Religious relatives won't leave my kids alone - it's getting hard to be calm about it

[Anonymous]

We lived 10 hours away from the rest of my family up until last year. My husband and I are agnostic, and my side of the family is deeply religious Christian Conservative, climate change denial, homophobic, you name it. I love them though, and they are great to my children. My brother and his wife were transferred to Fort Belvoir last year though, and it is getting very tiresome. My husband and I have never told them what our personal beliefs were, we have never taken our children to church (obviously) and as my children are older - 11 and 13 and theirs are 5 and 9, we have been careful not to discuss religion at all in front of any of them.

Now they are living here. My SIL is homeschooling for religious reasons and I know she wonders why I subject my children the dangers of public school. She is too nice to say it directly, but she now wants to pray before family meals, she offers to take my children to church with them on Saturday and Sunday (so that my husband and I can have private time), and I came home to find religious magnets on my refrigerator. While we were visiting them in their new house last weekend she took the kids outside to plant some seeds - harmless right - while I was in the house painting the kitchen. On the way home my oldest asked me if I was ready to accept Jesus because otherwise we were all going to hell, and he would be so sad if I went to hell.

I really don't appreciate this. I know if I bring it up then I am going to come out with my own beliefs, which will lead to tears and more prayer on their part. My husband says that I should just tell her and my brother to cool it with the "Jesus stuff" and let it go.

For some reason it is making me so mad I can barely sleep.

[Anonymous]

You are getting frustrated because your SIL is not reading your mind. You are in the wrong here. She is just going about life as she believes and including your kids in that. You've said NOTHING to make her think any of this is wrong.

Really, you are angry at yourself, because you're not sticking up for your beliefs. You are your own problem.

[Anonymous]

I'd be really mad, too. But, you have to think about what will have the biggest, easiest impact. I think your DH's idea is good. And then have a good talk with your kids about their aunt/uncle/cousin's strong religious beliefs and how it doesn't coincide with yours or (probably) the vast majority of their friends. Warn them that these relatives will probably try to scare them and make them feel guilty (with the best of intentions) but that they shouldn't be worried and afraid and they can talk to you about it. I'd be inclined to point out things like the homeschooling - ask them if they agree with it, etc. Your kids will be fine (as long as you keep talking to them) so it's just an annoyance, really. You could tell your kids that you don't want to be too upfront with your relatives because they may try harder to convert you all.

It must be really confusing for your kids - please talk to them and let them know the way they were raised and their beliefs are absolutely fine and nothing to be ashamed of.

I'd draw the line at prayer before meals in my own home - fine in their home. Just tell them (they probably know already).

[Anonymous]

If my 13 year old were so impressionable that he could be convinced that I'm going to hell after a brief backyard conversation with my sister then yes, I would be worried about the things he could be talked into and would probably make the decision to homeschool him.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I did speak with the kids after Sunday night and I explained to them...again...that truth (like the sun) is a light that shines through many windows, and that many religions have things to teach us. So, we feel it best that we don't limit ourselves to just one.

Okay, it was kind of lame, but I was caught by surprise.

[Anonymous]

OP again - yes, my 13 year old is that impressionable, but mind you - he is crazy about his uncle and this has been going on for a long time apparently.

I can't figure out how they can convert him, when I can't even get him to make his bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my 13 year old were so impressionable that he could be convinced that I'm going to hell after a brief backyard conversation with my sister then yes, I would be worried about the things he could be talked into and would probably make the decision to homeschool him.

Amen.

[Anonymous]

So you're hiding the fact that you're an agnostic? Just trying to make sure I understood correctly..

If so.. Stop it! Atheism/agnosticism is not something to be ashamed of. It's a valid viewpoint. Obviously you've got a long road ahead with your family but unless you're comfortable with your children's aunt telling them they're going to hell, you need to start sticking up for your family's beliefs and laying down the law.

[Anonymous]

What's the harm in your children accepting god. If you want to go to hell that's your choice but to make your children burn in hell is another story. Op you are the problem. Why have children if you don't want them to live forever and be saved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did speak with the kids after Sunday night and I explained to them...again...that truth (like the sun) is a light that shines through many windows, and that many religions have things to teach us. So, we feel it best that we don't limit ourselves to just one.

Okay, it was kind of lame, but I was caught by surprise.

Why don't you just come out and say you don't believe? Or give them a reason why they weren't taken to church as young kids. Own it! You might find it liberating. That light through the window stuff is nuts!! Religion has very little to teach us, except that people having different religions leads to divisiveness and wars. Read this, and then stop being embarrassed about your view of the world:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0307278778/

[Anonymous]

I think you might also need to consider the possibility that one or both of your kids might be longing for a more tangible form of spirituality than they've been exposed to up to now.
If it were me, I'd be less concerned about Christianity than the particular "brand" of it that your relatives are espousing.
You can be a Christian and not be homophobic or deny climate change. Perhaps you need to start more directly engaging your children on these topics. Also, you could offer to take your children to a more liberal/progressive attitude.
Right now, your children are only be offered two choices: your agnostic choice and the relatives conservative "Christianity" (yes I put that in quotes because I don't think that brand of Christianity is in reality "what Jesus would do".
You need to offer them more exposure to more options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's the harm in your children accepting god. If you want to go to hell that's your choice but to make your children burn in hell is another story. Op you are the problem. Why have children if you don't want them to live forever and be saved.

Why let your kids believe someone who is trying to scare them into their religion? No-one is going to burn in hell here ... that's my understanding based on the facts we know of. You believe what you like, but stop scaring other people's kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the harm in your children accepting god. If you want to go to hell that's your choice but to make your children burn in hell is another story. Op you are the problem. Why have children if you don't want them to live forever and be saved.

Why let your kids believe someone who is trying to scare them into their religion? No-one is going to burn in hell here ... that's my understanding based on the facts we know of. You believe what you like, but stop scaring other people's kids.

If you do not believe in god and accept god how can you be saved? The opposite of heaven is hell. Yes op and her children should be scared of hell. But thankfully we have a loving god who wants deeply for us all to be saved. It's not to late op to save yourself and your family. God loves you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my 13 year old were so impressionable that he could be convinced that I'm going to hell after a brief backyard conversation with my sister then yes, I would be worried about the things he could be talked into and would probably make the decision to homeschool him.

Amen.

All kids are impressionable when someone is trying to convince them that their souls will be taken by the devil. Way to be dramatic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the harm in your children accepting god. If you want to go to hell that's your choice but to make your children burn in hell is another story. Op you are the problem. Why have children if you don't want them to live forever and be saved.

Why let your kids believe someone who is trying to scare them into their religion? No-one is going to burn in hell here ... that's my understanding based on the facts we know of. You believe what you like, but stop scaring other people's kids.

If you do not believe in god and accept god how can you be saved? The opposite of heaven is hell. Yes op and her children should be scared of hell. But thankfully we have a loving god who wants deeply for us all to be saved. It's not to late op to save yourself and your family. God loves you.

OP, your SIL just showed up.