Uncomfortable about staff member at child's school.

[Anonymous]

Going postal is an American English slang term, used as a verb meaning to suddenly become extremely and uncontrollably angry, possibly to the point of violence. The term derives from a series of incidents from 1983 onward in which United States Postal Service (USPS) workers shot and killed managers, fellow workers, and members of the police or general public. Between 1986 and 1997, more than 40 people were killed in at least 20 incidents of workplace rage. Following this series of events, the idiom entered common parlance and has been applied to murders committed by employees in acts of workplace rage, irrespective of the employer; and generally to describe fits of rage, though not necessarily at the level of murder, in or outside the workplace.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Going_postal

[Anonymous]

OP -- Do you have a history of getting "hinky" feelings about people? You say that in the past, you have confided in people and then what you say gets back to the people concerned... so I'm trying to understand. Do you often feel like people are dangerous and untrustworthy? Dp you have experience of your suspicions turning out to be well-founded? I guess I'm asking, what is you track record here?

Hiring a PI is completely inappropriate in my opinion. If you have concrete concerns you should list them and go to the school director.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Going postal is an American English slang term, used as a verb meaning to suddenly become extremely and uncontrollably angry, possibly to the point of violence. The term derives from a series of incidents from 1983 onward in which United States Postal Service (USPS) workers shot and killed managers, fellow workers, and members of the police or general public. Between 1986 and 1997, more than 40 people were killed in at least 20 incidents of workplace rage. Following this series of events, the idiom entered common parlance and has been applied to murders committed by employees in acts of workplace rage, irrespective of the employer; and generally to describe fits of rage, though not necessarily at the level of murder, in or outside the workplace.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Going_postal

thanks much! i googled going post office but got nothing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP -- Do you have a history of getting "hinky" feelings about people? You say that in the past, you have confided in people and then what you say gets back to the people concerned... so I'm trying to understand. Do you often feel like people are dangerous and untrustworthy? Dp you have experience of your suspicions turning out to be well-founded? I guess I'm asking, what is you track record here?

Hiring a PI is completely inappropriate in my opinion. If you have concrete concerns you should list them and go to the school director.

I am referring to incidents at work where someone files a complaint, and an inexperienced HR person somehow lets the source out. All it takes is one slip. I can't trust people that way.
In an extreme case, I know someone whose SIL was killed by a janitor (out west). She was a college prof who complained about him, he was fired, then he came back and killed her.
It is a real concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP -- Do you have a history of getting "hinky" feelings about people? You say that in the past, you have confided in people and then what you say gets back to the people concerned... so I'm trying to understand. Do you often feel like people are dangerous and untrustworthy? Dp you have experience of your suspicions turning out to be well-founded? I guess I'm asking, what is you track record here?

Hiring a PI is completely inappropriate in my opinion. If you have concrete concerns you should list them and go to the school director.

I am referring to incidents at work where someone files a complaint, and an inexperienced HR person somehow lets the source out. All it takes is one slip. I can't trust people that way.
In an extreme case, I know someone whose SIL was killed by a janitor (out west). She was a college prof who complained about him, he was fired, then he came back and killed her.
It is a real concern.

OP, you are trusting this school with your child, every day. If you cannot trust the director/principal of the school to keep your comments about a school employee confidential, and if you are concerend that this employee is seriously mentally imbalanced and capable of killing you in retribution for your complaint ("going postal" -- then you really are stuck.

You must remove your child immediately from the school as you do not trust the school one iota to keep your child safe. I do not believe that hiring a private investogator will change the situation for you in any way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a staff member at my child's school who makes me uncomfortable. So much that I am reluctant to bring it to the attention of the staff for fear of retaliation. He just seems very depressed and distant. No telling what else is going on. It does not seem to be a good fit around kids. I see him as the going post office type. Does NOT strike me as the pedofile type, so that is not the issue (I think).
Anyway, I was thinking of taking my own money and getting a PI to look closer at this gentleman, in case there is something the school is missing.
Does this seem like a nutty approach?

NOT striking you as the peodphile type strikes me as code for Black. Given that your first instinct is that he will "go postal" means violence = Black man. I sure hope I'm wrong here but on the off chance that I'm not, have you ever had a conversation with him? What is his staff position? Has he always been depressed and distant? How long has he worked at the school? If you have the guts to project stereotypes and infer that someone will commit acts of violence based on appearing depressed and distant, then you should have the guts to speak with someone at the school. If, as most people here have said, you think that means consequences for your DC then that is the wrong school for you.

When children are involved we are all emotional and protective. Good luck and I hope your fears are unfounded for everyone's sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a staff member at my child's school who makes me uncomfortable. So much that I am reluctant to bring it to the attention of the staff for fear of retaliation. He just seems very depressed and distant. No telling what else is going on. It does not seem to be a good fit around kids. I see him as the going post office type. Does NOT strike me as the pedofile type, so that is not the issue (I think).
Anyway, I was thinking of taking my own money and getting a PI to look closer at this gentleman, in case there is something the school is missing.
Does this seem like a nutty approach?

NOT striking you as the peodphile type strikes me as code for Black. Given that your first instinct is that he will "go postal" means violence = Black man. I sure hope I'm wrong here but on the off chance that I'm not, have you ever had a conversation with him?

This is really confusing to me -- do you mean you assume he's African American? If so, most mass murderers who "go postal" are overwhelmingly white, so I'm not getting the connection.

[Anonymous]

There is a staff member at my child's school who makes me uncomfortable. So much that I am reluctant to bring it to the attention of the staff for fear of retaliation. He just seems very depressed and distant. No telling what else is going on. It does not seem to be a good fit around kids. I see him as the going post office type. Does NOT strike me as the pedofile type, so that is not the issue (I think).
Anyway, I was thinking of taking my own money and getting a PI to look closer at this gentleman, in case there is something the school is missing.
Does this seem like a nutty approach?

There's a BIG LEAP between "not being a good fit for children, depressed" and "I see him as the going postal type". Have you actually had any interactions with him where he said or did something inapproriate, expressed violent or harmful thoughts? Has he written anything? Has he refused to stop when told to?

OP here, I thought of speaking to the principal, but I have been burned before with people handling things in the wrong way and word gets out that I was the one who told. Then my kid gets it.
Also, if he is unstable as I think he is, he could go nuts just from being asked what's up.
I have not asked the other parents, I am afaid that they might share my concerns with the wrong people.
The reason I thought of the PI is that if I get news that there is something wrong with him, then I would approach the school. Someone told me that a PI could just find out who his friends are and ask them what they think.
The money is no issue if you worry about your kids.

You don't trust the principal to not keep your concerns confidential. You don't trust the parents to keep your concerns confidential. Why would you trust the PI to keep your concerns confidential?

I am referring to incidents at work where someone files a complaint, and an inexperienced HR person somehow lets the source out. All it takes is one slip. I can't trust people that way.
In an extreme case, I know someone whose SIL was killed by a janitor (out west). She was a college prof who complained about him, he was fired, then he came back and killed her.
It is a real concern.

OP, I am concerned about you, not so much this man. I respect a parent's right act on her intuition. But they way you are reacting to this man and the leaps you are jumping to regarding what could happen and who you do and do not trust just don't add up.

The case you mention is horrible, and as you admit, truly extreme. But compare that to the hundreds or thousands of times people bring concerns to an employer -- and word DOESN'T get out that they were the one complaining, or they weren't the only ones complaining, or their insight just added more information for a boss who already was worried about an employer, or the person who is fired is pissed off but just has hurt feelings, or the person is let go gently and gets a more approrpiate job -- I mean, usually, fatal retailiation DOESN'T occur.

Of COURSE you have a right and obligation to protect your child (and the rest of the children at the school) but I think you should look a little at your own reactions here too --unless you are omitting specific information, something doesn't seem right to me about the way you are reacting to this.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PP. There are certain boundaries of acceptable behavior when you have concerns about your child's safety -- but yes... there ARE boundaries. You cannot justify any action that makes you feel better just on the reasoning that "its my child's safety at risk". And frankly, some of the reasons for those boundaries involve your OWN (and your child's) safety.

It is completely inappropriate to hire a PI. If you don't trust the guy, and can't get past it, you talk to the principal, or you MOVE. End of story. Responsible people (HR managers, Principals, etc.) do not fire their employees based on unsupported hunches from parents/employees. When you bring specific facts to someone's attention (which you don't have here), then they have a DUTY to investigate the situation. And yes, sometimes the accuser's identity cannot be kept confidential.

Perhaps just as important, you don't want to give potentially unbalanced people a reason to hate you. And hiring a PI and delving into their personal life most certainly is a good way to make someone "postal" if they find out. Deal with people in a professional and compassionate way, and you mostly don't need to worry. If you find a real nut job, slip quietly off into the sunset.

Frankly, your instincts on this are so out of line (in my book), that I think you may benefit from some counseling.

[Anonymous]

OP, is the staff member in question black, or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, is the staff member in question black, or not?

$20 says yes because OP just seems like type that's afraid of "certain" Black people. Yes! I am stereotyping her.

[Anonymous]

How did race get brought into this, and why would it ever matter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a staff member at my child's school who makes me uncomfortable. So much that I am reluctant to bring it to the attention of the staff for fear of retaliation. He just seems very depressed and distant. No telling what else is going on. It does not seem to be a good fit around kids. I see him as the going post office type. Does NOT strike me as the pedofile type, so that is not the issue (I think).
Anyway, I was thinking of taking my own money and getting a PI to look closer at this gentleman, in case there is something the school is missing.
Does this seem like a nutty approach?

NOT striking you as the peodphile type strikes me as code for Black. Given that your first instinct is that he will "go postal" means violence = Black man. I sure hope I'm wrong here but on the off chance that I'm not, have you ever had a conversation with him?

This is really confusing to me -- do you mean you assume he's African American? If so, most mass murderers who "go postal" are overwhelmingly white, so I'm not getting the connection.

No! I'm saying I assume he is black based on how her post is written AND because she is overreacting like most people who are afraid of Black people.

[Anonymous]

OP here, I will not write anything about race. The stereotyping that I am doing is WRT gender. Yes, men are more likely to be violent against children. So if it were a woman, it would not concern me as much. Any man around schools gets attention, and when they display behavior that is less than positive, it is concerning. I doubt that the school would do a thing if I complained, the best that could come of it would be reassurance.
BTW, I did know someone who was later found to be a pedophile, and I did not suspect him. So, you never know.
The reason that I said that he did not seem like a pedophile, is that he seems disinterested in the children. It had nothing to do with race.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a staff member at my child's school who makes me uncomfortable. So much that I am reluctant to bring it to the attention of the staff for fear of retaliation. He just seems very depressed and distant. No telling what else is going on. It does not seem to be a good fit around kids. I see him as the going post office type. Does NOT strike me as the pedofile type, so that is not the issue (I think).
Anyway, I was thinking of taking my own money and getting a PI to look closer at this gentleman, in case there is something the school is missing.
Does this seem like a nutty approach?

NOT striking you as the peodphile type strikes me as code for Black. Given that your first instinct is that he will "go postal" means violence = Black man. I sure hope I'm wrong here but on the off chance that I'm not, have you ever had a conversation with him?

This is really confusing to me -- do you mean you assume he's African American? If so, most mass murderers who "go postal" are overwhelmingly white, so I'm not getting the connection.

No! I'm saying I assume he is black based on how her post is written AND because she is overreacting like most people who are afraid of Black people.

That's a very odd assumption.