Toxic Masculinity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is toxic masculinity versus regular masculinity? Genuinely asking. Most boys do feel natural being gasp masculine.

I’m married to a guy who is pretty stereotypically masculine (LEO). My dad, grandfathers, and brothers-in-law are/were similar. We are all raising boys.

From my perspective, healthy masculinity involves taking responsibility and ownership for things—maintaining one’s home/car in good working order, staying physically fit, and taking care of one’s finances. It also involves strong emotional regulation and a sense of responsibility for the safety of other members of the family. We teach our older son, for example, that he has an obligation to look out for his younger siblings and cousins. Men are expected to be responsible, confident, and consistent stewards of the world around them.

Toxic masculinity transforms “stewardship” into “ownership.” Instead of having an obligation to care for others, toxic masculinity tells men that others exist to serve them—women should be hot and compliant and kids should pursue interests that reflect positively on dad. Toxicly masculine men don’t believe they have a responsibility to emotionally regulate, so they do things like get into physical fights, use pornography excessively, gamble excessively, and struggle in intimate relationships with women.

So what does this mean exactly? Because it sounds like it means they shouldn't express feelings.

Is that what your understanding of the term “emotional regulation” is? It’s a pretty common term in the child development world, so I’m surprised that’s your take.

Emotional regulation is the ability to understand and process one’s emotions and control one’s response. It is a life skill. It means that if something makes you angry, you don’t scream, hit, or throw things. It means that if a boss has a critique of your work, you’re able to hear them out without cutting them off or becoming combative. It means that if you’re anxious, you use positive outlets like going for a walk or talking to a trusted person, rather than abusing alcohol or drugs.

It doesn’t involve suppression or ignoring one’s emotions. It involves expressing those emotions in a healthy, safe, pro-social way.

Exactly, the “child development” term is the tell. Imagine a kindergarten class: what gender are the kids who are misbehaving, roughhousing, fidgeting, clowning, and disobeying the teacher? Now which gender is docile, compliant, and rule-following? Half of elementary school is training the former to suppress, er, express themselves “in a healthy, safe, pro-social way.”

Expecting men not to hit and scream when they're angry isn't the same as telling men they can never express sadness or anxiety. Are you really that literal and simple-minded?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is toxic masculinity versus regular masculinity? Genuinely asking. Most boys do feel natural being gasp masculine.

I’m married to a guy who is pretty stereotypically masculine (LEO). My dad, grandfathers, and brothers-in-law are/were similar. We are all raising boys.

From my perspective, healthy masculinity involves taking responsibility and ownership for things—maintaining one’s home/car in good working order, staying physically fit, and taking care of one’s finances. It also involves strong emotional regulation and a sense of responsibility for the safety of other members of the family. We teach our older son, for example, that he has an obligation to look out for his younger siblings and cousins. Men are expected to be responsible, confident, and consistent stewards of the world around them.

Toxic masculinity transforms “stewardship” into “ownership.” Instead of having an obligation to care for others, toxic masculinity tells men that others exist to serve them—women should be hot and compliant and kids should pursue interests that reflect positively on dad. Toxicly masculine men don’t believe they have a responsibility to emotionally regulate, so they do things like get into physical fights, use pornography excessively, gamble excessively, and struggle in intimate relationships with women.

So what does this mean exactly? Because it sounds like it means they shouldn't express feelings.

Is that what your understanding of the term “emotional regulation” is? It’s a pretty common term in the child development world, so I’m surprised that’s your take.

Emotional regulation is the ability to understand and process one’s emotions and control one’s response. It is a life skill. It means that if something makes you angry, you don’t scream, hit, or throw things. It means that if a boss has a critique of your work, you’re able to hear them out without cutting them off or becoming combative. It means that if you’re anxious, you use positive outlets like going for a walk or talking to a trusted person, rather than abusing alcohol or drugs.

It doesn’t involve suppression or ignoring one’s emotions. It involves expressing those emotions in a healthy, safe, pro-social way.

Exactly, the “child development” term is the tell. Imagine a kindergarten class: what gender are the kids who are misbehaving, roughhousing, fidgeting, clowning, and disobeying the teacher? Now which gender is docile, compliant, and rule-following? Half of elementary school is training the former to suppress, er, express themselves “in a healthy, safe, pro-social way.”

Expecting men not to hit and scream when they're angry isn't the same as telling men they can never express sadness or anxiety. Are you really that literal and simple-minded?

Emotional regulation goes far beyond not hitting and screaming when you’re angry. You must know this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is toxic masculinity versus regular masculinity? Genuinely asking. Most boys do feel natural being gasp masculine.

I’m married to a guy who is pretty stereotypically masculine (LEO). My dad, grandfathers, and brothers-in-law are/were similar. We are all raising boys.

From my perspective, healthy masculinity involves taking responsibility and ownership for things—maintaining one’s home/car in good working order, staying physically fit, and taking care of one’s finances. It also involves strong emotional regulation and a sense of responsibility for the safety of other members of the family. We teach our older son, for example, that he has an obligation to look out for his younger siblings and cousins. Men are expected to be responsible, confident, and consistent stewards of the world around them.

Toxic masculinity transforms “stewardship” into “ownership.” Instead of having an obligation to care for others, toxic masculinity tells men that others exist to serve them—women should be hot and compliant and kids should pursue interests that reflect positively on dad. Toxicly masculine men don’t believe they have a responsibility to emotionally regulate, so they do things like get into physical fights, use pornography excessively, gamble excessively, and struggle in intimate relationships with women.

So what does this mean exactly? Because it sounds like it means they shouldn't express feelings.

Is that what your understanding of the term “emotional regulation” is? It’s a pretty common term in the child development world, so I’m surprised that’s your take.

Emotional regulation is the ability to understand and process one’s emotions and control one’s response. It is a life skill. It means that if something makes you angry, you don’t scream, hit, or throw things. It means that if a boss has a critique of your work, you’re able to hear them out without cutting them off or becoming combative. It means that if you’re anxious, you use positive outlets like going for a walk or talking to a trusted person, rather than abusing alcohol or drugs.

It doesn’t involve suppression or ignoring one’s emotions. It involves expressing those emotions in a healthy, safe, pro-social way.

Exactly, the “child development” term is the tell. Imagine a kindergarten class: what gender are the kids who are misbehaving, roughhousing, fidgeting, clowning, and disobeying the teacher? Now which gender is docile, compliant, and rule-following? Half of elementary school is training the former to suppress, er, express themselves “in a healthy, safe, pro-social way.”

Expecting men not to hit and scream when they're angry isn't the same as telling men they can never express sadness or anxiety. Are you really that literal and simple-minded?

Emotional regulation goes far beyond not hitting and screaming when you’re angry. You must know this.

What do you think it means?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is toxic masculinity versus regular masculinity? Genuinely asking. Most boys do feel natural being gasp masculine.

I’m married to a guy who is pretty stereotypically masculine (LEO). My dad, grandfathers, and brothers-in-law are/were similar. We are all raising boys.

From my perspective, healthy masculinity involves taking responsibility and ownership for things—maintaining one’s home/car in good working order, staying physically fit, and taking care of one’s finances. It also involves strong emotional regulation and a sense of responsibility for the safety of other members of the family. We teach our older son, for example, that he has an obligation to look out for his younger siblings and cousins. Men are expected to be responsible, confident, and consistent stewards of the world around them.

Toxic masculinity transforms “stewardship” into “ownership.” Instead of having an obligation to care for others, toxic masculinity tells men that others exist to serve them—women should be hot and compliant and kids should pursue interests that reflect positively on dad. Toxicly masculine men don’t believe they have a responsibility to emotionally regulate, so they do things like get into physical fights, use pornography excessively, gamble excessively, and struggle in intimate relationships with women.

So what does this mean exactly? Because it sounds like it means they shouldn't express feelings.

Is that what your understanding of the term “emotional regulation” is? It’s a pretty common term in the child development world, so I’m surprised that’s your take.

Emotional regulation is the ability to understand and process one’s emotions and control one’s response. It is a life skill. It means that if something makes you angry, you don’t scream, hit, or throw things. It means that if a boss has a critique of your work, you’re able to hear them out without cutting them off or becoming combative. It means that if you’re anxious, you use positive outlets like going for a walk or talking to a trusted person, rather than abusing alcohol or drugs.

It doesn’t involve suppression or ignoring one’s emotions. It involves expressing those emotions in a healthy, safe, pro-social way.

Exactly, the “child development” term is the tell. Imagine a kindergarten class: what gender are the kids who are misbehaving, roughhousing, fidgeting, clowning, and disobeying the teacher? Now which gender is docile, compliant, and rule-following? Half of elementary school is training the former to suppress, er, express themselves “in a healthy, safe, pro-social way.”

I’m not sure what kind of “tell” you’re talking about. Can you explain?