Is it possible that there could be even more beach house drama???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd rather them just not include us, than force us to come and then they email a list of petty grievances about us and our kids, which is what my in laws did.

NP here. This is my MIL. "Welcome to the beach house rental for the week - you suck". Response: "thanks for inviting us???" Are you kidding me? Aren't these people older/wiser than us, and shouldn't they know better? A rhetorical question, of course. Its their way or no way, in their very tiny, tiny, sad world.

OP, it is not you, trust me. Our IL's did this to us. Here's the rub: DH employed ungrateful SIL - so the paid vacation time was on us. (!!!!!!) How's that for a slap in the face? Some people are just cads. They are usually smug and entitled, among other things. Consider that a week of vacation you would have never been able to get back, with a bunch of people who really does not know what it means to be "family", after all. Funny how these types show their true colors, huh?

[Anonymous]

does=do

[Anonymous]

Ask them why you guys were left out -- you would have enjoyed going. Your relative may not lie, but i don't trust people who carry tales, especially when it is about how someone feels about someone else. You want to know how someone feels about you, ask THEM. Things can get misconstrued. Plus, as my mom always says, ' a dog that will bring a bone, will carry a bone." So what is your relative saying to your siblings about how YOU feel about THEM.
Think on this before you get all worked up about some feelings that may not have been acurately conveyed.

[Anonymous]

Op, I am sorry that you are so upset about this and that your family hasn't handled it well. I speak as someone whose immediate family (myself, dh and 2 kids) could never share a house with anyone else let alone my extended family. Since you mentioned that your MIL (your DH's mother) sent you a list of grievances after a vacation, is it at all possible that you and your family are difficult to travel with? I ask because my family and I are not "go with the flow" people and we tend to take our own vacations. Is it possible that maybe next year you could get your own small beach house and you could meet them during the day and then retire to your own accommodations? Maybe that would diffuse some of the tension?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you are better off not hanging out with them, if they'd have a problem with someone who appreciates sunblock. I know it hurts, and it doesn't mean you can't be good siblings who love each other - you just don't hang out on vacations together. It'll be fine. You're different than your jerky siblings, and that's good.

This!
OP, it's time for you to take a lesson from your gay & lesbian friends. Many queer folks have been shunned by their families. So they create what is known as their "chosen family." It's friends whom they love, trust and rely upon. They celebrate birthdays and holidays together, just like any other family would. You need to create your own chosen family. Build your friendships. Go to the beach with another family. Celebrate with them. Just because your sisters share some DNA with you, it doesn't mean you have to spend "family" time with them. Spend your vacations and holidays with real family friends.

Thank you for posting. I've had to stop relationships with a few toxic families. Not a gay issue, but nonetheless, toxic for me. Calling my friends "my chosen family" is a delightful, positive way of thinking about ridding myself (guilt guilt) of toxic relatives.

[Anonymous]

How terrible of them! It is their loss. Perhaps one day they will wise up. Keep the door open but keep your expectations low.

[Anonymous]

Go without them to some other beach, a new beach, place you've always wanted to try. Bring a neighbor kid(s) for your kids to play with. Make your own family.

And I would never, ever go on a trip with any of them again, you are right about that!

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP. They suck. Their loss, obviously not yours.

[Anonymous]

OP, if they are all over the edge about how your DH applies sunscreen, what else bothers them? Geez, they really need to grow up. You don't really WANT to vacation with these kind of people, do you?

Have they ever had a conversation with your DH that did not involve judgement or inquisition? My guess is no. Losers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I am sorry that you are so upset about this and that your family hasn't handled it well. I speak as someone whose immediate family (myself, dh and 2 kids) could never share a house with anyone else let alone my extended family. Since you mentioned that your MIL (your DH's mother) sent you a list of grievances after a vacation, is it at all possible that you and your family are difficult to travel with? I ask because my family and I are not "go with the flow" people and we tend to take our own vacations. Is it possible that maybe next year you could get your own small beach house and you could meet them during the day and then retire to your own accommodations? Maybe that would diffuse some of the tension?

OP here. The comment you're referring to was written by someone else; MIL is lovely and doesn't have a problem with us (that I know of -- this discovery kind of makes me question everything!).

It is possible that we are difficult to travel with, sure -- I'm sure the food restrictions are a bummer, though H always brings a bunch of food that works for him and we are always offering to go off and eat by ourselves. Even so, though, we've had our moments that probably annoyed everyone -- asking one sister to switch rooms with us when our youngest was a baby so we could fit her pack and play in the room, though it meant she lost the ocean view. I bet that really annoyed her though I didn't know it at the time (and if I realized she felt this resentment I wouldn't have asked, though I'm not sure what I would have done). But part of what hurts is that my sisters are certainly no pieces of cake, either. One is adamant about traveling with their golden retriever, which always cuts the places we can rent down by more than 75% at least. The other has three kids who are manipulative, spoiled, prone to tantrums, and mean-ish, who I have secretly worried are a bad influence over my kids. But I've sucked it all up and walked the dog and babysat the kids and never breathed a word of complaint because -- family. Yet out of this bunch, I am the pariah?

Okay. Whatever. Never again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask them why you guys were left out -- you would have enjoyed going. Your relative may not lie, but i don't trust people who carry tales, especially when it is about how someone feels about someone else. You want to know how someone feels about you, ask THEM. Things can get misconstrued. Plus, as my mom always says, ' a dog that will bring a bone, will carry a bone." So what is your relative saying to your siblings about how YOU feel about THEM.
Think on this before you get all worked up about some feelings that may not have been acurately conveyed.

This. Also, maybe you can do one day long things with your siblings. Not everyone gets along for a whole week at a time all together. No offense, but I woulnd't want to spend a week with a vegan. The sunscreen, I don't mind.

[Anonymous]

what is your husband like?

[Anonymous]

Well, now you know, OP. I wouldn't vacation with them anymore, either. And for what it's worth, there have been a lot of family vacation drama posts lately so you are not alone.

I don't get the big attraction of being cooped up with various family members for a week at the beach who are not compatible in close quarters. Ick!

[Anonymous]

Vegans don't eat cheese, you ignoramus. Dairy is an animal product. No animal products at all for vegans! And if you let someone's dietary needs dictate whether you would go on vacation with them, you must be a very small minded person.

[Anonymous]

Wow. If you can't accommodate a vegan who brings his own food, your eating habits are going to kill you early.