Having an overweight teenage daughter is so hard

[Anonymous]

So, I'm probably the same size as your daughter... 5'2'', size 12. I had a mom obsessed with weight (it was the 80s so extremely typical). She had me tested for thyroid disorders and so forth... But it sounds like your daughter stopped being so active and is in a house where you are prioritizing your sons' massive eating more than providing your daughter with healthy options and then finding alternative ways for her to be healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Will she work out or go for a walk or run with you? Go to an indoor rec. center w/ a pool for swimming or a swim class?

Why would her daughter want to spend any time with her? We spend a lot of time teaching our kids how to know whether someone really likes you and is your friend or if they're using you for the benefit of their own twisted self-esteem.

Oh stop. So you only have friends that tell you exactly what you want to hear versus what you need to hear? I would be so upset if my parents said nothing and just let it become a huge problem. Step up and parent!

I have friends who know the difference between what someone actually needs to hear and what they want to say. I have friends who know how to stay in their lane.

I have great friends and great kids. We all respect each other as individuals.

A child’s health is in the parents lane. You can be respectful about it (some on here clearly were not) but still address it. To let it go is neglectful.

OP doesn't care about her daughter's health. She cares about her weight. And if you don't see the difference, you just earned an A+ in Not Getting It

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, I'm probably the same size as your daughter... 5'2'', size 12. I had a mom obsessed with weight (it was the 80s so extremely typical). She had me tested for thyroid disorders and so forth... But it sounds like your daughter stopped being so active and is in a house where you are prioritizing your sons' massive eating more than providing your daughter with healthy options and then finding alternative ways for her to be healthy.

That was not my take away at all. She said she buys plenty of heathy food and cooks at home. She likely meant, bc of her teenage sons, she also has some convenience type foods and snack foods for them to grab for quick energy. That doesn't necessarily mean junk food. Besides, we don't live in a junk food free world. OP's daughter is 16. Ultimately, she is making the choice of what and how much she puts in her body. Junk food will always be available to her if that is what she wants, at home, at school, at the corner store, a relative's, a friend's, etc. OP's daughter isn't overweight bc mom is only buying cheetos, pop tarts, funions, and fast food. She is likely overweight simply from eating too much in general, of a variety of things; a sandwich after school, a granola bar, a second helping of dinner, bowl of cereal before bed...this is how most kids that are aren't in poverty (and truly have no heathy food in house) get overweight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Will she work out or go for a walk or run with you? Go to an indoor rec. center w/ a pool for swimming or a swim class?

Why would her daughter want to spend any time with her? We spend a lot of time teaching our kids how to know whether someone really likes you and is your friend or if they're using you for the benefit of their own twisted self-esteem.

Oh stop. So you only have friends that tell you exactly what you want to hear versus what you need to hear? I would be so upset if my parents said nothing and just let it become a huge problem. Step up and parent!

I have friends who know the difference between what someone actually needs to hear and what they want to say. I have friends who know how to stay in their lane.

I have great friends and great kids. We all respect each other as individuals.

A child’s health is in the parents lane. You can be respectful about it (some on here clearly were not) but still address it. To let it go is neglectful.

OP doesn't care about her daughter's health. She cares about her weight. And if you don't see the difference, you just earned an A+ in Not Getting It

you arent getting it, healthy weight promotes health --both physical and mental

[Anonymous]

What comes first overweight or depression? It’s like the chicken and the egg. I would only slightly tweak diet and have SOME but not all healthy choices. The key is weight training and a lot of it to build fat/calorie burning muscle, improve mental condition and not take away food. Set up a free weight gym in your house and a personal trainer 4 days a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, I'm probably the same size as your daughter... 5'2'', size 12. I had a mom obsessed with weight (it was the 80s so extremely typical). She had me tested for thyroid disorders and so forth... But it sounds like your daughter stopped being so active and is in a house where you are prioritizing your sons' massive eating more than providing your daughter with healthy options and then finding alternative ways for her to be healthy.

This is such a shaming, unhelpful response. "Prioritizing your sons' massive eating" ? So the sons are eating too much?
I have seen nothing that indicates OP isn't providing healthy options for her daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: Consider having your daughter apply for an amount of life insurance that requires a physical. Once she is denied/rejected for coverage or only offered coverage at an extremely premium (rating), she may understand the need to seek medical help.

OP: You are 100% right to be concerned. This is both a mental health issue and an issue of physical health. Having a heart attack at a young age is unnecessary & preventable.

what the actual f*** is wrong with you

Seriously. I read these threads and I am blown away by just how awful these parents are. It is truly horrifying.

This and how OP sound is why I haven't spoken to my father in 20 years. He was so critical of me for being fat. Wouldn't buy me new clothes, withheld food and even generally treated me like I didn't even exist. We would go months not speaking to each other, living in the same household.

Thread carefully OP, thread carefully.

Harboring that kind of resentment for 20 years is just as unhealthy as you being fat. You are an adult now, call your father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
What comes first overweight or depression? It’s like the chicken and the egg. I would only slightly tweak diet and have SOME but not all healthy choices. The key is weight training and a lot of it to build fat/calorie burning muscle, improve mental condition and not take away food. Set up a free weight gym in your house and a personal trainer 4 days a week.

The mother should join in. This is fantastic for everyone. It is the fastest.. most results.. mentally uplifting.. non time consuming and effective for living life in the future. Anybody can do it and parents should teach their children. You may never be thin but you can be thinner.. more shapely.. stronger and healthier and dare I say sexy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
What comes first overweight or depression? It’s like the chicken and the egg. I would only slightly tweak diet and have SOME but not all healthy choices. The key is weight training and a lot of it to build fat/calorie burning muscle, improve mental condition and not take away food. Set up a free weight gym in your house and a personal trainer 4 days a week.

The mother should join in. This is fantastic for everyone. It is the fastest.. most results.. mentally uplifting.. non time consuming and effective for living life in the future. Anybody can do it and parents should teach their children. You may never be thin but you can be thinner.. more shapely.. stronger and healthier and dare I say sexy.

And happier/confident

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Will she work out or go for a walk or run with you? Go to an indoor rec. center w/ a pool for swimming or a swim class?

Why would her daughter want to spend any time with her? We spend a lot of time teaching our kids how to know whether someone really likes you and is your friend or if they're using you for the benefit of their own twisted self-esteem.

Oh stop. So you only have friends that tell you exactly what you want to hear versus what you need to hear? I would be so upset if my parents said nothing and just let it become a huge problem. Step up and parent!

I have friends who know the difference between what someone actually needs to hear and what they want to say. I have friends who know how to stay in their lane.

I have great friends and great kids. We all respect each other as individuals.

A child’s health is in the parents lane. You can be respectful about it (some on here clearly were not) but still address it. To let it go is neglectful.

OP doesn't care about her daughter's health. She cares about her weight. And if you don't see the difference, you just earned an A+ in Not Getting It

She mentioned HEALTH in the first sentence of her original post. You are projecting.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are setting her up for a life time of grief. she knows what you think and what you think is that she is not acceptable. you want a more socially acceptable daughter. she is not unhealthy, she will figure that part out herself if you love her and leave her be. I speak from experience. I've had the life time of hating my body because my mother was like you. My daughter pudged right up at some point (and many many many people remarked on it, it was outrageous) and I couldn't have cared less. I told her she was beautiful all the time. She is thin as a rail now and runs and does all kinds of stuff. and hopefully does not hate herself for life.

[Anonymous]

This is hard. my adult daughter has gained over 100 lbs since college. We talked to her about it once. Never again. I'd talk to her if she was a smoker, drinker or illegal drug user. Why is this different?
ultimately, they have to decide.
It's just heartbreaking to watch someone who can barely walk 10 steps without getting tired, can't do most things on family vacations, is treated by society as less than.
WE love her and spend time with her and she's great.
I get it OP. You feel like a failure as a parent.

[Anonymous]

Take her to the doctor to make sure nothing is wrong and then BACK OFF.

I was severely anorexic as a teen. This is a far worse problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
What comes first overweight or depression? It’s like the chicken and the egg. I would only slightly tweak diet and have SOME but not all healthy choices. The key is weight training and a lot of it to build fat/calorie burning muscle, improve mental condition and not take away food. Set up a free weight gym in your house and a personal trainer 4 days a week.

For my adhd kid it was getting overweight first. She was an impulse eater and her father allowed her sweets, desserts and huge portions. Because he also has adhd, and inhales food and never pays attention to what the kids are doing.

The depression came later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
What comes first overweight or depression? It’s like the chicken and the egg. I would only slightly tweak diet and have SOME but not all healthy choices. The key is weight training and a lot of it to build fat/calorie burning muscle, improve mental condition and not take away food. Set up a free weight gym in your house and a personal trainer 4 days a week.

For my adhd kid it was getting overweight first. She was an impulse eater and her father allowed her sweets, desserts and huge portions. Because he also has adhd, and inhales food and never pays attention to what the kids are doing.

The depression came later.

Weight training is perfect for adhd