I will NEVER forgive my sister

[Anonymous]

Long story short, my sister started dating a guy that I had a brief fling with (about 5 years ago). I was vulnerable and heartbroken after ending an engagement so I ran into this guys arms for comfort. He took advantage of my vulnerability. He took me on a few nice dates, and got exactly what he wanted and just threw me to the curb. My sister knew all about this. Fast forward to now, and she is engaged to marry HIM! Even better, they have a baby together. They hid their relationship from me for about a year and a half. Once I found out about it, I laughed it off and assumed it would go no where. I was just told by a family friend that they're planning to wed in September and I am not invited. I cannot visit family without squirming under his constant stare and I really just want to look at him right in the face and scream "WHAT?!?" He never speaks to me, just constantly stares. I can't help but wonder if this is a game to him.

My sister claims that she cannot control who her heart loves and blah, blah BUT she could have avoided this entire situation by NEVER seeing him in the first place because she knew what he did to me. But to not invite me to her wedding because of something that is out of my control is beyond hurtful. I will never forgive her for this. I hate my heart for also not being able to love her daughter (their child) in the same way that I love my other nieces and nephews. This could very well just be a movie plot.

[Anonymous]

If you sleep with a guy after a few dates, while you are on a rebound, and he doesn't keep you trailing along, five years later he is fair game for your sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you sleep with a guy after a few dates, while you are on a rebound, and he doesn't keep you trailing along, five years later he is fair game for your sister.

Actually no, they started dating months after he did what he did to me - they just hid it from me. -OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you sleep with a guy after a few dates, while you are on a rebound, and he doesn't keep you trailing along, five years later he is fair game for your sister.

Not cool to fuck your sister's discards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you sleep with a guy after a few dates, while you are on a rebound, and he doesn't keep you trailing along, five years later he is fair game for your sister.

Actually no, they started dating months after he did what he did to me - they just hid it from me. -OP

Given how fragile you are, why didn't you respect yourself enough to not sleep with a guy you'd dated a few times while on the rebound?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you sleep with a guy after a few dates, while you are on a rebound, and he doesn't keep you trailing along, five years later he is fair game for your sister.

Not cool to fuck your sister's discards.

That would be discarder, not discards.

It sucks, OP, but not much you can do about it. Find some good friends to vent to and get on with your life. Easier said than done, I know.

[Anonymous]

Okay, sure, your sister shouldn't have dated this guy, but the way you harp on about "what he did to you" shows an astounding lack of growth on your part. Especially since it's more like "what you let him make you feel". You need to get into therapy to get over this situation. It's not like he was your fiance or the love of your life. He was a dude with whom it was never going to work out. You have to be the bigger person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you sleep with a guy after a few dates, while you are on a rebound, and he doesn't keep you trailing along, five years later he is fair game for your sister.

Not cool to fuck your sister's discards.

Doesn't have to be cool to be fair to build a life with someone who wants to build a life with you.

OP lacked what this guy wanted. Her sister has it. So he's gonna put a ring on it. OP is jealous of her sister and still torching for the guy.

[Anonymous]

It's not great, but getting dumped after a few dates and sleeping together wouldn't typically generate this much rage from a person. I understand it sucks, but if they've been together for years and have a child, I think it might be worthwhile for you to examine your own feelings and see where all of your fury is coming from, and see if you can move past it.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to get over it.

[Anonymous]

That's pretty gross. It's one thing if she, too, had a fling with him -- it happens.

But one wonders what she sees in someone who treated her sister poorly? What was your relationship like with sis before the guy, OP?

Turn this around, OP -- sounds like you REALLY dodged a bullet. What a pair of charmers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you sleep with a guy after a few dates, while you are on a rebound, and he doesn't keep you trailing along, five years later he is fair game for your sister.

Not cool to fuck your sister's discards.

Doesn't have to be cool to be fair to build a life with someone who wants to build a life with you.

OP lacked what this guy wanted. Her sister has it. So he's gonna put a ring on it. OP is jealous of her sister and still torching for the guy.

I am far from jealous of what my sister has with him. It's just that fact that it's HIM. Yes, it was my choice to sleep with him and do whatever we did together. So, it isn't all his fault. Looking at him now, he is nothing that I would ever to be in a relationship with. I'm only hurt because now I have to sit at family functions with a guy who knows what I look like when I am naked. Who is also fathering my sister's baby.

If anything, she can't deal with the fact that him and I slept together because she can't even invite me to her wedding. When I questioned her about it she said "that it would be uncomftable for him" WTF does she think it's been like for me for the past 4 years?

[Anonymous]

OP, you're in victim mode 5 years later? You had a rebound fling with this guy and that's a two-way street, not something he did to you. You think he used you for sex; didn't you use him for comfort and sex? I just don't understand that line of thinking. We're all using each other?
Maybe he went into your fling for sex. Maybe he went into it looking for something more but then came to conclusion you two weren't a match, or one or both of you weren't ready. Why assume the worst of intentions when you could assume that he, like you, went into things with good faith?

Your sister and her fiancé probably waited until their relationship was serious to tell you to avoid unnecessary drama and to give time for you to get over your feelings about your brief fling. Seems they were right to be cautious about sharing their news.

If my sister was openly disapproving of my relationship and especially if she treated my child poorly or unfairly, I don't think I'd be able to invite her to my wedding either.

Go see a counselor to talk through your feelings and work toward letting this go. Find a way to forgive for yourself--because the pain and anger you are carrying will affect you more than anyone.

[Anonymous]

You used him for comfort on the rebound, he used you for sex. Neither of you were really interested in the other, you just saw how you could each get your needs met through the other. You might have discarded him shortly after as well.

If it was 5 years ago and they hid it from you for a year and a half then they didn't start dating months after. He might be treating your sister great. Their relationship might not have been built on getting needs met like your dating was.

Holding this against your sister is a bit ridiculous. You had a few dates with him - that was it. Your sister has a relationship and a child with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're in victim mode 5 years later? You had a rebound fling with this guy and that's a two-way street, not something he did to you. You think he used you for sex; didn't you use him for comfort and sex? I just don't understand that line of thinking. We're all using each other?
Maybe he went into your fling for sex. Maybe he went into it looking for something more but then came to conclusion you two weren't a match, or one or both of you weren't ready. Why assume the worst of intentions when you could assume that he, like you, went into things with good faith?

Your sister and her fiancé probably waited until their relationship was serious to tell you to avoid unnecessary drama and to give time for you to get over your feelings about your brief fling. Seems they were right to be cautious about sharing their news.

If my sister was openly disapproving of my relationship and especially if she treated my child poorly or unfairly, I don't think I'd be able to invite her to my wedding either.

Go see a counselor to talk through your feelings and work toward letting this go. Find a way to forgive for yourself--because the pain and anger you are carrying will affect you more than anyone.

I don't understand this line of thinking. Why would the sister even go after a guy that she knows has been with her own sister? How is this OP's issue?