Typical SAHM with school aged kids day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish someone would explain why it is so horrible that a parent chooses to be a hands on *gasp* parent. Especially if that parent is a woman.

I mean it couldn't possibly be because she wants to be present in a way differently than you do. It must be that shes a lazy gold digger right who is raising her daughter(s) to be pathetic and unfulfilled.

As a SAHM I don't care why you are a WAHM/WOHM your choices are as valid as mine and you love your children the same. Why can't SAHMs get the same consideration? It is ridiculous.

Totally agree. I'm a SAHM and totally respect women who chose to work. But for the life me, I don't understand, why some working moms, don't "get" why a woman would find putting her energies into parenting instead of paid employment to be enjoyable and fulfilling.

Because the 35-40 hours a week the kids are in school seems like a lot of time to putter around the house and do errands. It doesn't seem like SAHMs with kids in school spend that much more time with their kids than working parents. And the opportunity cost of not working is pretty significant.

Because can't think of a job (other than teaching, which I have neither training nor interest in) that allows me to be home when my kids are home, I cluding summers. If you think of one, please let me know. Most employers don't want you take 12 weeks off in the summer.

Most school-age kids do, and should, go to camp in the summer during school hours. They grow up, and they don't need a hovering mother with nothing else to do in their faces all day long. To the poster who talks about putting energy into parenting, the point is that none of these SAHMs are mentioning parenting. They're mentioning errands and working out. We are all putting the same amount of energy into parenting once the kids are in school, working moms or not.

So all parents work 9-3? Funny, I thought some had longer hours than that. Oh - and summers off? I'll go back to work if that's the case.

My kids bus comes at 8:30 and they get home at 4:15. I get home at 5:15, so I'm missing 5 hours a week compared to someone who is home all day.

Yes, but you spend hours cleaning, cooking, laundry, errands etc. that I get done while the kids are at school. Don't fool yourself. It is not even close.

I'm not fooling myself. I don't spend hours "cleaning, cooking, laundry, errands etc." every night. The house is basically clean because we're not home all day. Laundry means moving the clothes from the washer to the dryer when I get home (husband starts it on delay in the morning) and then either bringing them up or telling whichever kid it is to get their stuff and put it away. I always have a dinner plan and the kids do homework while I get it on the table. Errands we can do Saturday morning while they are at lessons/practice, they can go with me, one of us can do errands while the other takes the kids on a bike ride, etc.

When the kids were younger our evenings seemed a lot busier, but now that they can deal with their own laundry, bathe themselves, start their homework on their own, help load dishes/collect the trash, etc. its not hard for me to get the things I need to done around the house and still have plenty of time to relax and spend with them. Plus my husband does half of the work. I don't care if other people stay home. I really don't--whatever works for you. But the work I do around my house could not take up the 35 hours a week the kids are in school, so it's not worth it to us give up half of our household income to have slightly more free time at night and on the weekend.

I think this is why the 80%/4 days a week schedule is so great-- its acceptable to a lot of employers (where half-time would not fly) and can make a big difference in your quality of life. You know have one day to do the shopping, errands, laundry, personal appointments, etc. which makes a difference for your family life in the evenings and weekends, but you don't feel too out of the loop at work because you are there almost full time.

I also think this whole "debate" is because what we all wish we had is a little more time or a little more money, but when the choice is between working full time and not at all, you end up with a lot more money or a lot more time. (If you both work, you have two full incomes, so to SAHMs you look like you're working for the "extras" because you have so much financial breathing room. If you stay at home, you have more time than is needed to keep the household running, so to WOHMs you look like you have lot of free time to do more fun or personally rewarding things.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a mix of working and SAHM friends. Once kids hit school age our summers are really not that different. A mix of camps and hanging out. Not all of the working moms opt for all day camps - most have summer nannies too so the kids can have a more relaxed schedule.

I work PT all year but summers are very slow for me work-wise, my big contracts are in fall and spring and wrap up by June. My kids like summer camps so it's not like they are home with me all day.

?
I don't get how a SAHM and a mom who works full time would have the same summer experience.
We go to the pool, water parks, amusement parks, festivals, from sun up to sun down (well, dinner time) during the summer, and a working mom would be at work all day.
In my neighborhood summer is the worst for the working moms because the kids are not at school and they have to figure out camps, grandparent help, summer nanny with transportation issues, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a mix of working and SAHM friends. Once kids hit school age our summers are really not that different. A mix of camps and hanging out. Not all of the working moms opt for all day camps - most have summer nannies too so the kids can have a more relaxed schedule.

I work PT all year but summers are very slow for me work-wise, my big contracts are in fall and spring and wrap up by June. My kids like summer camps so it's not like they are home with me all day.

?
I don't get how a SAHM and a mom who works full time would have the same summer experience.
We go to the pool, water parks, amusement parks, festivals, from sun up to sun down (well, dinner time) during the summer, and a working mom would be at work all day.
In my neighborhood summer is the worst for the working moms because the kids are not at school and they have to figure out camps, grandparent help, summer nanny with transportation issues, etc.

Are you talking about the experience of the kids or of the mother? The point a lot of people are trying to make is that, for school aged kids, their days aren't that different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a mix of working and SAHM friends. Once kids hit school age our summers are really not that different. A mix of camps and hanging out. Not all of the working moms opt for all day camps - most have summer nannies too so the kids can have a more relaxed schedule.

I work PT all year but summers are very slow for me work-wise, my big contracts are in fall and spring and wrap up by June. My kids like summer camps so it's not like they are home with me all day.

?
I don't get how a SAHM and a mom who works full time would have the same summer experience.
We go to the pool, water parks, amusement parks, festivals, from sun up to sun down (well, dinner time) during the summer, and a working mom would be at work all day.
In my neighborhood summer is the worst for the working moms because the kids are not at school and they have to figure out camps, grandparent help, summer nanny with transportation issues, etc.

Are you talking about the experience of the kids or of the mother? The point a lot of people are trying to make is that, for school aged kids, their days aren't that different.

I gues both? I see that you are talking about kids that go to camp all summer (maybe older kids?) and I'm talking about, perhaps younger elementary school kids which is what I have, that spend the summer doing fun summer things with me, like I noted above. They still need me to be present at all the activities I listed and I have preschool aged child as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a mix of working and SAHM friends. Once kids hit school age our summers are really not that different. A mix of camps and hanging out. Not all of the working moms opt for all day camps - most have summer nannies too so the kids can have a more relaxed schedule.

I work PT all year but summers are very slow for me work-wise, my big contracts are in fall and spring and wrap up by June. My kids like summer camps so it's not like they are home with me all day.

This whole debate is pointless -- do whatever works for you and your family, 100% -- but if the summers weren't that different, moat WOHM wouldn't need summer nannies?

[Anonymous]

I'm not fooling myself. I don't spend hours "cleaning, cooking, laundry, errands etc." every night. The house is basically clean because we're not home all day. Laundry means moving the clothes from the washer to the dryer when I get home (husband starts it on delay in the morning) and then either bringing them up or telling whichever kid it is to get their stuff and put it away. I always have a dinner plan and the kids do homework while I get it on the table. Errands we can do Saturday morning while they are at lessons/practice, they can go with me, one of us can do errands while the other takes the kids on a bike ride, etc.

When the kids were younger our evenings seemed a lot busier, but now that they can deal with their own laundry, bathe themselves, start their homework on their own, help load dishes/collect the trash, etc. its not hard for me to get the things I need to done around the house and still have plenty of time to relax and spend with them. Plus my husband does half of the work. I don't care if other people stay home. I really don't--whatever works for you. But the work I do around my house could not take up the 35 hours a week the kids are in school, so it's not worth it to us give up half of our household income to have slightly more free time at night and on the weekend.

I think this is why the 80%/4 days a week schedule is so great-- its acceptable to a lot of employers (where half-time would not fly) and can make a big difference in your quality of life. You know have one day to do the shopping, errands, laundry, personal appointments, etc. which makes a difference for your family life in the evenings and weekends, but you don't feel too out of the loop at work because you are there almost full time.

I also think this whole "debate" is because what we all wish we had is a little more time or a little more money, but when the choice is between working full time and not at all, you end up with a lot more money or a lot more time. (If you both work, you have two full incomes, so to SAHMs you look like you're working for the "extras" because you have so much financial breathing room. If you stay at home, you have more time than is needed to keep the household running, so to WOHMs you look like you have lot of free time to do more fun or personally rewarding things.)

I agree with your last paragraph to the extent that we do not wish we had more money, so my husband and I decided I would stay home to afford us more time. And, I do have a lot more time now to do more fun or personally rewarding things. I know a lot of working moms think that's pointless, but it's worth it for us (not just me but the whole family).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I think this is why the 80%/4 days a week schedule is so great-- its acceptable to a lot of employers (where half-time would not fly) and can make a big difference in your quality of life. You know have one day to do the shopping, errands, laundry, personal appointments, etc. which makes a difference for your family life in the evenings and weekends, but you don't feel too out of the loop at work because you are there almost full time.

I also think this whole "debate" is because what we all wish we had is a little more time or a little more money, but when the choice is between working full time and not at all, you end up with a lot more money or a lot more time. (If you both work, you have two full incomes, so to SAHMs you look like you're working for the "extras" because you have so much financial breathing room. If you stay at home, you have more time than is needed to keep the household running, so to WOHMs you look like you have lot of free time to do more fun or personally rewarding things.)

Glad it works for you. However, people have different experiences in life. And you cannot make blanket statements. My sister is a WOHM. Her HHI with two incomes is less than what my DH makes. I obviously have a little more money and a little more time than her. My sister pays for really good quality daycare for her children. I do not have daycare costs - so I am able to put them in after-school activities as well as hire a weekly cleaning lady. I am sure in a few years, their HHI will be more than ours because of increase in their earnings. However, as of right now, the exorbitant childcare cost, the fact that she does not have more quality time to spend with her kids, the inflexibility in her schedule - every thing contributes to the stress in her life, marriage and finances.

The trick is to find a happy medium between making enough money and having enough time. However, because of inequality in the workplace, working moms have a harder path than those women who do not have need for childcare flexibility and support. I do not think unless things change for the better for women and moms in the workplace, there can be any real choice available to most women.

BTW - If my DH did not make enough for us to fulfill our retirement and college goals without my salary, I would have continued to work. There is no question in my mind. Retirement and college savings are not things you can forego.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I think this is why the 80%/4 days a week schedule is so great-- its acceptable to a lot of employers (where half-time would not fly) and can make a big difference in your quality of life. You know have one day to do the shopping, errands, laundry, personal appointments, etc. which makes a difference for your family life in the evenings and weekends, but you don't feel too out of the loop at work because you are there almost full time.

I also think this whole "debate" is because what we all wish we had is a little more time or a little more money, but when the choice is between working full time and not at all, you end up with a lot more money or a lot more time. (If you both work, you have two full incomes, so to SAHMs you look like you're working for the "extras" because you have so much financial breathing room. If you stay at home, you have more time than is needed to keep the household running, so to WOHMs you look like you have lot of free time to do more fun or personally rewarding things.)

Glad it works for you. However, people have different experiences in life. And you cannot make blanket statements. My sister is a WOHM. Her HHI with two incomes is less than what my DH makes. I obviously have a little more money and a little more time than her. My sister pays for really good quality daycare for her children. I do not have daycare costs - so I am able to put them in after-school activities as well as hire a weekly cleaning lady. I am sure in a few years, their HHI will be more than ours because of increase in their earnings. However, as of right now, the exorbitant childcare cost, the fact that she does not have more quality time to spend with her kids, the inflexibility in her schedule - every thing contributes to the stress in her life, marriage and finances.

The trick is to find a happy medium between making enough money and having enough time. However, because of inequality in the workplace, working moms have a harder path than those women who do not have need for childcare flexibility and support. I do not think unless things change for the better for women and moms in the workplace, there can be any real choice available to most women.

BTW - If my DH did not make enough for us to fulfill our retirement and college goals without my salary, I would have continued to work. There is no question in my mind. Retirement and college savings are not things you can forego.

SAHM here and I agree. I wouldn't have quit my job if we couldn't meet those goals on my husband's salary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a mix of working and SAHM friends. Once kids hit school age our summers are really not that different. A mix of camps and hanging out. Not all of the working moms opt for all day camps - most have summer nannies too so the kids can have a more relaxed schedule.

I work PT all year but summers are very slow for me work-wise, my big contracts are in fall and spring and wrap up by June. My kids like summer camps so it's not like they are home with me all day.

This whole debate is pointless -- do whatever works for you and your family, 100% -- but if the summers weren't that different, moat WOHM wouldn't need summer nannies?

For the kids - argument above was that kids of working moms have to spend all summer at camp all day and have no down time. If they have nannies they don't have to do that, do they?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a mix of working and SAHM friends. Once kids hit school age our summers are really not that different. A mix of camps and hanging out. Not all of the working moms opt for all day camps - most have summer nannies too so the kids can have a more relaxed schedule.

I work PT all year but summers are very slow for me work-wise, my big contracts are in fall and spring and wrap up by June. My kids like summer camps so it's not like they are home with me all day.

This whole debate is pointless -- do whatever works for you and your family, 100% -- but if the summers weren't that different, moat WOHM wouldn't need summer nannies?

For the kids - argument above was that kids of working moms have to spend all summer at camp all day and have no down time. If they have nannies they don't have to do that, do they?

The post referred to moms and said "our" summers, meaning the moms. Maybe the poster meant "our kids'" summers. I would argue that there is still a difference between a child being at home with a parent and a nanny, not that nannies can't be great, of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish someone would explain why it is so horrible that a parent chooses to be a hands on *gasp* parent. Especially if that parent is a woman.

I mean it couldn't possibly be because she wants to be present in a way differently than you do. It must be that shes a lazy gold digger right who is raising her daughter(s) to be pathetic and unfulfilled.

As a SAHM I don't care why you are a WAHM/WOHM your choices are as valid as mine and you love your children the same. Why can't SAHMs get the same consideration? It is ridiculous.

Totally agree. I'm a SAHM and totally respect women who chose to work. But for the life me, I don't understand, why some working moms, don't "get" why a woman would find putting her energies into parenting instead of paid employment to be enjoyable and fulfilling.

Because the 35-40 hours a week the kids are in school seems like a lot of time to putter around the house and do errands. It doesn't seem like SAHMs with kids in school spend that much more time with their kids than working parents. And the opportunity cost of not working is pretty significant.

Because can't think of a job (other than teaching, which I have neither training nor interest in) that allows me to be home when my kids are home, I cluding summers. If you think of one, please let me know. Most employers don't want you take 12 weeks off in the summer.

Most school-age kids do, and should, go to camp in the summer during school hours. They grow up, and they don't need a hovering mother with nothing else to do in their faces all day long. To the poster who talks about putting energy into parenting, the point is that none of these SAHMs are mentioning parenting. They're mentioning errands and working out. We are all putting the same amount of energy into parenting once the kids are in school, working moms or not.

I'm a WOHM, but this is ridiculous. I have amazing memories of my SAHM growing up. I felt so close to her, and loved that she was home for me when I got home from school. When she went back to work (when my youngest sibling went to K), I was sad (and I was 11!). I loved my summers and breaks with her. My SAHM taught me to read by the time I was 4, and multiply by 5, all the countries in the world by age 7, and to speak another language by the time I was 3. I skipped a grade because my mother took interest in my studies. We would do science experiments after school, just for fun. We'd go to the library several times a week. During summers we'd go back home for months (Asia) and visit family and garden and go to the pool and playground every single day. We always had home cooked lunches/dinners, always had other family friends over for dinner (2x/week), had tons of playdates, read so many books together. It was a wonderful, wonderful childhood, and much of that was because I was with the person I loved most in the world.

I have a graduate degree, make a nice tidy six figure salary, and have two kids, but the fact is I attribute nearly every success in my life to my wonderful SAH mother, who was most definitely NOT twiddling her thumbs. She worked her butt off from 5:30 am to 10 pm every. single. day.

If I could SAH, I would.

Beautifully said. I also had a SAHM as a child (until I was in high school, when she decided to work P/T) and we did the same kinds of things together. She was, and is, the best role model I've ever had and to this day I continue to try and live my life by the example she set for us. I only hope I'm half the mom she was (and is).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish someone would explain why it is so horrible that a parent chooses to be a hands on *gasp* parent. Especially if that parent is a woman.

I mean it couldn't possibly be because she wants to be present in a way differently than you do. It must be that shes a lazy gold digger right who is raising her daughter(s) to be pathetic and unfulfilled.

As a SAHM I don't care why you are a WAHM/WOHM your choices are as valid as mine and you love your children the same. Why can't SAHMs get the same consideration? It is ridiculous.

Totally agree. I'm a SAHM and totally respect women who chose to work. But for the life me, I don't understand, why some working moms, don't "get" why a woman would find putting her energies into parenting instead of paid employment to be enjoyable and fulfilling.

Because the 35-40 hours a week the kids are in school seems like a lot of time to putter around the house and do errands. It doesn't seem like SAHMs with kids in school spend that much more time with their kids than working parents. And the opportunity cost of not working is pretty significant.

Because can't think of a job (other than teaching, which I have neither training nor interest in) that allows me to be home when my kids are home, I cluding summers. If you think of one, please let me know. Most employers don't want you take 12 weeks off in the summer.

Most school-age kids do, and should, go to camp in the summer during school hours. They grow up, and they don't need a hovering mother with nothing else to do in their faces all day long. To the poster who talks about putting energy into parenting, the point is that none of these SAHMs are mentioning parenting. They're mentioning errands and working out. We are all putting the same amount of energy into parenting once the kids are in school, working moms or not.

Your blanket statements are ridiculous. We get that you stick your kids in camp all summer, but that doesn't mean it's right for the rest of our kids. My children love going to camp for a week or two every summer. The rest of the time? They hang out, doing whatever they want to - drawing, reading, playing outside, going to the pool, etc. They don't need to be scheduled throughout the summer, as they are during the school year. They're children and they need down time, time to just veg and 'be'. They certainly don't have a "hovering mother with nothing else to do in their faces all day long." Instead, they have a mom who is nearby doing her own thing, but available to hang out with them or play games or take them to the pool or out for ice cream. In other words, their days aren't scheduled from dawn to dusk, each and every day of their lives.

[Anonymous]

My best friend WOH full time. She is an attorney working in a job she loves. Her work makes a real difference in the lives of children. I SAH. She has never made me feel "less than" for choosing to SAH. I think she is a fantastic mom even though she sometimes works really long hours. We have discussed the good and bad of both choices.

I take my daughter and her son to sports practicce (crew) after school every day. She picks them up on her way home from work. Her son could not row without a ride to practice. By picking the kids up at 7pm, she keeps me from having to drag my younger son out every evening when I am getting supper on the table. That's just one of countless ways my WOHM friends and I help each other.

If you are having a strong emotional reaction to this topic regardless of whether you work or stay at home, you may might consider spending some time thinking about why you are so angry. People who are content and secure in their decisions don't need to continually justify them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish someone would explain why it is so horrible that a parent chooses to be a hands on *gasp* parent. Especially if that parent is a woman.

I mean it couldn't possibly be because she wants to be present in a way differently than you do. It must be that shes a lazy gold digger right who is raising her daughter(s) to be pathetic and unfulfilled.

As a SAHM I don't care why you are a WAHM/WOHM your choices are as valid as mine and you love your children the same. Why can't SAHMs get the same consideration? It is ridiculous.

Totally agree. I'm a SAHM and totally respect women who chose to work. But for the life me, I don't understand, why some working moms, don't "get" why a woman would find putting her energies into parenting instead of paid employment to be enjoyable and fulfilling.

Because the 35-40 hours a week the kids are in school seems like a lot of time to putter around the house and do errands. It doesn't seem like SAHMs with kids in school spend that much more time with their kids than working parents. And the opportunity cost of not working is pretty significant.

Because can't think of a job (other than teaching, which I have neither training nor interest in) that allows me to be home when my kids are home, I cluding summers. If you think of one, please let me know. Most employers don't want you take 12 weeks off in the summer.

Most school-age kids do, and should, go to camp in the summer during school hours. They grow up, and they don't need a hovering mother with nothing else to do in their faces all day long. To the poster who talks about putting energy into parenting, the point is that none of these SAHMs are mentioning parenting. They're mentioning errands and working out. We are all putting the same amount of energy into parenting once the kids are in school, working moms or not.

So all parents work 9-3? Funny, I thought some had longer hours than that. Oh - and summers off? I'll go back to work if that's the case.

My kids bus comes at 8:30 and they get home at 4:15. I get home at 5:15, so I'm missing 5 hours a week compared to someone who is home all day.

Well isn't that nice! Our elementary school bus drops off at 2:45pm. And because we are in LCPS, school is closed unexpectedly for roughly 10 days/winter. And no, I don't think my children "need" to be in 8-5pm "camp" all summer long. They choose a few weeks of camps that interest them (tennis, Girl Scouts, gymnastics) and also do the swim team. They also spend a ton of time playing with their friends and reading. They wouldn't want to be gone 8-5. It's just not something they have ever experienced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish someone would explain why it is so horrible that a parent chooses to be a hands on *gasp* parent. Especially if that parent is a woman.

I mean it couldn't possibly be because she wants to be present in a way differently than you do. It must be that shes a lazy gold digger right who is raising her daughter(s) to be pathetic and unfulfilled.

As a SAHM I don't care why you are a WAHM/WOHM your choices are as valid as mine and you love your children the same. Why can't SAHMs get the same consideration? It is ridiculous.

Totally agree. I'm a SAHM and totally respect women who chose to work. But for the life me, I don't understand, why some working moms, don't "get" why a woman would find putting her energies into parenting instead of paid employment to be enjoyable and fulfilling.

Because the 35-40 hours a week the kids are in school seems like a lot of time to putter around the house and do errands. It doesn't seem like SAHMs with kids in school spend that much more time with their kids than working parents. And the opportunity cost of not working is pretty significant.

Because can't think of a job (other than teaching, which I have neither training nor interest in) that allows me to be home when my kids are home, I cluding summers. If you think of one, please let me know. Most employers don't want you take 12 weeks off in the summer.

Most school-age kids do, and should, go to camp in the summer during school hours. They grow up, and they don't need a hovering mother with nothing else to do in their faces all day long. To the poster who talks about putting energy into parenting, the point is that none of these SAHMs are mentioning parenting. They're mentioning errands and working out. We are all putting the same amount of energy into parenting once the kids are in school, working moms or not.

So all parents work 9-3? Funny, I thought some had longer hours than that. Oh - and summers off? I'll go back to work if that's the case.

My kids bus comes at 8:30 and they get home at 4:15. I get home at 5:15, so I'm missing 5 hours a week compared to someone who is home all day.

So that's everyone's schedule? You were speaking for all moms, right? "We are all putting the same amount of energy..."