Typical SAHM with school aged kids day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't read the thread. I want to say that I'm a SAHM and I've hated it completely and totally for nearly 15 years. I'd join the working world if I could, but after so many years at home, I've lost my profession, and the only work open to me is, what, seasonal help at Crate & Barrel? I stayed home because of the needs of my children, but I never wanted to, and I wish I hadn't had to.

What did I do all day: laundry, dishes, cleaning, shopping, driving, scheduling, repairing, decorating, rinse, repeat. Every task as boring as the last, but someone had to do them.

This is honesty. Refreshing.

It is also sad. If you are miserable with your life and accept your fate that is not something to be applauded.

I'm sure that poster agrees with you. How does piling on about how sad it is help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok- working moms win. They are superior and accomplish more and are happier than SAHMs. Now, can the thread either get back on topic or end??? This is so embarrassing and pathetic

+100

This is why I wish DCUM had a SAHM board. SAHMs are a minority here, like infertility and also a niche like real estate or travel. It would keep threads like these out of off topic (where this one started) and you could report easier when the WOHM peanut gallery comes in to derail anything positive or helpful.

Exactly. Could you imagine SAHMs coming in like attack dogs to derail a thread with "WOHM" in the subject line? IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN. SAHMs are too nice I guess, and put up with it and I guess it goes unnoticed by the moderators of this forum or they just don't care enough and allow it to happen.

What board are you reading? There are plenty of threads about working moms asking for advice and stay at home moms jump on and say how sad it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there's a long way to go. I started my career at 25. 20-years later not a single woman left to stay home. The number one reason for that is the unbelievabl flexibility combined with pay. Part-time, telework, sabbaticals, etc. Many women scaled way back when kids were small and through the school years--but many are now the leaders in the 10 years before they retire. This is in a STEM area too. 65% of the workers in my area are women.

Instead of bashing each other--women should be pushing for more of this.

I agree, and I also agree with the PP who said that women leaving the working world when they have kids makes this reality more difficult for all of us. That in a nutshell is why it makes more sense for WOHMs to resent SAHMs than vice versa. You working doesn't affect me. You staying home? If it affects my company's maternity leave (why be generous? they quit anyway!) or the salary the average women gets paid (they're not as valuable as men anyway!) then it affects more than your family.

Actually, after two highly valued women left my place of work, the company finally saw the light and changed just about everything WRT how they treat women and parents. They even started a program of re-enty for women who wanted longer than normal leaves of absence (like years). Sometime it takes calling their bluff.

That's great, but you can't really think that most women who quit their jobs do it to help further the experience of women at their company.

Are you actually arguing that most women who WOH do it in order to "further the experience of women at their company"? Because if so, that's hilarious. We all know that the vast majority of women who WOH do so out of necessity and not because they just love their job so much they'd never want to quit. Most people, and that includes women, do not "love" their work and would, in fact, jump at the opportunity to SAH with their kids for either a short or a long time. So please don't feed us this line of BS that the women who never take time off to care for their kids are doing so for purely altruistic reasons; you know, to lovingly lend their support to all the other women who have to work. They're working because they need to, period.

I'd love to see a citation that most women want to stay at home. I'm pretty sure that's not true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok- working moms win. They are superior and accomplish more and are happier than SAHMs. Now, can the thread either get back on topic or end??? This is so embarrassing and pathetic

+100

This is why I wish DCUM had a SAHM board. SAHMs are a minority here, like infertility and also a niche like real estate or travel. It would keep threads like these out of off topic (where this one started) and you could report easier when the WOHM peanut gallery comes in to derail anything positive or helpful.

I can see your point.

Its been requested before but I think it was said nothing could be done to keep WOHMs out. But the infertility board is respectful and policed. I don't see why WOHMs want or need to chime in on SAHM threads unless they used to be a SAHM and are offering advice. I guess they can't help it.

Are you seriously comparing infertility to staying at home? The plight of the martyr SAHM!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok- working moms win. They are superior and accomplish more and are happier than SAHMs. Now, can the thread either get back on topic or end??? This is so embarrassing and pathetic

+100

This is why I wish DCUM had a SAHM board. SAHMs are a minority here, like infertility and also a niche like real estate or travel. It would keep threads like these out of off topic (where this one started) and you could report easier when the WOHM peanut gallery comes in to derail anything positive or helpful.

Exactly. Could you imagine SAHMs coming in like attack dogs to derail a thread with "WOHM" in the subject line? IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN. SAHMs are too nice I guess, and put up with it and I guess it goes unnoticed by the moderators of this forum or they just don't care enough and allow it to happen.

What board are you reading? There are plenty of threads about working moms asking for advice and stay at home moms jump on and say how sad it is.

I thought the same exact thing. "Those poor kids being raised by somebody else"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok- working moms win. They are superior and accomplish more and are happier than SAHMs. Now, can the thread either get back on topic or end??? This is so embarrassing and pathetic

+100

This is why I wish DCUM had a SAHM board. SAHMs are a minority here, like infertility and also a niche like real estate or travel. It would keep threads like these out of off topic (where this one started) and you could report easier when the WOHM peanut gallery comes in to derail anything positive or helpful.

Exactly. Could you imagine SAHMs coming in like attack dogs to derail a thread with "WOHM" in the subject line? IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN. SAHMs are too nice I guess, and put up with it and I guess it goes unnoticed by the moderators of this forum or they just don't care enough and allow it to happen.

What board are you reading? There are plenty of threads about working moms asking for advice and stay at home moms jump on and say how sad it is.

I thought the same exact thing. "Those poor kids being raised by somebody else"

Right!?! And you're all SOOOO jealous and want to be us!

I am genuinely puzzled when SAHMs come on here and say working moms never get attacked ("maybe we're just too nice!" Hysterical.) Are they literally blind?

[Anonymous]

The only people who are immune from these types of criticisms levied at women (whether SAH or WOH) are the rare breed who can make a s**t load of money in a relatively short amount of time - I'm thinking part time docs and such, particularly the ones who work at night.

The rest of us will always be subjected to some sort of attack. When you're SAHM, you're lazy and not using your skills/education. When you're WOHM, you're allowing someone else to raise your kids.

I work FT, but from home 3 days a week, have excellent hours, and I STILL get all sorts of snarky comments from various people in my life. My mom thinks I've 'gone soft' because I work for the govt instead of private industry and therefore make about 20% less. My MIL constantly says 'The poor kids!' because they are at school/daycare from 8-4:30 everyday.

Every has an angle because they basically want you to reflect their own life choices. I just ignore them all.

[Anonymous]

Wow, this thread is really upsetting.

I have WOHM and SAHM and had all kinds of friends across the spectrum and I never encounter this kind of vitriol in real life.

Is this what women are thinking but don't say or is this just some tiny but very vocal minority?

I really home the latter.

I guess I fundamentally don't care whether another woman -- or man -- works full time, part time, stay at home -- whatever. I care what kind of friend/neighbor/citizen they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, this thread is really upsetting.

I have WOHM and SAHM and had all kinds of friends across the spectrum and I never encounter this kind of vitriol in real life.

Is this what women are thinking but don't say or is this just some tiny but very vocal minority?

I really home the latter.

I guess I fundamentally don't care whether another woman -- or man -- works full time, part time, stay at home -- whatever. I care what kind of friend/neighbor/citizen they are.

There are several of us who have said this but those posts get ignored in favor of the inflammatory ones.

I stay at home. I do not think it is right or necessary for everyone. I do not think working moms are not raising their own children. I do not think that there is anything wrong with daycare. I do not think working moms are more interesting than SAHM. I do not think that SAHM love their children more. I do not think that my marriage is unequal and unhappy, and I have no idea about yours because I'm not in it. I'm relieved every day that I have wonderful, close friends in real life who show me that most women are not like this to each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, this thread is really upsetting.

I have WOHM and SAHM and had all kinds of friends across the spectrum and I never encounter this kind of vitriol in real life.

Is this what women are thinking but don't say or is this just some tiny but very vocal minority?

I really home the latter.

I guess I fundamentally don't care whether another woman -- or man -- works full time, part time, stay at home -- whatever. I care what kind of friend/neighbor/citizen they are.

Most people think like you do ... only the unhappy people resort to snark on here. Easy to ignore, but some people are easily offended and have to take the bait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, this thread is really upsetting.

I have WOHM and SAHM and had all kinds of friends across the spectrum and I never encounter this kind of vitriol in real life.

Is this what women are thinking but don't say or is this just some tiny but very vocal minority?

I really home the latter.

I guess I fundamentally don't care whether another woman -- or man -- works full time, part time, stay at home -- whatever. I care what kind of friend/neighbor/citizen they are.

I always think its just a couple of people who stir things up just to amuse themselves. I don't think half these people even believe the stuff they post. People have to learn not to take the bait and respond...but someone always does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ If the obvious troll posts could stop that would be great.

+1000
They're not even well-written, which can sometimes elicit a laugh or two. Just plain unremarkable and predictable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being dull has nothing to do with whether you work for pay. I know just as many boring working parents as I do boring stay-at-home parents. Anyone who draws lines such as "WOHM are like this" or "SAHM are like that" is a judgmental fool.

Don't you people have friends in real life who live in different situations and make different choices? I even have some - gasp! - single and/or childless friends! It takes all kinds.

IDK. If you have money and brains and don't need to take care of your kids all day because they are in school, but all you can come up with to fill your time is shopping, exercising, grooming, eating, and tidying--you just can't be a very interesting person. There are so many amazing women out there -- some who work for pay, some who don't -- who do so many amazing things. Most of what people have described on this thread is astonishingly limited for a bunch of people who don't seem to have physical, intellectual, or financial limitations on their potential.

Well said. I would off myself if I were in my 30s and still had 2/3s of my life left doing nothing. No wonder so many are in anti-depressants.

That's some assumption there. Has anyone here said they're in their 30's? Many of us have already achieved in the workplace prior to having kids and are now SAHMs after years of work. Many of us also plan on returning to work when our kids are older. How old are you? I'm picturing a silly, empty-headed millennial with kids in daycare, slaving away at a dead-end job. How's that working out for you?

Nice try. 45. 3,homes now and my kids were not in daycare. I worked for 10 years and then worked from home because I was senior and a great asset they gave me the option. My schedule now mirrors the kids' school schedule. I did think in my mid-20s what I wanted out of life and how to get it. I reassess and think every step of the way. I knew I wanted kids.

Funny. That's exactly what the SAHMs here have done too. Figured out at an early stage what they wanted out of life and how to make it happen. For us, that includes working hard pre-kids, saving money, and staying home once we started families. Reassessing as life goes on certainly plays a part in our lives as well. Many of us decide to return to work - in different capacities - once our children are older. Others decide to remain at home. Either way, isn't it great that we're all fully capable of making those decisions for ourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there's a long way to go. I started my career at 25. 20-years later not a single woman left to stay home. The number one reason for that is the unbelievabl flexibility combined with pay. Part-time, telework, sabbaticals, etc. Many women scaled way back when kids were small and through the school years--but many are now the leaders in the 10 years before they retire. This is in a STEM area too. 65% of the workers in my area are women.

Instead of bashing each other--women should be pushing for more of this.

I agree, and I also agree with the PP who said that women leaving the working world when they have kids makes this reality more difficult for all of us. That in a nutshell is why it makes more sense for WOHMs to resent SAHMs than vice versa. You working doesn't affect me. You staying home? If it affects my company's maternity leave (why be generous? they quit anyway!) or the salary the average women gets paid (they're not as valuable as men anyway!) then it affects more than your family.

Actually, after two highly valued women left my place of work, the company finally saw the light and changed just about everything WRT how they treat women and parents. They even started a program of re-enty for women who wanted longer than normal leaves of absence (like years). Sometime it takes calling their bluff.

That's great, but you can't really think that most women who quit their jobs do it to help further the experience of women at their company.

Are you actually arguing that most women who WOH do it in order to "further the experience of women at their company"? Because if so, that's hilarious. We all know that the vast majority of women who WOH do so out of necessity and not because they just love their job so much they'd never want to quit. Most people, and that includes women, do not "love" their work and would, in fact, jump at the opportunity to SAH with their kids for either a short or a long time. So please don't feed us this line of BS that the women who never take time off to care for their kids are doing so for purely altruistic reasons; you know, to lovingly lend their support to all the other women who have to work. They're working because they need to, period.

I'd love to see a citation that most women want to stay at home. I'm pretty sure that's not true.

In my world it sure is. Every mom I work with has said how much they'd love to be home. Including me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok- working moms win. They are superior and accomplish more and are happier than SAHMs. Now, can the thread either get back on topic or end??? This is so embarrassing and pathetic

+100

This is why I wish DCUM had a SAHM board. SAHMs are a minority here, like infertility and also a niche like real estate or travel. It would keep threads like these out of off topic (where this one started) and you could report easier when the WOHM peanut gallery comes in to derail anything positive or helpful.

I can see your point.

Its been requested before but I think it was said nothing could be done to keep WOHMs out. But the infertility board is respectful and policed. I don't see why WOHMs want or need to chime in on SAHM threads unless they used to be a SAHM and are offering advice. I guess they can't help it.

Are you seriously comparing infertility to staying at home? The plight of the martyr SAHM!!

Are you seriously using "martyr" to describe SAHMs when all we ever hear is how hard the WOHMs work (doing two jobs, you know) and how they never have any time for themselves, etc. etc. Maybe a dictionary refresher is in order... http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/martyr