Single father boyfriend does not want child with me

[Anonymous]

Looking for advice on whether to keep dating a man who has a 9-year old daughter from a past marriage and who does not want anymore children. I have always wanted to have a family and that desire has grown even more so while spending time with him and his child. He treats me well, and we get along great; but, I am having a hard time giving up on something I've always wanted. It also is really hard to have someone deny me something I want that he already has for himself. Would like to hear from others who've dealt with this issue. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

He knows what's involved in raising a child and is telling you he is not interested. Give him credit for being up front and honest.

My now DH had 2 children from a previous marriage. After 3 yrs of dating, his desire for no more children was a deal breaker. We separated for 6 months. During the 6 months, he decided that he wanted to be with me and if I wanted children, then that's what he would do. Our oldest is now 10 and life is good. He had to come to this decision on his own and no amount of discussion with me was going to change his mind.

[Anonymous]

Thanks - I appreciate your input. It is not an easy thing to give up on wanting a child, and I don't want to live with regret that I did not try to find a man who wants to share that with me.

[Anonymous]

He is a mature man, that knows what he wants/doesn't want. If you find that he doesn't fit for you, I'm sure you are mature enough to respect his wants/wishes and walk away to find someone that better suits your needs and wants. He isn't denying you anything.

[Anonymous]

Despite the PPs experience, my advice is that you dump him. Even if you had an "oops" baby my guess is that your relationship would not survive the infant stage. Your boyfriend probably hates babies and being a full-time parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He knows what's involved in raising a child and is telling you he is not interested. Give him credit for being up front and honest.

My now DH had 2 children from a previous marriage. After 3 yrs of dating, his desire for no more children was a deal breaker. We separated for 6 months. During the 6 months, he decided that he wanted to be with me and if I wanted children, then that's what he would do. Our oldest is now 10 and life is good. He had to come to this decision on his own and no amount of discussion with me was going to change his mind.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks - I appreciate your input. It is not an easy thing to give up on wanting a child, and I don't want to live with regret that I did not try to find a man who wants to share that with me.

Then don't. Children are amazing. They are tons of work, will make you crazy, and as you can tell from reading DCUM, there are times when you will question why you ever wanted to have children. But they are wonderful and it's amazing to be able to watch another person grow and develop. You get to experience all of the simple wonders of life through the eyes of a child.

There are millions of men out there but there's only one of you that can create your child. If you decide to give up on your dream of having a child for this man, you have to know 1000% that this man is worth giving up that dream and that you will not wren this child when s/he spends time with the two of you.

Good luck in your decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even if you had an "oops"

How awful this possibility is raised. You should be ashamed of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He knows what's involved in raising a child and is telling you he is not interested. Give him credit for being up front and honest.

My now DH had 2 children from a previous marriage. After 3 yrs of dating, his desire for no more children was a deal breaker. We separated for 6 months. During the 6 months, he decided that he wanted to be with me and if I wanted children, then that's what he would do. Our oldest is now 10 and life is good. He had to come to this decision on his own and no amount of discussion with me was going to change his mind.

Very selfish of you

[Anonymous]

Wren= resent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He knows what's involved in raising a child and is telling you he is not interested. Give him credit for being up front and honest.

My now DH had 2 children from a previous marriage. After 3 yrs of dating, his desire for no more children was a deal breaker. We separated for 6 months. During the 6 months, he decided that he wanted to be with me and if I wanted children, then that's what he would do. Our oldest is now 10 and life is good. He had to come to this decision on his own and no amount of discussion with me was going to change his mind.

+1

Another plus 1 but it was my SIL and she had the kid already. Her now husband was content with helping raise an older child and SIL wanted another baby. They split up and about 4 months later he said if being with her meant having a baby, he wanted a baby. They now have a 3 year old and he is one of the most loving and involved dad's I've ever met. He's said many times how glad he is he changed his mind because his life would be meaningless without his wife, their daughter, and his stepson.

[Anonymous]

OP, I would cut your losses with this guy. If he turns up wanting a baby in a few months-great. If not, you are giving yourself the chance to have a child with someone else.

I would forever resent a man who did not allow me to try for a child.

[Anonymous]

If it is that important to you and he really doesn't want any more kids, it's best to end it sooner rather than later.

[Anonymous]

If this is something that you seriously want, then you need to think about whether you will have regrets if you do not do this. Is your love strong enough with this man to give up this dream? He is being honest with you and you should respect this and let it help drive your decision.

[Anonymous]

I'm the original poster - just to clarify, there won't be an oops baby. I'm 43, and won't be conceiving naturally. I froze my eggs at 38. My boyfriend is 42. His daughter lives out of state with her mother, and only visits boyfriend for one week at Spring Break, 6 weeks over summer, and one week at Christmas. At 43, I realize my age is a huge factor in having a child with any man, so that is why I'm concerned with giving up on a man with whom I'm already in a relationship and who is otherwise very good to me.