No Kids at Wedding - Why So Much Anger?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So back to the thread title- why so angry? I do agree that the angriest people seem to be the people whose children are not invited and that is puzzling.

From what I can tell, BG accept the declines graciously.

Has anyone actually been harangued by a BG for declining a wedding invite? I certainly have not.

Yes, I have. I didn’t decline because of kids but because of the expense of the travel involved, which was prohibitively expensive at the time. Bride was very angry, relationship never recovered.

The only time I've heard of this is after the bride shelled out $$$ to host an expensive bachelorette party, bought a $500 dress to be a bridesmaid, and flew to some rural place to attend the decliner's wedding. They are pissed the favor wasn't returned after all they did for that person. So, PP did you get married before your friend?

No. In fact she knew my financial situation, but when I declined, said some awful things about how I was too lazy to get another job to pay to attend her wedding. Her wedding was paid for entirely by her very wealthy parents, while I had to pay for most of my own, later wedding because my parents aren’t wealthy. I did not invite her to my wedding years later, of course.

Well that sucks but sounds like you weren't very good friends for her to turn so easily on you.

lol okay bridezilla. We’ve got you identified now.

You have to be in high school. There’s no way an adult is this ridiculous. DP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:American culture is insane.

They either can’t separate themselves from children for one night or they’re so broke they can’t afford a babysitter for a few hours.

I have friends who drug their three little kids around even to adult poker nights.

It’s disgraceful.

Actually, most cultures around the world do not do childless weddings. When I’ve discussed this with international friends everyone finds the concept weird!

+1. It's the insane individualism of certain strains of American culture that even make this idea possible. In cultures that see weddings as communal-family events, of which there are still plenty in America just outside UMC circles in big cities. The idea of "it's your big day, do what you want!" or bristling at the idea that you might have an obligation to other people is a way of starting a "marriage" that leads to the results you can see down the hall in the relationships forum.

Okay, but just as it would be rude and kind of weird for an American to lambaste events in another culture for not being like they do it back home (and it's crass when clueless Americans do this), so it's pretty rude and weird to do it here.

I'm American. It doesn't take a foreigner to see the rot.

Then I suggest traveling more so you can better understand why countries are different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Somewhere along the generations, parents started lugging their kids everywhere. In the 20th century parents left kids with family and went to places like Hawaii on their own, lol.

somewhere along the generations, weddings morphed from simple and affordable family affairs to the bride’s opportunity to cosplay Cinderella at great expense.

You are so, so butthurt that your children aren’t the center of anyone else’s universe. You should probably see a professional about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
1. It's fine to have an adults-only event. Nobody should get mad about it.

2. It's fine to decline to come to such an event for any reason at all, including childcare. Nobody should get mad about it.

3. If you think there must be a family reunion, then arrange one yourself. No other person owes it to you and is obligated to do it for you.

In the past #3 weddings and funerals were a natural way of getting family members together. Since most Americans don't get much time off. Why is that all of a sudden seen as a negative? If you get only two weeks off you would plan a family reunion?

If spending family time together is important to you in those two weeks then yes! Go for it. (We do, we rent a beach house and invite relatives.)

[Anonymous]

No idea why people are saying this is a ,pdern effect of instagram. I got married 25 years ago. No kid. In fact, no photographer (at the reception). Just a photographer at the ceremony and for posed photos (this was a long time ago, no one even thought to be photo documenting the evpntire day, because for what purpose?)

When we got married, all of our like aged friends had no kid weddings. Since then, I think every friend wedding I’ve been to is no kids. But we run in circles of highly educated small families in big cities. I think the only weddings I’ve been to with kids are my cousins, and our two nephews. They are smaller town, lower education families. At the last one, some little kid in the immediate family fell within two minutes of getting to the reception (he was horse playing on his chair) and put a total damper on the first hour of the party because he was wailing at the top of his lungs for an hour and bleeding everywhere, so a bunch of immediate family were attending to him, which heavily interfered in the family photos they were trying to take. I didn’t care, but man not much fun. We brought our own son to that wedding (we live in town and he was invited) and honestly it kind of sucked because he didn’t know the other kids and was bored so we left by 10. We otherwise would have stayed late and danced with all the 20 somethings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:American culture is insane.

They either can’t separate themselves from children for one night or they’re so broke they can’t afford a babysitter for a few hours.

I have friends who drug their three little kids around even to adult poker nights.

It’s disgraceful.

Actually, most cultures around the world do not do childless weddings. When I’ve discussed this with international friends everyone finds the concept weird!

+1. It's the insane individualism of certain strains of American culture that even make this idea possible. In cultures that see weddings as communal-family events, of which there are still plenty in America just outside UMC circles in big cities. The idea of "it's your big day, do what you want!" or bristling at the idea that you might have an obligation to other people is a way of starting a "marriage" that leads to the results you can see down the hall in the relationships forum.

Okay, but just as it would be rude and kind of weird for an American to lambaste events in another culture for not being like they do it back home (and it's crass when clueless Americans do this), so it's pretty rude and weird to do it here.

I'm American. It doesn't take a foreigner to see the rot.

Things have changes. Maybe what is rot for you is an improvement for others -- opinions vary.

We tell them they don't owe anyone anything, and then they kill each other.

We tell them no one owes them anytime, and then they kill themselves.

Of course, maybe some see that as an improvement. Opinions vary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So back to the thread title- why so angry? I do agree that the angriest people seem to be the people whose children are not invited and that is puzzling.

From what I can tell, BG accept the declines graciously.

Has anyone actually been harangued by a BG for declining a wedding invite? I certainly have not.

Yes, I have. I didn’t decline because of kids but because of the expense of the travel involved, which was prohibitively expensive at the time. Bride was very angry, relationship never recovered.

The only time I've heard of this is after the bride shelled out $$$ to host an expensive bachelorette party, bought a $500 dress to be a bridesmaid, and flew to some rural place to attend the decliner's wedding. They are pissed the favor wasn't returned after all they did for that person. So, PP did you get married before your friend?

No. In fact she knew my financial situation, but when I declined, said some awful things about how I was too lazy to get another job to pay to attend her wedding. Her wedding was paid for entirely by her very wealthy parents, while I had to pay for most of my own, later wedding because my parents aren’t wealthy. I did not invite her to my wedding years later, of course.

Well that sucks but sounds like you weren't very good friends for her to turn so easily on you.

Holy victim-blaming. Found the bridezilla!

So very good friends end great friendships over weddings? That's your belief?

Narcissists like that bride do, yes. My guess is you’re angry about this because you’re one of the narcissistic nightmares, and I say that as someone who doesn’t care about kids at weddings. You are kind of demonstrating that the people who are adamantly pro child free weddings are horrific narcissists, though.

My guess is you’re an ego maniac who cant imagine someone who doesn’t think exactly like you do. Maybe get help for your main character syndrome.

Nailed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
1. It's fine to have an adults-only event. Nobody should get mad about it.

2. It's fine to decline to come to such an event for any reason at all, including childcare. Nobody should get mad about it.

3. If you think there must be a family reunion, then arrange one yourself. No other person owes it to you and is obligated to do it for you.

In the past #3 weddings and funerals were a natural way of getting family members together. Since most Americans don't get much time off. Why is that all of a sudden seen as a negative? If you get only two weeks off you would plan a family reunion?

Hey, things change. That doesn't mean other people owe it to you to keep it the same. If you want something enough, go for it -- if not, then move on.

I've moved on. I just don't see a problem where people celebrate the marriage and see other relatives that normally don't seen as a negative. Not everyone can plan a family reunion with so many people living far away.

With so many maga relatives I will say no to both weddings and funerals. So your changes don't impact me at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had an evening wedding, adults only. Way before instagram. I was paying, so didn't want rando kids. We provided babysitting. It wasn't a problem for anyone as far as I know. My sister got mad because "her kids love weddings and they are well behaved". It was really her DH who wanted them there because he can't converse with adults and uses the kids as a crutch. He ended up in the bar watching the ballgame the whole reception anyway.

Nieces and nephews are different. If any of our sisters didn't invite our kids, I likely would not show up and it would start a war in our families. It's such a show of disrespect. We only have one sister each though. I think people expect nieces and nephews to be invited even when no other kids are.

If it's an adult wedding then no one should be mad if ALL the kids aren't invited. My niece invited my sibling's kids, and not mine. That is a big faux pas.

You know, the funny thing is that OP started this thread to criticize people with kids, but the most egregious examples of horrific behavior have been from brides.

Your reading comprehension is laughably poor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:American culture is insane.

They either can’t separate themselves from children for one night or they’re so broke they can’t afford a babysitter for a few hours.

I have friends who drug their three little kids around even to adult poker nights.

It’s disgraceful.

Actually, most cultures around the world do not do childless weddings. When I’ve discussed this with international friends everyone finds the concept weird!

+1. It's the insane individualism of certain strains of American culture that even make this idea possible. In cultures that see weddings as communal-family events, of which there are still plenty in America just outside UMC circles in big cities. The idea of "it's your big day, do what you want!" or bristling at the idea that you might have an obligation to other people is a way of starting a "marriage" that leads to the results you can see down the hall in the relationships forum.

Okay, but just as it would be rude and kind of weird for an American to lambaste events in another culture for not being like they do it back home (and it's crass when clueless Americans do this), so it's pretty rude and weird to do it here.

I'm American. It doesn't take a foreigner to see the rot.

Things have changes. Maybe what is rot for you is an improvement for others -- opinions vary.

We tell them they don't owe anyone anything, and then they kill each other.

We tell them no one owes them anytime, and then they kill themselves.

Of course, maybe some see that as an improvement. Opinions vary.

Okay. *shrug*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
1. It's fine to have an adults-only event. Nobody should get mad about it.

2. It's fine to decline to come to such an event for any reason at all, including childcare. Nobody should get mad about it.

3. If you think there must be a family reunion, then arrange one yourself. No other person owes it to you and is obligated to do it for you.

In the past #3 weddings and funerals were a natural way of getting family members together. Since most Americans don't get much time off. Why is that all of a sudden seen as a negative? If you get only two weeks off you would plan a family reunion?

Hey, things change. That doesn't mean other people owe it to you to keep it the same. If you want something enough, go for it -- if not, then move on.

I've moved on. I just don't see a problem where people celebrate the marriage and see other relatives that normally don't seen as a negative. Not everyone can plan a family reunion with so many people living far away.

With so many maga relatives I will say no to both weddings and funerals. So your changes don't impact me at all.

NP. Objectively speaking, if you are on page 25 of this thread, you have not “moved on.” Am I here for the popcorn entertainment? Sure am. I haven’t moved on from this thread or topic, and neither have you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have become so narcissistic. I guess I can understand it for people in their 20s. I got married at 25 and thought my wedding was a big deal (but didn’t exclude kids). Now, pushing 50, I have more perspective. The chances to have the whole family/loved ones all together are few and far between. And nobody cares about a wedding being “perfect” - they won’t even remember it after a week. The fact that people don’t want children to “ruin” their day is sad. That just isn’t what it’s about.

And you are entitled to "Your Opinion" Others feel differently and can meet with the entire family some other time. They don't need all the tiny kids running around at their adult reception.

Yes that’s absolutely right. But I won’t be attending any weddings if my kids aren’t invited.

Land the helicopter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:American culture is insane.

They either can’t separate themselves from children for one night or they’re so broke they can’t afford a babysitter for a few hours.

I have friends who drug their three little kids around even to adult poker nights.

It’s disgraceful.

Just to keep this idea grounded in reality, a babysitter for “a few hours” is from 4-12 for a local wedding. That’s eight hours, assume minimum $25/hour you’re looking at $200 just to leave the house. Thats low-tier wedding guest gift all by itself right there.

You don't literally have to stay until the end. Just go to the reception, have dinner, stay for a few dances, then go. People seem to be making this much harder than it has to be.

Ok great you’ve now made this a $150 cost to walk out the door. Good thing you’re here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:American culture is insane.

They either can’t separate themselves from children for one night or they’re so broke they can’t afford a babysitter for a few hours.

I have friends who drug their three little kids around even to adult poker nights.

It’s disgraceful.

Actually, most cultures around the world do not do childless weddings. When I’ve discussed this with international friends everyone finds the concept weird!

+1. It's the insane individualism of certain strains of American culture that even make this idea possible. In cultures that see weddings as communal-family events, of which there are still plenty in America just outside UMC circles in big cities. The idea of "it's your big day, do what you want!" or bristling at the idea that you might have an obligation to other people is a way of starting a "marriage" that leads to the results you can see down the hall in the relationships forum.

Okay, but just as it would be rude and kind of weird for an American to lambaste events in another culture for not being like they do it back home (and it's crass when clueless Americans do this), so it's pretty rude and weird to do it here.

I'm American. It doesn't take a foreigner to see the rot.

Things have changes. Maybe what is rot for you is an improvement for others -- opinions vary.

We tell them they don't owe anyone anything, and then they kill each other.

We tell them no one owes them anytime, and then they kill themselves.

Of course, maybe some see that as an improvement. Opinions vary.

Apathetic people aren't killing anyone. That's for you ranting, melodramatic types.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are South Asian and of course had kids at our wedding. But my cousin's kid wailed throughout my ceremony and my cousin didn't have the sense to take the kid outside of the hall. Years later, that same cousin's other kid almost ruined a couple's first dance bc the parents couldn't be bothered to keep their kid away from the dance floor for a few minutes.

This is to say, I understand why people exclude kids from weddings. It's not about the kids, it's about the entitled/clueless parents of said kids that don't remove their kid or correct their behavior.

See, a lot of people would find it really cute that a kid occupies the dance floor during the first dance. If I were the bride, I would love it and cherish those pics. Sadly, no kid came up to us during the dance, but I do have hilarious pics of kid shenanigans during other parts of my wedding - they're the best! I'm French, had my wedding in a castle in France, and all the kids were running around, petting the horses of the horse-drawn carriage (under supervision), running into the garden or the fields... it was carefree and exactly what I thought should happen.

The root of the problem is a fundamental difference in how certain adults view the presence of children, who naturally understand the world differently from adults. Childhood is so short and precious. Most of the world understands that this is a time to be understanding of their needs, not try to straight-jacket them into unnecessary decorum. The decorum gets learned every day. My kids are now young adults and teens. They and their cousins have absorbed all the required mannerisms to be courteous adults. They are none of the worse for being invited to weddings and being allowed to express themselves.

There are not enough eye roll emojis is the world to adequately respond to this nonsense.

Honestly the nonsense is the notion of a fully grown adult woman stomping her foot because she feels “upstaged” by her toddler nephew.

The foot stomping in this thread is from ridiculous, entitled parents.