Making time for kids? Study says quality trumps quantity

[Anonymous]

I am the PP who has just been bashed by half of DCUM...I find it hilarious that all of you outrage at me judging others yet that's exactly what you just did. You are allowed to have and share your point of view but because I don't agree with you I must remain silent. Okay. You make total sense. If you want to take time off for parenting, you can. If you really want to make it work, you can. If you choose not to, then fine. Your life, your choice. All I said was not to walk around telling people like me that you had no choice. Because you DID. And you made your choice. Now you can't stand up for your choice and instead have to make people feel bad who did make a different choice because that's what they believe is best for their kids? Yeah, okay...

But go ahead. First accuse me of being judgmental and then turn your back and be just as judgmental. Hilarious really...but that's just DCUM I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I would do anything and everything necessary to be with my kids during the early years. At least from 1-3. Daycare can kick in at 3. And yes, I have done it all: moved to a cheaper area, worked from home, cut expenses etc. etc. Being with my kids absolutely trumps making money. As long as we have enough we have enough. Love, care and time over all are important to a child's early development...being able to afford nice clothes, toys, vacations, camps etc. is not as important to a child's emotional well-being as is being with Mom.

I would never leave an infant in daycare. Never. I would never leave an under 2 year old in daycare. Never. I do judge people who leave their under 2s in daycare because there ALWAYS are other ways. We got by on very little money for a very long time because we changed our priorities. It's not a bad life - just different. So nobody can tell me "I HAD TO leave my 6 months old at daycare 8 hours a day because I HAD TO work." No. You just didn't look hard enough for other options.

You are really going to struggle if you ever start spending a lot of time with older children and teenagers and see how little SAHM parenting before age three has to do with their emotional health and well-being.

I stayed home for that period myself but I don't think it provided some magical properties.

[Anonymous]

I wish there could be an actual experiment done with 1000 kids. 500 have parents who give them into day are 8-10 hrs a day, starting at 6 months all the way through childhood. 500 of them have one parent who stays home age 0-3 and then is home at least from 2pm on throughout their childhood. Then ask those kids how many of them felt their parents spent enough time with them during childhood.

How a child turns out at the end, if they are successful, emotionally okay etc. is not all it is about. Sure a child can spend 8 hrs/day in daycare and still turn out successful, independent and overall fine...but if that was your child and your child told you at 18 or 30 that he/she always felt neither Mom nor Dad were ever really there - don't tell me that wouldn't bother you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I would do anything and everything necessary to be with my kids during the early years. At least from 1-3. Daycare can kick in at 3. And yes, I have done it all: moved to a cheaper area, worked from home, cut expenses etc. etc. Being with my kids absolutely trumps making money. As long as we have enough we have enough. Love, care and time over all are important to a child's early development...being able to afford nice clothes, toys, vacations, camps etc. is not as important to a child's emotional well-being as is being with Mom.

I would never leave an infant in daycare. Never. I would never leave an under 2 year old in daycare. Never. I do judge people who leave their under 2s in daycare because there ALWAYS are other ways. We got by on very little money for a very long time because we changed our priorities. It's not a bad life - just different. So nobody can tell me "I HAD TO leave my 6 months old at daycare 8 hours a day because I HAD TO work." No. You just didn't look hard enough for other options.

You are really going to struggle if you ever start spending a lot of time with older children and teenagers and see how little SAHM parenting before age three has to do with their emotional health and well-being.

I stayed home for that period myself but I don't think it provided some magical properties.

Perhaps you didn't engage during those critical foundational years. There's no magic. You need to know what you're doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I would do anything and everything necessary to be with my kids during the early years. At least from 1-3. Daycare can kick in at 3. And yes, I have done it all: moved to a cheaper area, worked from home, cut expenses etc. etc. Being with my kids absolutely trumps making money. As long as we have enough we have enough. Love, care and time over all are important to a child's early development...being able to afford nice clothes, toys, vacations, camps etc. is not as important to a child's emotional well-being as is being with Mom.

I would never leave an infant in daycare. Never. I would never leave an under 2 year old in daycare. Never. I do judge people who leave their under 2s in daycare because there ALWAYS are other ways. We got by on very little money for a very long time because we changed our priorities. It's not a bad life - just different. So nobody can tell me "I HAD TO leave my 6 months old at daycare 8 hours a day because I HAD TO work." No. You just didn't look hard enough for other options.

You are really going to struggle if you ever start spending a lot of time with older children and teenagers and see how little SAHM parenting before age three has to do with their emotional health and well-being.

I stayed home for that period myself but I don't think it provided some magical properties.

Perhaps you didn't engage during those critical foundational years. There's no magic. You need to know what you're doing.

You really need to stop with the wishful thinking before it harms your children. My own SAHM thought and acted like you. It took a lot of therapy to undo. Having your mom's emotional self-worth entirely dependent on her perception of being a better mother to you than others is very damaging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish there could be an actual experiment done with 1000 kids. 500 have parents who give them into day are 8-10 hrs a day, starting at 6 months all the way through childhood. 500 of them have one parent who stays home age 0-3 and then is home at least from 2pm on throughout their childhood. Then ask those kids how many of them felt their parents spent enough time with them during childhood.

How a child turns out at the end, if they are successful, emotionally okay etc. is not all it is about. Sure a child can spend 8 hrs/day in daycare and still turn out successful, independent and overall fine...but if that was your child and your child told you at 18 or 30 that he/she always felt neither Mom nor Dad were ever really there - don't tell me that wouldn't bother you.

They've done multiple studies on outcomes between the children of working moms and SAHMs, including measures of emotional characteristics, and have found little to no difference based on working or not working. I realize this is not something you want to understand, however.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Truth - Show me your day planner and I'll tell you what is most important to you. The way you allocate your time reflects your priorities.

You spend the most time on the things that matter most to you.

What does your husband's allocate?

This.

I really hope Ms. "Show me your day planner and I'll tell you what is most important to you" answers this, because it'll be a pretty piece of insight into the SAHM-uber-alles mentality.

First, I'm not a SAHM. I went back to work part-time when my youngest started kindergarten and full time when he started high school. I'm still home by 4pm every day at the very latest.

Second, no matter how much you may want it to be true, a father is never going to be the same as a mother. My DH didn't carry our child in his body for nine months. His body was not designed to provide nourishment to a baby. There is nothing natural about pumping milk from your body and giving it to your baby from a plastic nipple. We don't even take puppies away from their mothers until they are weaned.

I'm not anti working mom. I work. I do find it unbelievable that a [b]"mother" would leave an infant or young child for 8+ hours a day. I would have sold our home and everything in it and moved to an apartment in a lower cost of living area before I would have left an infant in daycare or with a nanny.

My DH has a flexible, well paying job. I know we are fortunate. He was able to spend a ton of time with our kids. How primary job, however was to provide for his family financially. His schedule would reflect that because he knew our children were being cared for by someone who loved them more than anything in the world, he could relax and do his job. Once they were older and in school, that of course changed.

There are seasons to life. Moms and babies belong together. Most of the world has figured that out.

You are so evil I can barely type. I hate you. I truly do. I hate everything about someone like you. You put mother in quotes and wonder why you're getting blasted?? Because you're a horrible bitch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Truth - Show me your day planner and I'll tell you what is most important to you. The way you allocate your time reflects your priorities.

You spend the most time on the things that matter most to you.

What does your husband's allocate?

This.

I really hope Ms. "Show me your day planner and I'll tell you what is most important to you" answers this, because it'll be a pretty piece of insight into the SAHM-uber-alles mentality.

First, I'm not a SAHM. I went back to work part-time when my youngest started kindergarten and full time when he started high school. I'm still home by 4pm every day at the very latest.

Second, no matter how much you may want it to be true, a father is never going to be the same as a mother. My DH didn't carry our child in his body for nine months. His body was not designed to provide nourishment to a baby. There is nothing natural about pumping milk from your body and giving it to your baby from a plastic nipple. We don't even take puppies away from their mothers until they are weaned.

I'm not anti working mom. I work. I do find it unbelievable that a [b]"mother" would leave an infant or young child for 8+ hours a day. I would have sold our home and everything in it and moved to an apartment in a lower cost of living area before I would have left an infant in daycare or with a nanny.

My DH has a flexible, well paying job. I know we are fortunate. He was able to spend a ton of time with our kids. How primary job, however was to provide for his family financially. His schedule would reflect that because he knew our children were being cared for by someone who loved them more than anything in the world, he could relax and do his job. Once they were older and in school, that of course changed.

There are seasons to life. Moms and babies belong together. Most of the world has figured that out.

You are so evil I can barely type. I hate you. I truly do. I hate everything about someone like you. You put mother in quotes and wonder why you're getting blasted?? Because you're a horrible bitch.

Maybe you should hang out at a daycare more than a few minutes. And explain how it's a good place for babies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish there could be an actual experiment done with 1000 kids. 500 have parents who give them into day are 8-10 hrs a day, starting at 6 months all the way through childhood. 500 of them have one parent who stays home age 0-3 and then is home at least from 2pm on throughout their childhood. Then ask those kids how many of them felt their parents spent enough time with them during childhood.

How a child turns out at the end, if they are successful, emotionally okay etc. is not all it is about. Sure a child can spend 8 hrs/day in daycare and still turn out successful, independent and overall fine...but if that was your child and your child told you at 18 or 30 that he/she always felt neither Mom nor Dad were ever really there - don't tell me that wouldn't bother you.

shouldn't it be starting at 3 mo - the typical length of maternity leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Truth - Show me your day planner and I'll tell you what is most important to you. The way you allocate your time reflects your priorities.

You spend the most time on the things that matter most to you.

What does your husband's allocate?

This.

I really hope Ms. "Show me your day planner and I'll tell you what is most important to you" answers this, because it'll be a pretty piece of insight into the SAHM-uber-alles mentality.

First, I'm not a SAHM. I went back to work part-time when my youngest started kindergarten and full time when he started high school. I'm still home by 4pm every day at the very latest.

Second, no matter how much you may want it to be true, a father is never going to be the same as a mother. My DH didn't carry our child in his body for nine months. His body was not designed to provide nourishment to a baby. There is nothing natural about pumping milk from your body and giving it to your baby from a plastic nipple. We don't even take puppies away from their mothers until they are weaned.

I'm not anti working mom. I work. I do find it unbelievable that a [b]"mother" would leave an infant or young child for 8+ hours a day. I would have sold our home and everything in it and moved to an apartment in a lower cost of living area before I would have left an infant in daycare or with a nanny.

My DH has a flexible, well paying job. I know we are fortunate. He was able to spend a ton of time with our kids. How primary job, however was to provide for his family financially. His schedule would reflect that because he knew our children were being cared for by someone who loved them more than anything in the world, he could relax and do his job. Once they were older and in school, that of course changed.

There are seasons to life. Moms and babies belong together. Most of the world has figured that out.

You are so evil I can barely type. I hate you. I truly do. I hate everything about someone like you. You put mother in quotes and wonder why you're getting blasted?? Because you're a horrible bitch.

Maybe you should hang out at a daycare more than a few minutes. And explain how it's a good place for babies.

Versus being with somebody as unkind as you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Truth - Show me your day planner and I'll tell you what is most important to you. The way you allocate your time reflects your priorities.

You spend the most time on the things that matter most to you.

What does your husband's allocate?

This.

I really hope Ms. "Show me your day planner and I'll tell you what is most important to you" answers this, because it'll be a pretty piece of insight into the SAHM-uber-alles mentality.

First, I'm not a SAHM. I went back to work part-time when my youngest started kindergarten and full time when he started high school. I'm still home by 4pm every day at the very latest.

Second, no matter how much you may want it to be true, a father is never going to be the same as a mother. My DH didn't carry our child in his body for nine months. His body was not designed to provide nourishment to a baby. There is nothing natural about pumping milk from your body and giving it to your baby from a plastic nipple. We don't even take puppies away from their mothers until they are weaned.

I'm not anti working mom. I work. I do find it unbelievable that a [b]"mother" would leave an infant or young child for 8+ hours a day. I would have sold our home and everything in it and moved to an apartment in a lower cost of living area before I would have left an infant in daycare or with a nanny.

My DH has a flexible, well paying job. I know we are fortunate. He was able to spend a ton of time with our kids. How primary job, however was to provide for his family financially. His schedule would reflect that because he knew our children were being cared for by someone who loved them more than anything in the world, he could relax and do his job. Once they were older and in school, that of course changed.

There are seasons to life. Moms and babies belong together. Most of the world has figured that out.

You are so evil I can barely type. I hate you. I truly do. I hate everything about someone like you. You put mother in quotes and wonder why you're getting blasted?? Because you're a horrible bitch.

Maybe you should hang out at a daycare more than a few minutes. And explain how it's a good place for babies.

Versus being with somebody as unkind as you?

I'm a different poster. How is a daycare a good place for a baby?

[Anonymous]

OK, lady who decides to put "mother" in quotes. You win. Honestly. Reading your comments about how you think I have failed as a "mother" has gotten to me. I can't take back the formative years. I can't redo anything. I can't change the decisions that we made years ago. But you have succeeded in making me feel like an utter failure. Are you happy? Does this bring joy to your heart? I hope so, I guess, for your sake, because I can't think of any other motivation you have to post what you have, over and over and then cry victim because you're getting bashed. This must make your day, to know that you have truly gotten to someone and I will go about my Easter Sunday believing that I have failed. Thanks very much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Truth - Show me your day planner and I'll tell you what is most important to you. The way you allocate your time reflects your priorities.

You spend the most time on the things that matter most to you.

What does your husband's allocate?

This.

I really hope Ms. "Show me your day planner and I'll tell you what is most important to you" answers this, because it'll be a pretty piece of insight into the SAHM-uber-alles mentality.

First, I'm not a SAHM. I went back to work part-time when my youngest started kindergarten and full time when he started high school. I'm still home by 4pm every day at the very latest.

Second, no matter how much you may want it to be true, a father is never going to be the same as a mother. My DH didn't carry our child in his body for nine months. His body was not designed to provide nourishment to a baby. There is nothing natural about pumping milk from your body and giving it to your baby from a plastic nipple. We don't even take puppies away from their mothers until they are weaned.

I'm not anti working mom. I work. I do find it unbelievable that a [b]"mother" would leave an infant or young child for 8+ hours a day. I would have sold our home and everything in it and moved to an apartment in a lower cost of living area before I would have left an infant in daycare or with a nanny.

My DH has a flexible, well paying job. I know we are fortunate. He was able to spend a ton of time with our kids. How primary job, however was to provide for his family financially. His schedule would reflect that because he knew our children were being cared for by someone who loved them more than anything in the world, he could relax and do his job. Once they were older and in school, that of course changed.

There are seasons to life. Moms and babies belong together. Most of the world has figured that out.

You are so evil I can barely type. I hate you. I truly do. I hate everything about someone like you. You put mother in quotes and wonder why you're getting blasted?? Because you're a horrible bitch.

Maybe you should hang out at a daycare more than a few minutes. And explain how it's a good place for babies.

Versus being with somebody as unkind as you?

I'm a different poster. How is a daycare a good place for a baby?

Kids need to be with caregivers who are kind and emotionally healthy. I'd focus on meeting your own challenges in that arena before worrying about somebody else's child in daycare. Given what you've posted and how you've posted, it's your kids I'd worry about, not the babies in daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK, lady who decides to put "mother" in quotes. You win. Honestly. Reading your comments about how you think I have failed as a "mother" has gotten to me. I can't take back the formative years. I can't redo anything. I can't change the decisions that we made years ago. But you have succeeded in making me feel like an utter failure. Are you happy? Does this bring joy to your heart? I hope so, I guess, for your sake, because I can't think of any other motivation you have to post what you have, over and over and then cry victim because you're getting bashed. This must make your day, to know that you have truly gotten to someone and I will go about my Easter Sunday believing that I have failed. Thanks very much.

Don't worry. You're obviously the better mother. Nobody who is that cruel escapes inflicting her cruelty on her own children.

I feel really sorry for her kids, but not yours. PP, go enjoy your Easter and your children. You're doing fine. The other PP, not so much.

[Anonymous]

OMG - you are all getting so hysterical. Obviously it's best for a very young infant to be with its mother in the beginning. If that can't happen for whatever reason THAT IS STILL OK. Your kid will still be fine. No one is trying to make you feel bad, but don't act like you didn't know that when you decided to stick them in daycare at 12 weeks old. It was your choice.

Good thing kids are resilient and most aren't damaged by their mental moms and/or childcare situation.