Religious relatives won't leave my kids alone - it's getting hard to be calm about it

[Anonymous]

Sad that faith so scares you.

[Anonymous]

Team Come Clean.

I come from a very conservative family and am now an atheist. You're SILs family seems really deep into the culture that surrounds the evangelical faith and her actions seem very normal to her. I understand your hesitation in coming clean, as I can only hear how such a "confession" on your part will be twisted in her mind, and the stories told. I remember sitting in church hearing all sorts of "stories" about lost family members, and the fretting over their souls.

However, it is important for you and your kids to have frank discussions and set boundaries. It might cause some confusion and conflict in the short term as your SIL may feel put on the defense. But, so long as you make sure that you make it clear that you honor your brother/SILs faith and you want them to honor the fact your do not share it and your time together should focus on other things.

As for your son, you definitely need to have frank discussion with him and encourage his curiosity and questions. Not in a defensive way (there is no need) but in a matter of fact..."this is true for me and I have peace about it" and encourage him to explore those big deep questions for himself.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Why would you not talk about religion to your kids? No subject should ever be taboo with one's own children. You have to build trust and be the go-to person in their lives.

Learning about different religions is well worth it, from a cultural as well as an intellectual and philosophical perspective. Did you know that many different populations with totally different belief systems have a Jonas and whale scenario? It really makes you realize that there is nothing new under the sun, and that religious stories are totally man-made and sought to interpret natural events at a time when scientific interpretations did not exist. Which does not mean that God does not exist to direct the whole. Just that bible stories cannot be taken literally at all, they have existed in all kinds of variations throughout humanity.

Anyway, talk to your kids about everything political, religious and healthwise to build their critical sense, and they will be all the stronger to stand up to bullies, teen peers and pressures of all kind.

And of course have a direct talk with your family. They sound like well-meaning people and deserve to be told the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my 13 year old were so impressionable that he could be convinced that I'm going to hell after a brief backyard conversation with my sister then yes, I would be worried about the things he could be talked into and would probably make the decision to homeschool him.

I was shocked your 13y old said something like that to you after the conversation he had with his aunt. I would expect this kind of influence on a young child, maybe 8 and younger. If someone had told me that when I was 13 - well, I had plenty of people telling me that always, I would have just smiled and nodded. And changed the subject.

Maybe you should be more open with your kids about your own believes and lack thereof. I am starting with my 4y old already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are getting frustrated because your SIL is not reading your mind. You are in the wrong here. She is just going about life as she believes and including your kids in that. You've said NOTHING to make her think any of this is wrong.

Really, you are angry at yourself, because you're not sticking up for your beliefs. You are your own problem.

+1000

The gig is up now that your relatives have moved here.

You need to be straight with your SIL that you are agnostic and not interested in this. You need to be straight with your kids about what you believe and why, and why other people believe different things

Your SIL will be majorly pissed but that's her problem, not yours. You were accepting of her being different so long as she didnt' try to convince your kids of anything and you expect the same of her.

Not hard. And honestly, I have not religious relatives of my own but religious in laws. I stick up for myself. You can too.

[Anonymous]

OP, I come at it from another angle, but it might be useful to you. I used to wish my atheist relatives would stop with the anti-religion snark, the dumb jokes, and all the rest. But I raised my kids to be tolerant of different kinds of belief and also tolerant of unbelief, and to have a solid grounding in our own values. We never confronted them, although it sounds like a good option in your case. The thing is, now that my kids are teenagers, they look on these relatives' snark as being ignorant, in the sense that these atheist relatives are factually wrong about what goes on in church, what people believe and don't believe, and so on. (Doesn't hurt that the atheist relatives in question are a pretty selfish bunch generally, refusing to help with dishes, think you should wait on them hand and foot, talk about themselves endlessly, et cetera.) So whether or not you decide to confront SIL, give them the tools so that they can enter the real world and face this sort of thing without having you around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sad that faith so scares you.

The faithful are scary. They shoot doctors and bomb clinics in the name of faith. They fly planes into buildings in the name of faith. They start wars in the name of religion. They disown their homosexual children in the name of faith. They deny science in the name of faith.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sad that faith so scares you.

The faithful are scary. They shoot doctors and bomb clinics in the name of faith. They fly planes into buildings in the name of faith. They start wars in the name of religion. They disown their homosexual children in the name of faith. They deny science in the name of faith.

yep, that is all that faith is about. you are right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sad that faith so scares you.

Wrong. Her SIL is overstepping, but OP needs to make that clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sad that faith so scares you.

The faithful are scary. They shoot doctors and bomb clinics in the name of faith. They fly planes into buildings in the name of faith. They start wars in the name of religion. They disown their homosexual children in the name of faith. They deny science in the name of faith.

yep, that is all that faith is about. you are right.

+1. Stalin and Pol Pot are some of the most religious people ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sad that faith so scares you.

Wrong. Her SIL is overstepping, but OP needs to make that clear.

Wrong. Yes, OP needs to stand up to her sister and clarify her own values. I'm not the 1st PP. But a straight-forward discussion about belief/non-belief is getting mixed up here, by various posters, with all sorts of fear and paranoia about faith, and I agree that's a little sad.

[Anonymous]

There is nothing more annoying than people trying to convert your kids to their religion. Kids that age do long for spirituality in their lives, but your SIL does not have the right to impose her beliefs on your kids, and especially not by telling them they are "going to hell"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sad that faith so scares you.

The faithful are scary. They shoot doctors and bomb clinics in the name of faith. They fly planes into buildings in the name of faith. They start wars in the name of religion. They disown their homosexual children in the name of faith. They deny science in the name of faith.

yep, that is all that faith is about. you are right.

+1. Stalin and Pol Pot are some of the most religious people ever.

Zealotry in the name of any belief system is scary. Just because other belief systems are dangerous doesn't mean that Christian zealotry isn't dangerous. Both can be evil.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sad that faith so scares you.

Sad that an adult is using Hell to scare a young kid into having faith.

[Anonymous]

Bottom line is these are not SIL's children, and what is discussed with them regarding religion is not her decision at all. OP, step up and make that clear.