HS Party with Alcohol... Death

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've said this before on DCUM, and pps have said similar things.
Iinstead of just prohibiting your teen/20-something from drinking, you really must work on a relationship where you insist and your kid feels comfortable calling you in any situation and you will come and get him/her. Save the lecture and/or punishment if any for the next day.
Short of or in addition to that (and what we do for college-aged kids), get Uber and tie it to your credit card -- that way there is absolutely zero excuse that your kids gets in a car as the driver or as a passenger in a car when the driver has been drinking. There are many tragic accidents where the passengers are killed and the drunk driver survives -- make sure your kid is not the passenger.

How about this then?

Most kids aren't equipped to deal with the peer pressure to AVOID calling their parents, at any cost. Most parents prefer to ignore this mighty little fact.

That's alotta "mosts". You must know something the rest of us don't.
Speaking for myself, the parents of teens I know use the "call at any time, we'll deal with the consequences later" method. Among us, our teens have utilized this call (or a call to Uber) many times. More than once, I've loaded my car with kids who weren't where they were supposed to be at 2am. Parents might want to try building that trust with their kids so the kids will feel comfortable enough to call. The other factor that is helpful, but not always realistic as the kids get older, is to know the other parents well enough to trust them when your kids are at their house or to give you a heads up when they'll be out of town (when lots of high parties happen).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've said this before on DCUM, and pps have said similar things.
Iinstead of just prohibiting your teen/20-something from drinking, you really must work on a relationship where you insist and your kid feels comfortable calling you in any situation and you will come and get him/her. Save the lecture and/or punishment if any for the next day.
Short of or in addition to that (and what we do for college-aged kids), get Uber and tie it to your credit card -- that way there is absolutely zero excuse that your kids gets in a car as the driver or as a passenger in a car when the driver has been drinking. There are many tragic accidents where the passengers are killed and the drunk driver survives -- make sure your kid is not the passenger.

How about this then?

Most kids aren't equipped to deal with the peer pressure to AVOID calling their parents, at any cost. Most parents prefer to ignore this mighty little fact.

That's alotta "mosts". You must know something the rest of us don't.
Speaking for myself, the parents of teens I know use the "call at any time, we'll deal with the consequences later" method. Among us, our teens have utilized this call (or a call to Uber) many times. More than once, I've loaded my car with kids who weren't where they were supposed to be at 2am. Parents might want to try building that trust with their kids so the kids will feel comfortable enough to call. The other factor that is helpful, but not always realistic as the kids get older, is to know the other parents well enough to trust them when your kids are at their house or to give you a heads up when they'll be out of town (when lots of high parties happen).

Sorry, but I don't think you have much of a clue what you're talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've said this before on DCUM, and pps have said similar things.
Iinstead of just prohibiting your teen/20-something from drinking, you really must work on a relationship where you insist and your kid feels comfortable calling you in any situation and you will come and get him/her. Save the lecture and/or punishment if any for the next day.
Short of or in addition to that (and what we do for college-aged kids), get Uber and tie it to your credit card -- that way there is absolutely zero excuse that your kids gets in a car as the driver or as a passenger in a car when the driver has been drinking. There are many tragic accidents where the passengers are killed and the drunk driver survives -- make sure your kid is not the passenger.

How about this then?

Most kids aren't equipped to deal with the peer pressure to AVOID calling their parents, at any cost. Most parents prefer to ignore this mighty little fact.

That's alotta "mosts". You must know something the rest of us don't.
Speaking for myself, the parents of teens I know use the "call at any time, we'll deal with the consequences later" method. Among us, our teens have utilized this call (or a call to Uber) many times. More than once, I've loaded my car with kids who weren't where they were supposed to be at 2am. Parents might want to try building that trust with their kids so the kids will feel comfortable enough to call. The other factor that is helpful, but not always realistic as the kids get older, is to know the other parents well enough to trust them when your kids are at their house or to give you a heads up when they'll be out of town (when lots of high parties happen).

Sorry, but I don't think you have much of a clue what you're talking about.

It's not an opinion, there's nothing to be clueless about. It's fact--based on one parent's personal experience. Maybe you're confused?

[Anonymous]

Sorry everyone. It is a crap shoot.

You can dedicate 100 pages to "how are we going to stop this" when most of you are already doing the right things -building relationships, having your kids call, asking the right questions, not host underage drinking parties - but you can do everything right and bad things still happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry everyone. It is a crap shoot.

You can dedicate 100 pages to "how are we going to stop this" when most of you are already doing the right things -building relationships, having your kids call, asking the right questions, not host underage drinking parties - but you can do everything right and bad things still happen.

You are correct that bad things can still happen. None of us can guarantee our kids make it to adulthood no matter how careful and vigilant we are. But we can greatly reduce the chance of this type of event and every single one of us knows in our heart how to do it. We need to at least try. Please try!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible to teach the kids to drink responsible? Is you are going to do it (most teenagers do it) don't drive under any circumstances. Similarly that using protection if you are going to,have sex.

This was/is my approach with my 20 year old son. In addition to making sure he knows I will come get him under any circumstances no questions asked, I also make sure he has uber money for his out of state college. I don't think he is above the law or should drink, but he is entering his junior year of college and it's not practical or logical to just say no at this point. I don't think my son would ever drink and drive, but it's like that dateline program where the 4 years old went with the stranger who told them there was a lost puppy- all the preschool parents said "not my kid" and most the kids in the testing sample took off with the guy. Parenting a 18-21 year old inst easy, and those who haven't done it yet should hold judgement.

Does he drink at home?

No. He and his friends come to our house to eat and socialize (we have always been the welcoming, open kool aid house) and I always cook for them and have age appropriate munchies. We have a piano and guitars, they eat, play music, play video games then go "out." With "people." I get no more information than that, even though I am fairly close not just to my son with but with his friends as well. I ask him to text me if he is staying the night at someones home or apartment so I don't worry (which he does 90% of the time.) He has a car. I would say about 1/2 the time they go "out" with "people" he comes back home, and about 1/2 the time he rolls in about 11 AM after having already slept somewhere. He is taking summer college classes, as well as interning in a major appropriate business 3 days a week, and he has never not made Deans List, so I would classify him as a good kid. I know he has also tried Molly, and that he does drink, but never at home. He has a very wide circle of friends and is very social. I could wake up being Sam Ellis's mom someday, but any of us could. There but for the grace of god go any of our children. I'm sure Sams mother loves Sam as much as you love your child. There are no easy answers and by backing your almost adult or adult age child into a corner of compliance you aren't allowing them to become adults. We need to talk about ways to keep them safe in the real world. To be honest, though, I don't know if I would let a daughter have the freedom my son has. It's not fair, but it's a different and scarier world out there for girls.

My sons (19 and 22) are similar to this PP. We do our best to emphasize moderation and being responsible -- no drinking and driving, take an Uber home or sleep at a friends' house if drinking, also the importance of making good choices with sex, especially if drinking is involved. It isn't easy. Our kids are "good kids" but even good kids make errors in judgment sometimes.

[Anonymous]

ne. It is a crap shoot.

You can dedicate 100 pages to "how are we going to stop this" when most of you are already doing the right things -building relationships, having your kids call, asking the right questions, not host underage drinking parties - but you can do everything right and b. .ad things still happen.



+10000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible to teach the kids to drink responsible? Is you are going to do it (most teenagers do it) don't drive under any circumstances. Similarly that using protection if you are going to,have sex.

This was/is my approach with my 20 year old son. In addition to making sure he knows I will come get him under any circumstances no questions asked, I also make sure he has uber money for his out of state college. I don't think he is above the law or should drink, but he is entering his junior year of college and it's not practical or logical to just say no at this point. I don't think my son would ever drink and drive, but it's like that dateline program where the 4 years old went with the stranger who told them there was a lost puppy- all the preschool parents said "not my kid" and most the kids in the testing sample took off with the guy. Parenting a 18-21 year old inst easy, and those who haven't done it yet should hold judgement.

Does he drink at home?

No. He and his friends come to our house to eat and socialize (we have always been the welcoming, open kool aid house) and I always cook for them and have age appropriate munchies. We have a piano and guitars, they eat, play music, play video games then go "out." With "people." I get no more information than that, even though I am fairly close not just to my son with but with his friends as well. I ask him to text me if he is staying the night at someones home or apartment so I don't worry (which he does 90% of the time.) He has a car. I would say about 1/2 the time they go "out" with "people" he comes back home, and about 1/2 the time he rolls in about 11 AM after having already slept somewhere. He is taking summer college classes, as well as interning in a major appropriate business 3 days a week, and he has never not made Deans List, so I would classify him as a good kid. I know he has also tried Molly, and that he does drink, but never at home. He has a very wide circle of friends and is very social. I could wake up being Sam Ellis's mom someday, but any of us could. There but for the grace of god go any of our children. I'm sure Sams mother loves Sam as much as you love your child. There are no easy answers and by backing your almost adult or adult age child into a corner of compliance you aren't allowing them to become adults. We need to talk about ways to keep them safe in the real world. To be honest, though, I don't know if I would let a daughter have the freedom my son has. It's not fair, but it's a different and scarier world out there for girls.

My sons (19 and 22) are similar to this PP. We do our best to emphasize moderation and being responsible -- no drinking and driving, take an Uber home or sleep at a friends' house if drinking, also the importance of making good choices with sex, especially if drinking is involved. It isn't easy. Our kids are "good kids" but even good kids make errors in judgment sometimes.

So, the solution is to let your kids drink at underage parties and train them to call Uber or a parent?

[Anonymous]

^^Maybe your "solution" is better for you and your kid. Apparently other methods work for other parents. None of us wants any of the kids dying.

[Anonymous]

As parents we can do lots of things to try to hold off the drinking, but at some point our influence decreases and and the outside influences increase. If we are fortunate, we have equipped them with the power to make smart, safe decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, the solution is to let your kids drink at underage parties and train them to call Uber or a parent?

NP. That PP's kids are 19 and 22. So only one would actually be underage. Assuming the other one is away at college- SHOCKER- there's underage drinking on campus. So the emphasis shifts from "just say no" to "be safe about it".

Its not rocket surgery.

How old are your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As parents we can do lots of things to try to hold off the drinking, but at some point our influence decreases and and the outside influences increase. If we are fortunate, we have equipped them with the power to make smart, safe decisions.

This this this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As parents we can do lots of things to try to hold off the drinking, but at some point our influence decreases and and the outside influences increase. If we are fortunate, we have equipped them with the power to make smart, safe decisions.

This this this.

Agreed, but how many kids are really able to make smart, safe decisions after that first drink?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think she's talking about the situation where your daughter says, "Yes, I know that every other party at my high school involves drinking but this one's the exception. Honestly, it will just be all the guys and girls from marching band and we're going to watch some movies and make popcorn and maybe somebody will make cookies." My sister used to convince my parents that there was a whole separate circle of alcohol-free parties that she was attending every weekend. And I would always say to my mom (I'm three years older): i would find that hard to believe, given that there weren't any such alcohol-free wholesome parties with the band when I was in high school. Of course my sister was lying and of course the parties had alcohol.

I was more marching band crowd than otherwise; I literally never attended a high school party with alcohol. I don't think it's unheard of. This was 20 years ago.

[Anonymous]

There is a whole separate circle, many circles, where the kids don't drink or smoke or do other drugs. You just need to know who they are.