

[Anonymous]

Mom saw a Muslim couple taking a walk the other day and said, "oh, there are some of those ISIS people".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Upon meeting our daughter about an hour after she was born in the hospital, my mom turned to my husband and said, very sentimentally "She looks just like you! Hopefully she'll inherit some of your personality, talent, and charm!" And followed this with (to me) "Sweetheart, it'll be so lovely if she has blonde hair like you do."

The first thing my mother said when she saw her grandson in the hospital for the first time was "oh, he's very dark."

Funny! When my first was born, a friend gingerly touched my arm and told me not to worry, he'd "brown down."

I'm VERY light, DH is quite dark-skinned (West African). DS was born nearly my complexion. That belly laugh HURT post-c-section!! It still makes me giggle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom used Vicks Vapo rub for every ailment you could think of: I had that stuff rubbed on hangnails, bruises, on my earlobes for ear infections, you name it.

I was not asked by the boy I was hoping would ask me to the first boy/girl dance in 7th grade and was so upset I was in tears in my bed.
Here comes my mom with the Vicks: "here honey, let me rub this on your heart"

OMG!!!

My Puerto Rican MIL does this!

I'm black. For us, it's Robitussion. Head cold, broken leg...doesn't matter. Get the Tussin!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My grandmother insisted that black people don't feel anything when they fall. That's why "they" are football players. They don't get hurt bc they don't feel anything. Dead serious. Do I need to mention she was a racist?

Not surprised. There are studies on this with doctors and pain management; also, black women and domestic violence services.

Leaving now! Sorry to be a Debby Downer on this really fun thread!! Back to the amusement! This has been an awesome read.

[Anonymous]

My mom moved to a new house. Before I had a chance to visit, she told me about a neighbor who grew the most beautiful biscuits. I responded that the neighbor probably baked them in the kitchen, to which Mom tersely told me they were outside on the bushes. After asking a few questions, I determined she meant HIBISCUS.

We still call them biscuits to this day.

[Anonymous]

My mom told us never to tickle our children, because they would have hiccups for the rest of their lives
Don't cross your eyes, because they will get stuck that way (she TRULY believes this)
Orange juice and scrambled eggs should be given to children at 4 months to see how they "react"

When I was in high school, I was playing INXS "Suicide Blonde." She got it stuck in her head, and went around singing, "He wants to make her, a soup and salad bar."

I love her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My mom is also an old-fashioned not-a-racist. She thinks that hiring a person of color, having a polite conversation, or admitting that people of color can be hardworking and pleasant, all make her not-a-racist. Of course, she's the one who, as you heard about on a previous thread like this, said "It's so nice to see a black man taking care of his children!" Loudly. In a public enclosed space. As I dragged her away in mortification, she protested "What? I said it was NICE!"

Confession: I have very little exposure to black people and thus, most of what I "know" comes from tv, and that one black girl who was my college roommate for 2 months back in '94. So I could see myself thinking/saying something like that. The majority of black people I see are 1. security guards standing outside Marshalls or Ross or outside the bank, 2, black guys unloading boxes of food in the supermarket, who, if I ask if they know where Wheat Thins or something are, won't make eye contact and mumble,or 3 the clump of black kids on the trains talking loudly to each other and cursing a ton.

So I'd be thrilled to be exposed to and have the opportunity to become friends with black people who are ... different from those people.

This is my mom too. Latinos who don't sound like her are "authentic." Gay people are "artistic and good cooks."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can I bring my then 73 year old (now 89 year old) grandmother into the mix? Went to spring break in florida. she was a snowbird near Orlando so we stopped through to visit Gram - just me and 4 of my college best friends. We ended up playing Taboo, you know, where you are supposed to guess a word without using certain words to give this away.

So the clue is throat. And of course you can't say esophagus, neck, etc. So what does my gram say? She says "DEEEEEEEEEP" and continues to say it. Then when it's not having the desired effect, she starts grabbing her throat (breaking the rules btw, but nobody cared we were all cracking up so hard!). Her partner / guesser was the ONE friend I have (and possibly one person in the world) who didn't know what deep throat referred to (any of the references, that is). So she asked "what's a deep throat?" And my Granny explained it to her--and not the cultural reference to the Nixon scandal, either!

I'm dying laughing over this!