I will NEVER forgive my sister

[Anonymous]

If you didn't realize that your sister was pregnant and had a child with this man, I am thinking you guys are not close to begin with and don't see each other much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say you have a new boyfriend. Does he know you're obsessing over this? You need to focus on making your own relationship your primary mission. And not want to be in your niece's life over this? You're not in high school anymore.

If you haven't heard OP, she said she has moved on (her bf isn't new) and had handled it appropriately. It's only since resurfaced because of the wedding bells and her nt being included in a family occasion. She doesn't seem as if she's obsessing over it at all - get off your high horse.

She obviously has not moved on or she wouldn't be putting all of her energies and focus on this ancient history. If your boyfriend or husband were obsessing over an old flame like this you'd tell him to grow a pair or you'd probably be feeling jealous and conclude that he is insecure or some possessive control freak who thinks "if I can't have her, nobody can." If she's "moved on" she's not demonstrating that in her post.

The last time I checked, the main focus was on the sister not the old flame. If her boyfriend of husband was obsessing over an old flame, and just that...then yes, there's an issue. This is a new dynamic because it includes her sister. If he didn't go and date and knock up her sister, the guy would be way out of her mind.

A "new dynamic" ... This is the same old thorn in her craw she has been letting fester all these years. I'm sure her boyfriend is sick of hearing her whine about "he's seen me naked!" This is now the boyfriend's prob bc this needy OP prob expects the boyfriend to be her emotional tampon. She needs to get over it before her new boyfriend gets fed up with her.

You want a new dynamic? How about the possibility that OPs sister had him first?

[Anonymous]

No way would I date someone my sister had slept with.

And I don't even like her very much.

[Anonymous]

Some PPs have no empathy. I am really sorry OP. This is a huge betrayal and I understand it will be hard to forgive your sister. Maybe some therapy would help.

[Anonymous]

Next time he stares at you, just call him out on this behavior in front of everyone.

"Hey John, I find it very uncomfortable that you stare at me. You are engaged/married to my sister now - and it is disrespectful to her AND I find it very creepy. So, quit doing that!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you sleep with a guy after a few dates, while you are on a rebound, and he doesn't keep you trailing along, five years later he is fair game for your sister.

Not cool to fuck your sister's discards.

Doesn't have to be cool to be fair to build a life with someone who wants to build a life with you.

OP lacked what this guy wanted. Her sister has it. So he's gonna put a ring on it. OP is jealous of her sister and still torching for the guy.

I am far from jealous of what my sister has with him. It's just that fact that it's HIM. Yes, it was my choice to sleep with him and do whatever we did together. So, it isn't all his fault. Looking at him now, he is nothing that I would ever to be in a relationship with. I'm only hurt because now I have to sit at family functions with a guy who knows what I look like when I am naked. Who is also fathering my sister's baby.

If anything, she can't deal with the fact that him and I slept together because [b]she can't even invite me to her wedding. When I questioned her about it she said "that it would be uncomftable for him" WTF does she think it's been like for me for the past 4 years?

Get over yourself. He is not investing as much time and energy thinking about you as you imagine he is.

Obviously, the bolded info indicates he is investing as much as, if not more, energy thinking about OP. And if he's staring at his ex during family events, then my guess is he's investing more energy into this bizarre dynamic than OP is. Sounds like OP is right to feel unnerved. Any sane person would be unnerved.

OP, my best advice is: distance, distance, distance. He's not going to like it, and he's going to try to do what he can to bridge that distance, so just learn to outmaneuver him. Sorry you're going through this. Bottom line is he's a creep and your sister's not a good sister. Stay away from both of them.

[FruminousBandersnatch]

I'm still confused by this thread.

So, let me summarize:

OP was on the rebound five years ago, dated a guy a few times, they slept together and then he dumped her.

Not long after that, OP's sister started dating the guy, and they have been dating ever since, but kept it secret from OP.

Now, OP has a new boyfriend, and OP's sister and rebound guy are getting married and the sister is pregnant.

OP's sister didn't invite OP to the wedding, allegedly because it makes the rebound guy uncomfortable, however, OP seems to keep focusing on the fact that "the guy knows what she looks like naked."

If having the OP around makes the rebound guy uncomfortable that must mean that he's somehow ashamed of how he treated her 5 years ago, which would be the basis for a reconciliation. Either that, or OP gives off a bad vibe every time she's around that makes everyone uncomfortable, which would be a sign that she hasn't actually gotten over the rebound guy.

On the other hand, the rebound guy might be getting the blame, and it's the OP's sister who feels uncomfortable with the OP because she feels guilty for hooking up with the rebound guy, or because the OP has actually been making her feel guilty over this for the last 5 years (despite claiming to be over it).

All in all, the pieces don't fit (leaving aside the fact that this sounds like it belongs on Maury or Montel).

[Anonymous]

Your sister is strange. I would never date someone who treated my sibling poorly. You two don't sound close though. So forget about her and move on with your life.

[Anonymous]

FruminousBandersnatch wrote:I'm still confused by this thread.

So, let me summarize:

OP was on the rebound five years ago, dated a guy a few times, they slept together and then he dumped her.

Not long after that, OP's sister started dating the guy, and they have been dating ever since, but kept it secret from OP.

Now, OP has a new boyfriend, and OP's sister and rebound guy are getting married and the sister is pregnant.

OP's sister didn't invite OP to the wedding, allegedly because it makes the rebound guy uncomfortable, however, OP seems to keep focusing on the fact that "the guy knows what she looks like naked."

If having the OP around makes the rebound guy uncomfortable that must mean that he's somehow ashamed of how he treated her 5 years ago, which would be the basis for a reconciliation. Either that, or OP gives off a bad vibe every time she's around that makes everyone uncomfortable, which would be a sign that she hasn't actually gotten over the rebound guy.

On the other hand, the rebound guy might be getting the blame, and it's the OP's sister who feels uncomfortable with the OP because she feels guilty for hooking up with the rebound guy, or because the OP has actually been making her feel guilty over this for the last 5 years (despite claiming to be over it).

All in all, the pieces don't fit (leaving aside the fact that this sounds like it belongs on Maury or Montel).


It's like this:

Op had a few dates and "a romp" five or so years ago with a guy. She moves on from the guy because she seems to know nothing would become of them. She soon meets her now boyfriend (which means they've been together for years). But finds out about a year or so after she moves on from the fling guy that he and her sister have been together secretly behind her back. It sounds like to me that the sister already had the baby and OP has tried to deal with the issue with grace...by not causing a commotion. She is only now hurt by the situation and giving us more clarity so we can better understand why she is so upset about not being invited to the wedding.

OP, I totally understand your feelings. It's as if you're being punished for the their mistake. I wouldn't sweat it, play nice. It seems like they're putting more energy into it than is needed because they're the ones who don't want your attendance. They're the ones with the issue...yet, they're the ones who created it.

[Anonymous]

FruminousBandersnatch wrote:I'm still confused by this thread.

So, let me summarize:

OP was on the rebound five years ago, dated a guy a few times, they slept together and then he dumped her.

Not long after that, OP's sister started dating the guy, and they have been dating ever since, but kept it secret from OP.

Now, OP has a new boyfriend, and OP's sister and rebound guy are getting married and the sister is pregnant.

OP's sister didn't invite OP to the wedding, allegedly because it makes the rebound guy uncomfortable, however, OP seems to keep focusing on the fact that "the guy knows what she looks like naked."

If having the OP around makes the rebound guy uncomfortable that must mean that he's somehow ashamed of how he treated her 5 years ago, which would be the basis for a reconciliation. Either that, or OP gives off a bad vibe every time she's around that makes everyone uncomfortable, which would be a sign that she hasn't actually gotten over the rebound guy.

On the other hand, the rebound guy might be getting the blame, and it's the OP's sister who feels uncomfortable with the OP because she feels guilty for hooking up with the rebound guy, or because the OP has actually been making her feel guilty over this for the last 5 years (despite claiming to be over it).

All in all, the pieces don't fit (leaving aside the fact that this sounds like it belongs on Maury or Montel).

It's like this:

Op had a few dates and "a romp" five or so years ago with a guy. She moves on from the guy because she seems to know nothing would become of them. She soon meets her now boyfriend (which means they've been together for years). But finds out about a year or so after she moves on from the fling guy that he and her sister have been together secretly behind her back. It sounds like to me that the sister already had the baby and OP has tried to deal with the issue with grace...by not causing a commotion. She is only now hurt by the situation and giving us more clarity so we can better understand why she is so upset about not being invited to the wedding.

OP, I totally understand your feelings. It's as if you're being punished for the their mistake. I wouldn't sweat it, play nice. It seems like they're putting more energy into it than is needed because they're the ones who don't want your attendance. They're the ones with the issue...yet, they're the ones who created it.

[Anonymous]

Pity your sister. She's getting sloppy seconds and is apparently happy with it. I think you are a reminder to her that he's a lowlife capable of ditching someone for the next better thing. I agree that taking the high road and living well is the best revenge.

As for the issue of him knowing what you look like naked, well that is a consequence of a fling that you need to be adult enough to handle. You are giving it more drama than it should have. Just avoid as many functions as possible where he'll be or at least don't give him the satisfaction of seeing you sweat. I also agree that he likely won't be around long!

[Anonymous]

You need to stop seeing him as "a guy who saw you naked".
and start seeing him as your sister's partner and father of her child - her history with him goes way deeper, OP. You went on a few dates with him and weren't in a relationship.
You were on the rebound, as you said. If, at every single family function, you see only "the guy who saw you naked" and just can't move past it, then it makes sense that they would be uncomfortable around you. You need to let that go!

That being said, they should invite you to the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Unless you marry a virgin, everyone gets sloppy seconds. Most of us don't create a Greek play over it.

[Anonymous]

Five years ago, my cousin slept with my brother's wife. My cousin and my brother were VERY their whole lives. The marriage ended in a very messy and drama-filled fashion and my brother was devastated. He lost his wife and his cousin/closest friend.

Fast forward five years. The cousin and ex-wife are now married with two kids. While the affair was unforgivable and my cousin and brother no longer speak, it is hard to begrudge them their happy family. Some times, it takes being with the wrong person to find the right person.

Given this experience, it is hard for my to sympathize with you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Not getting why people keep saying that the OP should "get over it", when she's not invited to her sister's wedding.

It sounds to me as if the sister and fiancee are igniting the drama by saying it would make him uncomfortable to have OP there at the wedding.