Uncomfortable about staff member at child's school.

[Anonymous]

There is a staff member at my child's school who makes me uncomfortable. So much that I am reluctant to bring it to the attention of the staff for fear of retaliation. He just seems very depressed and distant. No telling what else is going on. It does not seem to be a good fit around kids. I see him as the going post office type. Does NOT strike me as the pedofile type, so that is not the issue (I think).
Anyway, I was thinking of taking my own money and getting a PI to look closer at this gentleman, in case there is something the school is missing.
Does this seem like a nutty approach?

[Anonymous]

Wow - sounds quite an extreme approach (the PI), but it's hard to judge without knowing. What do the other parents think? Does anyone know him well? You could ask the other parents without mentioning your PI idea.

[Anonymous]

At least express your concerns to the school Principal. At the very least, they should begin to monitor this person.

[Anonymous]

Have you read "Protecting the Gift"? (everyone with kids should). He says 1,018 times to trust your gut on these kinds of feelings.

Were it me, and I had the funds, I absolutely would consider the PI approach. I mean, who else has to know about it?

re: the principal ... I'm not so sure s/he'd do anything differently during the school day. What would you ask him/her to do? Hire a shadow? Reassign his duties? Plus, s/he is a bit invested in the decision to hire him in the first place, so could be pleasantly defensive.

[Anonymous]

Could it be shyness? Someone with extreme shyness may prefer working with children ... Has it changed recently?

Some people are just awkward. I would definitely ask around before doing something invasive like that.

[Anonymous]

It could just be problems at home. My friend is a teacher and I remember when she was having alot of financial problems (teacher's low salary) she walked around looking so sad and depressed and I'm sure at work it was nothing different. You never really know what people may be going through. But, I don't blame you for invesgating further especially if you have the money. Did you child say anything? Just yesterday this really strange looking man came right in my daughter's face with me standing there (we we walking to Starbucks on the way home from school) and just said HI. It scared her to death and she said to me I didn't like that man getting in my face like that...he was weird. She is four.

[Anonymous]

could you send an anonymous email to the principal outlining your concerns and giving specific observations?

[Anonymous]

Trust your gut. (And read "Protecting the Gift."

Write a letter to the principal/director, outlining your causes for concern. (You obviously have specific incidents that stick out in your mind, even if you don't think you do. No one's spidey sense goes off accidentally.) State that as partners in the care and safety of your child, you want them to be aware of this man's behavior, and that you expect them to notify you if there is anything in his background or current situation that would make him an inappropriate fit for a job around children.

Any school leader worth their liability insurance will treat this as the serious warning it is. If you present your information calmly and factually, without accusation, I don't see why it would be a problem to come forward.

Hiring someone to spy on a school employee -- now that would get you put on the Crazy Mom list in a heartbeat. And if the PI doesn't find anything, all that proves is that the PI couldn't find anything. It doesn't necessarily prove that there's nothing to be found.

[Anonymous]

Don't hire a PI. 14:18 is right. Her suggestions are excellent. Read "Protecting the Gift" for some ideas of how to approach the principal. 14:18 is right on.

[Anonymous]

As the wife of a male teacher, please don't start making accusations or raising red flags based on your gut feeling about a person making you "uncomfortable". We are talking about a person's job and reputation. I agree that as parents, we should be protective of our children and trust our intuition, but hiring a PI is an invasion of privacy, among other things. Criminal records are public - you could start there if it would set your mind at ease.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you read "Protecting the Gift"? (everyone with kids should).

I was just going to suggest reading "The Gift of Fear." Same author, right?

[Anonymous]

Yes, but with an emphasis on watching our for your children

[Anonymous]

OP here, I thought of speaking to the principal, but I have been burned before with people handling things in the wrong way and word gets out that I was the one who told. Then my kid gets it.
Also, if he is unstable as I think he is, he could go nuts just from being asked what's up.
I have not asked the other parents, I am afaid that they might share my concerns with the wrong people.
The reason I thought of the PI is that if I get news that there is something wrong with him, then I would approach the school. Someone told me that a PI could just find out who his friends are and ask them what they think.
The money is no issue if you worry about your kids.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you honestly believe this person is so nuts that he will lose it if someone so much as asks him what's up, then you should remove your child from the school and THEN do something. Seriously -- if you are too afraid of him to talk to the principal or other parents, doesn't that tell you something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...I see him as the going post office type...

not familiar with this expression. could you elaborate?