Is it possible that there could be even more beach house drama???

[Anonymous]

My two siblings rented a beach house without inviting us because they don't like my husband. (According to a family member I trust who has no reason to lie.)

I thought we were just left out this year as a sort of oversight, and the house they wanted happened to be too small, but as it turns out the house was too small on purpose. Hey maybe they don't like me or my two kids either!

I guess I wasn't exactly LONGING to go or anything because of all the free babysitting I get roped into, but I am reeling from this a little and my feelings are hurt. I had no idea they felt this way and I've been communicating with them and joking around and sending them gifts for birthdays and occasions as though everything is fine. I feel so stupid and hurt, and a little angry. What is this, middle school?

Resolved: To never go on vacation with them again, even if they beg us. Which isn't likely to happen because apparently I missed the memo that they don't really like some or all of us.

[Anonymous]

My two siblings do This to me all the time, and often even my parents go along with it. I am single with no kids so I'm left out while the entire family gathers, sometimes even on minor holidays like Easter, Father's Day, etc.

It really hurts.

[Anonymous]

Why don't they like your husband? Is he mean? Offensive? Does he fart too much?

[Anonymous]

PP, sorry about your family. It does sting.

I think my siblings see my husband as sort of finicky. He doesn't like to tan and goes out covered in sunblock, actually spends a bunch of time indoors (including watching over any kids that happen to be inside, so it's not like he's shirking off babysitting) instead of in the waves, is a vegan (he makes do with what's available, but it has affected our dining out options a few times because I will veto a place that has no real options for him). He is nerdy, smart, and funny, but just sort of rubs them the wrong way somehow. He isn't mean or offensive, just a bit different than them and not willing to pander, if that makes any sense.

[Anonymous]

Compared to my sisters' husbands I would say my husband's farting is below average, but maybe any farting is too much, really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, sorry about your family. It does sting.

I think my siblings see my husband as sort of finicky. He doesn't like to tan and goes out covered in sunblock, actually spends a bunch of time indoors (including watching over any kids that happen to be inside, so it's not like he's shirking off babysitting) instead of in the waves, is a vegan (he makes do with what's available, but it has affected our dining out options a few times because I will veto a place that has no real options for him). He is nerdy, smart, and funny, but just sort of rubs them the wrong way somehow. He isn't mean or offensive, just a bit different than them and not willing to pander, if that makes any sense.

It sounds like he'd fit right in with my family. Would he like to come with us to the beach? We are all super against skin cancer and are forever tossing around sunscreen. We're all pretty nerdy and yet also like to do silly things - the other night we all made up new stanzas to Jimmy Fallon's "Tight Pants" skit and performed it for our neighbors. We've got two vegetarians and one gluten-free, so we're cool with a vegan. We all bring a few books and pass them around continuously. Sometimes there are three bookmarks in one book - each is a scrap of paper with a different person's name on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, sorry about your family. It does sting.

I think my siblings see my husband as sort of finicky. He doesn't like to tan and goes out covered in sunblock, actually spends a bunch of time indoors (including watching over any kids that happen to be inside, so it's not like he's shirking off babysitting) instead of in the waves, is a vegan (he makes do with what's available, but it has affected our dining out options a few times because I will veto a place that has no real options for him). He is nerdy, smart, and funny, but just sort of rubs them the wrong way somehow. He isn't mean or offensive, just a bit different than them and not willing to pander, if that makes any sense.

It sounds like he'd fit right in with my family. Would he like to come with us to the beach? We are all super against skin cancer and are forever tossing around sunscreen. We're all pretty nerdy and yet also like to do silly things - the other night we all made up new stanzas to Jimmy Fallon's "Tight Pants" skit and performed it for our neighbors. We've got two vegetarians and one gluten-free, so we're cool with a vegan. We all bring a few books and pass them around continuously. Sometimes there are three bookmarks in one book - each is a scrap of paper with a different person's name on it.

OP here. You guys sound really fun, and that actually made me feel quite a bit better, like we are quirky but fun and don't deserve to be outcasts to our family. So, thanks!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you are better off not hanging out with them, if they'd have a problem with someone who appreciates sunblock. I know it hurts, and it doesn't mean you can't be good siblings who love each other - you just don't hang out on vacations together. It'll be fine. You're different than your jerky siblings, and that's good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you are better off not hanging out with them, if they'd have a problem with someone who appreciates sunblock. I know it hurts, and it doesn't mean you can't be good siblings who love each other - you just don't hang out on vacations together. It'll be fine. You're different than your jerky siblings, and that's good.

This!
OP, it's time for you to take a lesson from your gay & lesbian friends. Many queer folks have been shunned by their families. So they create what is known as their "chosen family." It's friends whom they love, trust and rely upon. They celebrate birthdays and holidays together, just like any other family would. You need to create your own chosen family. Build your friendships. Go to the beach with another family. Celebrate with them. Just because your sisters share some DNA with you, it doesn't mean you have to spend "family" time with them. Spend your vacations and holidays with real family friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, sorry about your family. It does sting.

I think my siblings see my husband as sort of finicky. He doesn't like to tan and goes out covered in sunblock, actually spends a bunch of time indoors (including watching over any kids that happen to be inside, so it's not like he's shirking off babysitting) instead of in the waves, is a vegan (he makes do with what's available, but it has affected our dining out options a few times because I will veto a place that has no real options for him). He is nerdy, smart, and funny, but just sort of rubs them the wrong way somehow. He isn't mean or offensive, just a bit different than them and not willing to pander, if that makes any sense.

From your description, it sounds like he us inflexible and incapable of going with the flow. I would not opt to spend my beach vacation with him either.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sorry. That's really hurtful. Honestly, to be totally frank, I would not invite a vegan to go on a trip with me -- too much trouble to accommodate when you want to relax and eat a lot of cheese. BUT I would certainly do so if it were someone in my immediately family and not leave them out. Is this something you want to address with them? Maybe just say to your siblings that you are very hurt that you are being excluded and ask if they have some issue with your family? I wouldn't necessarily take this information indirectly if it were regarding someone as close as my sister and certainly wouldn't want to cut off all future travel options because of second-hand information. Maybe there's another explanation -- like maybe they've been under the impression that your husband doesn't enjoy these trips since he stays inside. I still think they should have extended an invitation, but if it were me, I'd want to have a conversation about it.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Looking back on their behavior, I am sure that they are excluding us because they don't much like H/us, not to save H from an unwanted beach vacation. Like the looks they'd exchange over H's exuberant sunscreen application, all the "acting" they did over the beach house happening to be small, etc. I don't want to make a big family drama and am not going to tell H because it is so hurtful. But like PP suggested we will find new "family" that is more like us to spend vacation time with, or do fun things by ourselves.

But they can't do this and think things are just going to be okay. I hope the icy breeze they feel from my direction feels nice on their vacation and afterwards, because that is what they will be getting from us for the foreseeable future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry. That's really hurtful. Honestly, to be totally frank, I would not invite a vegan to go on a trip with me -- too much trouble to accommodate when you want to relax and eat a lot of cheese. BUT I would certainly do so if it were someone in my immediately family and not leave them out. Is this something you want to address with them? Maybe just say to your siblings that you are very hurt that you are being excluded and ask if they have some issue with your family? I wouldn't necessarily take this information indirectly if it were regarding someone as close as my sister and certainly wouldn't want to cut off all future travel options because of second-hand information. Maybe there's another explanation -- like maybe they've been under the impression that your husband doesn't enjoy these trips since he stays inside. I still think they should have extended an invitation, but if it were me, I'd want to have a conversation about it.

Tee hee! For some reason, I just like the notion of
relaxing=eating a lot of cheese

I do love cheese, so this make sense to me!

If the vegan is cool with bringing some vegan friendly snacks, I imagine it wouldn't be that hard to accommodate.

[Anonymous]

I'd rather them just not include us, than force us to come and then they email a list of petty grievances about us and our kids, which is what my in laws did.

[Anonymous]

That is hurtful. I think, when you've had a chance to cool down and put some distance between you and the event, you should say something. At least say you hurt my feelings and it was not cool. I don't think you need to make a big production of it, but I think you should let them know. I also don't want to imply that I think you will make a big deal out of it as you seem pretty relaxed.