Religious relatives won't leave my kids alone - it's getting hard to be calm about it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you're hiding the fact that you're an agnostic? Just trying to make sure I understood correctly..

If so.. Stop it! Atheism/agnosticism is not something to be ashamed of. It's a valid viewpoint. Obviously you've got a long road ahead with your family but unless you're comfortable with your children's aunt telling them they're going to hell, you need to start sticking up for your family's beliefs and laying down the law.

+1

If you aren't honest about what you believe with your kids, you can't be mad that they learned something else from someone else.

Come out of the agnostic closet or suck it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's really important for kids to have a basic understanding of some of the larger/more influential belief systems they will come across. I'm an atheist, and I give my kids as much background as I can on various beliefs as they come across them. What is God? Well, Christians believe this, Hindus believe this, etc. I give them various examples, a mini religious education, when the questions come up. If you tackle it from an academic perspective they are more likely to do the same. They will learn that there are alternatives to your relatives' beliefs; LOTS of alternatives, and it can all be very interesting. Flood them with as many different examples as they will take interest in, and answer their questions about your beliefs openly.

I have relatives who are religious, but not pushy, and it doesn't bother me in the least when the grandparents take my son to church once a year (mainly to show him off to their friends) while he stays with them. If they were pushy, however, I would let them know kindly that I do not want my kids to be indoctrinated in any way because they are too young to understand what's going on. If they want to investigate religion on their own terms when they are older so be it. Until then, I will take exception to anyone who presents to them religious beliefs as truths that they should believe.

An introduction to a wide variety of belief systems is a wonderful defense against indoctrination. When you know how many beliefs there have been about gods or God and the afterlife, and how small and silly many of them seem when viewed by non-believers, you can't take fire and brimstone/burn in hell Christian beliefs too seriously.

I'd expose those kids to some comparative religious studies. They need agnostic Sunday school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the harm in your children accepting god. If you want to go to hell that's your choice but to make your children burn in hell is another story. Op you are the problem. Why have children if you don't want them to live forever and be saved.

Why let your kids believe someone who is trying to scare them into their religion? No-one is going to burn in hell here ... that's my understanding based on the facts we know of. You believe what you like, but stop scaring other people's kids.

If you do not believe in god and accept god how can you be saved? The opposite of heaven is hell. Yes op and her children should be scared of hell. But thankfully we have a loving god who wants deeply for us all to be saved. It's not to late op to save yourself and your family. God loves you.

Yes, this god is so loving that if you reject him, he sends you to an eternity of hellfire and damnation.

In human terms, that would be like being shot by a rejected suitor. It happens occasionally, but everyone knows it's wrong.

But I know -- God is not human and works in mysterious ways -- which he wrote down in a book, many years ago and which we must believe, because, otherwise we go to hell, much to God's dismay. But hey, them's the rules.

This life is only about being saved. It's not about having fun and enjoying yourself its not about going to a great college and having a wonderful career. It is about serving god. The only one to judge us is god. Thankfully he is a loving god and knows we make mistakes. But to deny him, to deny the incredible being who made you and this world. That's against his teachings. We are here to serve him. To help the less fortunate and to not be selfish but gracious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the harm in your children accepting god. If you want to go to hell that's your choice but to make your children burn in hell is another story. Op you are the problem. Why have children if you don't want them to live forever and be saved.

Why let your kids believe someone who is trying to scare them into their religion? No-one is going to burn in hell here ... that's my understanding based on the facts we know of. You believe what you like, but stop scaring other people's kids.

If you do not believe in god and accept god how can you be saved? The opposite of heaven is hell. Yes op and her children should be scared of hell. But thankfully we have a loving god who wants deeply for us all to be saved. It's not to late op to save yourself and your family. God loves you.

Yes, this god is so loving that if you reject him, he sends you to an eternity of hellfire and damnation.

In human terms, that would be like being shot by a rejected suitor. It happens occasionally, but everyone knows it's wrong.

But I know -- God is not human and works in mysterious ways -- which he wrote down in a book, many years ago and which we must believe, because, otherwise we go to hell, much to God's dismay. But hey, them's the rules.

This life is only about being saved. It's not about having fun and enjoying yourself its not about going to a great college and having a wonderful career. It is about serving god. The only one to judge us is god. Thankfully he is a loving god and knows we make mistakes. But to deny him, to deny the incredible being who made you and this world. That's against his teachings. We are here to serve him. To help the less fortunate and to not be selfish but gracious.

The wiley atheist strikes again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the harm in your children accepting god. If you want to go to hell that's your choice but to make your children burn in hell is another story. Op you are the problem. Why have children if you don't want them to live forever and be saved.

Why let your kids believe someone who is trying to scare them into their religion? No-one is going to burn in hell here ... that's my understanding based on the facts we know of. You believe what you like, but stop scaring other people's kids.

If you do not believe in god and accept god how can you be saved? The opposite of heaven is hell. Yes op and her children should be scared of hell. But thankfully we have a loving god who wants deeply for us all to be saved. It's not to late op to save yourself and your family. God loves you.

Yes, this god is so loving that if you reject him, he sends you to an eternity of hellfire and damnation.

In human terms, that would be like being shot by a rejected suitor. It happens occasionally, but everyone knows it's wrong.

But I know -- God is not human and works in mysterious ways -- which he wrote down in a book, many years ago and which we must believe, because, otherwise we go to hell, much to God's dismay. But hey, them's the rules.

This life is only about being saved. It's not about having fun and enjoying yourself its not about going to a great college and having a wonderful career. It is about serving god. The only one to judge us is god. Thankfully he is a loving god and knows we make mistakes. But to deny him, to deny the incredible being who made you and this world. That's against his teachings. We are here to serve him. To help the less fortunate and to not be selfish but gracious.

You make me sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the harm in your children accepting god. If you want to go to hell that's your choice but to make your children burn in hell is another story. Op you are the problem. Why have children if you don't want them to live forever and be saved.

Why let your kids believe someone who is trying to scare them into their religion? No-one is going to burn in hell here ... that's my understanding based on the facts we know of. You believe what you like, but stop scaring other people's kids.

If you do not believe in god and accept god how can you be saved? The opposite of heaven is hell. Yes op and her children should be scared of hell. But thankfully we have a loving god who wants deeply for us all to be saved. It's not to late op to save yourself and your family. God loves you.

Yes, this god is so loving that if you reject him, he sends you to an eternity of hellfire and damnation.

In human terms, that would be like being shot by a rejected suitor. It happens occasionally, but everyone knows it's wrong.

But I know -- God is not human and works in mysterious ways -- which he wrote down in a book, many years ago and which we must believe, because, otherwise we go to hell, much to God's dismay. But hey, them's the rules.

This life is only about being saved. It's not about having fun and enjoying yourself its not about going to a great college and having a wonderful career. It is about serving god. The only one to judge us is god. Thankfully he is a loving god and knows we make mistakes. But to deny him, to deny the incredible being who made you and this world. That's against his teachings. We are here to serve him. To help the less fortunate and to not be selfish but gracious.

The wiley atheist strikes again?

Looks like it's him/her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are getting frustrated because your SIL is not reading your mind. You are in the wrong here. She is just going about life as she believes and including your kids in that. You've said NOTHING to make her think any of this is wrong.

Really, you are angry at yourself, because you're not sticking up for your beliefs. You are your own problem.

+1

We aren't overly religious because our "religious" families are the biggest hypocrites you could imagine. (Adultery comes to mind.)
I limit my kids exposure to church and anything I consider nonsense, religious or not.

You need to set boundaries. SIL didn't know you would object because you never said anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are getting frustrated because your SIL is not reading your mind. You are in the wrong here. She is just going about life as she believes and including your kids in that. You've said NOTHING to make her think any of this is wrong.

Really, you are angry at yourself, because you're not sticking up for your beliefs. You are your own problem.

No, she is getting frustrated because her SIL is telling her children frightening pretend stories and trying to convince them that the fairytales are real. That there really is a boogeyman to be afraid of - Satan, or Hell.

OP you need to protect your children. What would you do if your SIL sincerely believed there was a monster under the bed that would eat your kid if you child didn't wear purple pajamas every night? Would you tolerate her trying to convince your kid of that?

The attempt to brainwash ends or your kids don't see them anymore. You owe it to your kids to protect them. Your child should not be living in fear of Hell. I would be FURIOUS.

The whole Fear Of HELL business is exactly what turned DH off Catholicism. Christianity is supposed to be about LOVE, not Hate. I don't stand by anything that preaches HATE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did speak with the kids after Sunday night and I explained to them...again...that truth (like the sun) is a light that shines through many windows, and that many religions have things to teach us. So, we feel it best that we don't limit ourselves to just one.

Okay, it was kind of lame, but I was caught by surprise.

Yes, this was actually extremely lame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did speak with the kids after Sunday night and I explained to them...again...that truth (like the sun) is a light that shines through many windows, and that many religions have things to teach us. So, we feel it best that we don't limit ourselves to just one.

Okay, it was kind of lame, but I was caught by surprise.

Yes, this was actually extremely lame.

No t bad, actually, will get the kids to thinking and not coming to any conclusions.

[Anonymous]

Be up front about your own beliefs. Ask her if she would appreciate you teaching her children that God is fabricated, or however you want to put it. Then tell her that from now on, she will not bring up religion to your children, and you will also agree to not teach her children your beliefs. (You haven't been, just making a point.)

I would have NO problem with them having a silent prayer before a meal. Silent, though out of respect for your home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you might also need to consider the possibility that one or both of your kids might be longing for a more tangible form of spirituality than they've been exposed to up to now.
If it were me, I'd be less concerned about Christianity than the particular "brand" of it that your relatives are espousing.
You can be a Christian and not be homophobic or deny climate change. Perhaps you need to start more directly engaging your children on these topics. Also, you could offer to take your children to a more liberal/progressive attitude.
Right now, your children are only be offered two choices: your agnostic choice and the relatives conservative "Christianity" (yes I put that in quotes because I don't think that brand of Christianity is in reality "what Jesus would do".
You need to offer them more exposure to more options.

I agree with this. I think parents are obliged to center their home on some sort of stance, or the kids get confused when their friends go through confirmations, bar mitzvahs, etc. I told my husband I didn't care when we got married but that when we had children we had to select something we were both comfortable with and go with it. There's a lot to choose from out there - start searching. Our kids are very much a part of our church and its huge youth program. Try Unitarians. You must have some relatives in your background that were "something".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you might also need to consider the possibility that one or both of your kids might be longing for a more tangible form of spirituality than they've been exposed to up to now.
If it were me, I'd be less concerned about Christianity than the particular "brand" of it that your relatives are espousing.
You can be a Christian and not be homophobic or deny climate change. Perhaps you need to start more directly engaging your children on these topics. Also, you could offer to take your children to a more liberal/progressive attitude.
Right now, your children are only be offered two choices: your agnostic choice and the relatives conservative "Christianity" (yes I put that in quotes because I don't think that brand of Christianity is in reality "what Jesus would do".
You need to offer them more exposure to more options.

The stance could be non-religious, right? or are you saying parents must choose some religion for the kids sake?


I agree with this. I think parents are obliged to center their home on some sort of stance, or the kids get confused when their friends go through confirmations, bar mitzvahs, etc. I told my husband I didn't care when we got married but that when we had children we had to select something we were both comfortable with and go with it. There's a lot to choose from out there - start searching. Our kids are very much a part of our church and its huge youth program. Try Unitarians. You must have some relatives in your background that were "something".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you might also need to consider the possibility that one or both of your kids might be longing for a more tangible form of spirituality than they've been exposed to up to now.
If it were me, I'd be less concerned about Christianity than the particular "brand" of it that your relatives are espousing.
You can be a Christian and not be homophobic or deny climate change. Perhaps you need to start more directly engaging your children on these topics. Also, you could offer to take your children to a more liberal/progressive attitude.
Right now, your children are only be offered two choices: your agnostic choice and the relatives conservative "Christianity" (yes I put that in quotes because I don't think that brand of Christianity is in reality "what Jesus would do".
You need to offer them more exposure to more options.

I agree with this. I think parents are obliged to center their home on some sort of stance, or the kids get confused when their friends go through confirmations, bar mitzvahs, etc. I told my husband I didn't care when we got married but that when we had children we had to select something we were both comfortable with and go with it. There's a lot to choose from out there - start searching. Our kids are very much a part of our church and its huge youth program. Try Unitarians. You must have some relatives in your background that were "something".

[this was meant to be outside the quoted area in the comment above]
The stance could be non-religious, right? or are you saying parents must choose some religion for the kids sake?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's really important for kids to have a basic understanding of some of the larger/more influential belief systems they will come across. I'm an atheist, and I give my kids as much background as I can on various beliefs as they come across them. What is God? Well, Christians believe this, Hindus believe this, etc. I give them various examples, a mini religious education, when the questions come up. If you tackle it from an academic perspective they are more likely to do the same. They will learn that there are alternatives to your relatives' beliefs; LOTS of alternatives, and it can all be very interesting. Flood them with as many different examples as they will take interest in, and answer their questions about your beliefs openly.

I have relatives who are religious, but not pushy, and it doesn't bother me in the least when the grandparents take my son to church once a year (mainly to show him off to their friends) while he stays with them. If they were pushy, however, I would let them know kindly that I do not want my kids to be indoctrinated in any way because they are too young to understand what's going on. If they want to investigate religion on their own terms when they are older so be it. Until then, I will take exception to anyone who presents to them religious beliefs as truths that they should believe.

Well said pp
Any good books or resources for a parent to read about various regions, comparing them? We have a similar view pt and ypung kids. Questions will soon come and happily I will start the conversation!